


Hard Time

by Isra



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, College, M/M, Prison, drug references, mild abusive relationships, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 19:19:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 89,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2518913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isra/pseuds/Isra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story begins toward the end of junior year of college, but the setting diverged from the real world approximately 1 year earlier.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story begins toward the end of junior year of college, but the setting diverged from the real world approximately 1 year earlier.

The shrill clamor of the telephone cut through the humid night air of the dorm room, bouncing off the concrete cinderblock walls. Rhett’s eyes flew open, his heart pounding as he tried to rouse himself out of the fog of deep sleep. The phone rang a second time before he swung his legs off the bed and leaned forward so as to not hit his head on the bunk above him, stumbling to his feet and reaching for the receiver sitting on the desk. As he did so, his gaze jerked past two things: the clock, whose digital readout said _3:17_ , and the upper bunk, which was full of rumpled bedding and discarded clothing but no actual person. In what was now a common occurrence, Link hadn’t come home that night.

“Hello?” he rasped.

“Rhett?” Link’s voice sounded tinny and distant, as if he were calling from a pay phone.

“What is it?” Rhett mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “What’s going on?”

The young man’s voice was slurred. “I fucked up, Rhett... I fucked up bad.”

Rhett was instantly awake. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“I was out with Tanner, we were just having some fun, I was driving… I shouldn’t have been, I know Rhett, I know…” he trailed off.

Rhett shook his head. The two of them had met Tanner about a year ago at a gig. He also went to NC State, technically as a junior as well, but was taking a semester off for “unspecified reasons.” He was also about the worst possible influence Rhett could imagine and he had taken an instant dislike to the guy. Perhaps because of a perverse sense of contrariness, or maybe to get back at Rhett for spending so much time with his new girlfriend, Link had aggressively pursued a friendship with Tanner.  The two of them began spending more and more time together as the months went on.

Rhett did his best to quash the inevitable feelings of jealousy this prompted. They’d each certainly had friends over the years that the other didn’t like, and for the most part it hadn’t been a big deal. Rhett tried not to think about the fact that Link seemed to hang on Tanner’s ever word the way he used to hang on Rhett’s. If his friend needed to expand his horizons, Rhett wasn’t going to hold him back. Instead, he spent his newfound free time hanging out with other friends and cultivating his burgeoning romance with Lauren, the sophomore in the dorm next door.  

At first it had been just the occasional late Friday or Saturday night that Link would stumble into the room he shared with Rhett, fumbling with the key and smelling of pot and cheap beer. This semester, though, it seemed like nearly every night Rhett would go to sleep with the empty bunk above him, only to be woken hours later by his best friend dragging himself clumsily onto it.

And then there was the first time a few months ago that Rhett awoke to find Link hadn’t come home at all. Upon discovering this fact, Rhett had skipped his morning classes and wandered the campus, checking the places they used to hang out together and guessing at the less savory ones Link might have frequented with Tanner. Rhett had returned to his room hours later in order to call the cops, on the verge of panicked tears, only to find Link passed out on his bunk. When Rhett had shaken him awake and demanded an explanation, his friend had squinted at him with bloodshot eyes and laughed away his concern with a wave of his hand.

The next time Link didn’t come home, Rhett didn’t search for him. He went to class and lunch and studied for a few hours in the library before he let himself go back to the room, and sure enough, Link was there in his bed, asleep. Rhett didn’t wake him up.

As Link appeared to withdraw further and further from the values they shared, of course Rhett tried to intervene. He worried about his friend’s health and grades and general well-being, but Link insisted he was just having fun and had everything under control. Every time Rhett tried to push the issue, the other man would storm out of their room and leave Rhett worrying about him for hours. Eventually Rhett gave up and told himself it was just a phase his friend would grow out of. In the meantime he’d just have to make sure the guy didn’t fail his classes, or harm himself or anyone else too badly along the way.

“Are you hurt?” Rhett asked, his heart in his throat.

“Not really.” Link let out a rasping cough before continuing. “Banged up a bit I guess. Tan’s okay. But we hit another car and they won’t tell me anything about how the other driver is, and the cops searched my car and…” his voice dropped to a whisper. “They found a bunch of shit, Rhett. I’m fucked. I’m so fucked.”

Rhett felt a chill as the blood drained from his face. He braced a hand on the desk to keep from falling over. “What do you mean? What kind of shit? Where are you?”

“The police station in Wake Forest.”

Rhett was having a hard time believing this was real. Just the previous day he and Link had been sitting next to each other at their desks, working on their final papers and joking and laughing together. Tanner’s corrupting grasp had seemed distant and nonthreatening as Rhett helped his friend prepare for the end of the semester. But then the other boy had called and Link had jumped to meet him, abandoning his scrawled notes and leaving Rhett to finish writing his paper in the silence that echoed in his friend’s wake.

Rhett swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. “What… what’re they gonna do to you?”

“Dunno. No idea. Guess they keep me overnight and there’s a hearing tomorrow.”

“Oh god, Link, you have to sleep there? Is it safe?” Visions filled Rhett’s head of jail cells packed full of drunk, aggressive biker-types eager to prey on Link’s tender nature. _That’s just what they show in the movies_ , he told himself. _It can’t be that bad, right?_

“It seems okay.” Link’s voice was brave, but Rhett could hear the slight quaver in it.

“Want me to come stay with you or something?” Rhett realized as he said it how absurd it sounded. Go spend the night in jail just to keep Link safe? But he’d do it. If Link needed him, he’d be there in a heartbeat. No question.

Link laughed, a little hysterically. “Nah, I think you’d have to commit some sort of crime to get in here with me, and that’s not a good idea. You gotta keep up that pure and innocent thing.” He giggled again. “‘Sides, Tanner’s here. We got each other’s backs.”

Rhett suppressed the urge to tell Link he wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place if not for Tanner. It didn’t really matter at this point — the damage was done. He told himself he should be grateful Link had a friend with him even if it couldn’t be him.

As he was trying to think of something reassuring to say, he heard muffled talking on the other end of the line: Link’s voice and what sounded like an older man with a thick Southern accent. After a few seconds Link came back. “Gotta go, Rhett. They’re kicking me off the phone.”

“Wait, what’s happening tomorrow? When’s the hearing? Need me to pick you up?”

“I don’t know how it works, but they took my car so…”

“I’ll come to the courthouse in the morning. Wake Forest, you said?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Thanks. Rhett?”

“Yep?”

“Don’t tell my mom, okay?”

“She’s gonna find out, Link.”

“I know, but… I wanna tell her.”

“Okay.”

More muffled voices, then, “I really gotta go. Bye, Rhett.”

“Bye, Link.”

Rhett hung up the phone and lay down on his bed. He stared at the empty bunk above him and thought about all the things he should have done to prevent Link’s current predicament. Even though Link fiercely defended his independence, Rhett had steadfastly looked out for him since they were little kids. He’d treated Link like a younger brother, standing at his side with unwavering loyalty through all the twists and turns of adolescence. _You’re supposed to protect him_ , he berated himself. _What’re you gonna do now?_

His eyes roamed the hollow darkness of their dorm room, searching for answers and finding none.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some artistic liberties with the finer details of the American judicial system, otherwise this story would have dragged on forever.

When harsh morning sunlight had spilled through the narrow windows and the dorm room began to get uncomfortably warm, Rhett decided he might as well give up on sleeping at all. He showered and carefully shaved around the neat line of his chinstrap beard and the short tuft of hair under his lower lip. Fortunately, the hair on his head was just the right length to lay obediently flat without any styling effort on his part. After some deliberation, he pulled on clean jeans and a short-sleeved blue polo shirt. The shirt was a step up from what he normally wore to class, but he had no idea what people wore when picking up their best friends from a court hearing.

He went downstairs to the cafeteria as soon as it opened and grabbed a waffle and paper cup full of orange juice and consumed them on the way to his car. He realized as he walked that he was supposed to help present his group’s final project in his engineering class that day, and it constituted a significant portion of his grade _. Nothing to be done about that now_ , he thought. Link needed him and was the most important thing. Even though they might have drifted apart a little bit this semester, he couldn’t imagine a world in which that wouldn’t always be the most important thing.

He drove the half hour to the courthouse through Raleigh pre-rush hour traffic, eventually found the correct parking lot, and deposited his car there. He climbed the wide marble steps to the entrance just as they were opening the enormous wooden doors. A single security guard stood watch over a short line of people passing through the metal detector. Rhett removed his belt and handed it over, then passed through and retrieved it on the other side. He slipped it back through the loops and buckled it as he headed toward the information kiosk against the far wall.

The woman sitting behind the desk already looked bored and gave him a blank stare as he approached.  Rhett fought against the rising feelings of intimidation from being in such a foreign circumstance and tried to sound casual. “Morning, ma’am. My friend got into some trouble last night and I guess he’s supposed to have a hearing today. Can you tell me where that’ll be happening?”

Her long fingernails clicked the keyboard in front of her as she glanced at the monitor. “What’s your friend’s name?”

“Charles Neal. N-E-A-L.” Link’s given name felt as foreign on Rhett’s lips as the slick marble floors felt under his feet.

She typed a few more keys and waited for the system to respond, then waved a hand toward the elevators. “Second floor, courtroom number three. He’s not scheduled for a couple hours yet though.”

“That’s alright, I got nowhere else to be.” He tried a smile, which she returned with the tiniest hint of sympathy. He thanked her and headed in the direction she had indicated. 

The guard at the door to courtroom [#3](http://www.deviantart.com/tag/3) told him he could go in and sit in the spectator section at the back while he waited — the proceedings were all open to the public.  Rhett entered to find the room much like any he had seen on Law & Order or the old Night Court sitcom and the familiarity helped calm his nerves a little. The front of the room had a raised platform with the judge’s bench, a witness stand on one side, and the court clerk’s desk on the other. Seats for a jury, all empty, were arrayed on one side. Two long tables with chairs faced the front, and behind them were a handful of rows of benches.

The room was nearly empty save for a few individuals seated on the benches at the back, all separate from each other. They looked up at Rhett as he entered, then down as they saw he wasn’t anyone they recognized. He found his own seat away from the rest of them and settled down to wait.

After a half hour or so, a number of people emerged from the door behind the bench and took their spots at the front: an older woman in black robes sat at the bench, a young man took the clerk’s desk, and a larger middle-aged man in uniform stood by the back door. The last, whom Rhett thought must be the bailiff, announced the first case and the day’s business got underway.

Even though Rhett didn’t know the other people who were in trouble that day, he paid close attention to the procedures and tried to figure out how everything worked. Each person — or group of people, if they had been arrested together — was ushered into the room by the bailiff and directed to stand in front of the judge. For each of them, a man in a crisp suit, presumably a lawyer for the state, stood behind the large table in front of the bench and described the crime that had taken place. Occasionally the judge asked questions of the lawyer or the accused, but frequently she simply rendered a verdict: whether or not there was enough evidence to bring the case to trial. The answer was nearly always yes.

It was almost eleven when the bailiff opened the door and announced, “Charles Neal and Tanner Dupree.”

It was all Rhett could do not to jump to his feet when he saw Link. The young man didn’t look good. His dark hair hung in greasy clumps that reached almost to his shoulders. He hadn’t shaved for long enough that his goatee was barely distinguishable from the growth on his cheeks and neck. His jeans and green T-shirt, the same outfit Rhett remembered him wearing when he left the previous day, were now smeared with a variety of dark substances, some of them an alarming brick red color. His bloodshot eyes were shadowed, sunken and haunted. As he raised his head and furtively scanned the room until he found Rhett, the fresh bruise across his cheek and the purplish splotch of a split lip caught the light. The sight knocked the wind from Rhett’s lungs.

Rhett didn’t have time to wave or nod or do anything reassuring before his friend turned away and followed the bailiff’s directions to stand in front of the bench. Tanner followed and stood close beside him. The other man was slightly shorter and stockier than Link, with shaggy bleached hair and a few days’ growth of reddish stubble on an otherwise clean-shaven face. His baggy jeans and oversized grey band T-shirt were similarly stained. Rhett couldn’t see from this vantage point whether the other man also had injuries, but he glared at the back of his head nonetheless. _You did this to him_. _This is all your fault._

The attorney for the state stood up and addressed the judge as she flipped through the file and followed along. “At approximately one o’clock on the morning of April 27th, Mr. Neal was driving westbound on Durham Road with Mr. Dupree in the passenger seat. Multiple witnesses report seeing their vehicle cross the median near the intersection of Thompson Mill Road, at which point it collided with a minivan headed in the opposite direction.  The driver and passenger of the minivan sustained serious but not life-threatening injuries and were immediately taken by ambulance to Wake Medical Center.” Rhett saw Link’s shoulders sag at this information, either from guilt or relief, he couldn’t tell.

The man continued, “Officers on the scene smelled marijuana and observed open liquor containers in the cab of the vehicle, giving them probable cause to administer an on-site sobriety test, which both defendants failed. EMS confirmed neither defendant had injuries that required medical attention, and therefore both were conveyed to the station for processing. Officers administered an Intoximeter EC Test on the driver which resulted in a BAC of point one-three.” At this, Link’s shoulders rolled forward into a cringe.

The attorney turned to the next page and continued, “Upon impounding the vehicle, officers discovered approximately eight kilograms of marijuana in the trunk, packaged for resale, along with approximately thirty-two grams of ecstasy, similarly packaged. “

Rhett gripped the bench in front of him with both hands, swallowing a cry of shock as the earth tilted beneath him. He knew nothing about drugs beyond what he’d garnered from after-school specials, but it was clear from the words “packaged for resale” that what the officers had found in the car was enough to nail the two men, not just for possession, but with intent to sell. Things suddenly seemed even more serious, if possible, than they had before.

There was silence in the courtroom as the judge looked over the paperwork with pursed lips. She spared a single glance for the two men who cowered in front of her before addressing the court clerk. “There is without a doubt enough evidence for this to move forward. Set a trial date no later than one month from today and release them on their own recognizance.”

Before Rhett could take a breath, the bailiff was escorting the two young men out of the room. Link threw a look over his shoulder to Rhett on his way out, and his eyes shone with despair.

Rhett got to his feet and hurried out the other door, turning to the guard that stood outside it. “Excuse me, sir, do you know — if someone’s been released on their own re… re…”

“Recognizance?” The guard supplied.

“Yeah, that’s it. Uhm, if that happened, can they just leave?”

“Once the paperwork’s done, yep. They’ll be let out of that door over there at which point they’re free to go.”

Rhett thanked him and went to the door at the end of the hall. He sat on the padded bench beside it and waited, his mind racing. He couldn’t believe Link had been driving under the influence and that he’d hurt people. There were enough drugs in the car to make them dealers. Would it matter to a jury that it was Tanner’s car, that Link had nothing to do with what was in the trunk? At least, Rhett hoped he had nothing to do with it… His thoughts went around and around, bouncing from worst-case scenarios of Link getting locked up for a long time, to the faint and desperate hope they’d find some kind of loophole to get him out of this entirely. A little community service might even do the guy some good.

Finally, the door opened with a creak and Tanner stepped out, followed by Link. They both stopped when they saw Rhett getting to his feet and the three men regarded each other in silence.

“Rhett,” Link said, just as Rhett said, “Link—“

Link stopped and let Rhett continue, “How bad are you hurt?”

Link brought a fingertip to his cheek with a wince. “Oh, this? It’s not… that bad. Face hit the steering wheel. Just a tap.” Rhett watched his swollen lower lip struggle with the words, giving him a slight lisp. He wanted so badly to step forward and enfold his friend in his arms, to thank God the accident hadn’t been worse, but he was self-conscious in front of the other man and kept his arms at his sides. Tanner was regarding him with a neutral expression, but Rhett thought he could see a slight smirk in the man’s pale green eyes.

Rhett did his best to ignore him. “Do you need to do anything else here? Ready to go back to campus?”

Link glanced over at Tanner, who shrugged at him. Link turned back to Rhett. “Do you mind giving Tan a ride to his apartment? It’s mostly on the way.”

Rhett clenched his jaw to hold back his first response, which was “Absolutely not.” He wanted nothing to do with this petty criminal who had possibly destroyed Link’s entire life, who should be on his knees begging Link’s forgiveness instead of standing there with that stupid look on his face. But Rhett realized that, if he insisted on leaving Tanner here without a car, Link might very well stay with him out of a perverse sense of loyalty. In any event, it wasn’t an argument Rhett wanted to have. He turned to head down the hallway with a curt, “Sure.”

“Thanks, man,” Tanner mumbled.

“Don’t mention it.” _Really._

They walked to Rhett’s car in silence, the taller man leading the way. Link got into the passenger seat and Tanner got in behind him. The only noises during the drive were Link’s murmured directions to the apartment, which gave Rhett the realization his friend must have been there at least a few times before. He didn’t ask about it, though. He didn’t want to know.

They pulled into the parking lot for a set of rundown brick apartment buildings and Tanner got out. “I’ll call ya later, Link.”

“Sure thing, man.” The door was barely shut before Rhett’s foot hit the gas.

Rhett wanted to ask about the accident. He wanted to know what on earth Link had been thinking to do something so reckless. He was curious about the details of the arrest and what it had been like to spend the night in jail. He wanted to bring up the old arguments about Tanner and say “I told you so.” And, because Rhett was a problem-solver, he wanted to start strategizing on how to fix this any way he could.

But now that it was just the two of them in the car, Rhett could focus on more than just his anger at Tanner and his fear for his friend. He realized Link smelled awful — smoke and blood and the sourness of unwashed clothes. He glanced over and saw the other man looking out the window, squinting against the early afternoon sun as he ran his tongue carefully over his injured lip. He looked utterly exhausted and on the verge of tears. So despite all of his questions, Rhett just asked, “Hungry?”

Link jumped, startled. “Oh! Yes, actually. Starving.” He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling at the tangles toward the bottom. “But I also feel really gross. I think I wanna shower before dealing with the rest of humanity.”

“Well I personally would appreciate if you did.” They both chuckled softly as some of the tension in the car dissipated. Link had clearly been expecting an interrogation and was grateful to avoid it.

They shared a smile before Link’s face fell. “This is really bad, Rhett.”

Rhett turned back to the road so his friend wouldn’t see the worry in his own eyes. “I know.”

“I mean, I could go—“ his voice hitched. “I could go to prison.”

Rhett pressed his lips together at the fear that spiked through him. He reached over and gave his friend what he hoped was a reassuring pat on the knee and let his hand rest there while he pointed out, “We don’t know what’s gonna happen, and we can’t do anything about it now. You must be plum tuckered out. Let’s get you washed and fed and into some clothes that aren’t covered in drunk tank slime and then talk about our gameplan.”

Link’s left hand, which was clenched in his lap, moved for a moment toward Rhett’s, then stopped and fell back into place. He faced the window again. “Sounds good.”

Rhett took his hand back and gripped the steering wheel. They spent the rest of the drive to campus lost in their own thoughts, each trying and failing to imagine what the future would bring. 


	3. Chapter 3

Rhett pulled into the student parking lot and shut off the engine. He opened his door and turned to swing his legs out of the car, then realized there hadn’t been any movement from the passenger seat. He looked over to see Link curled in on himself, asleep with his forehead against the glass.

Rhett’s heart felt heavy when he saw how small his best friend looked. He’d always been thin, but now his stained and dirty shirt seemed two sizes too big, and his shoulder blades protruded clearly through the thin fabric. His hands, their knuckles scraped and bruised, were clenched together against his chest.

Rhett didn’t want to startle him, but the temperature in the car was rising quickly in the bright afternoon sun. He reached over and put a tentative hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Link? C’mon buddy, let’s go.”

Link stirred and whimpered softly. In what seemed like a subconscious gesture, he turned his face into Rhett’s fingers and rubbed his cheek against them as his chest rose in a deep sigh. Then his eyes blinked open and he focused on the man looking at him from the driver’s seat. He lifted his head up quickly and winced.

“Headache?” Rhett asked as he withdrew his hand.

“My neck, mostly.” Link reached for the door handle and pulled it, then carefully clambered to his feet.

Rhett was out of the car and around to Link’s side by the time the other man had stood up. As they walked to the dorm, Rhett found himself uncharacteristically shortening his strides so the other man wouldn’t have to hurry to keep up. When they arrived at their room, Link grabbed his shower caddy and a towel and disappeared to the bathroom.

In the quiet that followed, Rhett stared around the room they’d lived in for the past school year. Link’s things were everywhere — in fact, it was nearly impossible to tell which stuff was his and which was Rhett’s. Their lives were so intertwined that it had never seemed to matter before, but now he tried to imagine what it would be like if Link had to go away for a while. It was impossible.

He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and rubbed his eyes. Focus on the immediate task at hand: they were both hungry. Rhett trotted back down the stairs and out the door, then crossed the street and headed into Campus Pizza. He ordered two cheese pizzas and waited for a few minutes until they were ready, then carried the boxes back up to the room. He started in on one of them while he waited for Link to get out of the shower.

It took the other man an awfully long time, or so it seemed to Rhett, but eventually the door opened and Link entered the room with a towel around his waist and his dirty clothes bunched in his fist. His long hair was soaking wet and hung in long curls around his face, glossy and almost black as it dripped water down his bare chest. His cheeks were now clean shaven around a trimmed goatee. The bruise across his cheekbone stood out more brightly on the newly clean skin of his face.

He dropped his clothes on the floor by the bed and rummaged around the pile of clean clothes on his mattress, pulling out a pair of grey cotton boxers. He removed the towel and hung it up on a hook by the door before pulling on the underwear. As he turned to Rhett and took in the sight of the pizza with a smile, Rhett saw a deep bruise across his friend’s left collarbone. It was approximately 2 inches wide with well-defined edges.

“Ouch,” Rhett said, gesturing.

Link looked down at it. “Oh yeah. Seatbelt.”

“Thank God you were wearing it.”

“I guess so.”

Link sat in his desk chair and grabbed a slice of pizza. He ate it quickly and took another. They both chewed quietly, and Rhett sensed they were both reluctant to talk about the elephant in the room.  Eventually, however, the pizza was gone and there was nothing else immediately to do. They looked at each other from their matched chairs until Rhett broke the silence.

“What’s your plan, Link?”

Link raked his hair back from his face with both hands, tugging his fingers through the knots at the end. He knuckled his eyes and then leaned forward onto his elbows, holding his face in his hands. “I guess I should call my mom.”

Rhett’s stomach clenched in sympathy, both for Link and for his mother. After her last divorce, she and Link had seemed to grow closer. They were each the only family the other one had, really, and Rhett couldn’t imagine how much this was going to hurt her. For Link’s part, the heavy guilt he labored under was obvious.

“Want me to give you some privacy?” Rhett offered.

Link nodded without looking up. “Thanks,” he muttered.

“I’ll be in the lounge. Just come get me when you’re done.”

“’kay.”

Rhett patted him gently on the shoulder on his way to the door. Link was lifting the phone from its cradle on his desk as Rhett left the room and headed down to the small student recreation area in the basement. A few people were sprawled on some overstuffed couches watching a baseball game on the television in the corner, and he joined them after exchanging nods of greeting. His mind wandered to the dorm room three stories up as he tried to imagine the conversation Link was having. He realized after twenty minutes that he didn’t even know which teams were playing on the screen, and he didn’t care. He stared into space as his mind ran in circles.

After another twenty minutes, Link appeared at the doorway to the room and Rhett sprang to his feet to join him. The young man’s eyes were more bloodshot than before and he tried to suppress a sniffle as they began climbing the stairs back to their room. “How’d it go?” Rhett asked.

“Well, she didn’t yell.”

“That’s something.”

“She’s just very disappointed. She sounds so tired.” Link’s voice caught on the last word and he coughed before continuing. “She’s gonna call around and see if we know anyone who knows a good lawyer.”

“That sounds like a good first step.”

“Yeah, I dunno how we’re gonna pay for it, though.”

Rhett thought for a minute as they passed through the door to their floor. “I’ve got some savings,” he said.

Link’s answer was immediate. “Oh, no. You’re not paying for my fuckup.”

“But if you need it...”                  

“No way, man.”

Rhett shook his head. He knew Link’s pride wouldn’t let him accept the offer, at least not until he got a lot more desperate. But money seemed meaningless compared to the prospect of Link not being in his life. “Well, the offer stands.”

Link didn’t respond as they arrived at their room and Rhett unlocked the door. Once inside, Link immediately climbed up onto his bunk and flopped onto his back. “I’m so freaking tired.”

Rhett sat down at his desk and flipped through the papers, trying to remember what he’d been working on the day before. By the time he found the engineering homework that was due the next day, soft sounds of sleep were coming from the top bunk. Rhett worked for a few hours, ate a late dinner at the cafeteria downstairs, then worked some more. Link never stirred except to shift into different positions in his sleep.  

The room darkened as the sun set, and Rhett found himself getting sleepy. He finished up the assignment and stripped down to his boxers before climbing into bed. He was nearly asleep when he heard Link’s disembodied voice above him. “Rhett?”

“Yeah buddy?”

“I didn’t know about the drugs in the trunk.”

Rhett thought for a moment. “But you’ve been smoking pot with Tanner.”

“Yeah.”

“Taking the ecstasy too?”

There was a long pause, then a quiet, “Just once or twice.”

Rhett stared up at the wooden slats above him. “Why?”

“I dunno. It was just something fun to do.”

“You weren’t having enough fun before…” _with me_? Rhett thought, but didn’t say.

There was a soft sigh. “I did a lot of stupid things, Rhett. I dunno what I was thinking.”

“Me neither.”

Link didn’t respond, and Rhett tried to think of something else to say that might make them both feel better. After a few minutes, he heard a soft snore. Link had fallen back asleep. Rhett tossed and turned for a little while longer before he, too, was able to do the same. 


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Rhett woke to the jarring tones of his alarm. When he hauled himself to his feet and saw that Link was still sound asleep, he gave the man’s shoulder a little shake. “Link? C’mon, you got class in half an hour.”

Link stirred with a groan, flinging the back of his hand dramatically over his eyes. “Do I have to?”

“If you wanna stand a chance of passing, yes.”

The man let his hand fall back to his side as his shadowed eyes met Rhett’s. The bruise on his cheek had progressed to a yellowed purple and the swelling of his split lip was almost gone. His thick tousled hair shrouded his face. “Who knows if I’m even gonna be here next year?”

“Aw man, don’t talk like that. Even if you aren’t, for whatever reason… you still wanna get credit for this semester if you can.”

Link rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “I’m honestly having a hard time seeing the point right now.”

“Trust me, there’s a point.” Rhett grabbed his shower gear and headed toward the door, saying over his shoulder, “If you aren’t up and moving by the time I get back, I’m carrying you to class myself.” Link snorted in response, but began levering himself upright as Rhett left the room. 

Link made it to class, or at least he was most of the way there by the time he and Rhett parted ways on the campus green. Rhett daydreamed his way through his own classes that day, barely paying attention to the review lectures and discussions. He was too busy worrying and trying to plan for the future despite not having any of the information he needed to do it.

When he got back to their room in the afternoon, Link was sitting at his desk, huddled over an open engineering textbook. His hands were twisted into his hair and gripped it tightly as he squinted at the math formulas and diagrams. He barely looked up as Rhett put his backpack down on his bunk and collapsed into his chair with a casual, “Hey man.”

“Hey Rhett.”

“Classes go okay?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Cool.”

Figuring Link wasn’t interested in conversation, Rhett pulled out his own textbook and opened it on his desk. After a minute, though, Link spoke up. “My mom called.”

“Oh?”

“She’s got a lawyer lined up. We’re gonna meet with him tomorrow to go over everything.”

“That sounds like a good plan.”

“She’s gonna pick me up from here. After class, so I can attend them like a good boy.” Link gave a half-hearted roll of his eyes. “This Probabilistic Modeling homework is killin’ me though.”

“Lemme take a look.” Rhett had taken the class the previous semester, and while he had struggled, he’d eventually figured it out.

He and Link worked on Link’s problem set together for a little while until the phone rang. Link answered, and Rhett saw him smile when he heard the voice on the other end. “Oh, nothin’. Just doin’ some homework,” he said. There was a pause, then, “Yeah, my mom set me up with a lawyer. We’re gonna talk to him tomorrow. You get one yet?”

Rhett realized it was Tanner on the other end and immediately felt an incredulous anger. How dare this jerk have anything to do with Link, after he’d screwed up his life like this? He should be ashamed of himself and hiding in a hole somewhere. And yet here was Link, talking warmly as if he didn’t blame the guy for any of it.

“Sure, yeah, I’m free tonight,” Link was saying.

Rhett couldn’t help himself. “Are you kidding me?” he exclaimed.

Link looked at him with his brow furrowed in a query.

“You can’t see him!” Rhett hissed. “What are you thinking?”

Link’s mouth curved in a dubious smirk, his standard expression when he thought Rhett was overreacting to something, but as Rhett continued to stare at him, Link turned back to the phone and said, “Hey Tan, can I call you back? I need to deal with something. Sure, yeah. Bye.”

After Link hung up the phone, Rhett burst out, “You need to deal with _something_ all right. You need to cut that asshole out of your life like you should’ve done a long time ago.”

Link scratched his goatee as he looked away. “I don’t wanna do that, Rhett.”

“Why the hell not?”

The smaller man shrugged. “Because I like hanging out with him. He gets me.”

Rhett felt a sliver of pain in his chest, like he’d been stabbed with a very thin blade. “ _He_ gets you? What about me, man?”

Link looked up and met his friend’s eyes. His expression was conflicted, regretful. “You do too, Rhett, it’s just…” he sighed. “It’s different. I’m going through some stuff lately you wouldn’t understand, and Tan does.”

“What sort of stuff?”

Link looked away. “I… I’m not ready to talk about it.”

Rhett put a hand on Link’s knee and felt the muscles tense underneath it. “Link, whatever you’re going through… I wanna help.”

Link moved his leg away and Rhett let his hand drop. The smaller man continued to look down at the floor as he muttered, “It’s not… you can’t help. Just let me figure it out.”

The concept of Link having a closer friendship with another person was too painful to address head on, so Rhett circled back to the more immediate issue. He leaned forward in his chair, hands extended toward Link with his fingers splayed in supplication. “The dude’s a freaking drug dealer, man. He could very well be responsible for getting you sent to prison. C’mon now, you should stay as far away from him as possible.”

Link slumped down in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, I might go to prison. And you know what? You won’t be there, and he will. I’m not gonna piss him off if he’s the only friend I’ll have in there.”

Rhett begrudgingly admitted to himself that Link had a point. Still, that didn’t mean his friend had to spend time with this delinquent any more than necessary. He rubbed the short hair on top of his head as he took a deep breath, reaching for calm. “All right. Okay, I guess I can see that. But you need to focus on your schoolwork if you’re gonna pass this semester.  And… “ he hesitated, then plowed ahead. “I’m not gonna help you if you go see Tanner.” It was a gamble, but Rhett didn’t see any other option to get Link away from this dangerous influence.

Link glared at him with his hands clenched in his lap. The muscles in his jaw flexed for a moment before he demanded, “Are you serious? You tellin’ me how to live my social life now?”

“I don’t know what else to do, Link. I can’t help you if you’re always running off to be with him.”

Link looked down at his twisting fingers. “What if I wait until the weekend? You’re not gonna be helping me then, anyway, you’ll be out with Lauren.”

Oh, right, Lauren. Rhett had barely talked to her since Link’s accident; their relationship had taken a back seat in light of everything else that had been going on. He really should give her a call… later. But for now, he realized he couldn’t hold Link hostage forever. The guy was an adult. “I guess if you have to, fine. But could you please not break any more laws while you’re at it?”

Link rolled his eyes. “Okay, _dad_.”

Rhett could tell his friend was trying to cover up some pretty strong feelings with humor, so he didn’t push any further. He’d gotten the answer he was looking for, anyway. “Shall we get back to this problem set, then?” he asked.

“Yeah, just let me call him and let him know I’m busy tonight after all.”

Rhett nodded and started flipping through the textbook, looking for the right section while Link picked up the phone and dialed. He listened to Link’s side of the short conversation as his mind wandered back to Link’s words: _He gets me_. He glanced over and saw Link wore the same little smile he’d had the last time he’d answered the phone, and the slight blush on his cheeks had returned.

“Yeah, okay,” Link was saying. “See you Saturday. You too. Bye.” He hung up and looked back at Rhett, his smile fading. “Satisfied?”

Rhett felt more confused than anything, but he pushed away the questions that were beginning to form at the edges of his mind. Link had followed through on their agreement and that should be enough for now, shouldn’t it? Rhett forced a lightness into his tone as he answered, “Yep! Now let’s get back to the one we were working on. I found this example here…”

He turned his book slightly and Link leaned forward to scrutinize the diagram he was pointing to. “Ah, yeah, that looks familiar.”

The two young men leaned together over the book, shoulders brushing as Rhett launched into an explanation of the basic principles behind the problem. Soon they were both deep into the mathematical complexities and Rhett had managed to all but forget about Tanner’s existence. He hoped, without much conviction, that Link had too.


	5. Chapter 5

When Link returned after meeting the lawyer, he didn’t have any real news. “Apparently he has to do some research on the case and meet with the district attorney before he can give us a recommendation on what to do,” he reported.

Rhett had swiveled his chair away from his desk to look up at his friend. “What do you mean? What sort of recommendation?”

“Whether to take a plea bargain or let it go to trial. I guess most of these sorts of cases, where it’s pretty much cut and dried, they get settled out of court.”

 _Cut and dried — because there’s no question of Link’s guilt_ , Rhett thought with a pang. “Do you know what they’re offering for a plea bargain?”

Link shook his head. “That’s the big question… part of why he has to meet with the other guy.”

 “Well how long is that gonna take?”

Rhett could see Link’s impatience mirroring his own as the man puttered around the room, picking up things from his bed and moving them around without accomplishing much. “He said at least a week.”

“Ugh. So we just have to wait and see.”

Link climbed up onto his bunk and flopped down onto it. “Yep.”

The next few days passed uneventfully, with both men focusing on schoolwork and Rhett insisting Link actually get up and attend his classes. Much to Rhett’s relief, the subject of Tanner did not come up again until Saturday afternoon, when Link grabbed his backpack and headed toward the door. “I’ll probably be out late. Don’t wait up.”

Rhett, sitting on his bunk, spoke without thinking. “Can you at least come home before dawn?”

Link turned and looked at him with a raised brow. “Why do you care when I come home?”

Rhett paused. Why _did_ he care? He settled for an easy explanation. “I worry about you, man. I’m not saying you’re gonna do anything bad. But I can’t help but worry.”

 Link’s expression softened. “We’ll probably just hang out and watch movies or whatever. No stupid stuff.”

“I know, but still.”

“If I’m good to drive, I’ll come home before dawn.”

“Thanks.”

Link headed out the door and closed it softly behind him. A little while later, Rhett headed over to Lauren’s room to hang out with her and her roommate, Maryanne. The previous day at lunch when they had made plans to get together, he’d filled Lauren in on the details of Link’s situation. She hadn’t been as sympathetic as he would have liked.

He’d met the tall blonde field hockey player through the Christian ministry group on campus and knew she was from a conservative family. When Rhett explained the trouble Link had gotten into, she’d narrowed her light brown eyes in what looked like disgust. “Ugh, I don’t understand how anyone can get involved in that kind of stuff.”

Rhett might not have understood it either, but he found himself immediately leaping to his best friend’s defense. “He’s not _involved_ in it. He just tried it once or twice and got unlucky.”

She snorted. “He was driving drunk, Rhett. That’s not bad luck, that’s inexcusable!”

“He just made one mistake.”

“An idiotic mistake that could have gotten innocent people killed. You know, maybe you shouldn’t spend so much time with him. He might rub off on you.”

Rhett felt a flash of anger. How dare she — how dare _anyone_ — tell him not to be with Link? They just didn’t get it. No matter what his friend might be going through, or what foolish choices he might have made, he remained as much a part of Rhett’s life as breathing. “No way. I’m not gonna abandon him. I’m helping him.”

Her mouth twisted as she poked at her salad. “If you say so.”

“I do.” He realized his usually bottomless appetite had disappeared. He stood up and picked up his tray with his half-eaten cheeseburger. “I gotta go. Guess I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

The confusion on her face as he walked away from the table matched what he felt inside. Part of him certainly shared her feeling that Link had done something truly horrible, maybe even unforgivable. But it was a small part compared to the fierce loyalty that flared hot inside Rhett’s chest as soon as he’d heard Lauren’s words. No one was going to tell him that Link was a lost cause. No one was going to say he’d be better off without his best friend. His heart twisted painfully at the very idea.

That Saturday evening, when he and Lauren and Maryanne listened to music and played card games, the topic of Link was carefully avoided. Even though Rhett thought about his friend quite often, wishing he were with them — perhaps he should point out Maryanne’s single-ness, he thought — he managed to keep the heavy sense of dread regarding Link’s future mostly at bay.

Rhett was in a decent mood when he got back to his own room that evening. He was just getting into bed when the door opened and Link walked in. The young man looked reasonably cheerful himself as he gave Rhett a quick smile. “See? Not even midnight.”

After a glance at the clock to confirm, Rhett chuckled. “Good job, son.”

Link stuck out his tongue at him as he deposited his backpack on the floor next to his bed. “Tan and I talked gameplan a little bit,” he reported. “He can’t afford a lawyer; he’s getting one from the state.”

“Hope he gets a good one,” Rhett replied. He didn’t really care one way or another, but it seemed like a nice thing to say.

As Link stripped to his underwear and climbed up onto the top bunk, Rhett smelled cigarette smoke and maybe just the faintest hint of alcohol, but nothing nearly so bad as the last few times Link had stumbled home, and no whiff of marijuana at all. It wasn’t perfect, but it was progress. He listened to the familiar creak of the wooden bunk frame and the soft shift of skin against fabric as Link settled in to sleep, and smiled to himself.

Rhett got up on Sunday and went to services at the chapel on campus. He made a half-hearted attempt to get Link to join him, but the other man was still curled up under his covers and his only response had been to bat Rhett’s hand away from his shoulder with a grunt. That afternoon, when Link was finally awake, the two of them worked on homework together again, then went downstairs to join a bunch of other students in the basement lounge for 80’s Movie Night.

The smell of microwave popcorn was thick in the air as a dozen students crowded onto the overstuffed couches by the television. Rhett took the last open seat on one corner of a couch next to some other guys they knew from the engineering program. Link sat down at the floor by his feet.

The group was evenly distributed between men and women, which made it somewhat challenging to reach a consensus on what movies to watch. Finally they arrive at a compromise: first would be Weird Science, followed by Dirty Dancing. They turned off the lights and started the first movie. 

The two young men laughed their way through the comedy, with Link turning frequently to share his open-mouthed glee with Rhett. They’d seen the movie before, of course, and whenever their favorite scenes came up, Rhett nudged his friend’s arm in delighted anticipation. The sight of Link’s shoulders shaking with laughter warmed his heart. It was almost like old times, and Rhett felt good.

After a brief intermission to acquire pizza, the group settled into the same seating arrangements for the second movie. Rhett found himself laughing at the cheesy romance at first, but as the movie went on he was surprised to find himself feeling a tiny bit of real emotional connection to the characters. He watched the light from the screen flicker over Link’s profile and saw that his friend was also getting into it.

About halfway through the movie, Link stretched and yawned. He rested his back against Rhett’s knees and looked up at him. “Do you mind if I lean on you? I’m sleepy.”

“Nah man, that’s fine.”

Link’s weight settled more firmly along Rhett’s lower legs. As the movie proceeded, the smaller man eventually shifted far enough back that he was sitting between Rhett’s knees. His head drooped to the side until it rested atop Rhett’s lower thigh, and his eyes drifted closed. His cheek was heavy and warm on Rhett’s leg as his mouth dropped open slightly, a sure sign that he was asleep.

Rhett reached out and brushed Link’s long hair away from his face. He intended it to be a brief gesture, just to help his friend be more comfortable, but something made him linger. Perhaps it was his joy that they were spending time together, or his concern that their time might be more limited than he’d ever dreamed it could be, but for whatever reason he let his fingertips trace the side of Link’s soft cheek, slowly drawing down from temple to jawline. A simple gesture to say, _I’m happy you’re here with me._

Link stirred and made a soft noise, only perceptible due to the vibrations from his body touching the larger man’s legs. Rhett’s first instinct was to pull his hand away, but then Link turned his face into his friend’s knee in a subtle movement of encouragement. Rhett smiled and moved his hand up to stroke Link’s hair softly, in what he hoped was a comforting touch. _You can sleep, it’s okay._

The smaller man made another noise and pressed his body into Rhett’s lower leg, eyes still closed. His breathing was low and regular as Rhett continued to caress his soft, wavy hair. With the lights off, Rhett hoped the other people in the room wouldn’t notice this slightly questionable activity, or if they did, they wouldn’t say anything. He just wanted to enjoy this moment with Link as best he could.

They sat like that through the last scenes of the movie and the final romantic dance number performed to the song “I've Had the Time of My Life.” As the music swelled, Rhett found his eyes drawn, not to the elaborate choreography on the screen, but down at his friend’s face. With the tension gone from his face and his lips curved into a slight smile, Link looked innocent, almost childlike, in his sleep.

_Just remember_  
 _You're the one thing_  
 _I can't get enough of_  
 _So I'll tell you something_  
 _This could be love because_

_I've had the time of my life_  
 _No I never felt this way before_  
 _Yes I swear it's the truth_  
 _And I owe it all to you_  
 _'Cause I've had the time of my life_  
 _And I've searched through every open door_  
 _'Til I found the truth_  
 _And I owe it all to you_

Rhett’s eyes didn’t leave his friend’s face until the credits began to roll. 


	6. Chapter 6

Link’s mom picked him up after his last class on Wednesday afternoon and they went to meet with the lawyer for the second time. Rhett passed the couple hours working with his Hydraulics group on their final project and trying not to think about what might be happening in the fancy attorney’s office in downtown Raleigh. He had returned to his room and was sitting at his desk going over his notes when the door opened and Link walked in.

It only took one look at his friend’s face for Rhett to realize that something had happened that would change their lives forever. He sprang to his feet, heart accelerating into a panic before his lips could even form the words. “Link? What is it?”

Link let his backpack slowly fall from his limp hand onto the floor as the door clicked shut behind him. He looked up at Rhett and his face was pale, his eyes red-rimmed and swollen. His jaw clenched in a visible effort to control himself, but even still his shoulders shook as he struggled to speak. “They’re offering a plea bargain.” He coughed, and his voice cracked as he continued, “The lawyer says we should take it… that it’s the best deal we’re gonna get.”

Rhett stood close, looking down on sapphire blue eyes that gleamed with barely contained terror. Rhett’s own throat nearly seized up, his body rebelling against asking the question he had to ask. “What’s the deal?”

Link swallowed hard and took a deep, shuddering breath, as close to tears as Rhett had seen him since elementary school. His hands came up to his face and he whispered through his fingers, as if he could hold the words inside and deny the truth of them. “ _Twelve months_.”

Rhett suddenly had no air in his lungs; he was drowning. He reached out and gripped Link’s shoulders in both hands with the wild thought that he could physically hold on to the man and keep him where he was. “Twelve months… in prison?”

Link nodded jerkily. His hands dropped from his face as he squeezed his eyes shut and his chest hitched, and Rhett felt him trembling. Moving on pure instinct, Rhett pulled him into a tight, desperate hug. For a moment Link’s fists stayed clenched at his sides, but then they came up and clutched the sides of the taller man’s waist.

“ _No_ ,” Rhett whispered into the smaller man’s hair. “No, this isn’t happening.”

Link’s voice was muffled by the fabric of Rhett’s grey t-shirt, but the words tumbled out quickly, as if he wanted to convey the information before he lost the ability to speak. “The original charge was Aggravated Level 1 because…“ — his hands contracted on Rhett’s sides — “because those people got hurt. But since I don’t have any priors they’ll knock it down to normal Level 1 if I take the deal. So twelve months instead of twenty-four.”

Beneath Rhett’s arms, the bones of Link’s shoulders felt as thin and hollow as a bird’s. Rhett knew his friend wanted to be seen as self-sufficient and strong, and most of the time he was, but that didn’t stop Rhett from feeling a visceral need to protect him. The thought of Link being somewhere as dangerous as prison and Rhett unable to keep him safe was utterly terrifying. It took Rhett a few tries before he could speak, and his voice was rough. “There’s no other choice?”

“He says if it goes to trial we’re pretty much guaranteed to lose and then it’ll be two years instead of one.”

“God. A whole year, though…”

“I know.” Link clung to him, face pressed hard into Rhett’s sternum. “I’m sorry, Rhett. I’m so sorry. I fucked up everything.”

Unconsciously, one of Rhett’s hands moved to the back of Link’s head, buried in his tangles of hair as he clutched the man to his chest. “When do you have to go?”

“June.”

The conversation was so surreal, Rhett could barely comprehend it. “So you’d be able to finish the semester?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“That’s something.”

They stood silent for a while, swaying slightly in mutual shock. Rhett felt his heart racing under Link’s cheek, and his mind kept pace with it as it searched fruitlessly for an alternative to this unacceptable situation. Eventually Link said softly, “Rhett?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m afraid if you keep huggin’ me I’m gonna start cryin’ again, and I’ve already done a lot of that today.”

“Oh. Okay, yeah.” He released his friend and they stepped apart. Rhett realized how close he was to his own tears, and he sniffed and pressed his lips together in an attempt to be strong. He could tell his brain hadn’t fully registered the true extent of this catastrophe and he didn’t want to encourage it to do so any faster. It would get there in its own time and then he’d simply fall apart, but he’d do his best to keep it together while Link was around.  

They stared at each other amidst the faint sounds of television and cheerful conversation coming from the rest of the dorm. The mundane noises seemed alien next to the nightmare they’d fallen into. Rhett scratched the top of his head. “I can’t even…. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to deal with this.”

“You’re tellin’ me. My mom’s a complete wreck, Rhett. She thinks I’m gonna get killed in there.”

“You’ll be okay,” Rhett said reflexively. He didn’t know how true that was — he didn’t even want to contemplate the question — but the only thing that mattered now was helping Link be less afraid. They’d have time enough to worry later. “Maybe… maybe I can teach you some self-defense.”

The suggestion was enough to get one of the corners of Link’s mouth to twitch in the faintest of smiles. Aside from the one time Rhett had stood up for Link and punched a bully out in third grade, the big man hadn’t been involved in a single physical altercation in his life. Still, Link didn’t have it in him to mock the idea. “Maybe, yeah.”

“Do you know anything else? You gonna be at Central?” As children growing up in Buies Creek, the castle-like Central Prison in Raleigh had always loomed large and legendary in their minds. It was where the evil men went—the murderers and drug lords, the pedophiles and serial rapists. Surely Link wouldn’t end up there, would he?

Link shrugged. “Dunno. I hope not, but… at least that’d make it easy for you to visit me, right?” They exchanged weak, forced smiles as the smaller man continued, “I guess we’ll find out that stuff when my lawyer meets with the prosecutor again to say we accept the deal.”

Rhett nodded. “What about Tanner?” He hated himself for bringing up the subject, but it was an important question. Would Link have any friends on the inside?

“I gotta call ‘im and see what’s up, but my lawyer said he’s probably got the same deal. He wasn’t driving, so the charges might be less, but then again, he has a few priors.”

“What? He does?”

“Yeah, he’s….” Link looked away. “He’s actually been in prison once before, a few years ago, for six months or so.”

“Jesus, Link.”

The smaller man spoke softly, defeated. “I don’t wanna get into that now.”

Rhett took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He’d already known Tanner was a criminal; what did it matter if he’d been caught before or not? “Okay,” he said. “I’m sorry, you’re right. It’s not important. So… now what?”

Link stared around the small dorm room without really focusing on anything. The expression on his face was so haunted and lost it was all Rhett could do not to embrace him again. Instead, he waited while Link took a deep breath of his own and seemed to gather himself together. “Guess I should try to work on my homework. I got no idea how I’m gonna concentrate, though.”

“I’ll help you, buddy.”

Link bent to grab his backpack and dragged it over to his desk. They both sat slowly into their chairs, Rhett still feeling as though he were in a dream. A nightmare, really. He turned on the stereo and found their favorite country station for some background noise. It took a while for either of them to accomplish much, but eventually the cheerful music had some positive effect and they were able to focus a little bit on their textbooks. They worked side by side for the next few hours, with Rhett occasionally answering Link’s murmured questions and checking over some of his more complicated work.

If they sat slightly closer or brushed knees more often than usual, Rhett attributed it to a mutual desire to lend a tiny bit of comfort to each other. They’d done similar things throughout the trials of childhood and adolescence; at this point they were both attuned to the nonverbal cues of the other and knew how to express such reassurances in subtle but unmistakable ways. _I’m here for you._

Sometimes Rhett glanced over to see his friend staring blankly, his lips pressed together and jaw clenched, his hand trembling slightly as it gripped a pen atop his notebook paper. At those times, Rhett tried a joke that usually wasn’t funny at all, but the attempt was enough to bring Link out of his frightened reverie.

Eventually Rhett found his eyelids drooping and the words blurring in front of his eyes. He glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly midnight. They both seemed to want to work as late as possible to avoid the thoughts that might intrude once they lay down in darkness, but Rhett had to admit he wasn’t going to be able to stay upright much longer. He closed his textbook with a thump and clambered to his feet. “Bedtime?” he asked.

Link scrubbed at his goatee as he looked up at his friend. “Think I’m gonna stay up a while longer.”

“All right.” Rhett moved toward the bed, putting a hand on Link’s shoulder as he went by. He gave the wiry muscles a gentle squeeze. “G’night, brother.”

“G’night, Rhett.”

Rhett stripped to his underwear and climbed into bed as Link switched on the small desk lamp and turned off the overhead light. But despite being exhausted emotionally and physically, Rhett wasn’t able to fall asleep. He lay on his side and faced the wall, eyes closed as he fought the maelstrom of what-ifs that threatened his imagination. It wasn’t until an hour later, when the room plunged into darkness and Link climbed up to the bunk above him, that Rhett’s mind finally let him rest.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Rhett opened his eyes to faint moonlight and the alarming sound of ragged, irregular breathing. He swung his legs out of bed and stood up, whirling to face the top bunk before he was even fully awake. Link was sitting with his back against the cinderblock wall, his face buried in knees curled up to his chest. His hair was a wild, shadowy tangle and his shoulders shook as he let out soft, high-pitched noises in between his strangled gasps.

“Link?” Rhett whispered. He touched the man’s forearm and Link jerked his head up, his pupils dilated so wide his eyes looked black. His cheeks were wet and his hair stuck to them in matted curls.

It seemed to take a moment for him to recognize Rhett’s face. “I can’t—“ he choked, “I can’t… breathe…”

Rhett felt his own panic rising in response and tried to quash it down. He needed to be strong for Link. He gripped the man’s forearm more firmly, trying to ground him as he pitched his voice deep. “Shhhh, it’s okay, you’ll be okay.”

“I started thinking… trying to imagine…. “ Link struggled to speak, his chest heaving with quick, useless breaths. “If I go away for a year, I’ll lose everything… everyone’s gonna move on without me… you won’t… you won’t be…”

“Oh, Link. No.” Rhett reached forward and tried to hold the man around the shoulders, but the edge of the bunk dug into his chest and he could barely get his arms around him. Link was shaking so hard it seemed like he would break apart. “I’ll be here for you. I’ll always be here. I’d never move on without you.”

Link shifted forward a little toward Rhett’s embrace, still keening like a small, wounded animal. The noise tore pieces out of Rhett’s heart and he felt tears prick at his own eyes. “Shhhh,” he said again, swallowing the lump in his throat as he stroked Link’s hair. “We made a vow, remember? Blood brothers. Shhhh. This is just a bump in the road. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

Link’s panic didn’t appear to be getting any better. In fact, it seemed the more he tried to verbalize what was terrifying him, the more immediate it became. He let out a choked sob and tucked his chin tightly down into his chest. Rhett felt like he was watching Link shatter in front of him, helpless to stop it. If Link could even hear his words, they weren’t doing any good.

Perhaps a more physical approach was worth a try; maybe he could literally hold his friend together. “C’mere, brother,” he whispered. He moved his hands down to the man’s lower back and gently pulled him across the mattress. Link didn’t help the maneuver, but he didn’t resist either. His light body slid against Rhett’s chest and the larger man hooked one arm under his trembling knees. “I’m gonna pick you up, okay?” he murmured.

Link didn’t respond as Rhett lifted him over the wooden lip of the bedframe. The smaller man continued to shudder, but seemed to quiet somewhat, out of surprise perhaps, as Rhett took all of his weight into his arms. He lowered Link down and carefully deposited him onto the bottom bunk, then climbed in next to him. He wrapped his arms fully around the other man and held Link’s head tightly against his chest, stroking his hair as he continued to whisper soft reassurances. “Shhhh. Breathe, just breathe.”

After a few minutes, Link’s hands, which had been clenched under his chin, worked their way down to wrap tightly around Rhett’s waist. The smaller man’s chest gradually stopped spasming and he began to take slower, deeper breaths.  

Link’s quavering voice traveled the few inches to Rhett’s ear. “I’m just… so scared, Rhett. I’m so fucking scared.”

“I know, buddy. But it’ll be okay, I promise. I’m gonna do whatever I can.”

They sat in silence for a few more minutes as Link’s breathing continued to calm, and Rhett felt himself beginning to doze off despite sitting upright. Finally, Link pressed his wet face into the crook of Rhett’s neck and heaved a deep sigh. “Thanks for talking me down from that freakout, man. I woke up and my heart was beating out of my fucking chest. I guess it all kinda hit me at once.”

“I’m glad I could help.”

He felt the warmth of Link’s breath across his chest as the man’s hot forehead leaned into the underside of Rhett’s jaw. The smaller man let out a soft noise as he reached his arms further around Rhett’s waist, his grasp softening as it lost its sense of desperation and took on a feeling of something more comfortable. Rhett stroked the man’s damp hair and kept his own breathing deep and regular.

After a few minutes, Link sniffled and cleared his throat. His voice was hesitant. “Is this… really awkward?”         

“What do you mean?”

The smaller man laughed weakly. “I mean, we’re basically cuddling here.”

The awkwardness hadn’t occurred to Rhett until the question. Holding Link like this felt entirely natural to him, even though he hadn’t done it before. He’d taken his friend into his arms because he hadn’t known what else to do, but now it just felt comfortable. “I don’t think it’s awkward,” he responded. “If it helps you feel better, I think it's good. Is it awkward for you?”

There was a pause, then a soft, “No.”

“Well okay then.”

“Do you mind if…” Link trailed off.

“What?”                                                                                      

“… if I sleep down here tonight? I really don’t wanna wake up like that again.”

Rhett didn’t hesitate. “No problem.”

“Are you sure? It’s not… too weird?”

If Rhett were honest with himself, the feel of Link’s body against his was surprisingly pleasant. The strong, musky scent of the man’s sweat was even comforting in its own way. Rhett suspected that he, too, had needed reassurance that Link was not yet gone, and that the man still desired a future together despite the current disaster. If this worked to make them both feel better, what was the harm? “Not for me,” he answered.

They shifted around and arranged their limbs so that Rhett was lying on his back with his arm around Link’s shoulders, and Link lay on his side with his cheek on the larger man’s chest. The narrowness of the bed meant Link’s backside was against the cinderblock wall and Rhett’s hip was nearly falling off the other side, but it wasn’t that bad. Clad only in their boxers, Rhett felt the other man’s warm body pressed along his side, and their bare legs brushed together from thigh to ankle.

Now that they were horizontal, Link seemed to be wide awake. He fidgeted, shifting his legs around and wiggling his fingers aimlessly atop Rhett’s chest. Eventually he spoke up. “How’s Lauren?”

Rhett blinked at the non sequitur. “Uhm…” he had to think about it for a little while. He and Lauren had technically been dating for a few months at this point, but he didn’t feel terribly invested in the relationship given all the other distractions in his life. “… okay, I guess.”

“You guys are gonna do the summer project, right?”

A group of students in the campus ministry had been planning to spend the month of July doing charity work in South America. It had completely slipped Rhett’s mind that the deadline for making travel plans was fast approaching. “No way,” he said immediately. “I’m not going away if you might need me here.”

Link was quiet while he digested this. When he spoke, his voice was tremulous again. “You can’t put your life on hold for me, Rhett. Who knows if I’ll even be able to have visitors?”

Rhett gently stroked the top of Link’s head. “I’m sure you will be. I mean, even maximum security places allow visitors.”

“I guess. But won’t Lauren be pissed if you don’t go?”

 _She could very well be_ , Rhett thought, but that wasn’t anything he wanted Link to worry about now. “I’m sure she’ll enjoy the time with her girlfriends. Besides,” he added as his fingers toyed absently with Link’s hair, “If she doesn’t understand that I need to stick around for you then she’s not the girl for me.”  

Link was silent again, and Rhett thought he might have fallen asleep until his fingertips brushed along the top of the smaller man’s ear. Link drew a quick breath and his shoulders twitched in a shiver as Rhett withdrew his hand. “Oh, did I tickle you?”

Link’s answer was quick. “No, it’s… “ He turned his face further into Rhett’s chest, expression unreadable in the moonlight. “It’s fine,” he sighed. “Sorry. It’s… nice, actually. Can you keep… keep doing that?”

“Sure, man. Whatever helps.” It had scared Rhett to see his best friend so undone; he’d do anything that might make him feel better. He brought his hand back to Link’s head and tenderly brushed his hair back. Link’s hair was soft and warm and smelled strongly of him. On a whim, Rhett bent his neck and pressed his lips to the man’s forehead, inhaling deeply to fill his lungs with the unique, soothing scent.

Link made a soft noise and tightened his arm across Rhett’s stomach. Rhett was surprised to feel a strange sensation in response — a faint electricity across the surface of his body where the man’s arm pressed into it. A line of warmth crept along that skin-to-skin contact from Rhett’s hip to the bottom of his ribs before it snuck into his chest and settled delicate tendrils of fluttery, nervous anticipation around his heart.

 _What is this?_ He let his head fall back to the pillow and stared up into the darkness of the empty bunk above him. He and Link had slept next to each other many times as children; at sleepovers and in the back seats of their parents’ cars and even sometimes curled into the same sleeping bag for warmth. The way Link moved and clung in his sleep, he’d inevitably ended up wrapped around Rhett’s torso by morning. It had never _meant_ anything, not in that way.

The practice had ceased when puberty hit, as each of them became self-conscious of the new angles of their bodies and the need for personal space, but the general level of comfort with each other had remained. Thus, the subtle acceleration of his heart when Link’s arm contracted around him confused Rhett quite a bit.

 _It must be worry about the future. Nothing more than that._ He spoke to himself as much as to Link when he whispered, “Sleep now… we’ll deal with tomorrow when it comes.”

Link’s breath puffed across his chest as they both descended toward unconsciousness, leaving more of that peculiar tingling in its wake. “Thanks, Rhett.”

“Anytime, brother.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

They both slept late the next day, exhausted by their emotional ordeal. Neither had class until 11, so there was no pressing need to get up, and whenever Rhett occasionally surfaced to consciousness he was so comfortable that he immediately succumbed again to sleep.

Finally the late morning sun made a strong enough impression on his eyelids that he awoke for real. He opened his eyes to find the two of them were in much the same position in which they had fallen asleep, with himself on his back and Link curled against his side. Link’s cheek lay atop Rhett’s chest and his forehead pressed into his friend’s neck, his long hair padding the space between them.  His arm and leg were lead weights flung across Rhett’s stomach and thighs, heavy with the depths of the smaller man’s slumber.

Rhett lifted his head and looked down at his friend’s face. Link’s long, dark eyelashes skimmed the tops of his pale cheeks. His lips, parted in sleep, formed a soft, full pout. The masculine scent of his sweat had grown stronger over the course of the night. As he took in these details, Rhett felt the confusing acceleration of his heart once again.

Link stirred in response to Rhett’s shifting and his eyes slowly fluttered open. His sleepy gaze met Rhett’s and then widened with the realization of where he was and why. He quickly withdrew his limbs onto his own side of the mattress, shrinking away from Rhett’s body as best he could in the tiny space. His obvious discomfiture made Rhett feel uneasy too, as if they were about to be caught doing something they shouldn’t be.

He scooted away from Link and they both sat up on opposite ends of the bed, the smaller man hugging his arms around his bare chest. “Uh. Hi,” he mumbled.

Rhett tried to project casualness. “’Mornin’. Feelin’ better?”

“Yeah. Uhm. Thanks again.”

“No problem, man.” Rhett felt like he was crowding Link despite being on the far side of the bed, so he got to his feet and glanced at the clock. “Class in an hour. I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Cool.”

He picked up his shower caddy and retrieved his towel from the hook on the door. As he left the room, he saw Link was still sitting on the lower bunk with a curious expression on his face, staring down at the spot where the two of them had lain.

***

Once they were up and moving about the room, the awkwardness quickly dissipated. From Rhett’s perspective, life seemed almost normal as he attended class and studied at the library. It was only when he got back to their room after dinner that thoughts of Link’s upcoming imprisonment intruded, making the food sit heavy in his stomach.

He tried to ignore it as they sat beside each other at their desks in the waning daylight, working on their final projects. They hadn’t talked about it all day, keeping to light banter about schoolwork and sports, as if they could push away the reality of what loomed ahead of them. It was only when Rhett stood up and turned off his desk lamp that the mood once again turned serious.

Link cleared his throat. “Ah. Rhett?”

Rhett looked down at the seated young man. “Yeah, brother?”

Link raked a hand through his hair as he looked away, his demeanor small and hesitant. “This is really… I mean, do you… I don’t know…” after several false starts, he trailed off and shook his head.

Rhett didn’t understand why his friend was so reluctant to speak his mind. “What is it, man?”

Link looked down at the floor and Rhett had to lean in to understand his quiet mumble. “I just thought, after last night, maybe…” he pressed his lips together and looked up, his bloodshot eyes glimmering with uncertainty. “It helped a lot, is what I’m tryin’ to say. I felt like I could actually relax for once.”

“Well, good.” Rhett tried to sound reasonable. “That was the point, right?”

“I guess what I’m sayin’ is, could we do it again?” Link’s shoulders cringed as he rushed through the request, flinching in anticipation of mockery.

 _Yes please_ , was Rhett’s immediate thought. He liked the idea of holding Link in his arms again. He had felt protective, like a noble defender.  He imagined the young man’s body against his once more — the soft thrill where the bare skin of their chests touched, the scent of the man’s hair under his nose. He felt a startling rush of heat up his cheeks and turned to face his bunk. _Stop it_ , he told himself. _He’s scared and he needs you. Stop being weird._

Link interpreted his reaction as rejection and muttered, “Never mind, that was stupid.”

Rhett whirled back to him. “No! It’s not stupid. Sorry, I’m just…” he rubbed his face, trying to get ahold of himself. “I’m just surprised you want to if you’re not, y’know, upset.”

Link’s eyes were downcast again, unaware of Rhett’s turmoil. “I’m barely holdin’ it together, man.”

“Oh… you’re hiding it well.”

The man looked up with a quick smile. “Thanks, I think.”

Rhett smiled back and felt some of the tension in the room dissipate. “Whatever you need, Link. Like I said last night, I’m here for you.”

Link heaved a sigh of relief as he got to his feet. “Cool. Thanks, man.”

Rhett watched him grab his toothbrush and head out to the bathroom. The taller man sank onto his bunk and brought his hands to his face with a soft groan. He only allowed himself a minute of wallowing in his confusion before he took a deep breath and shook his head, getting himself together. By the time Link came back into the room, Rhett was already in his boxers and under the covers.

Link pulled off his t-shirt and jeans and tossed them onto his bunk, then flicked off the overhead light. In the darkness, Rhett felt him pull back the sheet and gingerly climb onto the narrow mattress. This time, it was Rhett’s backside pressed against the wall as he tried to give the other man as much space as possible. After a moment of silence, he let out an awkward chuckle. “I guess, um… same arrangement as last time?”

“Sure,” Link said softly.

Rhett shifted to his back and raised his arm, and Link tentatively moved underneath it to rest his cheek on the taller man’s chest. Rhett lowered his arm and laid it along the warm skin of Link’s back, fingertips brushing the soft ripples of his ribs. He could tell that the man’s muscles were tense, his breathing shallow. “Is this okay?” Rhett whispered. “You seem uncomfortable.”

Warm air blew across Rhett’s chest as Link took a deep breath in and out, relaxing somewhat. He stretched his arm out tentatively, laying it lightly over Rhett’s chest. The flats of his fingers lay motionless over Rhett’s sternum. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “It’s okay. You good?”

Rhett gave his friend a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“G’night, Rhett.”

“G’night, Link.”

Rhett lay with his eyes open in the darkness, striving to clear his mind and focus on sleep. After what seemed like half an hour or more, he could tell by Link’s irregular breathing that his friend was also still awake. He wondered what he was thinking, if there was something in particular causing his insomnia. For Rhett’s part, it was the effort of keeping things _out_ of his mind that was doing it. Things like the tickle of Link’s hair on his neck and the way his knees pressed into the side of Rhett’s thigh; the clean, warm scent of him and the way his chest expanded against Rhett’s ribs with every breath. The more Rhett tried not to think about these things, the more tenaciously they invaded his brain.

Finally Rhett was so exhausted he couldn’t stop himself from lifting the arm that Link was curled under and lightly stroking the smooth skin of the man’s back. He was careful, tentative, ready to pull back the moment he sensed weirdness or rejection, but it didn’t come. Instead, after a few slow passes of his fingertips, he felt Link give a long, quiet sigh. Soon afterward, the man relaxed fully into sleep. After that, it was only a short time before Rhett, too, did the same.


	9. Chapter 9

Their new sleeping arrangements became routine and got less awkward with practice. After the first few nights, Link didn’t even bother to ask, he just followed Rhett into the lower bunk and they arranged themselves into position.

Frequently they lay awake and talking well into the night, long rambling conversations like they hadn’t had in years. Rhett was grateful for these intimate times even as his heart ached with longing for the missed opportunities caused by their recent growing apart. He couldn’t even think about the moment all too soon when Link would have to go away for a long time.

On the weekends, Link still visited Tanner while Rhett hung out with Lauren, but neither of them stayed out late, and whoever got back to the room first would wait until the other had arrived so they could lie down together. On those nights, Link’s familiar scent was overlaid with other things Rhett didn’t like so much: smoke and beer and less identifiable smells. It made it harder for Rhett to fall asleep, but he didn’t complain.

Lauren, for her part, had expressed all the appropriate sympathy when Rhett told her about the plea bargain Link planned to accept, though she was clearly unhappy about Rhett’s decision not to accompany her on the South America trip. She didn’t argue with him, however, and for the sake of peace they avoided extensive discussion of the subject. Rhett still enjoyed her company even though he found himself increasingly distracted as the days rolled by. When they kissed, his mind wandered to other lips, full and wide and framed by a dark goatee. He ran his fingers through her blonde hair and imagined ebony. These intrusive thoughts kept him from pursuing things further with her, but she seemed oblivious to the cause of his reluctance and content to take things slowly.

He told himself these half-formed fantasies about his best friend were merely a strange form of separation anxiety. His brain was somehow taking his desire to keep Link as close and safe and interpreting it in this extreme way. He continued to insist to himself that there was nothing to worry about; it would all work itself out once Link had departed and Rhett had adjusted to his absence.

***

On a Sunday afternoon, Rhett followed through on his promise to teach Link some basic self-defense techniques. He grabbed his pillow from his bed and he held it up to his chest. “Lemme see a punch right here.”

Link was tentative as he balled his hand into a fist and half-heartedly struck the center of the pillow. “Nah, man,” Rhett told him as he reached for Link’s hand. “Hold your fingers like _this_.” He closed his own large hand around Link’s fist, putting the fingers into the appropriate places. “Now try.”

Link gave him another half-hearted punch as color crept up his cheeks. “This is silly,” he mumbled.

“C’mon, man, put your hip into it. Not just shoulder.”

Link gave a more sincere attempt, this time managing to move Rhett’s upper body slightly with the force of his blow. “That’s better,” Rhett praised him. “Feel the difference?”

Link nodded, his eyes on the floor. Rhett had him do it a few more times until he was satisfied, then said, “Okay, now I’ll teach you what to do if you’re grabbed from behind.”

“Rhett, I really don’t think—“

Before he could finish, Rhett reached out and grabbed the man’s shoulders, spinning him around so his back was to him. Then he wrapped his arms around Link from behind, pinning his arms to his sides and bowing the man’s back with his weight. He felt Link tense as he let out a small noise of surprise. “Now,” Rhett instructed, “Try to escape.”

“Um…” Link struggled to free his arms, pushing against Rhett’s encompassing embrace. His breathing was becoming more quick, his voice strained. “C’mon man, you know I can’t do anything if you’ve got me like this. It’s just like the I’m Dead thing.”

Rhett realized this particular maneuver might have been unwise as he became more aware of the other man’s warm, lithe body in his arms. Rhett’s face was pressed into Link’s soft hair, making it very hard for him to focus on the task at hand. He rushed forward with the lesson, trying to conclude it quickly. “Sure you can, buddy. It’s all about the angles. Instead of trying to move my arms apart directly, duck and twist.”

Link attempted to twist out of Rhett’s embrace, but only succeeded in turning himself around _within_ it, and suddenly they were face to face with Rhett’s arms still wrapped tightly around his shoulders. The smaller man’s cheeks were flushed and his hair tousled across his forehead as he looked up at Rhett from a few inches away. The sudden, shocking beauty of Link’s deep-set blue eyes made Rhett’s heart leap painfully, and he dropped his arms and took an involuntary step back.

“No,” he said quickly, “That wasn’t quite it. You, ah… you gotta twist _and_ duck.”

Link ran his fingers through his hair, looking down at the floor. “Oh yeah, sorry.”  He turned back around and gestured over his shoulder. “Try again?”

 Rhett stepped up and grabbed him again, but this time not as tightly. His mind was still fixated on those blue eyes, and the lips that were below them, and how easy it would have been to bend down and… He shook his head. “This time twist _and_ duck.”

Rhett was careful to let Link succeed this time, and the young man escaped from his arms with ease. “Cool,” Rhett said with relief. “I think that’s enough for now.”

Link seemed confused by the abrupt conclusion of the lesson, but also grateful for the end to the awkwardness. They rewarded themselves for their efforts with takeout pizza and Mello Yellow. That night, when they assumed their standard positions on Rhett’s bunk, it was the image of Link looking up at him from within his embrace that kept Rhett awake far into the night.  

***

A week before finals, Link’s lawyer delivered to his mother’s house a large package of material concerning the details of the young man’s fate. Link had already gone over the information with his mom before returning to the dorm, so he handed the whole thing over to Rhett without a word. He stood with his lips pressed together and hands clenched as Rhett flipped through it and searched for the essential details.

The cover letter stated that Link was expected to report to the intake office of the Craven Correctional Institution in Vanceboro the day after the semester ended. Rhett had a vague idea of Vanceboro being about a hundred or so miles to the east, near the coast. The picture on the front of the accompanying pamphlet depicted an imposing complex with a handful of two-story brick buildings surrounding a flat, empty courtyard. The buildings had very few windows.

Craven was a medium security facility with over thirty thousand inmates. Most prisoners were housed in large open areas with cubicle-type dividers separating pairs of men. They were given daily opportunities for exercise outdoors as well as access to a library and a weight room. Various menial jobs were available for inmates who wanted to earn spending money.

Imagining Link there made Rhett’s chest hurt, but he tried to put on a cheerful façade. “It doesn’t look too bad.”

Link laughed mirthlessly. “It doesn’t? You could’ve fooled me.”

“And only two hours away. Could be worse.”

“Could be better,” the smaller man grumbled. “I could be not going at all.”

“Yeah, well... There’s still time to flee the country, you know. Wanna drive to Canada?”

Link laughed again, more genuine this time. “As appealing as that is, I don’t think my mom would forgive me.”

“You’re probably right.”

Rhett sat at his desk and continued to paw through the papers until he located the visitor policy. It declared Link would be able to have one visitor every two weeks for a couple of hours on Sunday afternoons. In addition, he was allowed to use the pay phone during his free time provided he was willing to wait in line for it.

Link saw what his friend was looking at. “I talked to my mom about this, and she agreed… you and she can switch off. You can coordinate… so I’ll see you once a month, probably. If you feel like making the drive.”

 _Once a month._ Rhett felt his eyes begin to burn and his voice came out rough. “Of course… of course I will.”

“C’mon, man, don’t start that, you’ll get me going too.”

Rhett swiped at his face and took a deep breath. “Sorry.”

“S’okay.” Link’s hand came up to Rhett’s shoulder and squeezed it.

The idea of Link comforting _him_ in this situation was absurd, but it made Rhett feel better nonetheless. He patted Link’s hand in thanks before getting to his feet. “Let’s get dinner.”

“Cool.”

They didn’t talk about the details again, but the information packet sat on the corner of Link’s desk between the two of them as they both prepared for the end of the semester, and sometimes Rhett looked through it when Link wasn’t around. The more he tried to imagine his best friend in that place, the more his brain refused to think about the situation at all.

Link confirmed that Tanner had accepted a similar plea bargain and would also be serving his sentence at Craven. Provided neither of them got paroled early, they’d be in there the same length of time. Link nervously expressed hope they’d be able to stay together, and Rhett didn’t argue with him. At this point, anyone who could watch Link’s back was good in his book.

The days rolled on inexorably, with classes concluding and finals beginning, the temperature outside rising and the campus bustling in preparation for summer. Rhett lay awake each night with Link curled against his side, staring into the darkness and wishing with all his heart that he could figure out how to stop the terrible passage of time. 


	10. Chapter 10

They passed all of their finals, some more easily than others. It took all of Rhett’s willpower to make himself care about the subjects long enough to take the exams. He half-assed his essays, but he was a good enough bullshitter by now that the worst grade he got was a B. Link fared similarly, opting to take his hardest class Pass/Fail so he’d stand a better chance of receiving credit, and he succeeded.

There were a couple days between the posting of the grades and the official end of the semester, and the campus was busy with exuberant young people packing up their belongings and setting off for summer adventures. Rhett had decided he’d live at home until the fall and use the time to save up money for an apartment just off campus. He already had a job lined up with a local office of the Department of Transportation which promised to be undemanding, if excruciatingly boring.

Link, of course, didn’t have to worry about his summer plans, but he still had to pack up his things as they prepared to vacate the dorm room. All of his books and most of his clothes had already been moved to his mother’s house. Rhett’s personal belongings were in a number of cardboard boxes. They’d taken down the posters from the walls and spackled over the holes. The room was nearly as uncomfortably impersonal as it had been when they moved in last fall, and yet, Rhett knew he’d miss it.

Too soon, it was their last evening at the dorm. In the morning, they would load the remainder of their things into their cars and check out with the RA, then drive home. Link would have one night at his mother’s house before she drove him to Craven the following morning for in-processing.

Rhett could barely think all day. He found himself short of breath as the anxiety tightened its hold on his lungs, keeping them from expanding. He knew Link must be in much worse shape than he was, so he tried hard to keep an upbeat demeanor for his sake. They busied themselves with cleaning their room, wrapping up accounts at the financial office, and a few hours of ultimate Frisbee with some other students in the quad, until the sun was low on the horizon.

At dinner in the cafeteria, trying desperately not to think about the fact that it was the last dinner Link would eat there for a long time, Rhett asked his friend, “Anything special you wanna do tonight?”

Link pondered the question for a moment. “To be honest, what I’d really like to do is drink myself stupid so I don’t have to think for a while.” He held up a hand, forestalling Rhett’s protest. “I know, you don’t have to tell me. It’s not a good idea.”

“How about we rent a coupla’ movies?” Rhett suggested. “That might be a good distraction.”

Link agreed, so they went out to the rental store after they finished eating. They wandered up and down the aisles of the “Action & Adventure” section until they settled on Independence Day and The Rock. They’d both seen them before, but it didn’t matter. The important thing was both movies moved quickly from action scene to action scene and didn’t leave much time for thinking.

With most students busy with last-minute packing, they had the basement recreation room to themselves. Rhett popped some microwave popcorn and brought it over to where Link was already curled up on the overstuffed couch with the opening credits of Independence Day on the screen. Rhett sat down and lifted his arm, and Link settled against his chest in a more vertical version of their recent sleeping positions.

They didn’t stir except when Rhett got up to switch movies. By halfway through The Rock, he could tell Link had fallen asleep. He stroked the man’s hair and held him gently, wishing the credits would go on forever.

When the screen went black, he sat silent for a few minutes, listening to Link’s soft breathing. Then he gave his friend a little nudge. “C’mon, man, time for bed.”

His friend blinked up at him. “Already?”

Rhett looked at the clock on the VCR. “It’s almost one in the morning, buddy.”

“Oh… I guess it is.”

Link clambered to his feet, knuckling at his eyes. His rumpled hair and sleepy expression reminded Rhett of the sleepovers they’d had as children, when Link had been so happy to come to the McLaughlin house and be a part of Rhett’s larger family. When Rhett told his mother about Link’s prison sentence, she’d been heartbroken. After her initial shock, she’d promised to help Link’s mom coordinate care packages and anything else she could do.

The two young men went upstairs and brushed their teeth, standing next to each other at the long mirrors in the bathroom. They returned to their room, stripped to their boxers and turned off the light. When they lay down, Link’s sleepiness vanished and he was wide awake again. His fingertips drummed on Rhett’s sternum as he fidgeted.

“I wish I still had my half of the blood oath,” Link said softly. “I think it’d help a lot if I had it with me… in there.”

“I wish I hadn’t lost mine too, man. I was just a dumb kid. I didn’t realize how important it would be to me later. You did, though. You kept yours so much longer.”

“Yeah, but I don’t have it anymore… maybe whoever stole my wallet still has it.”

“Maybe.” Rhett thought for a moment. “We could do it again.”

Link gave a short laugh. “We’re not kids anymore, Rhett.”

“I know, but… if you think it would help…”

Link leaned up on his chin to look Rhett in the eye, his goatee nestled into the man’s bare chest. “We don’t need to sign a piece of paper in blood to make a promise. Just knowing you’d still want to… that helps a lot.”

Rhett looked down at the large eyes gleaming blue-black in the darkness. He tightened his arm around the smaller man’s shoulders. “I’d sign it in a heartbeat, brother.”

“Me too.” Link lay his head back down, seeming somewhat calmer.

They reminisced for a while about the oath and the silly little-kid ideas for world domination they’d had at the time. They talked about plans for the future, skipping past the next year and looking toward what they would do together once Link was out and had gotten his degree. “I’ll scout the job market for ya, buddy,” Rhett offered. “I’ll find something good and get you in right after me.” Link didn’t question the plausibility of the idea, just nodded in agreement.  

The small red numbers on Rhett’s alarm clock read 2:48 by the time their conversation wound down. Link’s words trailed off into incoherent mumbles as he wrapped his arm around his friend’s chest and snuggled into him. His breathing took on the regularity of sleep, and soon Rhett wasn’t far behind.

***

Rhett opened his eyes to darkness. For a moment he wasn’t sure why he had woken, then Link shifted beside him and let out a soft noise.  The man had turned onto his back, one arm flung above his head and the other pressed between their two bodies. As he slowly became more awake and his eyes adjusted to the moonlight, Rhett heard Link make another quiet whimper, a mumble of half-formed words.

Rhett knew the sound from years of sleepovers: Link was talking in his sleep. Since Link had outgrown the sleepwalking he’d done as a child, he only rarely spoke in his sleep, and it generally lasted just a minute or two. It usually served to provide a bit of entertainment for both of them. Sometimes he’d say the most outlandish things and Rhett would try hard to remember it the next day so they could both laugh.

Now, however, the smaller man seemed to be agitated, tossing his head from side to side in the grips of a bad dream. His murmurs became louder and more intelligible as he wrestled with the demons of his subconscious.

“No…  not ready…”

It didn’t make sense to wake Link, Rhett knew, even if he was in distress. Link himself probably wouldn’t remember any of it the next day, and he needed the sleep now. Hopefully the nightmare would pass soon.

Rhett tried to lie still as Link shifted next to him and his voice took on a pleading tone. “Wait, Tan… _It’s not right_ … “

Rhett felt a pang of guilt, as if he were eavesdropping on something personal. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but turn to look at Link’s face, following its sharp angles in the shadows as the man’s expression contorted. “Please don’t—“ Link’s voice caught in a faint sob. “ _Rhett_ … I’m sorry…”

At the sound of his name, Rhett woke up further and focused more closely, his curiosity piqued. He watched a tear escape the corner of the Link’s eye and slide down his temple into his hair, its track glimmering in the moonlight. “No, no, no…” the man murmured, then his voice rose. “Rhett, _I can’t_ —!“

Rhett’s heart clenched as Link turned abruptly away onto his side, facing the wall and curling in on himself. The man’s shoulders shook as he cried in earnest, even though it was the smothered, struggling weeping of a person still asleep. His words dissolved into frightened moans.

Rhett couldn’t stand it any longer, despite not wanting to wake him up; Link’s subconscious anguish was too painful to witness. He turned onto his side to face Link’s back and gently worked one arm underneath the man’s head. He brought his other arm around to rest across the dip of Link’s waist, reaching his hand up to palm the man’s sternum. He pushed his knees up against the backs of Link’s, searching for maximum bodily contact, hoping the physical touch could penetrate into the dream.

Link struggled against his embrace while Rhett whispered, “Shhh,” his face pressed into his friend’s soft hair. “It’s okay, it’s just a dream.” Slowly Link relaxed, his muted cries subsiding. Still seemingly asleep, he clasped Rhett’s arm against his chest, pressing his cheek into the backs of the larger man’s fingers. “Rhett,” he murmured. “I can’t…”

Rhett kept his voice smooth and deep. “You can, buddy. It’ll be okay.”

“I have to tell you,” Link whispered desperately. “You have to know.”

Unable to deny his curiosity, Rhett murmured, “What is it, Link? What do I need to know?”

But his friend didn’t say anything more, and Rhett felt the man’s ribs rise and fall under his arm as his breaths slowly lengthened. Link had apparently emerged from the nightmare into normal sleep, his demons — for the moment at least — sufficiently appeased.

Rhett moved to return to his previous position on his back, but Link’s hands tightened around the arm that embraced him. The larger man remained where he was, smiling softly in the darkness, content to curve himself close behind his friend. His smile was bittersweet, though, with the knowledge of what the morning would bring. For now, he would continue to protect Link as long as he could, as well as he could, clasping the man’s body to his own and trying to give him peace.


	11. Chapter 11

Rhett was floating on the edge of sleep, still mostly submerged under the dark, silken waves of oblivion. Now and then he would surface long enough to become dimly aware of sensations, only to sink back into full sleep before he was truly conscious of them.

_A slim, supple body pressed against his chest, his stomach, his legs. The firm roundness of a backside shifted along his groin in a subtle caress through thin cotton underwear._ _The nape of a neck was close to his face, shrouded by soft hair and a delicately spiced scent. Miles upon miles of bare skin touched bare skin, and everywhere the contact sparked a warm electric glow._

Rhett’s hand was flat against a slowly rising and falling ribcage, until it began to move lower of its own accord, seeking further pleasurable sensation. His fingertips curled around smooth, thin skin over a sharp hip bone. His mouth moved to the curve of a shoulder and he tasted the faint sweetness of it, his lips and tongue running lightly over the surface.

There was a soft noise as the lithe body in his arms arched slightly, pressing back into him and rubbing against his burgeoning arousal. Where skin met skin the temperature was rising, the heat of desire spurring the quickening of breath. Rhett kissed the knurls of vertebrae between shoulder blades as his hand wandered further, exploring soft belly skin and the tantalizing edge of pubic hair. He spread his palm over the gentle curves of muscle, pulling the body closer to him.

He heard a rough groan and dimly realized it had come from his own throat. An earthy, animalistic hunger was kindling deep within him. As he opened his mouth to set his teeth more firmly into the intoxicating skin, there was a faint murmur: “ _Rhett_ …”

At the sound of Link’s voice, Rhett snapped to full consciousness in an instant. He froze with his hand still on his friend’s lower abdomen and his mouth a mere millimeter from the man’s back as his mind screamed an incoherent mixture of _Get away from him before he thinks you’re a freak_ and _Play it cool so this isn’t a big deal._

Link lay silent and motionless as Rhett slowly withdrew his hand and rolled onto his back, barking a noise that was half cough, half laugh. “Uhm, wow.” He coughed again. “That was some dream!”

The other man stayed where he was, facing the wall and still somewhat curled in on himself. His voice was quiet. “You were dreaming?”

“Oh yeah. It was intense!” Rhett thought fast. “Uh. It was about Lauren. Sorry if I was a little, uh, grabby. It’s such a small bed, y’know, I guess it was inevitable, really…” He realized he was close to babbling and trailed off into another forced laugh, his face burning. It was good Link couldn’t see his face, given how easy it was for them to tell when the other was lying. Rhett took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying desperately to get his body to stop fixating on the sensation of the other man pressed up against it.

“S’okay. Don’t worry about it.”

They lay in silence for a few minutes and Rhett thought his friend had fallen asleep again, but eventually Link uncurled and rolled over, resting his head on Rhett’s chest. Rhett felt a wave of relief that the guy hadn’t leapt out of bed in disgust, nor did he seem to notice the pounding of Rhett’s heart. In fact, he didn’t seem to question Rhett’s explanation at all. “I hope you can see her a lot now,” Link said, his voice still soft. “Sorry I’ve been gettin’ in the way of that.”

Rhett tried to ignore the tingling thrill along his chest and leg where Link was now in contact with him. “You haven’t been in the way, buddy. You’re the one I wanna spend time with. And anyway, she’s pretty busy this summer, but I’m sure I’ll see her a bunch once school starts again.”

“Cool.”

Rhett craned his neck around to look at the clock, then patted his friend on the shoulder. “It’s a quarter past nine. Shall we get up and face the day?” Link’s mother was expecting him by eleven.

Link turned his face into Rhett’s chest as if to bury himself away from the world. “I don’t wanna,” he mumbled.

Rhett stroked his hair. “I know, buddy. Me neither.” He tried to come up with something cheerful to say, but his mouth had gone dry with the realization of just how little time they had left together, and he fell silent.

After a few minutes, Link heaved a sigh and levered himself onto his elbow. He looked down at Rhett with his dark hair mussed around his face, curling around his jaw and cascading onto his bare collarbones. Rhett looked up into his friend’s shadowed blue eyes and felt his breath catch in his throat at the beauty of them. They regarded each other for a long moment in silence, Link’s expression unreadable, before he rescued Rhett from his speechlessness with a soft chuckle.

“I never guessed I’d be sad to leave a dorm bed,” he muttered, “but I bet the beds at Craven are even worse.”

 _I’m also sad you’re leaving my bed,_ Rhett thought to say, but bit it back. “Good thing you can sleep anywhere, huh?”

“True, true. Even on your lumpy chest.” The man broke into a grin as he gave Rhett’s ribs a poke.

Rhett laughed and squirmed away. “I’m not that lumpy!” He grabbed at Link’s hands, trying to forestall the tickling as he swung his legs off the bed and sat up. He swiveled at the waist and looked down at the beaming brunet. “Besides, I deserve some credit for putting up with all that drooling.”

“I never drool!” Link exclaimed in mock outrage, renewing his attempts at tickling. They both dissolved into full-on laughter as they wrestled, with neither trying terribly hard to win, until Rhett got ahold of both of Link’s wrists and pinned them to the pillow above his head.

Link struggled for a few seconds against Rhett’s superior leverage before giving up, his muscles relaxing as his laughter faded into a soft smile. “You got me.”

Rhett was leaning over him, their faces inches away in the shadows cast by the top bunk. Link’s hair was even more askew, strewn across his forehead and cheeks in their struggle. Rhett could taste his friend’s breath as he held himself carefully still. “I guess I do,” he said.

Link’s face fell. “I’m gonna miss you, Rhett.”

The urge to close the distance between their mouths was rapidly becoming overwhelming, so Rhett released Link’s wrists and sat back. “I’ll miss you too, Link.”

The smaller man left his hands above his head, looking up at Rhett with a conflicted, wistful expression. They were both silent until Rhett remembered something. “Last night, you were talking in your sleep… you were trying to tell me something but you couldn’t quite get it out.”

Link’s eyes flicked away to study the concrete wall beside him. “Oh, really? I don’t… remember that.”

“Yeah. Something about Tanner, too, I think.” He saw Link’s eyes widen and hastened to add, “You were mostly mumbling, though. I couldn’t make out any details.”

“Oh.” Link seemed to relax slightly as he gave a dry laugh. “That’s too bad. Guess I gotta learn to enunciate.”

“So was there… is there something you need to tell me?”

Link turned back and looked up at him, his expression hard to read. His lips pressed together and his eyes roved across Rhett’s face, not quite meeting his gaze as he considered the question. Finally he looked away again as he said softly, “N… no. Not really anything I can think of.”

Sensing his friend’s discomfort, Rhett tried to keep his tone light. “Aw, man. I was hoping for something juicy.”

Link’s lips quirked. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

Rhett chuckled. “That’s okay, buddy.” He clambered to his feet and grabbed his shower caddy. “Now we _really_ need to get up if we’re gonna get you home on time.”

“I’ll follow along in a minute.” Link’s lack of enthusiasm was obvious. He remained on his back staring up at the underside of the top bunk as Rhett shut the door behind himself.

They weren’t too late getting the last of their things packed into their car. Rhett found the RA and got him to sign off on the inspection form after only a few minor arguments regarding whether or not a bit of damage to the paint had been there when they moved in. All too soon they had carried the last of their things out to the parking lot and loaded them into cars that were full to bursting.

It was suddenly time for them to part ways, and Rhett felt a wave of panic. There must be something he’d forgotten. There must be more he could do, still. “How ‘bout I come over and see you off in the morning?” he asked.

Link gave him a small smile. “We’re leavin’ pretty early. Sure you don’t wanna sleep in?”

“I probably won’t sleep at all, to be honest.”

“Yeah… me neither.” Link studied the mottled asphalt at his feet. “If you want, yeah, that’d be nice. I think we wanna leave by seven.”

“I’ll try to get there by quarter-til.”

“Awesome.”

Link looked up and met his gaze for a moment, then Rhett opened his arms and the smaller man stepped forward into his offered hug. They embraced each other tightly, but briefly, each man stepping back before emotions could overflow a tenuous grasp.

Link turned away and opened his car door. “See ya in the morning, Rhett.”

“See ya then.”

Rhett got into his car and started the engine, turning the dial to his favorite country music station and put the volume up high. He managed to drown out most of the thoughts that were trying to overwhelm his head, so by the time he got home he could put on a cheerful face for his parents. The rest of the day was occupied with unpacking and getting settled back into his childhood bedroom, discussing summer plans with his father and enjoying his first home-cooked meal in months.

It was only much later, when he had finally crawled into his old bed — a bed that felt enormous and exposed without Link beside him and the underside of the top bunk above him — and allowed his mind to wander though the darkness, that Rhett let himself think back to that morning. He remembered how his body had warmed to Link’s before he was even awake, his hands reaching for his friend’s skin and his mouth seeking the taste of it. He remembered the powerful river of desire coursing through him, surging to the surface wherever the two of them touched.

And finally, he remembered how Link had melted against him, pressing into him in response to Rhett’s touch. It occurred to him, then, that Link hadn’t said _he_ had been dreaming. In fact, he’d offered no explanation for the quickening of his breath or the way his body had yielded to Rhett’s embrace. In Rhett’s panic to explain his own questionable actions, he hadn’t thought to examine his friend’s reticence.

And yet… Link _must_ have been dreaming. There was no other possible explanation. And besides, there was no way Rhett could ever ask him about it, because to do so would invite new scrutiny of his own acts that morning.

The memories of his friend in his arms kept Rhett awake long into the night, filling his thoughts with what-ifs and his body with a profound, bone-deep desire. By the time he was finally able to sleep, it was only a few hours before sunrise.

***

Rhett awoke to his alarm and stumbled out of bed. He didn’t bother with a shower, given he was only going to say goodbye to Link and would no doubt come home and go straight back to bed. He ran his fingers through his short-cropped hair, pulled on jeans and a plain black t-shirt, and drove across town to Link’s mother’s house.

When he arrived, Link and his mom were already in the driveway. Link had a duffel bag packed loosely with a number of personal articles, which he tossed into the backseat as Rhett pulled up. The information for incoming prisoners had warned that they were not allowed to bring much, if any, personal affects in with them, so Link had packed light with the expectation most of it would be turned away regardless.

Rhett hugged Link’s mom hello and she thanked him for coming. She was currently holding herself together quite well, focused on the business at hand, but he knew she still had a couple hours to spend with her son before they parted. Rhett, on the other hand, had to say goodbye here. She got into the driver’s seat and busied herself looking through some paperwork in order to give the two friends a bit of privacy.

Link was wearing loose jeans, sneakers, and a dark-blue T-shirt. His cheeks were smooth and his goatee neatly trimmed; his hair was freshly washed and hung in damp curls framing his pale face. The early morning light made him look more fragile than usual as they faced each other by the car’s passenger door.

“Thanks for coming,” he said.         

“No problem. Got everything you need?”

“I think so.” Link chewed his bottom lip. “I don’t know what the intake process is gonna be like, whether I’ll be able to use the phone right away or have visitors or whatever. But I’ll call when I can.”

Rhett dipped his head in a nod, fighting to swallow the lump in his throat. “Cool.”

Link stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Rhett’s waist as he pressed his face into the man’s chest. Rhett put his arms around Link’s shoulders and held him tightly. “It won’t be so bad,” he murmured into the man’s hair. “I’ll visit whenever I can. I’ll send you stuff. It’ll be over before you know it.”

He felt Link nod. They held each other in silence until Link spoke in a voice that cracked at the edges. “I love you, Rhett. As a brother.”

Rhett pressed his lips together and took a deep breath to keep from tears from falling. “I love you too, Link. Take care of yourself. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay.”

They slowly pulled away from each other and Link turned to open the car door. He climbed inside and looked up at Rhett, his sapphire eyes gleaming. “Bye, Rhett.”

“Bye, Link.”

He watched the car pull out of the driveway and turn the corner before he got into his own car and started the engine. He made sure Link was well and truly out of sight before he allowed himself to fall apart, fear and regret crashing down around him. He held his face in his hands as he wept for the past and for the future, torn to pieces by alternating waves of yearning and despair.


	12. Chapter 12

It was six weeks before he heard Link’s voice again.

At first Rhett hovered by the phone at his childhood home, reluctant to stray from it in case he missed when his best friend called. He turned down most invitations to go out with friends, except when his mother urged him to get out of the house for his own good. The few times he went out to dinner with Lauren, he checked his watch so often she offered to end the dates early because he clearly had somewhere he needed to be.

Whenever he came home after being out, he’d look hopefully to his mom or dad, but they would shake their heads in sympathy before he could even ask the question. When he and his parents went out together and returned to see the blinking light on the answering machine, his heart raced until they listened to the message and learned it wasn’t Link. It was never Link.

He lay awake at night trying to imagine how his friend was doing. Did the intake process go smoothly? Had he made any friends? Was he eating well enough? Had he adjusted to the schedule, the discipline, the utter lack of privacy? Or was he hurting, alone, scared, and lost? Rhett’s heart was heavy with worry.

Underneath it all floated another insidious concern, a whisper that scratched at the edges of his mind as he sprawled in his bed at night, sweating in the summer heat. What if Link wasn’t calling him, not because he couldn’t, but because he didn’t want to? What if he was uncomfortable with the way Rhett had acted toward him in their last days together, but hadn’t said anything at the time in order to avoid the awkwardness? It was much more likely that he was just having difficulty getting to a phone, Rhett kept telling himself. And yet, the doubts scraped his nerves raw as the days passed into weeks and the phone still didn’t ring.

After a month, he broke down and called Link’s mother. She sounded happy to hear from him and gratified by his concern for her son, but said that she, too, hadn’t gotten a phonecall. She’d called the warden’s office a few times and was told he was still undergoing inprocessing procedures. As a new inmate, he would be lowest in priority for use of the phone, so it may be some time before he was able to call. She told Rhett she’d been assured the young man was alive and well.

Rhett took some comfort from this, but as the days dragged on and Lauren departed for her summer project in South America, he had little to distract himself from his awful imagination. His job with the DoT was horribly boring, despite there being a number of people in the office who seemed nice enough. He didn’t feel comfortable getting into extensive conversations with them because he just wanted to talk about Link, and he didn’t know if he’d be able to hold it together if he did.

Each day he sat at his desk at the office and sorted through state maps, marking them haphazardly while his mind wandered in tight spirals: Link in his arms — Link in his bed — Link breaking down in tears in the middle of the night — Link alone and vulnerable and far, far away. Rhett’s work was shoddy but his boss, fortunately, didn’t seem to care. Each day he watched the clock tick by until 5 o’clock, then raced home to see if there was a message waiting for him.

There never was, and eventually he stopped racing and tried to focus on other things, like plans for his upcoming senior year. He looked through advertisements for studio apartments just off campus and made appointments to visit a few of them. It was hard to put his heart into any of it, though. In a way, he felt like he was betraying Link by moving on with his life while his friend was standing still.

***

Rhett was sleeping late on a Saturday in mid-July. He had no plans for the day, so he was trying to stay in bed as late as possible in the hopes it would make the rest of the day go by faster. He was dozing in and out of consciousness, struggling to hold onto the wisps of dream. He kept getting flashes of him and Link at the zoo as children, running from exhibit to exhibit, the smaller boy grasping his hand and pulling him along with wide-eyed wonder.

They were standing arm in arm at the chimpanzee enclosure when the shrill ring of the telephone dispelled the dream entirely. Rhett turned and blinked groggily at the clock as the phone rang again; it was almost eleven.

He heard his mom pick up the phone in the kitchen and give a cheerful hello. There was a pause, then she said, “Yes, I’ll accept the charges.”

Rhett sat up in bed, his heart pounding. Could it be? They never got collect calls. He was on his feet and pulling pajama pants up over his boxers by the time his mother called his name. “Rhett? It’s Link!”

He flew into the kitchen and was already grinning broadly by the time he took the receiver from his mother and pressed it to his ear. “Link?”

“Hi Rhett!” His friend’s voice was tinny and far away, but it was still the best thing Rhett had ever heard.

“Hey! How’s it going, man? How’re you doin’?”

“Oh, I’m doin’ all right. Bit of an adjustment, obviously, but I think I got everything figured out by now. What not to eat, who not to piss off… you know, the usual.”

Rhett’s legs were weak with relief. Not only was Link alive, he sounded reasonably cheerful. The warmth in the man’s voice was instant balm for all of Rhett’s frayed nerves. He sank to the linoleum floor and sat with his knees pulled up to his chest, cradling the phone against his face. “It’s so good to hear your voice,” he said earnestly. “I was worried.”

“Sorry ‘bout that. They weren’t kiddin’ about the long lines for the phone. And I’ve been real busy.”

“It’s okay, I’m just…” Rhett shrugged, self-conscious of how emotional he was being. “I’m just happy you’re okay.”

“I expected you’d forgotten about me by now,” Link joked, but Rhett could hear the relief underlying his light tone.

“Never,” Rhett blurted out, then added, “I mean, the summer job is _riveting_ and all, as is living with my parents, but…” he trailed off as Link laughed. The sound of it wrapped around Rhett like a gentle hug.

“What’s it like there?” Rhett asked.

There was a pause as Link considered. “You know how much freedom we have in college, compared to high school?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it’s kinda like I’m back in high school, but the classes are even more boring, and I never get to go home.”

Rhett clutched the hard plastic phone in both hands, curling his body around it and closing his eyes as he fixated on Link’s voice. “That sounds pretty miserable.”

“Yeah, and instead of one or two bullies, it’s pretty much everyone. ‘Cause if you’re not a bully you get bullied.”

Rhett’s stomach twisted. There’s no way Link had it in him to be cruel enough. “Does that mean you… are you gettin’ hurt?”

“No one’s really targeted me yet, thank goodness,” Link explained. “But what’s helped the most is Tan.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, people don’t mess with him. He’s got this intimidation thing going on… plus he knows a few people in here from before. He actually has a bit of a rep.”

Rhett detected a hint of admiration in his friend’s voice and felt an uncomfortable flash of jealousy. “So … you were able to bunk with him?”

“Yep, we’re sharing a little cubicle-type thing, like half-height walls, in this big open room with about fifty other dudes. No bunks, though, we’ve got separate beds.”

Rhett imagined the two of them lying within a few yards of each other, talking late into the night about all sorts of things, and his jealousy flared hotter. _He_ should be there, acting as Link’s protector and intimidating anyone who tried to hurt him. What kind of punishment was Tanner getting for his crimes if he was allowed to see Link every day and spend hours in his company? Rhett knew it was irrational, but he felt like _he_ was the one being punished by Link’s absence. It wasn’t fair.

“I’m glad you’ve got him,” Rhett said, hoping Link wouldn’t hear the tightness in his voice.

“Me too.”

Rhett knew he should be glad Link wasn’t on his own. At least Tanner was someone who was from around here, who was close to Link’s age, and who didn’t have any gang ties (as far as Rhett knew). Based on the prison movies Rhett had seen, Link could do a lot worse for his bodyguard. And yet it still made Rhett vaguely uncomfortable in ways he wasn’t ready to examine, so he changed the subject.

“How’ve you been sleeping?” he asked.

“Not… not great. It’s pretty noisy and they never shut the lights all the way off, and the mattress…“ There was a slight hitch in Link’s voice. “Well, it’s nothing like your bed, lemme put it that way.”

“That sucks.” As far as Rhett was concerned, even the plushest bed couldn’t measure up to the narrow mattress he’d shared with his best friend, so long as Link was missing from it. He imagined the man alone and vulnerable in the impersonal cubicle, exposed under harsh fluorescent lights, and curled himself even tighter around the phone.

When Rhett was silent for a few seconds, lost in his thoughts, Link asked, “Ah, how’s Lauren?”

Rhett cleared his throat, trying to focus. “All right I guess. I didn’t see much of her before she left for South America, actually.”

“Oh, really? She’s already gone?”

“Yep, two weeks ago now.”

“That’s too bad.”

“Eh, it’s all right.”

Link’s voice took on a bit of urgency. “You gotta go after that girl, Rhett. She’s a good catch.”

Pursuing Lauren with any enthusiasm was the farthest thing from Rhett’s mind, and Link’s concern surprised him. “You barely know her, man. How do you know?”

“She just… seems nice. You like spending time with her. You shouldn’t let her get away because of all this stuff — everything that’s happened with me.”

Lauren was the kind of girl both of them would have killed for when they were freshmen. They’d have bragged to each other each time they made her laugh and competed to see who could get her number first.  But now, after all that had happened… Rhett didn’t know anymore. He didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t know if he could be happy with Lauren, anymore. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d dreamed about her, whereas Link visited his consciousness nearly every night. It was far easier to conjure up memories of Link’s earthy scent than of Lauren’s flowery one, even though he’d seen her much more recently.

Moving things along with Lauren would certainly be a more appropriate and less complicated outlet for the feelings Rhett had been wrestling with, provided he could manage to channel his interest in her direction. But if he failed, it could get messy quickly, not to mention the fact it wouldn’t be fair to her. Thus, he was torn.

He realized Link was waiting for his reply. He didn’t want to argue, not when they had such little time to talk. “Okay, brother. I’ll try to step up the courtship when she gets home.”

“Good man.” There was a muffled male voice on the other end of the line, then Link spoke away from the receiver. “Yeah, no problem, just gimme a minute.” His voice came back more clearly. “Sorry, there’s someone buggin’ me for the phone.”

“Need to go?”

“I guess so, yeah. But listen, they told me I can have visitors now. My mom’s comin’ tomorrow — she called first dibs, on account of knowing me just a bit longer than you have — but if you’re free two weeks later, you could take your turn.”

Rhett’s face broke into a wide grin. “I’m definitely free. What time?”

“Doors open at ten A.M.”

“I’ll be there then.”

He heard the smile in Link’s voice as the man replied, “Awesome.”

“I can’t wait to see you. It’s been so long.”

Rhett blushed as he realized how clingy he sounded, but Link didn’t tease him as he feared. Instead he replied, “I know. I miss you too, Rhett.”

There were more muffled voices on the other end, then Link said, “Okay, I gotta go.”

“See you soon, Link.”

“Take care.”

They said goodbye and the line went dead. Rhett stayed on the floor of his parents’ kitchen, holding the phone with a white-knuckled grip, until the dial tone switched to the fast beeping of a phone left off the hook. He slowly clambered to his feet and hung up the receiver, struggling to process the emotions washing over him. The primary feelings were relief and looking forward to seeing Link, but underlying them was a newly disturbed riverbed full of repressed desire and longing. They mixed in and muddied the water, making his heart beat in a confusing rhythm he didn’t understand.


	13. Chapter 13

The next two weeks were much less painful. Rhett was impatient, to be sure — he couldn’t remember being more impatient for anything in his life than to see Link again after two months apart — but having something concrete to look forward to helped a lot. Now that he had spoken to Link and personally verified the man was still reasonably healthy and happy, the worry that gnawed at him had blunter teeth.

He no longer lay awake at night terrified that his best friend was being beaten up or worse. Now his concerns were the more nebulous ones surrounding his escalating feelings of romantic love for Link. He wasn’t in a hurry to confront that, though. He had hoped that their time apart would allow his ardor to cool, but so far the opposite had occurred. No hour went by that Link wasn’t on his mind.

Rhett passed the time replaying bits of their brief phone conversation in his head as he sat at his desk at the office. He tried to tease out further meaning from the things Link had said, but was wholly unsuccessful. Still, he held the memories of Link’s laugh and the warm sound of his smile close to his heart as he waited for the days to pass.

On occasional afternoons he played pickup basketball with some of the other neighborhood kids who were also home from college for the summer, all of whom were very curious where Link was. It was only natural, after seeing him and Rhett joined at the hip since first grade, for them to wonder at his absence.  Since Link’s conviction was a matter of public record and it was only a matter of time before word got around the small town, Rhett didn’t bother avoiding the truth. He made it very clear, though, that it was the result of Link spending time with the wrong crowd rather than having any sort of poor moral character himself. He said it with such narrow-eyed intensity that not a single person challenged the claim.

***

Rhett went to bed early the night before his visit to Craven, knowing he’d have a hard time falling asleep. The anticipation kept his head spinning for some time as he tossed and turned, sprawling diagonally across the bed and dangling his feet off the edge. He finally drifted to sleep only to wake before his alarm, opening his eyes to a still-darkened room with the sudden fear he’d overslept.

He twisted to look at the clock and realized it was still a half an hour before he needed to get up, but he got out of bed anyway. He took a shower and carefully shaved the edges of his chinstrap beard, and smoothed the edges of his short hair down. It was promising to be a hot day, so he opted for loose cargo shorts and a red T-shirt with the Green Day logo on it. He knew from reading Craven’s informational packet that visitors were not permitted to wear belts inside, so he left his off, and the shorts hung low on his hips.

His mother, knowing he had a big day ahead of him, had gotten up early to make him breakfast. She greeted him when he got down the stairs and directed him toward a plate of waffles and bacon. He forced food into his nervous stomach, hoping it would quell its butterflies rather than making them worse. “Give my love to Link, honey,” she told him with a pat on the back.

“I will, Mom. Thanks for breakfast.”

He drove slowly out of town, careful not to speed in his nervousness. There’d be nothing worse than getting pulled over to get a ticket and being late as a result. He got on I-95 for a while, then followed his handwritten directions across a number of two-lane secondary roads. Flat, dusty farmland surrounded him for most of the journey, each mile indistinguishable from the next.

The time passed slowly as he flicked through the radio stations, looking for music he liked. Most of the time he stared at the dappled grey road in front of him and tried not to freak out too much at the thought of entering an actual prison. As he approached his destination, the road narrowed and the farmland gave way to swampy brush and short trees.  When he reached the intersection with the small blue sign for Craven Correctional Institution, the road changed to a single lane of ill-maintained gravel.

His heart pounded harder as his tires crunched on the rocks. It felt like he was entering a different year, or even a different country, where he didn’t know the customs and might not even speak the language.  He followed signs for visitors until the road terminated in a small parking lot in front of a chain-link fence. The fence, the tallest he’d ever seen, stretched into the woods in both directions and was topped with large coils of razorwire that gleamed in the morning sun.

There was a small brick building, also topped with razorwire, built into the fence. Next to its metal door was a large, white sign with faded black lettering: VISITOR ENTRANCE. Underneath was an extensive list of everything that visitors were banned from bringing inside and a notice that cars in the lot were subject to search. Fortunately, Rhett had not brought any firearms or tools with him, but he still had a paranoid thought that they would find something incriminating in his car he didn’t even know was there.

He glanced at the clock; it was 9:56. There were only a few other cars in the dusty lot and no other people in sight. He picked up the small stack of Sports Illustrated magazines he’d brought for Link and got out of the car, shutting the door carefully and approaching the building. He opened the door to find a few middle-aged men in navy blue guard uniforms seated behind a tall desk. The air felt close despite a fan in one corner blowing the warm air around. The only way out of the room, aside from the way he came in, was through a metal detector.

“Good morning!” Rhett said with forced cheer, trying to keep his voice steady.

The closest guard looked friendly enough as he returned Rhett’s smile. “’Morning. Here to visit somebody today?”

“That’s correct, sir.”

The man turned and began typing on a loud keyboard. “Inmate’s name?”

“Charles Neal. N-E-A-L.”

He typed more and squinted at the monitor. It was an old one, black screen with green text, and it flickered. “Yep, here he is. You family?”

“Friend.”

“Your name?”

“Rhett McLaughlin.”

“Brett?”

“ _Rhett_. R-H-E-T-T.”

The guard nodded and typed another key as he picked up the phone. A few seconds later he spoke into the receiver, “Good morning, I have a visitor here for inmate 65622.” There was a pause. “Rhett McLaughlin. With an R.” Another pause. “Thank you kindly.”

He hung up and turned back to Rhett. “Congratulations, you’re on the approved list. Bringing anything in?”

Rhett let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding and put the magazines on the desk. “Just these.”

The man gave a cursory flip through them. “No food, weapons, metal implements of any kind?”

“Just some car keys.” Rhett held them out.

The guard took them from him and hung them on the wall behind him after attaching a tag with Rhett’s name and license plate number, then directed the young man through the metal detector. “Head on through and wait in that room there. Your inmate’s on his way.”

Rhett picked up the magazines and passed through the detector, letting out another relieved breath when the machine didn’t go off. There was a click as the guard pressed a button to unlock the heavy metal door on the other side, and Rhett went through it into a large room full of plastic chairs and small square tables, like a cheap cafeteria. The floor was a mottled green linoleum and the overhead lights were fluorescent, their harsh whiteness overpowering the yellow sunlight that filtered through the small windows high up on the walls.

He turned and saw a large window back into the room he had just left. In addition, there was a guard standing at the far wall, next to a closed door with a window in it. Aside from him, Rhett was currently the only person in the room.

Rhett took a seat in one of the chairs by the wall and put the magazines on the table, giving the guard a nervous smile that wasn’t returned. After a few minutes passed in silence and Rhett realized Link wasn’t going to show up right away, he picked up one of the magazines and began reading it. He didn’t retain a single word, but at least it made him feel a little less self-conscious. It also helped distract him from the harsh chemical smell of disinfectant wafting from every surface, and the tinge of old sweat and mildew that lay just underneath it.

Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, a handful of other people came from the visitor entrance and took seats around the room. Most of them had the weary, resigned looks of family members who had done this many times before. Some, however, had brought small children who giggled and played, unaware of the serious place in which they were in, and the sounds managed to lighten the mood of the room a little.

The guard at the far door opened it and a short older man in a tan prison uniform came through. His eyes roved around before alighting on one of the small families and he went over to them with a wide smile. Every few minutes another inmate entered and met his visitors with similar enthusiasm. Rhett kept his eyes on the door, his nervousness spiking every time it opened and someone other than Link stepped through.

Finally the guard opened the door and Link came into the room. He wore the same bulky tan uniform as the rest of the men, thick cotton polyester that didn’t fit any part of him quite right. His long hair was pulled back in a ponytail and the edges of his goatee were crisp. His skin was pale and his eyes shadowed, his cheeks perhaps slightly more narrow than they had been, but to Rhett, he was beautiful nonetheless.

Rhett had sprung to his feet as soon as he saw him, watching Link’s approach with an uncontrollable grin. Link stopped a few feet from him and looked up at him with a self-conscious smile. “Hi, Rhett.”

“Hi, Link!” Rhett looked at the guard. “I’m allowed to hug ya, right?”

Link’s smile became stronger. “Yeah, a quick one, just… don’t look like you’re tryin’ to slip me something.”

Rhett stepped forward and put his arms around Link’s shoulders, and felt the man’s arms encircle his ribs. They had barely made contact before they pulled away, but it was enough to make Rhett feel wonderful.  Link was solid and real and Rhett was finally with him again.

They pulled up chairs on opposite sides of the table. Link nodded toward the magazines. “For me?”

Rhett pushed them across the table. “Yep. I didn’t know what you might want, but… I figured you might find something interesting in there.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Also… take a look inside the top one.”

Link raised an eyebrow in amusement. “You’re not smuggling me stuff already, are you?”

“Nah, I just wanted to keep it safe.”

Link opened the magazine and pulled out a small photograph. It was a goofy one of them in tuxedos taken before their senior prom, standing on one foot and shaking hands in front of a spindly white-flowered tree. It was debatable which of their haircuts was more embarrassing. Link laughed. “Oh man, I’d forgotten about this.”

Rhett grinned at him. “My mom found it when she was going through some stuff, and I thought you might want to have it in here.”

Link held the photo between his hands, beaming down at it. His obvious joy warmed Rhett’s heart. “Thanks man, this is great. No one’ll mess with me after they see this.”

“That’s my goal.”

Link carefully put it back into the magazine and closed it, then looked across the table at his friend. His cheerful expression took on an edge of wistfulness. “So how you been, brother?”

“Oh, same old same old, really. Still working the job. Playin’ basketball with the neighborhood kids now and then.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah, it’s not bad I guess. And I’m lookin’ for an apartment for next year. But how’re you?”

Link leaned back in his chair, sprawling his legs out and resting his hands on the table, looking down at his fingers fiddling with each other. “Still settlin’ in. There are so many rules here… the written ones are bad enough, but the unwritten… I’m still figurin’ them out.”

“I can only imagine.” Rhett paused. “Tanner helpin’ you out with that at all?”

The corner of Link’s mouth quirked in a wry smile, but his eyes stayed down. “Yeah, he’s… he’s been a great help. But there’s only so much he can do, y’know?”

Rhett didn’t really know; he couldn’t imagine what Link was going through on a daily basis, but it didn’t seem like his friend was inclined to elaborate. “Yeah.”

Link took a long breath and appeared to regain some of his cheer as he met Rhett’s eyes again. “I guess the most exciting development since we talked on the phone is I got set up with a job at the library.”

“Oh yeah?”

Link nodded. “It's pretty cushy. I get first dibs on all the 20-year-old books that get donated, and sometimes I can take a nap in the stacks and no one finds me for an hour. I realized I never quite learned the Dewey Decimal system, though.”

They both chuckled. “Sounds great, man,” Rhett said.

“The pay’s terrible. Do you know they don’t even have to pay us minimum wage? It’s basically slave labor.” Rhett made a sympathetic noise as Link added, “But at least it gives me something to do, and around here, that’s key. It’s so freaking boring. Time passes so slowly.”

Rhett pressed his lips together. As painful as it had been for him to wait through the past two months, he knew it was nothing compared what Link was experiencing in here. “That sucks,” he said softly.

“Yeah.”

They spent the next hour in a conversation that rambled all over the place, from shared updates on family gossip to reminiscing about childhood adventures. Before long they had fallen into their usual comfortable banter, almost as if they were sitting in their dorm room or on a rock on the banks of the Cape Fear river. The harsh light and antiseptic smell of the visitor room faded away. A few times Rhett managed to make Link laugh wholeheartedly, a full guffaw that bent his body over and opened his mouth wide, and it was wonderful to see.  

Too soon, there was a short buzzing alarm and the guard at the door announced, “Five minute warning.”

Rhett immediately felt the pang of loss; this wasn’t enough. He needed so much more. And yet, he was grateful for the time they’d had and the happiness they’d managed to share. He could tell by the look in Link’s eyes that the other man felt the same way. They smiled at each other as they got to their feet, both of them blinking rapidly to keep their tears unshed.

“This was great,” Rhett said.

“So great,” Link nodded. “Thanks for coming, man.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Let’s say we do the same time and place next month?”

Link forced a wry chuckle. “You got it.”

The smaller man moved toward him and raised his arms up to hug Rhett around the shoulders, and Rhett bent to put his arms low around Link’s waist. The reversal of their usual hugging position — Rhett generally went high on account of his height — made it seem strangely more intimate. Link buried his face in the taller man’s chest, and as Rhett bent down he smelled the strong acrid scent of industrial soap in the man’s hair.

As the hug lingered, he felt the smallness of Link’s ribcage under his hands and the edge of the man’s pelvic bones under his forearms. If anything, Link seemed to have gotten smaller over the past two months. More fragile. Rhett was overcome by emotion and tightened his arms in what was meant to be a gentle squeeze, and was startled when Link drew a quick breath.

Rhett straightened up to look down at his friend’s face, which had gone paler and was pinched with pain. “What — did I hurt you?”

Link turned away. “No, it’s… it’s okay.”

The evasiveness in his voice made Rhett keep his arms in place despite Link trying to pull away. “Seriously, man, what is it?”

“Nothing, don’t—“

A sudden suspicion flared through Rhett and he moved without thinking, stepping to the side and lifting the hem of Link’s shirt. Underneath where Rhett’s hands had been on the man’s lower back was an angry purple bruise the size of a large fist.

The sight knocked the breath out of Rhett’s lungs and he was speechless as Link spun away from him, tugging his shirt back down and muttering, “Stop it, it’s nothing.” He cut his eyes quickly to the guard and back.

“Link, that’s not… that’s not nothing!” Rhett’s stomach clenched in sympathetic pain as his eyes searched his friend’s face, heedless of the stares they were getting from the people nearby.

Link stepped close and looked up at him with narrowed eyes. “It coulda’ been a lot worse,” he hissed. “It was a lesson, all right? I said the wrong thing to the wrong guy. Just let it go, yeah?”

Link’s mouth had always been quicker than his brain, but his sass had never had dangerous consequences before. Now Rhett realized his friend was in a place where, if people didn’t appreciate his quirky humor, their first response could easily be a violent one.

Rhett’s chest heaved with the effort of controlling the fierce waves of protectiveness that surged through him. He wanted to find the bastard who had done this and rip his head off with his bare hands. He clenched his jaw and struggled to control his rage as he stared at Link, who met his gaze with stony silence.

The flat expression on his friend’s face was unlike anything Rhett had ever seen. It made Rhett realize just how different, how alien their two worlds were now. Link was dealing with issues on a daily basis that Rhett couldn’t even imagine. Suddenly, despite being two feet away from his best friend, Rhett saw a wider gulf between them than ever before, and he felt helpless to reach across it.

After a long moment, Rhett looked away. His eyes fell to the stack of magazines on the table and he reached out a thumb to flick at the corner of one. He spoke in a small, plaintive voice. “Are you… are you gonna be okay?”

Link’s voice softened. “Yeah, man. Don’t worry about me.”

“I always worry.”

“Well, I’ll be okay. It looks worse than it feels.”

Rhett didn’t believe that for a second, but he also knew it would only make things more strained between them if he kept pushing the issue. The warning alarm buzzed again, and Rhett looked around to see most other people in the room saying their final goodbyes to the prisoners they had visited. As he turned back, Link was already stepping forward to bring his arms around Rhett’s waist in a close hug. Rhett carefully embraced the smaller man’s shoulders.

“Thanks for coming to see me,” Link murmured into his chest.

Rhett pressed his lips into the man’s soft hair, just barely able to find the scent of his skin under the industrial soap. “Take care of yourself, Link,” he whispered.

“I’ll do my best.”

Link stepped back and looked up at him with a tremulous smile. He picked up the stack of magazines and checked to make sure the photograph was still secured inside the front cover of the top one, then clutched them to his chest. “Thanks again for these.”

“Anytime, man. I’ll see you in a month.”

“I can’t wait.”

He watched Link turn and pass through the far door. As it closed, the man looked back over his shoulder and they shared a last quick smile. Rhett was the last person to leave the room, barely seeing anything in front of him as he made his way through the guard station, claimed his keys, and arrived back at his car in a daze.

He slumped in the driver’s seat and stared at the wheel, breathing shallowly and blinking at the tears that stung his eyes. The image of the bruise over Link’s back loomed large and menacing in his mind despite his efforts to push it away. He started the car and blasted the air conditioning in his face. He switched on the radio, searching in vain for a distraction. It was a long time before he was able to see clearly enough to make the drive home. 


	14. Chapter 14

Rhett took the two-hour drive from Craven to get himself together. He didn’t want to arrive home still on the verge of tears and have to explain it to his mother, who was already worried enough about him after his last two months of pining for Link. He listened to the radio and took deep breaths as he wrung the steering wheel between his hands, trying to push the image of the bruise out of his mind.

By the time he pulled into the driveway, the twisting in his stomach had calmed. Over dinner that night, he satisfied his parents with descriptions of his experience visiting the prison while managing to dodge questions that probed too deeply into how Link, personally, was doing. Eventually the conversation moved on to Rhett’s plans for the next few months.

Most pressing was his need to find an apartment close to campus and move into it before classes began. He realized, while talking to his parents about it, that he’d always subconsciously relied on Link to take care of the little details regarding this sort of thing. Once Rhett had found a neighborhood with the acceptable vibe, Link would no doubt have been the one to figure out their budget, set up appointments to see available places, and arrange for the utilities. Rhett’s mom offered to help, but he politely declined. He felt like he needed to take care of this on his own.

Over the next few days he looked through the classifieds in the local newspaper and circled all of the studio and one-bedroom apartments near campus he thought he could afford. On his lunch break at work, he called the landlords and rental agencies and set up appointments to visit the places in the evenings. Most of them were small and dark, ill-maintained rooms suffering from a yearly turnover of college students with little respect for other people’s property. One, however, caught his eye immediately.

It was the entire third floor of an old Victorian house on Mayview Road that had been carved up into apartments long ago. The available room was a converted attic, which meant the walls only went up straight for a few feet before they angled to the high peaked roof. The ceiling was exposed dark wooden beams and promised to let quite a draft in the winter, but for now it was comfortable. Aside from the bathroom, which contained a large clawfoot bathtub with a showerhead attachment, the rest of the apartment was a single open room that could be arranged however the tenant wanted. There was a galley kitchen along one of the walls with a small stove and half-sized fridge.

It wasn’t much, but it suited Rhett’s sensibilities perfectly and the older gentleman who owned the place seemed nice enough. Rhett handed him a check on the spot for the first month’s rent and spent the second weekend of August moving in.

Lauren was back from South America with a deep tan and many stories of the adventures she’d had there, which she shared as she helped him carry boxes of books, clothes, and secondhand kitchenware up the two flights of stairs. He was happy to see her; her cheerful disposition was a welcome distraction from the dark thoughts that had plagued him since his visit to Craven. Fortunately, in her excitement to tell him all about her trip, the subject of Link barely came up.

They’d gone out together a few times since she’d returned, always in groups of her friends and their boyfriends, which suited Rhett just fine. He was content to be by her side and accept the occasional hug or kiss, and grateful there seemed to be no expectation of going further. As a good Christian girl, she’d made it clear there wouldn’t be much more available to him before marriage, anyway, which suited him just fine.

He tried to adhere to the agreement he’d made with Link to pursue the young woman despite his distractions. He knew he wasn’t in love with her, but that was okay because she wasn’t in love with him either; it was too early for that. There was an unspoken understanding that things were, perhaps, eventually going to head in that direction.

It was easy enough during the day, with Lauren’s straightforward beauty and warm smile, for Rhett to focus his attentions on her. But at night, when he was alone in his bed attempting to give himself some small physical satisfaction, the images he tried to conjure up of his girlfriend were pale and insubstantial.

Images of any woman, in fact, remained in ghostly two dimensions while those of his best friend blazed in bright, panoramic 3-D: Link’s preternaturally blue eyes looking up at him, crinkled with mirth at the corners. Link’s full lips parted and quirked in a knowing grin. Vivid memories sprang to mind of encircling Link’s slim waist with his arms as the smaller man’s firm backside pressed against Rhett’s groin.  His mind would fill nearly to overflowing with the subtle sweet taste of the man’s skin, as the scent of his hair and the electric proximity of his skin spurring Rhett’s lust to an unbearable height.

And that’s when Rhett would stop, forcing his hands away from his body in the most basic act of denial. He’d lie shivering and gasping, tangled in sheets damp with sweat, and bury his face in his pillow to muffle whimpers of frustration until his arousal subsided. Because he knew, without a doubt, that reaching his climax with his best friend’s name on his lips would cross a line that had been etched deeply in the bedrock of his soul. Crossing that line would open the door to an entirely different life — a life of complication and pain and God knows what else. A life he wasn’t sure he was capable of living.

He didn’t sleep well for fear his dreams would compromise the self-control he clung to in the waking world. He stayed up late and woke frequently during the night, and soon he found he was remembering very few dreams at all. If he dozed off at his desk on occasion, none of his coworkers seemed to notice.

He was fully moved into the apartment the day before classes started. In some ways it seemed like he was beginning his college experience anew, rather than with the seasoned eye of a senior, because the experience was so fundamentally different without Link by his side. Over the summer, at home in his childhood bed, it had been easy for Rhett to feel as though they had merely gone their separate ways for the break and would reunite in the fall as usual. But now, it was disorienting to look around his apartment and not see anything of Link’s — no clothing strewn around, none of the hair care products Rhett used to tease him about. It was weird to go to sleep and not see the bottom of the bunk above him or hear his friend’s soft breathing.

Alone in his apartment, it finally hit him that Link was truly not going to be present for his senior year, the year that was supposed to be the culmination of all their hard work. The year that was supposed to launch them, together, into the shared adventure of adulthood. Now it was simply a year-long chore he had to endure before he was able to see his best friend again. He trudged into his first class on Monday morning with the heaviness of this realization weighing him down.

If his professors were to be believed, his classes this semester promised to be challenging, but not overwhelming. He hoped they would give him enough work to do that the time passed quickly without being so much he couldn’t handle it. So far that seemed likely to be the case. The only thing he really cared about was making sure he kept the first Sunday of every month free, because that was the day he would go to Craven.

As he drove there for his second visit, his nervousness was of a different sort than the first. Now that he knew what to expect from the prison itself — or at least from the visitor’s lounge — his concern was focused entirely on what it would be like to see Link again. Would he be able to keep his feelings of love on the brotherly side, or would his desire betray him despite his best efforts?

He parked in the still-dusty visitor lot and passed through the security process, surrendering his keys and turning over the magazines he’d brought for a cursory search. As before, he was one of the first visitors to arrive and took the same table by the wall as he waited for Link to come through the far door.

When he did, the first thing Rhett noticed was that Link had his hair down. The dark waves reached just far enough to brush the tops of his shoulders. It changed the shape of his face enough that it took Rhett a millisecond longer to recognize him, especially given the bulky tan uniform he still wore. The second thing Rhett noticed was the man’s body language was more muted than he remembered; his shoulders curved forward as he scanned the room to locate Rhett, and he looked down at the floor as he made his way over.

It was only when Rhett stood to offer a hug that he noticed the thick plum-colored line under Link’s right eye and the yellow-green tint that spread from it across the swollen bridge of the man’s nose, meeting a fainter line under his other eye. Link ducked his head as he stepped into the hug, trying to avoid his friend’s scrutiny. “Hi, Rhett,” he said quietly, his voice thick and nasal as if he had a cold.

“Hey buddy.” Rhett maintained his gentle embrace as he struggled to control his reaction, knowing Link would be furious if he made a scene. But as they sat down on opposite sides of the small square table, the tears that sprang to his eyes in sympathetic pain refused to be blinked away. They clung to his eyelashes and threatened to spill over as he regarded the other man in dismay.

Link slumped back in his chair, his dark hair framing the paleness of his face under the bruises. His eyes met Rhett’s and the corner of his mouth tugged up in a faint attempt at a smile. “Would you believe I ran into a door?”

Rhett felt himself smiling involuntarily despite not finding the situation at all humorous. “Did you, oh I dunno, say the wrong thing to the wrong door?”

Link chuckled, then winced. “Something like that.”

Rhett knuckled at his eyes and took a long calming breath. “Is it broken?”

“Hard to say. Probably.”

“You don’t know?”

Link shook his head. “Gettin’ to see a doctor here, if you aren’t bleeding from an artery or havin’ a seizure or something, is more trouble than it’s worth. ‘Sides, you can’t do nothin’ for a broken nose. Just try not to get it hit again, basically.”

Rhett dropped his voice. “Was it the same guy? As your back?”

Link looked around the room before he answered. “Nah.”

Rhett licked his lips nervously. It was clear Link didn’t really want to talk about it, but Rhett had to know more. It was killing him that there was nothing he could do. “Are you, like, a target? Are people comin’ after you?”

“Not anymore. This happened a coupla’ weeks ago.”

“Things are better now?”

Link’s fingers toyed with each other atop the table. “Gettin’ that way.”

Rhett couldn’t tell if Link was bullshitting him or not. He reached out and covered the man’s fingers with one of his hands, holding them still. Link looked up in surprise. “Is it really getting better?” Rhett asked softly.

Link’s eyes shimmered as he blinked rapidly, but he met Rhett’s eyes with sincerity and something more complex and hard to interpret. “Yes… yes, it is. Don’t worry about me, Rhett.”

Rhett released Link’s hands and sat back, rubbing his face and scratching at his thin beard as he composed himself. He wanted to push the issue, to ask exactly how things were better now and demand some guarantee he wouldn’t visit a month from now to see yet another injury to Link’s precious body. But he’d known Link long enough to know the man didn’t want to acknowledge his own weakness. He didn’t want to talk about the danger he was in despite it being painted across his face in vivid, sickly colors. If Rhett pushed him to explain more, he could easily clam up entirely. Rhett wasn’t willing to ruin their one day a month just to quell his own worries.

He cleared his throat and coughed. “Well… all right. I hope it doesn’t hurt too much.”

Link smiled again. “Only when I sneeze.”

“Ouch.” Rhett gestured at the magazines, which included another Sports Illustrated along with a couple of the latest Rolling Stone. “No embarrassing pics this time, sorry.”

Link’s smile broke into a full grin. “That’s okay, I’m still gettin’ mileage out of the last one. I put it on the wall by my bed.”

“You really wanna look at that before you go to sleep?”

“Sure thing, brother.” Link’s expression softened as he met Rhett’s eyes. “Reminds me of happier times.”

Rhett’s chest tightened, but he hid it under a joke before the emotion could overtake him. “I’m surprised you don’t get nightmares.” They both chuckled.

“So what else is new?” Link asked.

Rhett told him about the apartment he’d found. Always the practical one, Link worried about its potential draftiness in the winter, but was mollified when Rhett pointed out the cost of heat was included. “And it’s bigger than our dorm room by a lot. It’s still only one room, but at least it has its own bathroom… and if you wanna share it with me when you get out, while you’re finishing school or whatever…”

“That sounds great.”

“We could probably fit another bed in there, there’s tons of space.”

“Yeah, or…” Link toyed with the edge of the magazines, suddenly diffident. “I mean, we could still share one, if you wanted…”

Rhett hadn’t been about to suggest such an arrangement, even though it was exactly what he wanted. The idea of sharing a bed with Link and holding him every night, unable to do anything more, seemed like torture of the most exquisite kind, and yet he would never refuse it. It was better, so much better, than nothing. “I’d be okay with that,” he replied, trying to keep the eagerness from his voice. ”Then we’d have room for a couch or something too.”

Link looked relieved. “Awesome.”

Rhett changed the subject and began telling Link about his first week of classes. Link had had two of his professors before, and gave Rhett some tips on how best to make them happy. He also told Link about Lauren coming home and assured his friend that he was doing his best to court her like a true gentleman. “That’s great, Rhett,” Link told him sincerely. “I really hope you can be happy with her.”

“Me too, man.” Rhett’s heart whispered to him that his true happiness lay elsewhere, in the direction of something sapphire blue and forever unattainable, but he pushed the feeling away. He focused on the here-and-now, trying to enjoy this brief time with Link without these complicated feelings. Fortunately, Link didn’t question the enthusiasm Rhett evinced and the conversation quickly moved on.

They talked and laughed together about all sorts of things and Rhett kept his eyes on Link the entire time, drinking in the sight of him as if he could store up the beauty and ration it back out to himself over the next thirty days. Despite the man’s swollen nose, his eyes were still captivating, and the curves of his lips and jaw made Rhett’s heart flutter. To Rhett’s relief, Link didn’t seem to notice his friend’s newly admiring gaze.

Far too soon the warning alarm buzzed, signaling the end of visitor hours. As they stood to say goodbye, Rhett asked with forced lightness, “Any hidden bruises I need to worry about this time?”

Link shook his head. “Nah. Just don’t headbutt me or anything, please.”

The smaller man stepped into Rhett’s offered embrace and they stood close, Link holding his head carefully to the side to avoid any pressure on his nose. When Link didn’t end the hug immediately, Rhett closed his eyes and trailed his fingers lightly down the man’s loose hair. It felt more rough than he remembered, perhaps from the harsh prison soap, and the ends tangled together.

Link let out a soft noise as his arms tightened around Rhett’s waist. Rhett stroked the man’s hair again as he pressed his lips into the top of his head and inhaled deeply, memories of the narrow dorm room mattress swirling through his mind. He felt Link press into him, almost clinging to him, seeking momentary refuge in his friend’s arms.

After taking a few long breaths, wishing he could hold Link forever, Rhett forced himself to open his eyes. His gaze soon met that of the guard standing by the door, who raised his eyebrows in a subtle warning. With a sigh, Rhett let his arms fall and the two men separated.

Link smiled up at him, still standing close. Rhett suppressed a wince as the fluorescent light illuminated the dull rainbow bruise across his friend’s face. “Thanks for coming, man,” Link said.

“It was really good to see you.”

“You too. Don’t tell my mom, but it’s the highlight of my month.”

Rhett chuckled. “I won’t tell.”

Link reached out and gave Rhett’s forearm a brief squeeze. His fingertips brushed the back of Rhett’s hand as he turned away. “See you in October.”

“See you then.”


	15. Chapter 15

The days began to get shorter and the evenings brought a hint of chill in the air as autumn approached. The leaves gradually changed, filling the windows of Rhett’s third-story apartment with brilliant crimson and gold and lining the campus sidewalks in a vivid carpet of color. He threw himself into his classes, forever seeking distraction and the swifter passage of time.

One of his labs, Advanced Fluid Mechanics, was turning out to be quite a bear. He and his classmates spent a lot of time in the library trying to figure out their problem sets and helping each other study for the weekly quizzes. It was stressful, but a good, clean kind of stress. Not the “my best friend is in jail and also I’m falling in love with him” kind of stress, which he had more than enough of already.

When he visited Link at the beginning of October, he was relieved to see the man had perked up a bit. His hair was back in a ponytail again and the bruises on his face had faded away. Aside from the bump of his nose perhaps being slightly more off center than it used to be, there was no evidence that anything had happened. He seemed relaxed and content as he greeted Rhett with a tight hug before they sat down at the table.

“Sorry I didn’t get you anything for your birthday next week, brother.”

“No worries, man. Honestly, the fact that you don’t have any visible injuries today is the best gift anyone could give me.”

Link smiled at him, his pointy lower teeth catching the light. “That’s really sweet.”

Rhett felt his cheeks warm . “Shut up. I assume there aren’t any invisible ones today, either?” He raised a brow.

“Nope. I’m in tip-top shape.” Link nodded to the foil-wrapped paper plate Rhett had brought. “Whassat?”

Rhett peeled back the cover to reveal large, irregular chocolate chip cookies. They’d been lightly mauled by the guards when he arrived, but he’d wrapped them back up again as he waited for Link. “My mom dropped ‘em off at my place before I left ‘cause she knew I was headed here. Fresh baked this morning.”

Link extracted one and brought it to his mouth, taking a small bite and closing his eyes in evident pleasure. Rhett watched his friend’s pink tongue snake out to catch a crumb off his lower lip.

“Mmm. Best thing I’ve eaten in four months.” Link spoke with his mouth full as he opened his eyes and met Rhett’s gaze. “Thank her for me, will ya?”

 _Four months_ , Rhett thought as he nodded. _Has it already been that long?_ They were a third of the way through their torturous separation, and Rhett was beginning to feel like he might actually survive until the end of it. More importantly, Link might too.

Link chewed thoroughly before swallowing and taking another meticulous bite. Watching Link eat was always fascinating, like watching a surgeon at work. Rhett felt his own approach to food was far more… animalistic.

“Want one?” Link gestured.

“Nah, they’re all yours. I got another dozen back at home.”

“Awesome.” Link hooked his arm around the plate and pulled it toward himself in mock-possessiveness. “I’m gonna eat ‘em all before the other guys catch a whiff. They’ll be way too jealous.”

Rhett chuckled. “Don’t make yourself sick, now.”

“Okay, _dad_.”

The fact that Link felt good enough to tease him made Rhett’s heart lighter. He stuck his tongue out at his friend and they both laughed.

As usual for their visits, Rhett filled Link in on how his classes were going and the other man shared stories about prison life. Even though Link found his days to be terribly boring by this point, it was still fascinating to Rhett, who wanted to know every detail. The more he knew about his friend’s daily experiences, he figured, the easier it was to picture him when they were apart. With any luck that might help ease the pain of missing his friend as much as he did.

He departed after their traditional goodbye hug, again holding Link in his arms until he caught the stinkeye from the guard. If there was one thing he was most looking forward to when Link got out, it was the idea of their hugs lasting as long as he wanted — or at least, as long as Link wanted. If it were up to him, Rhett knew he’d hold onto his friend forever.

The following week, Rhett celebrated his twenty-second birthday with his extended family and a handful of family friends. It was the first time in fifteen years that Link wasn’t present at his birthday party and it made him want to pretend the day didn’t even exist. At least his mother was sympathetic, though, and didn’t pester him about putting on a happy face. Everyone there tried to make the best of it, but they all knew why Rhett was morose. When he blew out his candles, he struggled for a brief moment to decide on a wish, then simply settled on: _Link_. He trusted the universe to figure out what that meant.

He had midterms at the end of October as well as a group project that took up a lot of his time. He even spent a few nights at the library, studying until the thin dawn light began to filter through the windows, then clambering to his feet and driving back to his apartment for a few hours of sleep before class. It was painful, but he still preferred it to the alternative, with too much time on his hands and not enough to occupy his wandering mind.

He drove to Craven on the first of November with the windows cracked and a cold breeze whipping around the interior of the car. He wasn’t quite ready to close things up for the winter even though he was impatient for the end of the year to be here and gone. Spring couldn’t come soon enough, because after it came summer, and then Link would be free. Rhett’s mind rushed ever forward, never in the present, always in the future.

The guards in the visitor station were starting to recognize him; his height made an impression on people even though he frequently hunched his shoulders in a vain attempt to shrink. As always, one of the guards looked up Rhett’s name in the system and made sure he was cleared to visit Link, then waved him through the metal detector and on to the now-familiar visitor’s lounge.

He still wasn’t used to the smell of the place. The cloying peppermint scent did little to cover up the harsh ammonia smell of the antiseptic that had recently been sprayed over every surface. He did find that it was barely noticeable by the end of each visit, at least, when his nose had tuned it out enough that he was able to catch Link’s scent when they hugged goodbye.

This time, when Link came out to meet him, the smaller man had eschewed the ponytail in favor of letting his ebony hair hang loose again. It was parted in the middle and clung to the sides of his face, obscuring his ears and neck as it cascaded past his shoulders. It fell in smooth waves as if recently brushed and gleamed under the white overhead light. Rhett had a passing thought that it was a strange look for Link, who tended to avoid anything that suggested femininity, though the goatee still made him emphatically male. Personally, Rhett liked Link’s hair down. The dark frame softened the man’s features and set off the paleness of his skin and pink hue of his lips.

“Happy belated birthday,” Link greeted him. “Feel any older?”

“Not really. Somehow turning twenty-two isn’t nearly as exciting as turning twenty-one.”

“I can’t imagine why!”

Rhett put a small bag of miniature candy bars on the table. “Happy belated Halloween.”

“Ooh, thanks.” Link looked through the bag. “It’s been ages since I’ve had a Twix.”  

“They don’t let you guys trick-or-treat in here?”

“They tend to discourage costumes in general, really.”

Rhett laughed.

They settled into their routine as Rhett dutifully reported on the couple of group dates he’d been on with Lauren. He bemoaned the state of his classes, attempting to convey just how painful his midterms had been. He would have felt guilty complaining about such petty things when Link was stuck in here, but his suffering seemed to entertain the other man, so he played it up for entertainment value.

Link had a few interesting stories as well, including some controversial books that had found their way into the library and a recent argument in the cafeteria that had escalated into an all-out food fight. He fidgeted with his hair as he spoke, twining the ends around his fingertips and tugging it down straight against his cheeks. “If you’ve never thrown mashed potatoes at someone before,” he reported, “I highly recommended it.”

Rhett chuckled. “You didn’t get in trouble for it?”

“The guys who started it were stuck on cleanup duty for hours. They couldn’t really do anything to the rest of us, though. Too many.”

It was nearing the end of visitor hours when they got onto the subject of their high school pranks. Even though they had both been present for them and therefore knew the stories already, they remained highly entertained by their own teenage cleverness. Rhett reminisced about the time he convinced his history teacher to let him play an “encyclopedia on tape” in class about a historical figure, when it reality it was just Rhett changing his voice and making up facts he thought were funny.

Link was laughing with his full body, leaning his elbows on the table and bending toward Rhett with his mouth open in pure glee. It was a beautiful sight and Rhett did his best to prolong it as much as he could. He kept up his re-enactment of the tape, making his voice higher and emphasizing his Southern accent as he laughed along with his friend. Eventually they were both laughing so much that the laughter itself made them laugh more, and the gray walls and mottled linoleum floor faded away under the waves of mirth.

Link leaned back in his chair, one of his legs leaving the ground as he tossed his head and clapped his hands in delight. It was then that his long hair fell back behind his shoulders, exposing the sides of his neck for the first time, and Rhett’s blood ran cold.

A collection of mottled purple smudges ran up the left side, from underneath the v-necked collar of the man’s tan uniform shirt to just under his ear. A smaller number mirrored them on the right. The deep bruises faded to irregular splotches of red and yellow at the edges. Rhett’s immediate thought was that someone — someone very large — had tried to crush Link’s throat in their fingertips.

Link’s laughter died as he became aware of Rhett’s sudden silence. His eyes searched his friend’s face and widened as he saw the focus of the taller man’s stunned gaze. He hastily grabbed his hair in both hands and pulled it back over his neck, clapping it into place, but they both knew it was too late. They stared at each other in silence until Link said quietly, “Rhett…”

“I thought you told me—“ Rhett’s voice cracked and he coughed. “I thought you said you weren’t in danger anymore.”

Link’s eyes darted from side to side in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Rhett’s chest was heaving with sudden panic. He hadn’t been worrying about Link’s physical safety as much since his last visit when everything seemed fine; now all that fear came crashing back down. But as he struggled to find the words to express his concern, he realized Link wasn’t reacting the way he had the previous times he’d revealed injuries to Rhett, demanding his friend let it go and insisting he’d be fine. Instead, his eyes were downcast and he appeared to be curling in on himself.

Rhett’s voice was a harsh whisper. “Did someone try to… strangle you?”

Link’s eyes flicked up. “What? No…”

“Then what…?” Rhett trailed off as he saw the blush creeping up his friend’s pale cheeks. “Wait. Are those…?” _Hickeys._

Link’s lower lip began to tremble and he drew it between his teeth. His gaze dropped back to the table again, where his fingers twisted around each other in a white-knuckled grip. “I really, really didn’t want you to find out this way,” he whispered.

Rhett’s heart pounded in his throat as he stared blindly into the headlights of the oncoming train. “Find out what?”

Link’s mouth worked soundlessly, jaw clenching as his Adam’s apple bobbed sharply. Rhett waited in silence until Link was able to speak. “Tanner. They’re from… Tanner.”

Rhett’s stomach clenched as he grabbed the edge of the table with both hands, his mind filling with images of unimaginable trauma. “Oh my god. Oh my _god_ , Link. Did he—“ Rhett’s voice failed again. He could barely get the words out as his lungs spasmed in terror. He leaned forward, trying to meet his friend’s eyes as they darted away. “Did he hurt you? Did he… force you to…” he couldn’t continue. He couldn’t even bear to think of what he was asking.

Link spoke to his hands. “No! No... you don’t get it, Rhett. We’re….” He tilted his head back and took a deep, shuddering breath before meeting Rhett’s eyes with obvious effort. His expression was haunted, pleading. “We’re in a… relationship. We… I wanted him to…”

Rhett felt as though he’d been plunged into an icy river; the water was closing over his head and the current dragged him down. _I wanted him to._ It didn’t make sense; nothing made sense. He couldn’t breathe.

He realized Link was still talking in a soft rasp. “He said, if he marked me… like this, then people would know I was his and stop messing with me.”

 _Marked. Like property._ It was too much, and Rhett’s voice came out dull with shock. “Did it work?”

Link’s words were thick with tears. “Yeah. Yeah it did.”

“How long have you been…?”

“Last year. When I started going over there.” The other man spoke in a rush, his voice soft and shaky. “I was gonna tell you. I knew I had to. I kept trying but I never had the balls. And then… all this happened and I’m stuck in here and I thought I should wait until I got out because…” he took a quick breath. “… because what if you never want to talk to me again, what if you leave and I can’t come after you ’cause I’m trapped in this fucking place—“ he broke off in a sob, burying his face in his hands.

Rhett’s inner turmoil made him blind to his friend’s distress; he was too focused on his own shock and confusion to feel compassion for anyone else. Tanner’s smirking face invaded his mind, mocking Rhett with his intimate knowledge of Link’s true self, and a jealous rage tore through him like a tornado. His mind raced back to the nights when Link had come home from Tanner’s and climbed into Rhett’s bed, into Rhett’s arms, having just… _just… and now he…_

Without being conscious of the movement, Rhett found himself on his feet. His knees were weak and his stomach heaved; darkness crowded the edges of his vision. His hands clenched at his sides, fingernails digging into his palms with a wild need to lash out at someone. Anyone. All he could think was that he had to get out of there before he lost control.  

“I’m sorry,” he choked out. “I gotta go. I can’t… I can’t handle this, I’m sorry…”

Link looked up at him with bloodshot eyes and tear-streaked cheeks, guilt and despair scrawled across his features. “Rhett —“

“I’ll see you…” _Next month,_ he screamed at himself. _Say “next month.”_ But he didn’t know if that was true, and he didn’t want to lie. ”… sometime…”

He turned away before he could see Link’s reaction, and he didn’t look back when he heard the man call his name. He stumbled out of the room and held himself together long enough to get his car keys and make it to his car. When he got to the driver’s side door, he bent double and expelled the contents of his stomach violently onto the gravel.

When the convulsions subsided, he leaned against his car, shivering and panting for air as the tears rolled down his cheeks. _Link, Link, Link._ _Link… and Tanner._ He didn’t understand. He’d been worried his desires would change everything between him and Link. Now it seemed that, while he wasn’t looking, everything had changed anyway.

When they were kids, they told each other everything. No secret was too deep or too dark to trust the other with. There were times he thought he knew Link better than he knew himself. But now that Link had kept this from him for such a long time, he wasn’t sure he knew who his best friend was anymore. And if he didn’t know that, maybe he didn’t know anything at all.


	16. Chapter 16

_Tanner._

Rhett sat behind the wheel of his car and watched the other visitors emerging from the gatehouse through eyes half-blinded by tears. He still could barely think; his chest heaved and his muscles trembled with the intensity of his emotions. Suddenly he slammed his fist into the steering wheel, lashing out in impotent rage because he couldn’t go after the one person he wanted to hurt. The stinging pain brought him a moment of clarity.

_I shouldn’t have left._

Now that the immediate shock of Link’s confession had subsided, the image of the man’s anguished face came back to the foreground of Rhett’s mind. It was only then that he saw through his own pain enough to realize how terrified Link must have been to hold that secret for so long, then to have the truth ripped from him, out of his control. Moreover, Rhett considered why Link might have been so scared of Rhett’s possible reaction that he couldn’t bring himself to come out to his best friend.

_I shouldn’t have left him like that._

Rhett’s eyes went to the watch on his wrist. He knuckled at his eyes to clear them before he was able to focus, then saw that even if he were allowed to go back in, visiting hours were over. He wouldn’t see Link for a month. His fist hit the wheel again, harder. _Stupid, stupid._

He sat and stared at nothing while he tried to process everything that had just happened. By the time he looked around again, the rest of the cars had left the visitor lot. He began to feel conscious of the guards’ attention, so he started the engine and pulled onto the road out of the prison grounds.

His heart ached as he tried to imagine how Link was feeling. Like he just lost his best friend, maybe. He was probably back in his cell by now; he could be taking comfort in Tanner’s arms at this very moment.

Rhett’s stomach turned again. His warring emotions disoriented him; guilt over how he had stormed out on Link combined with deep, sickening jealousy. Over both of these feelings was also a sense of panic, as if he needed to do something to make sure his friendship with Link stayed intact after this confrontation. And once that was done, he also needed to do something to win Link away from Tanner.

The thought was so absurd that Rhett let out a bitter, mirthless chuckle. How on earth could he compete with the guy who was with Link every day, protecting him from physical harm and taking care of all his… needs? Link had said Tanner “gets him,” whereas Rhett had just demonstrated without a doubt that he didn’t get Link at all. He wasn’t worthy of being his friend, let alone anything more.

Rhett drove home recklessly, taking his frustration out on the gas pedal. What did it matter if he got a ticket, or even crashed? He may have just managed to destroy a friendship of fifteen years in the span of less than a minute. He and Link had had arguments in the past, of course, and sometimes they had been bad enough Rhett had worried things would not be the same. But they’d never been angry at each other for more than a day or two, and Rhett’s worries had always proven foolish in retrospect. Now, though…. this was a whole new level of discord between them.

_He needed you. You promised you would take care of him._

Over the course of the two-hour drive home, Rhett cried himself dry. He kept the radio off and sat in silence, sinking into the maelstrom of his thoughts: guilt and self-doubt and bleak regret. What could he do now? How could he possibly fix this? He wouldn’t see Link for a month, unless he somehow managed to convince Link’s mom to let him take her turn in two weeks. He couldn’t imagine what he could say to justify that, though, without giving her information it wasn’t his place to give. He couldn’t call Link; the only way they could talk on the phone is if Link called him, which he never did.

There was one small thing he could do, though. Link had explained how Rhett could mail things to him using his inmate number. Anything Rhett sent would be opened and read by the guards, but that was fine so long as he kept his words vague. Sending Link a letter might help him feel slightly less powerless about the whole situation.

When he got back to his apartment, he splashed water on his face and scrubbed away the tears, then pulled out a notepad and a black pen and sat down at his desk. He stared at the blank page for a few minutes before deciding what to say.

_Dear Link,_

_First off I’m sorry for storming out like that. I hope you get this letter fast because I feel terrible about it. I admit I was shocked but that’s no excuse. I should have stayed and talked to you and told you everything was cool. Instead I freaked out like a big dumb idiot. It is cool, at least on my end. You’re still the same person, my best friend, my blood brother. I’m not mad at you or anything. I wish you had told me sooner but I understand why you didn’t. I just want you to be happy, or least as happy as you can be where you are. If this is what makes you happy then I’m all for it._

_Can you forgive me for being such a jerk?_

_Your friend,  
Rhett_

He looked at his messy, scrawled handwriting and considered trying to rewrite the letter more clearly. Link had experience reading his script, though, and it might seem less sincere if it didn’t look as sloppy as usual. He thought for a moment and then added a line underneath his name:

_P.S. I can’t wait to see you in December. I’ll bring candy canes._

He tore out the page and folded into thirds, then rummaged around in his desk until he found an envelope and stamp. He addressed it as Link had instructed, to inmate [#65622](http://www.deviantart.com/tag/65622) and the Craven post office box for prisoner correspondence. He sealed it and brought it downstairs to the mailbox at the end of the driveway.

He felt the heavy weight on his heart lighten a tiny bit as he inserted the letter and closed the mailbox door. It wouldn’t go out until the next day, and it would take a few days to arrive at Craven and God knew how long after that to find its way to Link, but he had to believe it would reach his friend eventually. He had to hope it would begin to mend the rift between them.

Rhett tried to focus on his homework for the rest of the afternoon, but it was tough. He was incredibly impatient to hear his friend tell him everything was going to be okay between them, and that impatience dogged his steps wherever he went.

That night as he lay in bed, his mind wandered back to the visitor’s lounge. He remembered Link’s long, glossy hair and his deep, soulful eyes. The man’s slim body, concealed as it was in the bulky uniform, had been so warm and firm as he had hugged Rhett hello.  He pictured Link’s wide grin and openmouthed laugh, eyes squeezed almost shut in glee as he leaned toward Rhett across the table.

Most vivid of all were the rough, mottled bruises adorning the man’s neck. At first Rhett’s mind shied away from them, trying not to re-live the painful emotions of their conversation, but they wouldn’t go away. Despite himself, he began imagining the context in which his friend had received the marks.

On one of Rhett’s earlier visits, Link had described the setup of the prison showers: individual stalls divided by half-height walls, with only curtains for doors. Now he imagined Link under the steaming water with his long hair plastered down his shoulders, running the bar of soap along his body and working it into a lather across his chest and stomach.

How easy it would be for Tanner to slip into the stall with him and press himself against Link’s back, wrapping his arms around him. Link would turn and embrace him as their lips met with a breathless need. The stocky redhead would push Link back against the tiles and bring his mouth to the man’s neck, biting and sucking the delicate skin as the sound of the water muffled the brunet’s quiet moans.

Rhett’s jealousy flared with a breathtaking heat, but gradually it began to smolder with a different kind of warmth. A switch flipped in his imagination and suddenly Tanner was gone and it was Rhett in the shower stall with Link, his mind filled with the sight and sensation of his best friend’s intimate presence.

_He ran his hands over Link’s naked body, the man’s skin slick with soap and fevered with lust. Their mouths met open and gasping, tongues pushing against each other amidst the intoxication of their mingling tastes. Link’s arms came around his waist and pulled him close, grinding their groins together._

The image was unbearably arousing, and Rhett was powerless to resist. He shoved the covers off of the bed and slipped his boxers from his waist, kicking them off his ankles. He sprawled naked in his bed and began to stroke himself slowly with one hand, running the other along his stomach and across his chest in a languid caress. It was as if Link’s revelation that day had somehow given Rhett permission to give in to his own desires, to finally let himself explore them fully. Perhaps because, for the first time, he had the smallest glimmer of hope that they might one day become reality.

_Link’s head fell back against the wall and Rhett bent down to bring his mouth to the man’s throat, kissing around his sharp Adam’s apple, sucking at the skin and leaving his own small marks of ownership. He moved lower, teeth grazing along a prominent collarbone before nibbling delicately on a small, hard nipple. Link gasped and bucked his hips, wantonly rubbing himself along Rhett’s thigh._

The vivid images lent a surprising sharpness to Rhett’s bodily sensations, taking something he had done thousands of times before and raising it to a new level of ecstasy. He rocked his hips, pressing himself into his own hand as he kept his pace slow and deliberate. Despite the way each stroke made him shudder with need, he didn’t want this to be over too soon.

_The smaller man reached down and curled his fingers around Rhett’s hardness, stroking him with a skillful eagerness. Rhett straightened up and brought his mouth to Link’s once more as his hand, too, wandered downward. The hot water pounded down over their shoulders as he explored the thick heft of Link’s manhood, its graceful curve filling his hand with a silken heat._

The sensations he was experiencing in reality combined with Rhett’s fantasy in overlapping waves of pleasure: instead of his hand on himself, it was Link’s; instead of his own cock he was stroking, it was Link’s. He moaned softly, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing the back of his head into the pillow as he arched his neck. He ran his tongue along his lips, imagining Link’s full, inviting mouth pressed against his own. He conjured the scent of the man’s hair and the smell of his sweat after a day in the sun, and the way his muscles would feel flexing under Rhett’s hands. Rhett began to pick up the pace.

_Link’s chest heaved against him with each soft, breathless noise. Rhett let out a groan as the smaller man clawed at his lower back with his free hand, struggling to stay upright against the wall as his knees weakened. Rhett raked his fingers up the back of the man’s neck before sinking them into his wet hair, holding him close as his other hand moved faster on Link’s cock, relentless in his need to bring his friend — his lover — over the edge._

“Yes, god yes…” Rhett whispered, mouthing the words with barely a sound as he felt his climax fast approaching. “Yes…. please, ohhh Link—“ The name ended in a groan as Rhett’s muscles clenched and a wave of ecstasy crashed over him. His hips rolled up and he shuddered as his come spilled over his fingers and dripped onto his stomach. After a few seconds his stroking ceased and he gripped himself tightly, panting with the intensity of the sensations.

The image in his mind’s eye quickly disintegrated now that its purpose had been served, but not before he imagined enfolding Link in his arms and kissing him deeply, both of them thoroughly sated and suffused with contentment.

Rhett wiped his hand on his thigh and let it fall limp onto the mattress. He stared into the shadowed wooden beams of the ceiling high above him as his breathing slowly calmed. “Wow,” he murmured in disbelief, shocked by the fact he’d allowed himself to take the fantasy that far, and also by how intense the result had been. He felt more relaxed than he had in weeks, every muscle warm and slack in the afterglow.

He had barely enough energy to grab his boxers and clean himself off before tossing them back onto the floor and stretching out across the mattress, not bothering to pull the covers back up. The light breeze from the open window caressed the sweat from his skin as he gradually drifted off to sleep with a small smile on his lips. He’d finally spoken his wish aloud to the universe, and in doing so he had admitted it more fully to himself.

Now to figure out how to make it a reality, with Link far away in another man’s arms and six more months to go. 


	17. Chapter 17

When his alarm went off the next morning, Rhett slapped the snooze alarm and rolled over with a groan, burying his face in the pillow. Gradually, memories of the previous day’s turmoil floated to the surface of his consciousness, and he cringed anew at his own stupidity. He tried to shake off the anxiety that threatened to grab ahold of him as he showered and got dressed for class.

On the walk to his car, the sight of the mailbox helped calm him. The letter to Link would go out today. With any luck, maybe Link would call him when he got it. Either way, Rhett knew he just had to make it to December when he could apologize to Link in person. Depending on how that went, maybe then he could try to ascertain the level of seriousness between Link and Tanner, and determine exactly what was going on between them and how it all started.

Rhett smiled to himself as he climbed into his car and buckled his seatbelt. At some point he’d have to tell Link he was interested in men, too. He pictured the shocked expression that would come over the brunet’s face and smiled wider, then shook his head ruefully. Best friends for a decade and a half and yet they’d managed to miss this crucial detail about each other. At least in Rhett’s case, he hadn’t been aware of this particular facet of his sexuality until his interest in Link began to spark, but now he found himself more conscious of various young men he saw around campus. It was as if, now that he’d given himself permission to look, he was seeing the world like never before.

He wondered if Link had experienced the same revelation when he became interested in his first guy. He wondered if that first guy was Tanner, or if there were others before him. Maybe Link had been hiding this even longer than Rhett realized. With that thought, Rhett’s smile faded.

He drove to campus and parked in the student lot, then hefted his backpack onto his shoulder and walked to the engineering building just in time for his first class to start. His mind wandered throughout the lecture and he had to forcibly rein it back in when the professor began asking questions of the class, just in case his name was called. Fortunately, it was not.

He attended two other classes that day and spent some time studying at the library. Around five o’clock, he used the public phone in the lobby to call Lauren’s dorm room. She answered on the second ring and he could hear music playing in the background. “Hello?”

“Hey babe, it’s me.”

“Oh! Rhett, I’ve missed you.” They hadn’t spoken since the previous week. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much, really. Hey, listen… are you free right now? I’m on campus… we could go for a walk?”

There was a pause, and when she replied her voice was slightly less cheerful. He was grateful she didn’t question him, though. “Um, sure. I’ll be downstairs in a few minutes?”

“I’ll meet you there.”

He could tell when she saw him that she knew something was wrong. His eyes were still bloodshot from the previous day’s crying and he hadn’t bothered to shave that morning. He hugged her hello and they fell into step together on the sidewalk. They were both silent as they walked to a small green lawn between two dormitories and sat down on a bench beneath a tree.

Rhett stared at the dried brown leaves scattered over the ground. He wanted to feel sad for what he was about to do, but it was as if all of his sadness was caught up elsewhere. Instead, he just felt tired. “Lauren…” he started, then paused. How could he even explain the situation? _You’re great, but I’m in love with my best friend._

She rescued him. “It’s okay, Rhett.”

He turned and saw her looking up at him, her light brown eyes shining in the slanted afternoon light. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I know you haven’t really been into this for a while. We’ve had some fun times, but… “ She shrugged, gaze falling to her tennis shoes. “I think we both know this isn’t going anywhere.”

If Rhett had thought he wasn’t capable of feeling more guilt, he was wrong. This lovely young woman had been nothing but kind to him, and here he was throwing it all away.  “I’m sorry. I really wanted things to work out, but it’s just been so hard, with Link in trouble and all, I just can’t seem to focus on anything else.” He was leaving out a lot of the truth, but he wasn’t lying.

She squeezed his forearm. “I understand. He’s very important to you.”

Tears sprang to Rhett’s eyes and he desperately blinked them back. “He is, yeah.”

She took her hand away from his arm and was silent for a little while as they both stared at the ground. Eventually she said, “I hope we’ll still see each other at the Campus Crusade meetups.”

“Definitely, I’ll be there.” He searched her expression for a hint of blame, but she seemed genuinely at peace with the situation. “You sure you’re okay with this?”

She faced him and smiled wryly. “Actually, there’s a guy who went on the summer project with us, I think he’s been waiting to ask me out… I’ll be okay.”

“Well, that’s… that’s great then.” They both chuckled at the awkwardness and Rhett felt the remaining tension disappear. He was surprised to not feel any jealousy over the idea of another man going after Lauren, but perhaps that was one emotion entirely devoted to someone else at the moment.

She put her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly.  “You’re gonna make someone so happy one day.”

He embraced her around the shoulders, breathing in the flowery scent of her perfume. “I hope so.”

They sat still for a minute or two as the wind stirred the leaves around them, then she pulled away. “I should go back to studying.”

“Yeah, me too. I’ve got a project due tomorrow.”

They both stood up and faced each other. Her smile up at him was thin, but genuine. “Take care of yourself, Rhett.”

“You too.”

He walked to his car with his head ducked into his shoulders against the wind, his prevailing emotion one of relief. He knew he’d told Link he would work on things with Lauren, but surely the man couldn’t expect him to do so if there was simply not enough interest on either side. Rhett would tell him it hadn’t worked out, and Link would certainly understand.

***

Rhett spent the next few weeks focused on the future. He still worried about Link being angry at him, but he felt like he had done as much as he could to fix that for now. In class, he often daydreamed about what he might say to his best friend the next time he saw him, imagining the various turns of conversation that would eventually arrive at Rhett making a confession of his own.

His mind ranged further, too, exploring what it might be like when Link was finally released. He thought about the ways he’d prove himself better than Tanner by showing how well he knew his best friend and understood his needs. No one could compete with fifteen years of history, he told himself, no matter how good they might be in… other ways.

At night, his fantasies of what it would be like when Link got out of prison took a decidedly erotic turn. Now that he’d allowed himself to fully enjoy the thought of his friend in that way, the prospect of Link sleeping in his bed every night was exciting indeed. He felt a little anxiety over the idea of being with another man, but he was eager to figure out exactly how it all worked.

He knew he was getting ahead of himself with his plans for the future; he told himself there was no guarantee Link would return his feelings even if things didn’t work out between him and Tanner. He couldn’t keep himself from hoping, though.

He spent Thanksgiving at his parents’ house with his extended family. Traditionally he and Link went their separate ways for the holiday, so he didn’t feel Link’s absence acutely on that day, but he did feel bad for the man that he was spending it in prison. He knew how much Link loved his mother’s cooking, and moreover, how much he valued spending time with his small family. He hoped the prison cafeteria put on a decent turkey spread for the inmates, at least.

The weekend after the holiday was finally time for another visit to Craven. Rhett practically bounced in the driver’s seat on the way there, his chinstrap beard meticulously trimmed, a package of candy canes on the seat next to him. He was nervous and excited to see Link again, thrilled by the idea of simply being in the man’s presence and hugging him hello. He felt confident that even if Link were still displeased by the way their last visit had ended, he’d would be able to charm his way back into his friend’s good graces.

Depending on how the visit seemed to be going, Rhett thought he might even tell Link how he felt. Maybe, if the moment seemed right. Or he could at least hint at it and see if Link seemed eager to pick up on the clues. The thought of attempting to flirt with his best friend made Rhett blush. He wiped his sweaty palms on the steering wheel and grinned to himself as he sang along to the country radio station.

He arrived to the parking lot a few minutes early, as usual, and walked through the visitor entrance with the box of candy canes under his arm. He didn’t recognize the uniformed man behind the reception desk, but there was another guard filing paperwork behind him who gave Rhett a nod hello. Rhett remembered his name was Bill.

“”Mornin’, Sir, I’m Rhett McLaughlin here to see Charles Neal.” He spelled Link’s last name out.

The man struck some keys and waited for the old computer to chug through the request. “McLaughlin, you said?”

“Yep, M-C-L.”

He typed a few more letters and peered at the screen. “Sorry, I don’t see you on the list.”

Rhett’s stomach jumped. Surely it was just a bureaucratic error. “Uhm…  are you sure? I’m here every month. I’m always on the list.”

The other guard spoke up. “He is, Pete. Never had a problem before.”

Pete stepped back and gestured toward the screen. “Well he’s not here now.” Bill came over to look as Rhett’s heart climbed into his throat. What if Link was so mad that he’d taken his name off the list of people who could visit him? Would he do such a thing?

The man hit some keys and waited, then looked up at Rhett in sympathy. “You’re not on the list. In fact, this inmate doesn’t have anyone on his approved list right now.”

Rhett gripped the edge of the counter. “How…? That… that doesn’t make any sense!” He swallowed hard, trying not to lose it in front of these men. He shot a quick look at the far door and had a brief thought of how far he might be able to get — maybe he could fight his way into the prison and find Link and make him talk to him, make him listen to Rhett’s apology. Then he remembered these guards had guns and he took a deep, quaking breath. “I’m sorry, can you just… could you please check again?”

The men politely averted their eyes from Rhett’s emotional display. Bill typed another query into the computer and waited, then made a thoughtful noise. He picked up the phone and dialed. “Ah, yes, good morning. I’m inquiring as to the security status of Inmate [#65622](http://www.deviantart.com/tag/65622).” He repeated the number, then stood listening in silence as Rhett’s chest knotted itself tighter. Finally he said, “I see, thank you very much,” and hung up.   

He turned back to Rhett and explained, “It’s not that he took you off the list himself, but due to a disciplinary incident, he lost his visitor privileges.”

Rhett felt himself go pale as his questions spilled out. “What kind of incident? Was he hurt?”

Bill shook his head. “I’m sorry, I don’t have that information.”

Rhett blinked quickly, his voice tight with the effort of holding back his frustration and fear. “How long is he gonna be punished for?”

“I don’t know that either.”

“I see… well, how will I know when I can visit again?”

“You can either wait for him to call you, or if it’s convenient you can try to come back next week.”

He needed to leave before he broke down entirely. “Okay. Thanks, I’ll do that. Thanks for all your help.” He spun on his heel and stumbled back out the door.

In the parking lot, the cold wind whipped his cheeks and scoured the tears from his eyelashes before they could fall. He stared up at the grey, featureless sky. All of his plans, all of his hopes had been dashed yet again and he was back to the interminable waiting, the terrible uncertainty. He wouldn’t get any of his questions answered today.

He had the awful thought that maybe Tanner’s protection hadn’t been enough to keep Link safe this time. _Don’t even think about that. He’ll be fine,_ he told himself, but his reassurances rang hollow. The whole drive home, he struggled in vain to keep his imagination from going down the deepest, darkest roads, praying fervently that he would be able to see Link soon. 


	18. Chapter 18

Rhett floundered in purgatory, beset on all sides by worries and fears. Not knowing what was going on with Link, whether he was happy or healthy or even physically safe, consumed all of Rhett’s waking thoughts. This was especially troublesome given that it was finals week and he had exams in all of his classes.

He spent his evenings in the library, knowing it had to be better than being alone in his apartment with his thoughts. Frequently he found himself staring at the textbook in front of him after realizing he didn’t remember anything he’d read in the past half an hour. Sometime around one A.M. he would give up and go home, only to spend the nights staring up into the shadowed angles of the ceiling. He was often still awake when his alarm went off and he felt as though he hadn’t slept at all.

It took all of his willpower to focus on the tests, especially as the week rolled on and the effects of his insomnia accumulated. He never gave up outright, but he knew his answers were sub-par. He felt as if he were thinking through quicksand and it took him much longer than usual to perform the simplest math. He hoped the fact that his grades had been decent up until the end would help counteract how badly was doing now, but he wouldn’t know until the following week when he got his results. He just couldn’t bring himself to care too much about it.

He made the 4-hour round trip to Craven the following Sunday with cautious optimism, only to be turned away at the gate again.  Despite Rhett’s polite entreaties, the guards didn’t give him any more information concerning Link’s status; the man was still without visitor privileges for an unknown amount of time.

When he got home, Rhett gathered himself together and called Link’s mom. Her delight at hearing from him quickly turned to dismay when explained that he’d been unable to visit her son, and she might not be able to either. She tried to reassure Rhett that everything must be fine, but he could hear the fear underlying her voice. They both agreed they’d pray for Link and she promised to let Rhett know if she were able to see him when she went.

With the semester over and very little to do, Rhett attempted to pass the time as quickly as possible. Despite his sleep being tormented and restless, he stayed in bed late into the day, sometimes not rising until after noon. He played videogames on his computer and watched whatever shows that happened to come up on his small television. He began stocking alcohol in his apartment for the first time, turning to rum and cokes or Southern Comfort when his thoughts became unbearable, and the days blurred together under the numbing blanket of liquor.

After a few days of not leaving his apartment or speaking to another person, he realized he was on a rapid descent to a very dark place, so he reached out to a few friends from the previous year’s dorm. These guys were also quite bored during the winter break and more than happy to come over for card games or go out to the movies. If they noticed Rhett’s demeanor was less cheerful than it used to be, or if his drinking surprised them, they didn’t say anything. When they asked after Link, he said the man was doing fine.

Link’s mother called on Sunday afternoon to say she hadn’t been allowed to see Link either, and the guards wouldn’t give her any additional information. Rhett told her he’d try again every week until he was able to get in, and keep her apprised of anything he discovered. After they hung up, he finished the bottle of spiced rum he’d opened the day before and crawled into bed.

The next day he wrote Link another letter:

_Dear Link,_

_I don’t know if you got my last letter. (I apologized in it – if you didn’t get it, I’m sorry again.) I don’t know if you’ll get this one. But I haven’t seen you in a month and a half and I miss you something fierce. I don’t know what to do except wait. I wish I knew what’s going on with you and if you’re okay. I’m praying for you every day, brother. Stay strong. Get in touch with me if you can. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, if I don’t see you before then, but I hope I do._

_Your friend,  
Rhett _

_P.S. I broke up with Lauren._

He mailed it the next day.

***

The temperature dropped and the days got shorter and shorter. The ground froze overnight and the trees outside his window were skeletal branches that shivered in the wind. Rhett tried to visit Link twice more in the month of December, and twice more he was turned away.  He blasted the radio as he drove home, striving to keep his mind blank, pushing away the insidious whisper that crept into his mind through the cracks at the edges: _You’re never going to see him again._

Both times he stopped at the liquor store on the way home and spent the rest of the day in the bottle. Even with the morning hangovers, it was less painful than letting his ruthless imagination run freely through his thoughts and dreams.

He received his fall semester grades and they weren’t great; his GPA was the lowest it had ever been. However, he’d managed to pass all of his classes by the skin of his teeth and wouldn’t have to take anything over again. He counted that as a minor blessing as he registered for his final set of classes in the spring.

Christmas with his family was a bleak affair. Rhett tried to put on a cheerful face, but he knew everyone could see past it to the turmoil underneath. Even the thoughtful gifts from his parents weren’t enough to shake him out of his melancholy. At church for midnight mass, he closed his eyes as he sang the hymns with devotion, sending all of his thoughts to Link’s well-being. Afterward, he was relieved to return to the isolation of his dim apartment, worn out from all the smiles he’d forced onto his face.

The prison was closed to visitors the week between Christmas and New Year’s. On New Year’s Eve, Rhett’s friends dragged him to a party at a frat house on campus. Knowing the night could easily get out of hand if he let himself succumb to his sorrow in such an environment, he volunteered to be the designated driver.

When he arrived, he said hello to some people he knew and grabbed a can of coke on the way to the basement rec room. The Big Lebowski was playing on a projection screen on one wall and Rhett smiled at the memory of watching it with Link when it came out on video the previous year. The room also contained a pool table and a ping pong table, the latter of which was currently in use for a rowdy game of Beer Pong. He watched in amusement for a while until a young man he didn’t recognize came downstairs and asked if anyone was up for 9-ball. Rhett said he was game and began gathering the balls from the pockets.

After he’d racked them, he stuck out his hand. “Rhett, senior, civil engineering.”

As they shook hands, the shorter man grinned up at him, exposing charmingly crooked teeth. His dark hair was stylishly raked across his forehead over a clean-shaven, square-jawed face, and his eyes were a startling blue. He wore tight jeans and a deep blue, long-sleeved cotton shirt that fitted his slim torso quite nicely. Rhett felt a flutter in his stomach as the man’s warm Southern lilt reached his ears. “Corey. Veterinary science, sophomore. Nice to meet you, Rhett.”

Rhett performed even worse at pool than usual. His hands were sweaty on the cue and he kept forgetting the rules every time his opponent bent over the table to reach for a tricky shot. His usual competitiveness failed to emerge as he happily lost game after game, enjoying the casual banter as they got to know each other.

He almost dropped the cue stick when, during a conversation about extracurricular activities, the other man offhandedly mentioned he was treasurer of NCSU’s GLBT center. _Oh._

Rhett tried to hide his reaction by focusing on his next shot, but he hit the cue ball so far off center that it flew to the side, missing his target entirely and bouncing off the side of the table. Corey laughed. “If I’d known how easy it was to distract you, I’d have mentioned that a long time ago.”

Rhett straightened up and looked at him, his face burning. “No, it’s not… it’s cool, I mean—“

The other man laughed again. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to weird you out.”

Rhett took a steadying breath and raised his eyebrow in what he hoped was a confident manner. “I’m not weirded out.”

 “Oh.” Corey studied his face for a moment, then grinned. “Oh, cool.”

The game resumed, but now there seemed to be an added edge to their conversation, a hint of flirtation that hadn’t been there before. Unlike Rhett, Corey was drinking, and he was well into his fourth beer by the time he started giving Rhett little arm squeezes or brushing their hips together when he went by on the way to take his shot.

The attention was nice. It felt good that someone clearly found him attractive. The fact that Corey had dark hair and blue eyes didn’t hurt either. _This might actually go somewhere_ , he thought, flicking his tongue nervously over his lips. A little physical comfort, a little company in his bed, a little distraction from everything going on in his head… it was all quite appealing.

The two of them eventually gave up on pool and sat down on a couch against the basement wall to continue their conversation. They faced each other, each with one arm leaned along the top of the pillows and one knee across the cushions, not quite touching. Occasionally Corey would emphasize a point by pressing his fingertips briefly into the top of Rhett’s thigh, and the sensation lingered after he withdrew his hand.

After a little while, word came down from upstairs that it was five minutes to midnight. They looked at each other and Corey’s lips curved into a coy smile. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Do you wanna, maybe, count down to midnight together?”

It was obvious what the man was asking — did Rhett want to share the midnight kiss? — and Rhett’s heart leapt into double time. He watched the brunet draw his lower lip between his teeth as he waited for his answer, and the sight made Rhett feel shivery with desire. Here it was, something simple and easy. A sure thing. What harm could there be?

An image came to Rhett’s mind: Link lying with his arms above his head, panting with laughter after their tickle fight in the bunk. His hair was strewn about his face and his wrists were slack in Rhett’s grip as he looked up at his friend with an open, trusting smile. “You got me,” he’d said.

Rhett’s heart filled with the familiar weight of yearning. He shook his head sadly. “I’m sorry, man. It’s been really great getting to know you and I had a blast tonight, but… I’m waiting for someone.”

Corey took the rejection gracefully, hiding his expression behind a sip of beer. “Well, I hope that someone knows how lucky he is. I had a good time, too.” He stood up from the couch. “I’m gonna go get some champagne. See you around?”

“Yeah, I’ll be around.”

He watched the man depart, wondering if he’d made the right choice. It was the only choice available to him, though, if he were honest with himself. He couldn’t be happy with anyone else until he knew for sure that Link didn’t want to be with him. Maybe if that happened, he’d track Corey down and see if the guy was still interested in kissing.

In the meantime, his mind was still stuck on memories of the last time Link was in his bed. The images warmed him even as his frustrated desire stung like salt in an open wound. As the crowd counted down to midnight, he slipped out onto the back porch and stood by himself, taking long, aching breaths of the frigid night air. He heard the cheering inside and raised his eyes to the shimmering stars.

_Happy New Year, Link._


	19. Chapter 19

It was three days before the start of his classes in January when Rhett once again made the journey to Craven. Snow was falling when he got on the road, fat flakes that swirled in front of his headlights and melted when they hit the pavement. His mother would have told him not to go, but he wasn’t going to let such a little thing as a mild winter storm prevent him from possibly seeing Link.

It had been two months since he’d stormed out of the visitor lounge; two months of yearning and pain and self-recrimination. As he got closer to the prison he realized he felt very little emotion now, as if it had all been crushed out of him by repeated disappointments.  The less hope he allowed himself to feel, the less it would hurt when his hopes were dashed.

All of the guards at the visitor entrance knew him by now. He’d let his hair grow out a bit but hadn’t bothered styling it, and it stood up from his head in careless waves. He’d also allowed the hair under his bottom lip to grow in, and now it merged with the thin beard along his jawline while leaving his upper lip bare. He knew from a quick glance in the mirror this morning that his skin was pale and there were heavy shadows under his eyes.

Bill was working the desk and he gave Rhett a friendly nod. “Happy New Year. Tryin’ again, huh?”

Rhett forced a polite smile. “Yup. Fingers crossed this time.”

“Neal, right?”

“Right.”

Bill typed in the name and waited. Despite telling himself not to have any expectations, Rhett felt his heartbeat pick up speed as it seemed to take longer than usual for the results. Finally the man looked up at Rhett with a smile. “Good news, you can see him today.”

Rhett grinned broadly. _Finally!_ He thanked Bill and took a quick step toward the metal detector before being brought up short. “Ah, not that way,” the guard clarified. “Inmate’s been moved to D Block.”

Rhett turned back and raised an eyebrow. “D Block? What’s there?”

“It’s higher security. They got a different entrance.”

He gave Rhett directions to the other visitor lot and Rhett hurried out the door with a short thank-you. He followed the road further into the prison grounds, past the sign for C Block, and pulled into the gravel lot for D. The gatehouse seemed quite similar to the one he’d been going through, except the sign on the door informed visitors that no gifts of any kind were permitted. Rhett frowned at the box of candy canes that had sat on his passenger seat for a month, then got out of the car empty-handed.

Inside the door was a very similar intake area. He gave his name and Link’s to the guard behind the desk and held his breath as the computer churned, only exhaling when the man waved him on. He passed through the metal detector and the door beyond and found himself in a long, narrow room with small cubicles along one wall. The guard standing just inside the door gestured for Rhett to enter one of them, and he complied.

The cubicle had a low countertop that abutted a pane of glass which extended to the ceiling and was honeycombed with reinforcing metal wire. A phone receiver sat on a cradle at the corner of the counter. He sat down in the folding metal chair and stared at the empty room beyond the glass as the familiar scent of mint and ammonia antiseptic filled his nostrils.

Over the next few minutes, a handful of unfamiliar prisoners in drab uniforms entered the opposite room and disappeared out of Rhett’s field of vision as they went to different cubicles on their side. He heard people on his side of the glass pick up their phones and start talking. Finally the far door opened and Link came through, and Rhett gasped.

The other man was barely recognizable, most notably because all of his hair was gone. It looked like it had been shaved inexpertly with clippers; it wasn’t entirely down to the skin, and some patches were darker where the hair was slightly longer. His goatee was gone as well and instead the lower half of his face had a few days’ growth of stubble. His eyes were deep and shadowed, the skin around them darkened from sleeplessness or malnutrition. He located Rhett as the taller man sprang to his feet, and walked over to the opposite side of the glass with a slow, deliberate gait.

As his friend approached, Rhett saw Link’s cheeks were sunken; the bones of his face stood out in sharp relief. His uniform seemed to have grown two sizes and now swallowed his small form. There was a line bisecting one of his eyebrows — a scar or a cut of some kind — and his lower lip was swollen and cracked by a cold sore. It obviously hurt as he smiled carefully up at Rhett.

The glass and two countertops kept them separated by a few feet, but to Rhett the distance felt like a mile. His need to take Link in his arms was almost unbearable. He tried to smile back, but his inner conflict had him paralyzed. Link was alive. Link looked like hell.

Link pulled out the chair on his side and leaned on the arms as he lowered himself into it. Rhett forced himself out of his stupor and did the same. They both reached for their phones as if mirror images of each other, pressing the hard plastic to their ears.

“Hey, Rhett.” Link’s voice through the receiver was startlingly close, as if he were speaking directly next to Rhett’s ear.

“Link! God, I missed you, buddy.”

“I missed you too.”

Rhett stared through the glass, a genuine smile of relief on his face now that he had heard Link’s voice. He drank in the sight of his friend like a man lost in the desert. Battered and bruised as Link was, his beauty was still undeniable. Rhett felt like he could breathe again for the first time in weeks. “What happened?” he asked.

“Oh, this?” Link gestured to his head. “It just… seemed cleaner.”

The man seemed self-conscious, so Rhett hastened to reassure him. “It looks badass, man! But I meant, like, in general. Why’re you in here? Why’d you lose visitor privileges?”

“Oh.” Link’s smile faded as his gaze dropped down. “I got in a pretty big fight the day you were supposed to visit in December. It happened in front of a guard who had a bug up his ass and decided to make an example out of us, so…” he trailed off, his fingers tracing circles on the counter.

Rhett saw the man’s knuckles were split and scabbed; the injuries seemed more fresh than what he would have gotten in a fight a month ago. “So?” he prompted. “They just threw you over here in D Block?”

“Not right away.” Link licked his lower lip delicately, then chewed on the corner away from the cold sore as he hunched over in his seat. He wrapped his free arm tightly around himself and spoke quietly. “I was in solitary.”

Rhett was surprised to learn solitary confinement still existed, let alone that it was used as punishment for something like this. “Whoa,” he breathed. “What was that like?”

“It was… awful,” Link replied. “Just awful. It’s a small room, no windows, no people, nothing to do, no sense of how long you’ve been there or what time of day it is until they shut the lights off at night, and then it’s pitch black.” His eyes darted up to meet Rhett’s for a brief moment before falling back down. He propped the phone between his ear and shoulder and began picking at one of the scabs on his knuckles. “You’re just there. By yourself. Talking to yourself, eventually. Thinking about how everyone’s forgetting you exist. Going insane.”

Link had always been the more social of the two of them. Rhett knew the guy got anxious if he spent more than a few hours alone; as a teenager he always begged Rhett to come over and keep him company when his parents were out of town. Rhett tried to imagine what it would have been like for him in that cell and his heart ached. “How long were you in there?” he asked.

 “Two weeks. It felt like a month. Or a year.”

Rhett didn’t have the words to convey the extent of his sympathy, so he had to settle for, “That sucks, man.”

The scab started bleeding and Link brought it to his mouth, licking it clean as Rhett winced. “Yeah,” Link murmured. “It sucked pretty bad.”

Rhett decided to change the subject. “What was the fight about?”

Link’s eyes flicked up to his. “I got your letter. Well, both of them. Thanks for that. The second one I got a few weeks ago, and that was really nice. Helped me feel a lot better after I got out of that place. The first one came a few days after…  after your last visit.”

The man’s apparent ignoring of Rhett’s question confused him, but he rolled with it. “Oh? Good. I’m glad. I’m still really sorry about that, by the way. I was just surprised, that’s all. It’s… it’s totally cool though. You and Tanner I mean.”

Link’s laughter was high and thin and something about it sent chills down Rhett’s spine. “That’s great, Rhett. I’m so glad I have your approval.”

“No, it’s not — I’m not saying you need my — “

“Sorry,” Link interrupted him, “This is hard. Talking to you about this stuff.” He giggled again, a weird and hysterical sound.

“It’s okay, man.”

Link coughed, pulling himself together, and when he spoke again his voice was steadier. He grasped the phone in his hand again, clutching it tightly in his fist as he met Rhett’s eyes through the glass. “It was your first letter, actually, that sort of lit the fuse.”

Rhett felt a flutter of nervousness in his chest at the thought of somehow being responsible for Link’s trauma. “Oh?”

The smaller man nodded. “I was so relieved. I thought you hated me. And when I got the letter, I was so happy.” He paused to rub his eyelids with his fingertips. “I thought about what a good friend you’d been to me all these years, how I knew you cared for me, how I trusted you to look out for me and never do anything to hurt me… we made such a good team.”

“We still do, man.”

“Yeah, I guess...” Link gave him a quick smile before dropping his eyes to the countertop. “Anyway, I was thinking about that a lot, and on the day you were supposed to visit I was so excited I couldn’t really contain it. And… it started really getting on Tan’s nerves. Like, he’d always been jealous of you but now he was gettin’ real angry about it.” Link worried at his cold sore with his teeth while he paused to think, and Rhett waited, his concern growing. “I realized… I didn’t feel that way about him. I didn’t feel like… I could trust him. Even though he was protecting me in here, I never really…. knew… what to expect.” Link seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “We got into a big argument and then I told him… I didn’t want to be with him anymore. And he… didn’t take it well.”

Rhett felt sick to his stomach. “He hurt you?”

Link scratched at the short hair on his head, still averting his eyes. “He tried. I fought back. Some other guys saw it as an excuse to get in a few licks of their own, on both sides… it got pretty bad.”

“But the guards stopped it?”

“Eventually, yeah. Separated us, patched us up, and dragged everyone off to our separate cells in solitary.” Link’s voice was rough. “Then when I got out they put me in D Block.”

“What happened to Tanner? Is he in there with you?”

“No…” The man took a shaky breath. “I heard he got transferred to another prison. Something about too many infractions. It’s weird how he’s suddenly… just gone.” Link looked conflicted, almost wistful.

Rhett was relieved, for the most part, except for the fact that he wouldn’t get to take his vengeance out on the bastard with his own bare hands. “But that’s good, right? He hurt you.”

The smaller man’s eyelashes fluttered rapidly as he kept his gaze down. “I guess, but he did care about me, though. He was really sweet… sometimes. And it was nice not to be alone. Now it feels like I’m alone all the time even when there are folks around. It was just that he really… changed when we got in here.”

Rhett didn’t want to push the issue, since it looked like Link was on the verge of tears. Instead, he asked a more immediate question. “Are you okay in there without someone protecting you now?”

Link laughed again without any real humor to the sound, bringing a finger to his lip and tracing the edge of the sore. “Yeah, actually, the guys seem to think I’m a bit crazy. They leave me alone.”

“That’s… good, I guess.”

“Yeah, I kinda wish I had taken that tactic from the beginning.”

Rhett was quiet as he watched his friend fidget uncomfortably in his chair. He wanted to be excited that Tanner was out of the picture, but the pain Link had gone through in the process, plus his obvious emotional distress, made it impossible for Rhett to feel joy. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, man.”

“Thanks.” Link was silent, seemingly lost in thought, and Rhett listened to the man’s soft breathing over the phone cable. Link flexed the hand that wasn’t holding the phone and they both watched the skin pull at the scabs on his fingers. He looked back up. “No more Lauren, huh?”

“Nope. We both decided it was for the best.”

“That’s too bad.” Link chewed his upper lip, the swollen lower one jutting out, then laughed. “Weird how we’re both single now, huh? It’ll be great when I get out, two eligible bachelors goin’ out an’ causin’ trouble. And we won’t even have to compete with each other.”

It took Rhett a few seconds to understand what Link was getting at. It occurred to him that he could clear the air right now — blurt out the truth and lay it all out on the table — but as he hesitated, he saw Link’s face fall in a sudden reversal of mood. “Who’m I kidding,” the man muttered. “I’m not exactly a good catch these days.”

“Don’t say that, man.”

Link shrugged. “It’s true, though.” His adam’s apple bobbed sharply as he swallowed. “I haven’t even… I mean, the last time I even touched another person… was when I punched Tan in the face.”

Link’s eyes began to well with tears. Without a conscious thought, Rhett reached out his free hand and placed his palm on the glass between them, spreading his fingers. “It’s okay, brother. It’s gonna be okay.”

Link raised his own hand and Rhett saw that it was trembling. When he placed it against the glass, the trembling ceased. He spread his fingers to match Rhett’s; their length was almost the same even though his hand was narrower. Rhett felt Link’s warmth through the smooth surface and guessed the other man could feel his, too, as his lips curved into a tentative smile.

He held Link’s gaze as he tried his best to transmit comfort and reassurance through the glass that separated them. He saw Link’s shoulders relax slightly. “This is silly,” the man murmured self-consciously.

“Maybe, but does it make you feel better?”

Link smiled more. “It does.”

“Then who cares?”

They both rested their elbows on the countertop and kept their hands on the glass as they continued their conversation. Link described the differences in D Block, most notably that he now slept in a cell with actual bars that he shared with three other men who mostly ignored him. Inmates in D were only allowed outside for an hour a day, but it had been so cold lately he didn’t mind that much. He’d been allowed to resume his job at the library when he got out of solitary, and his time there was the highlight of his day.

Rhett told him a little about how he’d spent the holidays, but brushed over it quickly so as to not make the man feel bad. He definitely did not mention Corey. Instead, he talked about his upcoming classes and awful final exams, then entertained Link with an in-depth review of the James Bond movie he’d seen over winter break. By the time visiting hours were over, his back ached from hunching over the table and his elbow was sore from the hard surface, but Link’s smile made it all worth it.

They both reluctantly withdrew their hands, their fingertips being the last to separate. The glass was fogged with condensation from where they had touched it. Link grinned at him, and Rhett was relieved to see his friend looking less unsteady and more like himself, despite his new haircut. “Thanks for comin’, man.”

“Any time. See you next month, Link.”

They both hung up the phones and Rhett felt the acute loss of Link’s voice by his ear. He watched the man get carefully to his feet and walk out of the room, seeming distant and blurry through the glass when he turned back for a last glimpse of his friend. Rhett gave a little wave before he, too, turned and departed. Fat snowflakes swirled around him as he walked to his car, clinging to his eyelashes and melting on his lips. He didn’t feel the cold as he smiled up at the overcast sky; he felt only the warmth of his best friend’s hand through the glass. 


	20. Chapter 20

The short January days passed mercifully quickly. Rhett threw himself into his schoolwork, trying to ensure a high GPA this semester to make up for his poor performance on his finals, and his new professors seemed impressed. There was a distinct aura of anticipation in the air as all the seniors relished being in the home stretch of their undergraduate efforts.

He thought a lot about Link and what had happened to him in the past few months. After all the time Rhett had spent trying to imagine his friend’s day to day experiences in prison, he now had an entirely new setting to envision — a barred and crowded cell, little access to the outside, no physical contact and no friendly faces. Rhett no longer tormented himself with visions of Link and Tanner being intimate; that was apparently over now. Instead, he worried for his friend’s safety and emotional well-being more than ever.

For much the same reason Link had wanted to keep his sexuality a secret until he was released, Rhett didn’t think it would be a good idea to make a similar confession while his friend was imprisoned. The man was already dealing with enough in there; even if he wasn’t repulsed by the idea of a relationship with Rhett, such a revelation would still add to the stress he was under. And besides, it’s not like they could _do_ anything about it until he got out, anyway. Even if Link were open to the idea, it’d be a terrible tease for them both.

Fully aware that he was probably just making excuses for his own cowardice, Rhett decided to keep his desires to himself for now. He did spend a lot of time thinking about what they could _do_ about it when Link came home, though. He revised his fantasies  now that Link no longer had long hair; he tried to imagine what it would feel like to run his hands over the man’s close-cropped scalp. He pictured the rough stubble along the man’s jawline and thought about how it would feel under his lips.

He got his friends to play regular pickup basketball with him in the evenings and also started going to the campus gym. He knew Link would tease him about it — they weren’t generally the type of guys who worked out — but Rhett wanted to do what he could to get into better shape. He worried that the past few years of not being on any sports teams had made him go a bit soft around the edges, which he considered unacceptable if he wanted to catch Link’s eye. Time to get in shape.

He was jogging on the treadmill one evening when someone stepped onto the machine beside him. Rhett didn’t so much as glance over, focused on ignoring the burning in his lungs, until he heard a familiar Southern twang. “Hey there… Rhett, right?”

He looked over and saw Corey giving him a casual smile. The man was dressed in a white v-necked t-shirt and red running shorts that drew Rhett’s eye down the long, lean lines of his legs. His dark hair was still a tousled mop over his forehead as it had been on New Year’s, but now it was damp with sweat. It looked as though he’d already done some lifting and was moving on to cardio.

“Hey, Corey!” Rhett smiled back before turning to the console of his treadmill, worried he’d trip over his own feet if he looked too long into the man’s deep blue eyes. “How you been, man?”

Corey punched some buttons on his machine and the belt started whirring. He stepped onto it at a fast walk. “Pretty good. Classes this semester have been a breeze.”

Rhett did his best to make small talk, but he was already fifteen minutes into his jog and his breathing was labored. Corey was in better shape and carried most of the conversation. He didn’t seem to bear any resentment over how their New Year’s Eve had ended; his demeanor was friendly. Eventually he asked, “So, that person you were waiting for… they come around yet?”

Rhett shot a glance over and saw Corey jogging with a small smile on his face, apparently amused by the idea of a little bit of gossip they shared. Rhett grinned. “Not entirely. But there’s been progress.”

The man quirked a brow. “Oh?”

Rhett felt a little giddy. He hadn’t been able to discuss his feelings for Link with anyone; even a vague conversation like this felt like something of a relief, like a confirmation it wasn’t all in his head. He let out a short laugh. “Yeah, they’re single now.”

Corey chuckled breathlessly. “That’s awesome. Go get ‘em, tiger.”

“I’m gonna try. Why do you think I’m getting in shape?”

They both laughed, then moved on to other subjects. They chatted about manly things like weightlifting techniques and workout regimens until Rhett’s machine beeped and slowed down to a halt; his jog was over. He grabbed a towel and wiped off where his sweat had dripped, then gave Corey a wave. “Good seeing ya, man.”

“You too, Rhett!” The brunet smiled at him before turning back to his machine, pressing some buttons to raise the pace to a flat-out run. Rhett allowed himself a quick glance at the man’s flexing backside before turning and heading toward the locker room, grinning to himself. A year ago he would have never guessed he’d be checking out dudes at the gym. It was amazing how much had changed.

***

When Rhett returned to Craven in February, he went directly to the D Block visitor lot. After all the disappointing visits in recent memory, he was still a little nervous he’d be turned away, but the guard waved him on after verifying his name was on the list. Rhett passed through the metal detector and visitor room entrance, then took his seat in one of the cubicles. He trained his eyes on the far door, heart beating fast in anticipation, and it wasn’t long before Link came out to meet him.

The man looked similar to how he had the previous month, still with very short hair and a few days’ growth of stubble. His eyes were still encircled by shadowed skin and his cheekbones jutted out, but his cold sore had healed and he smiled easily when his eyes alit on his friend.

Rhett stood up, grinning widely as Link approached. He reached out and placed his palm on the glass and the other man did the same. “Hi, Link,” Rhett mouthed silently. “Hi, Rhett,” Link replied the same way. They both removed their hands and sat down, picking up their phones at the same time.

“How you doin’, buddy?” Rhett asked.

“Not too bad, all things considered.”

“Gettin’ enough to eat? Gettin’ enough sleep?” Rhett felt like the man’s grandmother asking the questions, but his concern was genuine.

Link shrugged, looking down. “Honestly, probably not… the food’s terrible, the mattress is lumpy, the guy below me snores…”

“You don’t have any experience with that, I’m sure.”

Link looked up at him and smiled. “Nope, none at all.” He scratched at the stubble on his chin and a flash of red caught Rhett’s eye. The knuckles on the man’s right hand were still crisscrossed with scabs that looked fresh and angry, the skin underneath discolored by bruises. Rhett hissed a quick intake of breath in sympathy, and Link raised a questioning brow.

“What’s goin’ on with your hands, man? You gettin’ into fistfights?”

Link dropped his hand, turning the backs of his fingers toward the table self-consciously. “Nah… it’s just…” He kept his eyes down. “It’s hard to explain, you’re gonna think I’m crazy.”

“It’s all right, I’m not gonna think you’re crazy.”

“Well… sometimes I feel bad, like really keyed up and angry and… and trapped. And that’s how I let it out, like I hit a wall or somethin’. But a lotta times, I just wake up and they’re split open like this, like I did something in my sleep.”

Rhett flexed his own hand, his knuckles aching as he imagined the constant pain his friend must be in. Every time he moved his hand… “That’s not good, Link.”

The smaller man shrugged. “It’s better than a lot of other coping mechanisms I’ve seen in here, trust me.”

Rhett chewed his lip. Yes, it was probably better than Link getting involved in whatever smuggled or fabricated mood altering substances were available, but he didn’t like what it said about his friend’s mental state. “Is it getting better, at least?” he asked.

“Oh yeah, it’s definitely getting better.”

Rhett watched Link shift uncomfortably in his chair, his expression haunted by things Rhett could not begin to imagine. He suspected Link wasn’t being entirely truthful, but he didn’t see anything good coming out of pushing the issue. “Well, if there’s anything I can do to help you feel better, buddy, you just let me know.”

“You already help a lot, man.” He looked up with a tentative smile, and Rhett nodded.

Link looked from side to side and then leaned forward onto his elbows, bringing his face closer to the glass. He spoke more softly into the phone, almost conspiratorially, as his voice whispered close to Rhett’s ear. “There’s a bit of news, actually…” He trailed off.

Rhett’s stomach jumped. “Oh?” _What now?_

“There’s gonna be a hearing about the fight.”

“The fight with… the one that got you put in D block?”

“Yeah. Enough of us complained about the punishment being disproportionate that the warden’s investigating.”

“Wow… what’s gonna come out of that?”

Link shrugged. “I have no idea. I guess it’s pretty rare this sort of thing happens. Some of the guys don’t trust it, they think it’s an excuse to make an example out of us.”

Rhett thought for a minute. This could be good, or it could be very bad. “Do you think Tanner’s gonna be there?”

Link brought his fist to his mouth and chewed at one of the scabs. “Hope not,” he mumbled. “Dunno.”

“Well I hope something good happens, anyway. Maybe you’ll get moved back to B.”

“Maybe.”

Link didn’t seem too excited by the prospect, even if it meant more freedom. He seemed more nervous than excited about the hearing, so Rhett decided to move on. “Well, lemme know if anything comes out of it,” he said. “Do you know when it’ll be?”

“Next week I think.”

“Cool.”

He talked to Link about the usual topics, classes and family and movies he’d seen. Link perked up, seemingly grateful for the window Rhett could provide into normal life. By the time the closing alarm buzzed, the man looked almost cheerful. He smiled at Rhett with a wistful look in his eye. “I miss you so much, man. I miss talking like this every day, for hours and hours.”

Rhett’s heart warmed. If there was one good thing to come out of this horrible year, it was that they were more willing to speak to each other about their emotions. “Well, save it up, buddy,” he told Link. “We’ll do it again as soon as you get out.”

“If we’re not careful, we might talk for three days straight.”

“I’m okay with that. There’s a good pizza place that delivers to the apartment.”

“You sure you wanna hang out with just me for that long? You’ve got all those other friends now.”

“You’re still my best friend, man. You always will be.”

“Thanks.” Link swallowed and blinked a few times. “I dunno what I did to deserve you, Rhett, but… I hope I can keep doin’ it.”

“Don’t worry, buddy, you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”

Link reached out and splayed his fingers over the glass. Rhett did the same, smiling at the faint warmth he felt. The sensation, combined with meeting Link’s deep blue eyes, felt surprisingly intimate. Even though he couldn’t hold the man in his arms or smell his skin, it felt to Rhett as if the two of them were closer than they’d ever been. He hoped it wasn’t all in his head as they said their goodbyes and hung up the phones. Only four more months to go.

***

Rhett was sleeping late on a Saturday two weeks after his visit when the phone rang on his bedside table, nearly startling him out of bed. He blinked groggily at it for a few seconds as his heart pounded in panic, flashing back to the terrible call in the middle of the night that had started this nightmare a lifetime ago.

He swung his feet over and put them on the floor, sitting up and trying to get his breathing under control as he reached for the phone. On the third ring, he picked up the receiver and brought it to his ear. “Hello?”

“Rhett!” Relief flooded through him upon hearing the single word, and he broke into a grin. The excitement in Link’s voice meant it could only be good news.

“Link! What is it?”

“They’re letting me out. They’re fucking _letting me out_!”

“What?” Rhett leapt to his feet, staring wildly at the phone’s cradle as if he could see all the way through to Link’s face on the other end and make sure he wasn’t dreaming. “Link! — wh-what? — when? — _how_?” 

Rhett’s spluttering made Link laugh, a giddy and beautiful noise. “It was the hearing,” he explained. “Procedural irregularities about how they handled the fight or whatever. Honestly I think they just need to get rid of some people because of overcrowding and were lookin’ for a reason. I’m not gonna argue!”

“No, no, of course not, oh my gosh.” Rhett was smiling so hard he thought his face would split. “That’s so amazing, man! That’s the best news I’ve heard in my life!”

“You shoulda’ seen me when they told me, I almost grabbed the guy and hugged him up off the ground I was so excited.”

“Wow, oh man. I can’t even imagine… when are you out?”

“March third. Two weeks.”

“ _Two weeks_? I can’t believe it! Just like that, you’re gettin’ out of there.”

“Just like that!” Link echoed. “I can’t believe it either. I’ve pinched myself so many times.” His voice became a little hesitant. “Hey listen… we haven’t talked about it in a little while, and now it’s happening months earlier than we thought… Is it still okay if I live with you? I’m not gonna have money to pay rent right away, and if you think it’ll be too crowded or whatever, I can always stay with my mom, that’d be fine too…”

Rhett didn’t understand why his friend was always unsure about this sort of thing. He knew Link would do the same for him in a heartbeat. “Of course you can stay with me, buddy. I’ve missed the hell out of you. Stay with me as long as you like. Stay with me forever.”

Link laughed again. “Aw, thanks, Rhett. That’s awful sweet.”

 _I mean it_ , Rhett thought, but kept to himself.

“Another thing, if you don’t mind,” Link said. “Can you pick me up when they let me out? I talked it over with my mom and she’s okay with it. If you can.”

“Sure, no problem. But why not her?”

“I’m a little nervous about it. Gettin’ back into the real world and everything. I thought it might be easier… with you. You aren’t gonna go all mother hen on me. We still have to go to her place for dinner that night, which you’re invited to of course, but I thought maybe I could take a few hours to ease myself back into civilization first.”

“Oh yeah, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, I can totally do that.”

“Awesome. Listen, I gotta go, there’s a huge line for the phone as always. But I’ll see you on the third. Eleven o’clock, they said.”

“I’ll be there, buddy. Can’t wait to see you.”

“Same here, man.”

They said their goodbyes and Rhett sat back down on the mattress as he hung up the phone, his knees weak from shock and elation. He couldn’t believe that two weeks from now, Link would be free. No more touching through the glass or talking over the phone. No more wondering what Link was doing or if he was safe. Link would be here, in his arms… in his bed.

Rhett burst into delirious laughter and flopped onto his back, unable to contain the gleeful energy bubbling out of him. He pounded his fists on the mattress and kicked his legs in the air. Four more months of purgatory had been suddenly reduced to two weeks of waiting. He could do two weeks; he could do two weeks _easy_.

Once his laughter had exhausted itself down to the occasional breathless giggle, he stared wide-eyed up at the ceiling, his mind racing over all the things he needed to do before Link arrived. Clean the apartment. Get a haircut. Work out every day.  Stock the kitchen with Link’s favorite foods. Figure out how to _cook_ Link’s favorite foods. Oh, and still go to class and get all of his homework done. No problem.

He hugged his pillow tight to his chest, feeling as though he would burst from joy. No problem at all. 


	21. Chapter 21

Rhett felt like a little kid impatient for Christmas. Every morning he woke up early and counted the days until he would pick Link up from the prison gates. As the number got smaller, his excitement grew until he could barely sleep, but he didn’t feel tired. He buzzed around campus with a nervous energy, racing through his homework and answering questions in class with an enthusiasm that surprised himself and his professors.

He tried going out with his friends to pass the time, but he was so distracted it didn’t help. He couldn’t stop talking about how Link would be coming home, even though he knew he was probably coming across as weirdly obsessed. The guys didn’t seem concerned as they teased him good-naturedly about it; they knew how much he missed his best friend. They had no idea, of course, exactly what Rhett wanted to do with Link when he got him back home.

Rhett imagined what he would say to his friend when they were finally alone for the first time. Or maybe he wouldn’t even wait that long; maybe he’d grab the guy and sweep him off his feet in the prison parking lot. Before Link even knew what was going on, Rhett could kiss him and let that be his confession. He’d hold the man close and finally taste the lips he’d been dreaming about for eight months or more.

 _You won’t have the balls_ , he told himself. No way he’d be able to do something so brash, so risky with his best friend when it had always taken him weeks to work up the nerve with his previous girlfriends. Even when he’d known they wanted him to, even when he had the confidence that came from experience… the first kiss always took a lot of nerve. The idea of initiating one with a man was incredibly intimidating. Still, it was amusing to imagine the look on Link’s face if he managed to do it.

By the time his countdown reached zero and it was the morning of March 3rd, Rhett’s apartment was spotless. The bathroom was cleaner than it had been when he moved in; he’d scrubbed the grout between the tiles with an old toothbrush and some bleach. For the first time in a long time, there were no dirty clothes on the floor by his bed or clean laundry piled in the corner. He’d even found a stepstool and cleaned the cobwebs from the rafters, tickling his fear of heights in order to reach higher than even his long arms could.

The fridge and cabinets were full of a variety of food and drink, since he wasn’t sure what Link’s tastes were anymore. He knew his friend tended to prefer simple things, but maybe prison had changed that. He wanted Link to feel as comfortable and well taken care of as possible. He’d practiced cooking a few dishes he thought the man would like, and was reasonably confident he’d be able to make them again without embarrassing himself.

The day had dawned bright and brisk; a cold draft whistled through the cracks in the apartment’s windows. He turned the thermostat up a few degrees as he prepared to leave, wanting to make sure it was nice for Link when they arrived.

He looked at himself critically in the mirror by the door. He’d gotten a haircut a few days prior and it was now quite short on the sides with more length on top, intentionally arrayed to look casually mussed. It had lost its golden highlights due to months without much sun and was now was dark blond with bronze undertones. He still had the thin beard along his jawline and chin; the rest he had carefully shaved smooth. He wore a dark grey v-necked sweater under a black leather jacket, loose light-wash jeans, and hiking boots. He turned from side to side, trying to discern if the past few weeks of rigorous workouts had done him any good, but couldn’t see a difference.

He faced himself head-on and took a few deep breaths as he stared wide-eyed into the mirror. “You can do this,” he told his frightened blue-grey eyes. He gave himself a brisk nod, checked his teeth one last time, and went out the door.

He sang along with the radio the whole drive there, flipping around to find the upbeat country songs that matched his hopeful mood. He drummed on the steering wheel with his fingertips and bobbed his head to the beat. The whole time he thought, _This had better be the last time I ever make this drive._

He followed the signs for Inmate Processing—Intake and Release. They led him to yet another gravel parking lot, smaller than the others, with only a door set directly into a barbed wire-topped concrete wall and a sign that said: Inmate Processing—Entrance.

Rhett checked his face in the rearview mirror one last time. _Yep, still got a face._ He laughed at himself as he shook his head ruefully. He was nervous like he was showing up for a first date, only a hundred times worse. He got out of the car and tugged his sweater and jacket down, smoothing them over his chest. _Here goes everything._

He passed through the heavy steel door and entered a small waiting area with a reception desk behind reinforced glass, staffed by a man in a security guard uniform. There was no metal detector in sight; whoever passed through into the prison beyond was presumably subjected to a more rigorous search that would make the machine unnecessary.

Rhett went over to the guard who looked up at him with a polite smile. “Good morning. Picking someone up today?”

Rhett grinned. “Yessir. Rhett McLaughlin here for Charles Neal.”

The man had him spell both names as he typed them in. He also asked for Rhett’s driver’s license and made a copy of it before handing it back to him and telling him to have a seat. “Mr. Neal will be right out.”

Rhett smiled broadly as he sat down on the edge of one of the chairs. No more calling Link “the inmate” or referring to him by number. This was really happening; he was really going to be allowed to take his friend out of this terrible place.

Less than a minute passed before the inner door opened and Link entered the waiting room. He was wearing the same outfit he’d had on last June when they said goodbye in Link’s mother’s driveway. The dark blue t-shirt still brought out the brilliance of his eyes even as it hung slack and far too large off the bony knobs of his shoulders. The dark jeans, which had been loose before, now only clung precariously to his hips.  He clutched a large white plastic bag in both hands that didn’t seem to have much in it.

He had an uneasy smile on his clean-shaven face that broke into a huge grin as his eyes met Rhett’s. He quickly covered the short distance between them as Rhett sprang to his feet and opened his arms, and Link rushed into his embrace and wrapped his arms around the taller man’s waist. Rhett enfolded him in a tight hug as his heart leapt at the feel of Link’s body pressed into his. Link let out a short “oof” as the taller man squeezed him joyfully.

“You’re here,” Link spoke roughly into Rhett’s chest. “That must mean I’m not dreaming.”

Rhett pressed his face into the man’s short hair and took a deep breath of the harsh soap and subtle scent of skin and sweat. “I feel the same way,” he murmured. “I couldn’t believe it a hundred percent until I saw you out of that uniform.”

Link stepped back, and Rhett had to consciously tell his arms to let the man go. Fortunately, his friend didn’t go far as he gestured to his own body with a grin. “Well, what do you think? Still as stylish as ever?”

Rhett took the opportunity to look the man up and down, drinking in the sight of him without the glass to interfere with his view. Link was thinner, yes, but the t-shirt revealed sharp definition in the muscles of his arms and torso. The low position of his jeans hinted at the rounded planes of his pelvic bones and a flat, taut stomach.  Rhett tore his gaze back up to Link’s eyes, which were still shadowed with tiredness but sparkling with an energy that hadn’t been there in months. Rhett chuckled. “Don’t worry, you’re a fashion icon.”

“Awesome.” Link reached out and grabbed Rhett’s hand. “C’mon, let’s go. I’ve had enough of this place to last a lifetime.”

Rhett’s hand grasped his friend’s reflexively as the smaller man led him out the door into the bright midday sunshine. Once they’d taken a few steps onto the gravel, Link released him and stopped, tilting his head far back and staring up at the sky as he filled his lungs with the cold, dry air.

Rhett stood silently to the side, giving Link space, watching the sunlight play over his pale skin. After a few deep breaths, the brunet turned to him, his eyes glimmering and wet. “I can’t believe I’m out. I just can’t believe it.”

Link was so beautiful in that moment that Rhett had already taken a step toward him, his only thought: _Kiss him_. Rhett’s hands came up, reaching, when the other man spun away from him, oblivious.

Link’s voice was agitated as he scanned the lot. “C’mon, let’s go,” he said again. He found Rhett’s car and headed toward it. “I keep thinkin’ someone’s gonna come through that door and tell me they made a mistake, that I have to go back.” He chafed his bare arms. “’Sides, it’s freezing out here.”

Rhett swallowed as he rushed after his friend, trying to quash the sudden burst of desire. “Okay, man, let’s go.”

They got into the car and Rhett started the engine and turned up the heat. It was still warm from his drive to the prison and the cab was soon comfortable. He glanced over at his friend who sat upright in the passenger seat, still clutching the white plastic bag, and gestured at it with his chin. “What you got there?”

“The stuff you and my mom brought me. Magazines, a couple paperbacks… the prom pic, of course.”

Rhett laughed. “Of course! Can’t lose that gem.”

“Never.” Link twisted around and deposited the bag into the back seat, brushing past Rhett’s shoulder on the way by.

They pulled out of the parking lot and drove slowly through the prison grounds. When they passed out of the exit and onto the paved road, both men let out long, relieved breaths. Link started to chuckle quietly at first, gradually increasing to a full-on guffaw as Rhett joined him. For a few minutes the air was filled with pure, hysterical joy.

When the mirth died down, Rhett reached over and patted Link’s knee. He left his hand there and gave the bones a squeeze. “It’s so good to have you back, buddy. I can’t even express it.”

Link’s hand came down over his and squeezed it in turn. “Thanks, man. It still feels like I’m dreaming.”

Rhett glanced down and saw Link’s knuckles were still cracked, the skin yellow with old bruises and purple with new. Rhett raised his brow at them. “You still feeling the need to hit stuff on occasion?”

Link pulled his hand away, looking out the window. “I’ve had some bad moments. Even knowing I was gettin’ out didn’t stop the nightmares. But maybe now it’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, I hope so.” Rhett brought his hand back to the wheel after giving Link’s knee a parting pat. He regretted asking the question now that it had clearly made the other man uncomfortable, and he felt the pang of loss of Link’s hand over his. They rode for a few miles in silence before Rhett cleared his throat. “So, ah, anywhere special you wanna go? Or should we just go back to my apartment and unwind for a bit before we go to your mom’s?”

Link thought for a minute as he watched the farmland pass by. “The river,” he said quietly.

“The river?” Rhett echoed. It was obvious what Link meant: the Cape Fear River on whose banks they’d spent so much time when they were younger. They’d loved it, especially when they got old enough to go without their parents. It was a special, private place they’d spent countless hours exploring together. They’d never gone when it was this cold out, though. It wasn’t likely to be very hospitable.

Link’s voice was decisive. “Yeah, I wanna see it. I’ve missed it.”

“The water must be so cold.”

“I’m not gonna go swimming or anything. We can just sit on the rocks for a bit. I wanna be out where there aren’t any people or walls or… anything like that.”

“Okay, buddy, we’ll go there.”

“Cool.” Link smiled over at him, the awkwardness gone. They spoke cheerfully for the rest of the ride as Link filled him in on the details of the hearing and the particulars of his parole, and Rhett told him everything he needed to know about the apartment they’d be sharing.

Rhett felt better with each mile they put between themselves and Craven, but was also aware of a slow buildup of butterflies in his stomach. He clenched the wheel tightly, chewing on his bottom lip as he listened to Link talk. The man had so much already on his plate with his transition back to normal life, did he really need to deal with his best friend being in love with him too? On the other hand, the secret was looming large inside of Rhett’s head, making him feel like he was lying to Link every moment he failed to confess. He had to say something soon. But when was he going to make his move? How could be begin to tell Link how he felt? 


	22. Chapter 22

Rhett took them to the turnoff that was closest to their favorite part of the river and parked the car. When they opened the doors, a chill wind blew through the cab, whipping Rhett’s hair across his forehead. Rhett looked over to the man in a t-shirt sitting beside him. “Aren’t you gonna be cold?”

Link shook his head. “Nah, I’ll be fine.”

“Why don’t you take my jacket?”

“Then _you’ll_ be cold.”

“I got a sweater. Don’t be silly.”

Link looked at him for a moment, his expression uncertain, then shrugged and smiled. “Yeah, all right. It’s hard… I have to remember I’m no longer in a place where favors always come with strings attached.”

Rhett got out of the car and unzipped his jacket, letting it fall from his shoulders. He went around to the passenger side and handed the garment over to Link as the man stood up. “No strings, I promise.” The sweater he was wearing was warm enough, and even if it weren’t, the thrill of being with Link again made him entirely numb to the cold.

Link pulled the jacket over his bare arms and zipped it up. He stuck out his hands and they both laughed at how the cuffs hung past his fingertips. The brunet hugged himself tightly and grinned. “Mmm, you’re warm.” He sniffed. “Smell good too.”

Rhett laughed and turned away to hide his blush. “Thanks, dude.”

“Don’t get too excited; a cow pasture would smell good after where I’ve been.”

“I’ll take what I can get.”

Link chuckled as they headed into the woods, following the path to the riverbank. The trees were grey and mostly bare; the ground squelched with a thin layer of mud over frozen dirt. They picked their way slowly, climbing over fallen logs and ducking under branches that had bowed in recent storms. As he had since they were children, Rhett led the way, finding the safest route for Link to follow after.

They arrived at the riverbank to the familiar sight of large, flat boulders with shallow water swirling at their bases. Link walked to the edge and squatted down, dipping the fingertips of one hand into the water as if saying hello to the river. “You’re right,” he said over his shoulder, “It’s practically ice.”

The man kept his fingers submerged for a minute or more, staring down at the small eddies that swirled between them. Rhett watched silently, respecting his friend’s desire to commune with nature, but eventually began to worry about the pain he must be feeling from the cold water. Just as Rhett was about to say something and prompt Link from his reverie, the man stood back up and wiped his hand dry on his jeans. He climbed onto the taller rock and folded his legs under himself, facing out toward the rushing water. Rhett sat down likewise on the smaller rock next to him and they contemplated the river together without speaking.

Eventually Link cleared his throat. “Remember that crazy thunderstorm when we were camping out here… summer of seventh grade, I think?”

“Oh yeah, that was nuts. Worst storm I’ve ever seen, save for a hurricane.” Rhett’s dad had dropped them off on a bright morning for one of their first solo camping trips, and the clouds had rolled in suddenly that night as the sun was going down. They’d huddled together in the tent as the rain sheeted down and the wind whipped the branches overhead.

“I was so scared,” Link said, “but you were fine. You knew we’d survive.”

As Rhett recalled, he’d known Link was freaking out and had put on a brave face to make the kid feel better. Being strong for another person had always been easier than being strong for himself. He remembered the small boy clinging to him and whimpering with fear, both of them flinching with every crack of thunder. They’d eventually fallen asleep tangled together, waking up in the tent with puddles of water on the floor and half the poles snapped by the storm. “I was scared too, man. But I remember thinking there was no one I’d rather face the end of the world with.”

Link grinned at him. They proceeded to talk about other adventures they’d had on the river over the years, from the times they’d brought their friends and partied all night, to the entire weekends they’d passed with just the two of them in rambling philosophical conversation. As dubious as Rhett had been about coming to the river that day, he realized that being here with Link made him feel more certain than anything else that his friend was finally home.

After they had been there for an hour or so, Rhett was really starting to feel the cold seeping into his bones from the rock underneath him. Link was curling in tighter on himself, hunching his body against the wind and hiding his hands inside the sleeves of Rhett’s jacket. His cheeks were red and his words began to come more slowly through half-numbed lips; it looked as though he might be shivering.

“You cold, man?” Rhett asked. “Wanna go?”

“It’s cold, y-yeah, but I don’t w-wanna go just yet.”

“Well, here then.”

Rhett got up and clambered onto the rock next to his friend. He sat down close to Link, pressing the side of his hip and thigh into the other man’s, and raised his arm. Link moved under it and leaned on his chest, hooking his arm around Rhett’s waist, and Rhett squeezed the man’s shoulders gently.

After a few minutes, Link’s shivering ceased. “You’re always so dang warm,” he muttered.

“Glad to be of service,” Rhett chuckled. The feel of Link’s arm around him was wonderful. He pressed his lips into the man’s short hair, nuzzling slowly from side to side, feeling the soft prickly sensation over his cheeks. _Tell him_ , he yelled at himself. _Tell him now._

Rhett opened his mouth to speak, but his mind was blank. How could he risk a lifetime of comfort and brotherly companionship on a gamble like this? His mind raced back and forth, terror and hope locked in an agonized struggle. He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting with his confession on the tip of his tongue by the time Link stirred.

The man pulled his head away far enough to look up into Rhett’s eyes. “Everything okay?”

Rhett’s eyes flicked down involuntarily to Link’s lips, inches away from his own, dry from the wind and deep pink from the cold. He looked back to the man’s mesmerizing eyes, their pupils shrunk to pinpoints in the bright sun, their cerulean blue overwhelming. “Um, yeah… why?”

Link spoke softly, staying close. “Your heart’s racing.”

Their eyes were locked and Rhett felt himself falling. “Link, I…” he licked his lips, then drew the corner of the bottom one between his teeth. He took a deep breath. “I… have something I need to tell you.”

He watched the man’s eyes widen, his pupils dilating slightly as he became concerned. When Rhett didn’t continue right away, Link squeezed him around the waist. “Okay…? Should I be worried? Are you dying?”

Rhett let out a short bark of nervous laughter. “No, no, it’s not that. It’s fine. It’s nothing bad, it just might… be a surprise, is all.”

Link continued to watch him carefully, eyes flicking down to where Rhett chewed his lip. “You’re still scaring me a little, man.”

Rhett began to regret starting down this topic of conversation. Despite the hundreds of times he’d rehearsed in his head, it wasn’t going anything like he’d planned. Instead of a dignified, eloquent revelation of his heart, this felt like a stumbling, flailing plunge down the side of a rocky cliff. He couldn’t stick to the script he’d written for himself in light of the unguarded face looking up at him, or the sweet taste of the air passing from Link’s lips to his own.

But he couldn’t go back now without worrying Link even more; he could only go forward. “I’m sorry, it’s just…” He looked out over the water, watching the ripples flow around the rocks. “I’m scared, I guess. I don’t really know how to tell you… I don’t want to screw up our friendship or make things awkward or make you feel like you have to… respond in a certain way…” he trailed off and looked back to Link’s face, dreading what he’d see.

The man’s expression changed from apprehension to a slowly dawning suspicion. “Rhett, are you saying… you can’t be… what _are_ you saying?”

Rhett looked away again, unable to bear seeing his friend’s reaction. “Over the past year or so, ever since we started getting close again, it’s become clear to me… I’ve realized…” He took a deep breath and flung himself in to the unknown, praying with all his heart he was doing the right thing. “I realized that I like… guys. I don’t know, maybe I’ve always been interested in guys… too, I mean, I still like girls…”

He rushed on, terrified by the knowledge that when he stopped talking, Link would respond. “I guess, what I’m saying is that I’m bisexual, maybe. I don’t know if that’s what you… I mean, if you like girls too, or what, but that doesn’t really matter right now…”

He felt Link begin to speak and plowed ahead before the man could, staring hard at the rocks below them, eyes following the variegated colors without actually seeing them. “What matters is the reason I’m telling you this, because when we were bunking together, I started thinking I might like you as… as more than a friend or even more than a brother, but I kept it to myself….” his voice was starting to crack. “I thought it would go away while you were gone, but then I found out about Tanner and realized maybe it didn’t need to go away, if there was a chance that you… that you—“

“Rhett.” Link’s voice cut through Rhett’s rambling and stopped it cold. The taller man swallowed hard and forced himself to face his best friend, his heart pounding in sheer terror of what he would see.

Link looked up at him with wide, shocked eyes, one edge of his lips curled up in the faintest of smiles. _This is it,_ Rhett thought, _He’s gonna mock the hell out of me. Maybe that’s for the best, we can just laugh and pretend this never happened._

“Yes, Link?”

“Can you please shut up for one second?”

Before Rhett could respond, the other man leaned up, smoothly closing the distance between them and pressing his lips to Rhett’s in a soft kiss. He lingered, holding still as the electricity of it jolted through Rhett’s soul. The larger man froze for a moment, unable to believe what was happening, until instinct took over and he began to tentatively return the kiss with a small noise of surprise and desire.

Link’s lips felt cool and dry at first, but they soon warmed under their shared heat. Rhett kept his arms around Link’s shoulders as the man’s hands clutched at Rhett’s waist, holding him tightly. They moved their lips softly together, exploring with a timid, trembling eagerness. The firmness of the stubble around Link’s lips gave the kiss a rough and masculine edge, and Rhett’s chest flushed hot with relief and hope and a rapidly ascending desire.

Link was pliant against him as he traced his cold fingertips down the taller man’s neck, making him shiver. Rhett was nearly senseless with shock; he couldn’t believe this was Link in his arms, kissing him eagerly. He hadn’t allowed himself to hope, knowing how painful the disappointment would be, and now he was entirely unprepared for his dreams to be fulfilled. He pulled back slightly with the breathless thought that he needed to say something, even though he wasn’t sure what.

“Link, I—“

The smaller man murmured against his lips and Rhett could feel his smile. “I thought I told you to shut up.”

Rhett chuckled and their mouths met again, this time with more passion and fewer questions. Or rather, the questions were of a different sort. No more _Is this okay?_ But rather, _How far is this going to go right now?_

Link’s hand wandered to the edge of Rhett’s jaw as he parted his lips in invitation. Rhett pressed the tip of his tongue lightly into the man’s mouth, and the sweet taste that met him tore a rough groan from deep in his throat. Link echoed it with one of his own as their tongues danced gently along each other. Their breathing grew heavier, their grasping hands more insistent. Link swung both of his legs over Rhett’s and the larger man pulled him sideways into his lap, never breaking the kiss. He cupped the back of Link’s head, running his fingers over the short hair and feeling the muscles flex in the man’s neck.

Link’s large mouth and full, mobile lips skillfully teased Rhett’s own. The smaller man’s weight shifted over Rhett’s groin, pressing into him, making Rhett’s lust surge hot and fast. Rhett ran his hand up the outside of Link’s leg from knee to hip, then pushed his fingers under the man’s jacket and shirt. The bare skin of Link’s waist was soft and warm and Rhett spread his hand over it, feeling the brunet’s body arch under his touch.

Rhett’s desire rushed through him like a flash flood. He clutched Link tightly, grasping the edge of the man’s heaving ribs with one hand and wrapping the other around the curve of his neck and shoulder, supporting him with his arm and bending him back under the force of his kiss. He thrust his tongue hard into Link’s mouth, using his own lips to push the man’s jaw open wider, seeking to taste even more of him. He began to work his hand under the loose waistband of the man’s jeans, feeling ravenous and wild.

It took him far too long to realize Link’s eagerness had vanished. The man’s narrow fingertips now pressed against Rhett’s chest and his lips were slack as he tried to turn his face away. Rhett held him in place reflexively for a few seconds before he registered the change in the man’s demeanor and pulled back, releasing him. The smaller man put his palms on the rock and shoved himself off of Rhett’s lap, tumbling gracelessly to the side and catching himself just before falling. He twisted away and drew his legs up to his chest, hugging them and pressing his face into his knees.

“I’m sorry,” he said roughly, his voice muffled. “I’m sorry.”

Rhett stared, confused and dismayed by Link’s sudden transformation. “What…? It’s okay, buddy.” He reached out a tentative hand to pat the man’s shoulder, but pulled back when Link flinched at the touch. He could see his friend taking quick, shuddering breaths, and twin knives of guilt and fear lanced through him. Had he somehow managed to screw things up already? “Did I… did I do something wrong?”

Link lifted his head and turned back to face him with wide eyes. “No! No, it’s just…” he took a couple of deep breaths and controlled his expression with effort. “Sorry, I… I’m a little nervous being out in public like this. I didn’t want things to go… too far.” His eyes darted away over the water and the muscles flexed in his jaw. “That’s all.”

Rhett was going to point out that the riverbank was hardly public; the chances of another person being out here at this time of year were basically zero. The intensity of Link’s reaction made him suspect there was something more going on here, though, while at the same time the look on the man’s face said he was not ready to discuss it. Rhett strove to keep his tone light. “Oh, no problem, man. I get it, no need to apologize. Sorry if I went too far.”

Link’s eyelashes fluttered as he blinked at the river; he seemed to relax a little at Rhett’s quick acceptance. “It’s okay.”

“You still like me back, though, right?” Rhett tried to sound like he was joking, but his heart was in his throat.

The brunet turned and smiled at him. “Yeah. I still like you back.”

“Thank God,” Rhett said, and Link laughed a little. Rhett opened his arms, and after a second’s hesitation, the smaller man gingerly moved into them. Rhett kept still, waiting for his friend to get comfortable, and eventually Link cuddled back up to his chest with a sigh. Rhett held him lightly with one arm around his shoulders, careful not to overwhelm him again. They sat in silence for a few minutes as Rhett tamped his desire down, happy just to be holding Link close again.

He gave the man a chaste kiss on the top of his head. “I was so scared to tell you,” he murmured. “I can’t stand the idea of screwing up this friendship.”

Link’s breath puffed warm on Rhett’s neck as he replied. “It would’ve been nice to know while I was in prison, so I had something to look forward to. But I can’t blame you. Look how long it took me to tell you about Tanner.”

The name brought a flash of jealousy even now that the man was out of the picture. “Was he the first guy … Is he the one who made you realize you liked guys?”

Link laughed more heartily this time. He sat up a little, looking at Rhett with sparkling eyes. “No, doofus. He was supposed to _distract_ me from the first guy I ever noticed, since I always assumed _that_ guy was straight.” He leaned up and nuzzled Rhett’s nose.

Rhett grinned, enjoying the little stroke to his ego and relieved that Link’s light mood had returned. “Really?”

Link nodded. “I had the worst crush on you in high school. I figured when we got to college I needed to focus on someone else if we were ever gonna stay friends.” His expression got more serious. “Sometimes, I guess, drinking helped me forget you a little bit easier.  But it wasn’t like I was faking it with Tanner. We had a good thing going for a while. I cared for him a lot, despite…” he trailed off.

“I wish you’d said something to me, man.”

“In high school? Honestly?”

Rhett recalled the insecurities of his teenage years, how important his image and his peers’ opinions had been. He shrugged. “I dunno, maybe.” He gently caressed Link’s back through the thick leather jacket. “I just hate the idea of wasted time.”

Link nodded, then reached for Rhett’s hand and pulled it in front of him to look at the man’s watch. “Speaking of time, my mom’s expecting us in half an hour.”

Rhett felt like they’d only scratched the surface of everything they needed to say to each other. There were so many things he wanted to tell Link, so many questions he wanted to ask. But maybe it was enough for the moment that he could lean forward and kiss his friend just as he’d been dreaming about, only this time the real Link kissed him back. Rhett felt his desire surge again and broke off the kiss before he could get carried away. “I can’t wait to get you back to my apartment tonight,” he said with a grin. “It’s got all the privacy we need.”

Link got to his feet and looked out over the water. “Oh yeah… that’ll be great.” He shot a quick smile over his shoulder, then bent down to swirl his fingers through the water one last time before straightening up and following Rhett down the path toward the car.

Rhett had to repress the urge to skip along the muddy ground as the happiness bubbled inside of him. He’d finally made his confession and Link had returned his feelings beyond anything he’d allowed himself to hope. His knees were weak from the passion of their kisses and the anticipation of what they’d do together soon. He saw a whole new world unfurling before them of things they would experience together, now that they were best friends and something more besides.

Something more, but not labeled yet. It hardly seemed necessary to label it, he thought, since it was obvious how they felt about each other. In retrospect, it had been obvious for years.

It was only when he occasionally looked back at Link walking behind him that he felt a thin trickle of unease, a faint inkling of how unknown the future might be. His friend stumbled down the path lost in thought, staring into space at things Rhett couldn’t see, chewing at the knuckle on his index finger until the scab opened and bled. 


	23. Chapter 23

Link’s mother must have been watching from the window because she opened the door and came out as soon as Rhett pulled into the driveway and parked. Link stood up from the car as she reached it and they hugged each other tightly. Rhett took his time getting out of the car to give them some privacy for their reunion, but when he saw they’d separated, he came over and gave Sue a big hug of his own. “Thanks for taking care of him,” she told Rhett. “I see you’ve loaned him your jacket.”

Rhett grinned. “How could you tell?”

“He’s practically swimming in it!”

“I am not!” Link called with mock-petulance, and they all laughed.

She beamed up at the two boys .“C’mon inside, I made fried chicken.”

Link pumped his fist. “Yesss!”

Dinner was a celebration, with the three of them joking and laughing and keeping the conversation light. They didn’t talk about Link’s experiences at Craven; they focused on the future. Link needed to get settled in at Rhett’s place, find a job, and start the process of re-enrolling at NCSU in time for classes in the fall.

He and Rhett were not overtly affectionate in front of Link’s mom. They’d discussed it on the drive over and decided it wasn’t the right time to tell her about the two of them, not with everything else that was going on. Still, their knees brushed continuously under the table, and they frequently exchanged warm glances throughout the conversation.

For once, Link ate more than Rhett did, smacking his lips heartily around the crispy chicken skin. He seemed to be starving and declared it the best meal he’d had since the last time he’d been at the house. Rhett, for his part, was nervous and distracted from the food. As happy as he was to see Link enjoying himself, he was eager to get them both back to his place.

As soon as they’d cleaned their plates, Rhett got to his feet to help with the dishes. He told Link to stay put with a hearty pat to the man’s shoulder. “You just sit back and relax, buddy. It’s like your birthday and Christmas rolled into one.”

Link grinned up at him and leaned back, putting a foot up on Rhett’s recently vacated chair. “I ain’t gonna argue with that.”

The three of them continued their conversation while Rhett and Sue did the dishes. She packed up a bunch of leftovers for them to take back with them as they discussed the gameplan for getting Link’s things over to Rhett’s place. It was determined they’d be able to fit all of his essential items — clothes and toiletries mostly — into Rhett’s car now, and he’d come back later in the week for the rest. Link disappeared to his childhood bedroom to pack and came back downstairs with a large duffel bag and a backpack slung over his shoulder. He’d put on his hooded sweatshirt with thin horizontal stripes in a variety of colors.

“All set?” Rhett asked, reaching out for the larger bag.

Link handed it to him and picked up the tupperware with the leftovers. “Yep! Let’s go see this luxury apartment of yours.”

“Ours, now,” Rhett corrected him.

Link smiled and turned to hug his mom goodbye. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he told her. 

“Thanks, honey. You let me know if you boys need anything for your place.” She gave Rhett a quick hug too, then walked them to the door. She watched from the stoop as they put the bags into the backseat and got into the car, and they waved to her as they pulled out of the driveway.

They chatted about the dinner on the half-hour drive to the apartment. Link was cheerful and a little sleepy from the fried food, and leaned back against the headrest with his eyes closed while he talked. Rhett glanced over frequently, watching the streetlights play over the man’s face with a warm, nervous feeling in his stomach. He reached out and squeezed the man’s thigh, and Link took his hand and held it gently in his lap.

They got to the apartment and Rhett hefted the duffel bag onto his shoulder as he led the way up to the third floor. He opened the door and flipped on the light, then stepped inside and turned to see Link’s reaction. The smaller man entered the room and looked around with a big smile on his face. “Wow, this is a lot of space.”

“It is!” They deposited their bags on the floor and Rhett gave the man a brief tour. Despite being only one room and a bathroom, the high ceilings made the place feel quite large. Rhett had set up his bed against the wall furthest from the bathroom. Next to it was a small sitting area with a couch and television, then the kitchenette with a small dining table beyond that. There wasn’t much in the way of decorations, but it wasn’t cluttered either. Rhett thought it was pretty cozy.

Link seemed especially excited about the bathroom. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been able to take a crap in private?” he asked.

Rhett laughed. “Uhm. About eight months?”

“About that, yeah.”

“That must’ve sucked.”

“It was no picnic, lemme tell you.”

He showed Link the contents of the fridge and cabinets, grinning when pride when Link approved of his grocery purchases. The brunet also took note of the liquor on the countertop, currently a few bottles of dark rum and one of Southern Comfort. The fridge had couple of six packs of beer as well, and Link nodded appreciatively. “All for me?” he asked with a smile.

“I may have developed a little taste for it while you were gone,” Rhett admitted. “Just a little.”

“Awesome, now I don’t have to drink alone.”

Rhett led the man over to the piece of furniture he was most proud of — his bed. He’d spent some of his summer job earnings on a king sized mattress and box spring, tired of his feet dangling off anything smaller. He’d made the bed meticulously before he left and the white cotton sheets were bright and crisp. Link seemed impressed. “Wow, that’s the biggest bed I’ve ever seen.”

Rhett turned to him and brought his hands to the man’s waist, spreading his fingers over the soft striped shirt. “I’m glad I got it,” he said. “Now we’ll have enough room for both of us.” He gently pulled Link closer to him until their chests were touching, and Link put his arms up around the taller man’s shoulders. He added, “For sleeping, or… other things.”

He bent down and kissed Link softly at first, but deepened it when his lust quickly flared. As Link’s lips parted tentatively, Rhett ran his hands down the sides of the man’s hips, pressing their lower bodies together. He broke off and regarded the shorter man, who looked up at him with widened eyes. Rhett murmured, “God, I’ve thought about this so much, what it would be like to have you here.” He walked his fingers back up to the waistband of the man’s jeans and clutched it as he bent down to Link’s neck and ran his lips along the warm skin.

Link shivered and let his head fall to the side, his breath puffing quickly across Rhett’s ear. Rhett ran the point of his tongue alongside the man’s Adam’s apple, tasting the skin he’d dreamed of for months. He nibbled lightly and heard a soft moan in response as Link’s arms tightened around him. Encouraged, he took a step forward, guiding the man back until Link’s shoulders hit the wall behind him. Rhett bit down slightly harder on the delicate skin with a short growl, pressing the other man’s body between himself and the wall. He moved to undo the button just below the man’s navel, his heart pounding in anticipation.

Link’s thumbs dug into Rhett’s shoulders as the smaller man made a quiet noise of distress. The muscles in his arms and back were suddenly tense, his body no longer pliant. The larger man stopped and leaned back, looking at his friend’s face. “What’s wrong?”

Link sidestepped a little so he was no longer against the wall, looking up with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, mind if I take a shower first? I can still smell prison.”

“Oh! Sure, yeah, of course you wanna do that.” Rhett felt his face heat up with the realization of how forward he was being. It was such a relief to be able to speak the contents of his heart aloud, he’d forgotten that Link might find it overwhelming. _Let the guy get settled in,_ he admonished himself.

Link rummaged through the duffel bag and pulled out a towel. He slung it over his shoulder as he headed toward the bathroom, taking a detour past the fridge. He shot a sly grin over his shoulder at Rhett as he pulled out one of the six-packs. “Might as well go all out my first night as a free man!”

Rhett laughed. “Beer in the shower? Maybe you should try a bath instead.”

Link entered the bathroom and considered the tub as he deposited the six-pack next to one of its clawed feet. It was large and white and gleaming; Rhett had scrubbed the porcelain just that morning. “You know, that’s not a bad idea. Let’s go for true luxury here. Got any bubble bath?”

“Hmm, that’s not usually something I keep on hand,” Rhett pondered. He entered the bathroom and rummaged around under the sink, eventually pulling out a large clear bottle with a yellow label and lots of tiny white text. “Orange scented okay?”

Link took it from him and opened the cap to take a sniff. “Mm, not bad. Thanks.”

“It’s your lucky day.” Rhett shrugged. “I got it ages ago for camping and never used it.”

He showed Link how to turn on the finicky old faucet and stopper up the drain. Link dispensed some soap under the streaming water and the room filled with the faint, sweet scent of citrus. When the air began to get steamy, he pulled off his shirt and let it fall to the floor. He unfastened his jeans and pushed them and his underwear down, stepping out of them and kicking them to the side. He was entirely naked by the time he looked at Rhett standing by the sink, and noticed the man was staring at him in surprise.

Link blushed. “Oh, sorry. I’m so used to showering in front of other people now, I forgot that’s not… how normal people do it.”

“That’s okay, man, so long as you don’t mind me enjoying the view.” Link grinned and gestured at himself, striking a pose as if to say _Go right ahead._ Rhett took the opportunity gladly and let his eyes rove over the man’s lithe form, feasting on the sight of him. They’d been naked together before, of course, given that they’d shared a dorm room, but Rhett had never really looked. Now, he _looked_.

Link’s body was all lean muscles and sharp edges; his skin was pale under dark body hair. Collarbones stood out sharply to either side of the deep notch at the base of his long neck. The ripples of his ribs were visible over the indentation of his waist, and his pelvic bones were keen edges underneath the skin. The man was painfully thin, but it did nothing to detract from his beauty. In an effort to behave himself, Rhett didn’t let his eyes linger too long on Link’s manhood in its thicket of dark hair, but a quick glance was enough to confirm that it was quite impressive even in its unaroused state.

He licked his lips reflexively. Of course he wanted desperately to do more than look; he wanted to touch and taste. But he knew Link wanted to relax and get clean first, and Rhett wouldn’t begrudge him that. “I, ah… I should go and let you enjoy your bath.”

“Thanks.” Link smiled as he lifted a leg and placed it gingerly into the water, hissing with pleasure at the heat. Rhett watched him get settled into the tub, the tall sides coming up to his shoulders even though he was sitting upright. The man leaned back, sinking under the water until the frothy suds came up to his collarbones. He closed his eyes with a sigh, looking blissfully content, and Rhett’s heart warmed to see it.

“I’ll be right outside if you need anything,” Rhett told him.

“Thanks, man,” Link said again. Rhett left the door ajar and moved to the couch, turning on the television and finding a basketball game for background noise. He got out his homework and flipped through it to find what was due on Monday, listening to the occasional slosh of water and contented groans from the bathroom and trying to quell his impatience for the man to emerge.

After about twenty minutes, he heard Link call his name. “Mm?” Rhett called back. “You need something, buddy?”

Link’s voice was light, almost singsong. “Can you c’mere?”

Rhett entered the bathroom to see the man sprawled languidly in the tub, one calf resting on the lip of it and a brown bottle dangling from his hand. Thick white suds on top of the water obscured most of the rest of his body. Link’s head rolled to face him as he looked up with a lopsided grin. “I need help washing m’back.” His words were slightly slurred.

Rhett looked at the six pack by the foot of the tub and saw that the man was already on beer number three. It seemed a bit fast, but on the other hand, he wasn’t going to complain if Link wanted to enjoy himself a bit; he certainly deserved it.

Rhett moved toward the tub and looked down at his friend. “Umm, okay.” He picked up the wet washcloth from where it had been draped over the edge and held it out awkwardly. “You gonna lean forward?”

Link patted the tub. “It’d be easier if you got in ‘ere with me.”

Rhett raised a brow. “You think so?”

“Definitely.”

The brunet took a long pull from his beer as he kept his hooded eyes on Rhett’s. His flushed lips seemed to linger around the mouth of the bottle for longer than necessary, and Rhett found himself staring as warmth rekindled in his groin. He swallowed. “Oh… okay.”

He felt Link’s eyes on him as he took off his clothes, striving to be as casual about getting naked in front of someone as Link had been. As he stepped out of his pants and approached the tub, the smaller man stared shamelessly at his body. “Nice,” he breathed. “You been workin’ out.”

“A little, yeah.” Rhett struck a pose of his own, flexing his arms and chest as he raised a single brow in what he hoped was a seductive manner.

Link snorted. “Ooh baby, bring that over here.”

He shifted forward to make room behind him in the tub and Rhett carefully climbed in, trying not to splash a lot of water out. It took them some maneuvering to get their limbs arranged, but eventually Rhett sat down behind Link with his legs around the man’s waist, his knees bent. Rhett’s back was against the tub and Link leaned back against his chest, taking one of Rhett’s arms and pulling it around himself. 

Once they’d settled in, Rhett became acutely aware of Link’s backside pressing between his thighs and the delicious electricity of their bare skin contact. He looked down at the suds lapping the flushed skin of Link’s shoulders and chest and leaving tiny bubbles in the dark wisps of body hair. The smaller man turned his head and nuzzled Rhett’s bicep, then traced his sharp teeth along the skin.

“Hey,” Rhett whispered, his mouth close to Link’s ear.

“Mmm?”

“I thought you wanted me to wash your back.”

“That was a pretense,” Link explained with a giggle. “Pretty clever, huh.”

Rhett grinned. “Oh yeah, you’re a genius.” He leaned down and kissed behind the man’s ear, taking a deep breath of his scent. There was no more industrial soap; now it was just the faint sweetness of his skin overlaid with a delicate hint of citrus. He dragged his tongue along the man’s earlobe and felt him shiver in response.

Link pressed back against him, tilting his head to the side in invitation. Rhett nibbled along his neck and the man moaned softly, his hips moving under the water. His silky skin rubbed against Rhett’s burgeoning erection, and Rhett was sure the smaller man could feel it now.

Link brought the bottle to his lips and tilted it up, his Adam’s apple bouncing as he finished it off. He leaned over and put it on the floor where it fell and clattered on the tiles. When he sat back up, he twisted sideways against Rhett’s chest and draped one arm around the bigger man’s shoulders, using the leverage to pull himself close for a kiss.  

Rhett leaned down and met him eagerly, both men opening their mouths. Link’s lips were slack from the alcohol and he tasted strongly of beer as he thrust his tongue against Rhett’s, his fingertips digging into the top of the larger man’s back. The sloppy wetness of the kiss combined with Link’s hip sliding against Rhett’s groin made him groan, and the sensation of the other man’s erection against his inner thigh made him dizzy with lust.

He ran his hands down Link’s sides and caressed his ass, cupping the firm muscle and pulling Link against him. The brunet reached up to the lip of the tub and tried to use it to pull himself higher into Rhett’s lap, but his hands slipped and he fell back down onto the man’s chest, giggling as the water sloshed over the side.  “Oops.” He fumbled a dripping hand up to the side of Rhett’s face, cupping it roughly and mashing their lips together again.

As he yielded to the aggressive kissing, with Link’s tongue feeling large and uncoordinated in his mouth, Rhett realized that the other man was, in fact, quite drunk. He did some quick calculations: three beers in twenty-five minutes, given Link’s low weight and the fact that he probably hadn’t had alcohol in eight months, and it wasn’t surprising it had hit him this hard.

Rhett reluctantly brought his hands up to the man’s face and pushed him gently back. Link looked at him with eyes nearly closed, lips curled into an open-mouthed grin as he playfully fought against Rhett’s grip. Rhett smiled ruefully. “Link, you’re drunk.”

Link’s eyes swam with confusion. “Sss…so?” 

“So I should put you to bed.”

The man’s lips formed an exaggerated pout as Rhett grasped him by the shoulders, supporting him as his head lolled back. “S’not fair,” he whined. ”You get me all worked up and now you don’t wanna—“

“Trust me, Link, I wanna.” He gently squeezed the man’s shoulders. “But not like this. We’ll wait till you’re feelin’ better. You wanna remember it, don’t you?”

He meant it to be a playful question with an obvious answer, but he felt the man tense in his arms. Link gave a little shake of his head and he closed his eyes tightly for a brief moment before looking back up at Rhett with a smile that seemed a little tighter. “Yeah, ‘course.” He ran his tongue along his teeth mischievously. “But I could make you _really_ happy…” he plunged one hand into the water toward Rhett’s crotch, but his uncoordinated fingers didn’t make their target before Rhett caught his elbow.

“You already make me happy.” Rhett leaned forward and kissed Link’s pout. A significant portion of him — the portion located just below his waist — wanted to let Link continue, but he shoved his desire aside. It didn’t feel right, no matter how much Link said he wanted it, to do anything with him in this state. Especially not the first time they were intimate. So instead, he held Link off of him as he clambered to his feet, then hauled the other man up and out of the tub.

Link’s knees wobbled and he clutched Rhett’s arms for balance as the two men stood naked and dripping on the bathmat. Rhett laughed as he fended off increasingly clumsy attempts by the other man to seduce him into changing his mind as they dried themselves off. They hung the wet towels over the curtain bar and Rhett turned his back as Link noisily emptied his bladder into the toilet, then flushed it for him and half-led, half-carried the man to the bed.

Link flopped gracelessly onto the white sheets with a frustrated groan, burying his face in the pillow. Once Rhett saw he wasn’t going anywhere, he retrieved a glass of water from the kitchen and brought it over. He caressed the man’s bare hip. “Drink,” he ordered.

“Such a tease,” Link whined, but he propped himself up on an elbow to accept the glass.

“Sorry.” Once Link had finished the water, Rhett put the glass on the bedside table, then climbed into bed and pulled the covers up over both of them. He turned off the light and cuddled up to Link’s back, sighing contentedly at the feel of the man’s warm, clean skin against his chest and stomach. He hooked his arm over Link’s waist and held him gently. “You’re not gonna barf in my new bed, are ya?”

“Nah.” The man still sounded petulant, but after a minute or two he stretched languidly. “Mmm, real mattress... clean sheets… could get used to this…” he trailed off into incoherent mumbles as he clasped Rhett’s arm in his own. After a little while longer, his breathing turned deep and calm.

Rhett nuzzled the back of Link’s neck, trying to slow his own breathing to match. Fortunately, despite how much his body still wanted to fool around, the physical contact was soothing, and he started to feel sleepy despite his frustrated desire. The emotional exhaustion from everything that happened that day was hitting him pretty hard. The wrenching anxiety of his confession to Link seemed like forever ago now that he had the man here in his bed, and he felt incredibly grateful that they’d arrived at this point together.

Link’s ribs rose and fell under his arm as Rhett stared into the darkness, trying to think of what might await them in the future. Soon, though, the closeness and warmth took the place of his worries, making them seem insubstantial compared to the reality of the man next to him. He kissed the space between Link’s shoulder blades one last time before drifting into a gentle sleep. 


	24. Chapter 24

Rhett awoke to the delicious sensation of Link’s nude body in his arms, which instantly dispelled any lingering feelings that the previous day hadn’t really happened. The smaller man still clutched one of Rhett’s arms across his chest and he made a soft noise in his sleep in response to Rhett nuzzling the back of his neck. One of Link’s legs reached back to twine with Rhett’s as he settled more deeply into the plush mattress.

Rhett considered for a moment seeing if the other man might be interested in fooling around, but the heavy slackness of Link’s form suggested he was still quite asleep, and Rhett decided it would be cruel to wake him. Instead, the larger man gave his friend’s spine a lingering kiss before slowly extracting his limbs from the other man’s and getting out of bed. Before he could go, he indulged himself in lingering admiration of Link’s sleeping face, watching the man’s long eyelashes skim the tops of his pale cheeks and following the curve of his parted lips.

The apartment had cooled overnight and Rhett shivered as he pulled on pajama pants and a bathrobe. He stepped into fuzzy slippers and padded over to the kitchen, turning up the thermostat on the way. He started a pot of coffee and rummaged around in the fridge for the makings of breakfast.

When the scent and crackle of cooking bacon filled the room, Link stirred and stretched. “Am I dreaming?” he called from the bed.

Rhett looked over and grinned. “If you are, we’re in it together, buddy.”

Link took his time getting up and pawing through his bag for a pair of flannel pants. He pulled his striped hoodie over his bare chest and donned a thick pair of wool socks before coming over to the kitchen area. He sat down at the table and held his head in his hands with a soft whimper. “I can’t be dreaming, my headache’s too bad.”

“Aw, baby.”

Rhett poured a glass of orange juice and put it in front of the man along with a couple of tylenol. When Link had consumed both, Rhett traded the glass for a steaming mug of coffee. Link cradled it in his hands as he beamed up at his friend. “You’re being awfully nice.”

“I’m so glad to have you back, I want you to be comfy and happy here.”

“Well, you’re doing a great job so far.”

Rhett set a plate of bacon and waffles in front of him. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

Link chuckled, then tilted his chin up in request. Rhett leaned down and kissed him, tasting bitter coffee and the sweetness of the man himself underneath it.

“Mmm.” Link’s hands came up and grasped Rhett’s waist as he deepened the kiss.

Rhett let himself enjoy it for a little while, then pulled back. “Your food’ll get cold.”

“We can’t have that,” Link agreed, picking up his fork. Rhett retrieved his own plate of food and they ate together. Link gushed compliments about his friend’s cooking abilities as he stuffed his face, and Rhett laughed them off while secretly preening on the inside.

Rhett popped his last bite of waffle into his mouth and chewed while he spoke. “I was thinkin’ we could have a few guys over today to watch the basketball game, kinda like a homecoming party.” Link looked up from his plate as Rhett swallowed and hastily added, “Only if you’re up for it, of course.”

Link chewed a piece of bacon thoroughly before replying. “I think that’d be nice… if you think anyone would come.”

“Of course they would! I’m not the only one who’s been missin’ ya.”

The smaller man smiled. “Awesome, then. I just hope I can remember how to talk to people who aren’t fellow inmates, you, or my ma.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine.” Rhett stood to clear the table, giving the man a reassuring shoulder squeeze on the way by.

It was already nearly noon by the time they’d cleaned up from breakfast and changed into jeans and sweaters. Rhett called a few of their friends on campus — their former roommate Gregg and a couple of other guys from their dorm, plus a few more they’d grown close to in Campus Crusade — and invited them over later in the afternoon. They all responded with eagerness to see Link again.

In the meantime, the two young men unpacked Link’s things into his half of the closet and dresser. They paused frequently for cuddles, at one point taking a brief nap on the couch together. Eventually Link’s headache went away and he started bouncing with anticipation for seeing his friends.

The two men tried to be less affectionate with each other after the guys arrived at the apartment. Each man greeted Link with a hearty handshake and told him how much he’d been missed, and they immediately launched into stories about what everyone had gotten up to in the eight months he’d been away. Once everyone had at least one beer in him and the atmosphere was loose and comfortable, Rhett succumbed to his desire to occasionally stand close to Link or squeeze him quickly into a side hug, and no one seemed to take much note of it.

… Or so he thought. At halftime, he and Link walked to the corner store to pick up a couple avocados to make guacamole. When they returned, they discovered the television had been muted and their friends were sitting around it looking quite serious.

“Hey, guys…?” Gregg said stiffly, getting to his feet. Rhett raised a querying brow in response.

The man’s eyes darted to the seated men, who all gave him variations on an encouraging nod. Gregg coughed and continued. “So, um. This is kinda awkward, but… we were talking, and… ”

Rhett’s stomach turned with sudden apprehension. “Spit it out, man.”

“We were just wondering if you guys are, like, gay now.”

Rhett blinked. He shot a look to Link, who was staring at him with a mildly alarmed expression. No one in the room seemed hostile, but the question still caught Rhett off guard. He stalled, his mind racing. “Uhhhh. That’s kind of personal, Gregg…” He felt his face heating up and saw his former roommate was likewise blushing. Rhett continued, “I don’t really like to, um, label myself…”

Gregg looked like he regretted asking the question, but was in too deep to get out now. “Well, are you guys, like, together? Boyfriend-boyfriend?”

Rhett put his arm protectively around Link’s waist, looking down to meet the brunet’s eyes. He realized his heart was pounding with nervousness — not about what their friends were thinking, or if they would judge them, but only about how Link would answer the question. “I don’t know, Link… are we?”

Link put both arms around Rhett’s waist and nestled against his chest. “I’d say so.”

Rhett smooched the top of the man’s head as he grinned with relief. His eyes swept over the other men in the room. “I guess we are, then. Link being away made us both realize how much we care for each other. You fellas got a problem with that?”

There was a beat of silence, then Gregg chuckled. “No way, man. I’m just shocked it took you guys this long.” He tipped his beer to them before taking a long drink. “So long as you’re happy, cheers.”

The other men in the room nodded, as if they’d been merely waiting for confirmation of their suspicions. Rhett searched their expressions for anything negative, but aside from a little awkwardness to their smiles, everything seemed fine. A few of them echoed Gregg’s sentiments and raised drinks of their own, and Rhett let out the breath he’d been holding.

Link said cheerfully, “Well thanks, guys!” He plucked a beer off the counter and opened it. “Can we get on with the game, then?”

“Good idea!” Gregg replied, unmuting the television.

They resumed watching the game, but now the room had lost a hint of tension Rhett hadn’t even realized was there. Now that their friends’ curiosity had been satisfied, everyone seemed content to move on. Even though they’d all grown up in the South with the belief that homosexuality was wrong to some degree or another, by the time they’d reached senior year of college they’d been exposed to enough diversity that their worldviews had expanded. Looking around the room at the comfortable, smiling faces, Rhett felt justified in who he and Link had chosen to be their friends.

The guys hung around for a few hours after the game concluded, drinking and chatting. Rhett sat on the end of the couch and Link sat on its arm next to him, keeping in close contact. The smaller man occasionally looked down at him with a goofy grin, filling Rhett’s stomach with butterflies.

Eventually the conversation wound down and one by one their friends departed in preparation for class the next day. Gregg was the last to leave, and as he shook Rhett’s hand he pulled him into a hearty hug. “I’m so happy for you guys,” he said with a slap to the man’s back. “I thought you’d never figure it out.”

Link stepped up to hug him next, smiling. “Rhett’s always been a little slow.”

“Hey!” Rhett exclaimed in mock outrage, and they all laughed.

They saw Gregg to the door and closed it behind him, and then they were alone again. Link heaved an exaggerated sigh of relief. “That went surprisingly well.”

“Yeah, it did. We’ve got good friends.”

“I’m grateful.”

“Me too.”

Link looked up at him as a cloud of doubt passed over his features. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to be my boyfriend.”

“What?” Rhett took Link’s hand and held it. “Of course I do. Can’t you tell?”

“Yeah, but… I didn’t know if you wanted it to be all official, like… or just for fun.”

Rhett was stunned. How could Link not know how strongly he felt? Before he could reply, Link added, “Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you.” He took his hand out of Rhett’s and raised it up, flexing his fingers. The skin pulled against the scabs on his knuckles, which still looked painful despite no new injuries since he’d left Craven. “I’m kind of damaged goods right now.”

Rhett put his arms around the man’s shoulders and hugged him tightly. “Oh, Link…” His heart ached at the thought of what his friend had gone through. “I’m just happy to have you home. I’m thrilled beyond belief you wanna be with me at all. Anything on top of that is a miracle as far as I’m concerned.” He stroked down the back of the man’s short hair. “Please don’t worry.”

Link pulled back and blinked up at him with a tremulous smile. “I’ll try not to.”

“Good.” Rhett cupped the man’s cheek and leaned down to kiss him tenderly. Link responded, reaching up and curling his fingers around the back of the taller man’s neck. Rhett brought his hands to Link’s narrow waist and after a moment began working his fingers up under the man’s soft sweater. He caressed the bare skin just above the low band of his jeans, and Link let out a soft moan as he pressed himself into Rhett’s warm hands, pulling him closer by the shoulders and deepening the kiss.

After a few minutes, Rhett reached up and took one of Link’s hands. He held it up and kissed the back of it as their eyes met, then he turned and pulled the man in the direction of the bed. His knees felt weak with giddy nervousness as Link trailed along behind him.

He pushed the man gently down to sit on the mattress, and Link complied, scooting back so his legs were stretched out straight upon it. Rhett climbed on after him, knees to either side of Link’s legs as he crawled forward, head hung between his shoulders like a hunting cat. He pressed his lips to Link’s and pushed, guiding the man onto his back as their tongues moved against each other.

Link clutched the larger man’s shoulders and made low, hungry noises in his throat. Rhett brought his weight down, pressing their groins together and feeling a hardness that rivaled his own. He slowly rolled his hips and both men let out groans of pleasure. He leaned onto his elbows to either side of Link’s head and kissed the man deeply, feeling the stubble scrape against his lips, trying to get as close to him as possible as their bodies moved in unison.

Rhett was lost in a world of sensation, reveling in the taste and feel of Link’s lips and the sinuous movements of man’s slim body writhing beneath him. After some indeterminate amount of time, he felt Link’s hands tense on his on his hips as the man whispered his name. Rhett pulled back and looked through lust-heavy eyelids at the man’s flushed face. He saw Link’s chest was heaving, hitching fast and shallow, and the muscles in his jaw were tense. “Mmm?” Rhett queried.

“Can you — I can’t breathe —“

“Oh! Sorry.” Rhett rolled to the side, taking his weight off the other man but keeping his arm around him.

“S’okay,” Link answered quickly. He lay for a moment on his back with his eyes closed, then took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He turned to Rhett with a seductive grin, leaning forward to resume their kiss. He reached down and caressed the larger man through his jeans, rubbing along the line of the zipper as Rhett gasped. He pushed on Rhett’s shoulders until the man lay flat on his back, then propped himself up on his elbow to kiss him deeply as he continued to run his fingers up and down Rhett’s groin.

Rhett put one arm under the man’s side and held him close as he reached down between them and cupped the fabric straining over Link’s erection. The smaller man whimpered and pressed himself into Rhett’s hand, rocking his hips.

Rhett had broken into a sweat by the time Link moved to unfasten his jeans. Rhett gladly assisted, wriggling out of his pants and underwear before sitting up and drawing his sweater off over his head. When he lay back down, naked now next to a fully-clothed Link, he felt a little self-conscious. He moved to take off Link’s pants as well, but the man took his hand and brought it above their heads, pressing it into the pillow and holding it there. “I wanna focus on you,” Link breathed. Rhett let out a soft moan as their lips met and gasped a moment later as Link reached his free hand down to trace his long fingers up the underside of Rhett’s cock.

Link explored his manhood with a confident, savoring touch. “I’ve always wondered what this would look like hard,” he whispered. He encircled the base with forefinger and thumb and twined his fingers through the soft public hair, gently caressing Rhett’s balls with his palm as he stared in open admiration. “It’s even nicer than I imagined.”

He began to stroke slowly up and down as the larger man moaned. Rhett felt himself getting harder with every light, teasing motion and his hips began to twitch upward of their own accord. “God, Link,” he breathed, pulling against the man’s hold on his hand on the pillow. His other hand clutched at Link’s back, unable to reach the parts of him he wanted to touch the most. “I wanna touch you so bad.”

“I don’t want to be distracted from this,” Link murmured, rubbing his fingertips lightly over the head of Rhett’s cock.

Rhett groaned and twitched, struggling to speak. “Can I… at least hold you?”

“Yeah, okay.” Link released Rhett’s hand from the pillow and Rhett brought it down to clutch the man’s shoulder. He curved his body toward Link, kissing him deeply as his body shuddered with every motion of the man’s hand. The small part of his mind that was still coherent could not believe he was where he was, feeling the things he was feeling.  

Link broke off the kiss long enough to release Rhett’s cock and bring his hand up to his mouth, dragging his palm down the surface of his tongue. When he returned it to Rhett’s groin, his hot and slippery grasp drew a sharp moan from the man’s throat. “Oh, God—“ Rhett gasped, shocked by the intensity of the sensation. He no longer had the presence of mind to keep kissing the other man; instead, he arched his back and pressed his head into the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut and filling the room with desperate, panting sounds.

Link kissed along his jaw and neck and chest, murmuring “Yes, yes” as he increased the pace of his strokes. Rhett felt an overwhelming pleasure unlike anything he’d known before; not only did Link seem to know exactly what to do, but Rhett had never felt such a complete sense of trust and openness as he did with this man. He gladly gave up all pretense, all worry, and simply abandoned himself entirely to Link’s touch.

His ecstasy rapidly headed toward its crest, each moment bringing him further to the edge. It wasn’t long before his orgasm surged through him and he cried out, clawing helplessly at Link’s back as his hips bucked, thrusting hard into the man’s hand. He felt his come spatter over his own chest and stomach as Link kept a tight hold on him, his strokes slowing as Rhett shuddered and gasped.

He turned his head blindly and met Link’s mouth in a fervent kiss. They clutched each other and Link murmured reassurances as Rhett rode out the aftershocks, whimpering deep in his throat. After some minutes had passed and he had caught his breath, he held the other man close and nuzzled his hair. “God, Link…” he whispered. “That felt so good.”

“I’m glad.” Link sounded pleased with himself. He put an arm across Rhett’s stomach and snuggled close, heedless of the mess.

The pleasure had drained Rhett in more ways than one; his muscles were completely slack from exhaustion and he felt himself drifting off. He fought it, not wanting the evening to end just yet. He grabbed a handful of tissues from the box on the bedside table and cleaned himself off, then kissed Link again as he reached for the man’s jeans. “Your turn,” he murmured, but the other man gently plucked his hand away and held it.

“Don’t worry about me,” Link said quietly.

Rhett tried to struggle through the endorphins drowning his brain. It wasn’t fair for Link to do that for him and get nothing in return, he thought. Besides, he was eager to see the man at the height of bliss, provided Rhett could manage it. He pulled against Link’s grasp. “I wanna make you happy.”

“I am happy.” Link nuzzled his nose. “Honest.”

Despite his best efforts, Rhett’s eyelids drooped as sleep’s anchor pulled him down harder. _Tomorrow_ , he promised himself. _I’ll return the favor tomorrow._

“If you say so…” he trailed off into a yawn. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so comfortable. He was dimly aware of Link getting up and turning off the light, then stripping down to his boxers and climbing back into bed. The smaller man cuddled into Rhett’s side with a contented sigh, and Rhett held him close as he slipped into a deep, untroubled sleep. 


	25. Chapter 25

When Rhett woke the next morning, he was lying on his back with the covers pulled up neatly to his chin as if tucked there by someone else. He cracked his eyes open and stretched his arms searchingly, confirming that he was indeed alone in the bed. He turned to the side and squinted through the fuzziness of sleep to see the alarm clock reading 8:05; he had a half an hour or so before he needed to leave for class. He looked beyond the clock to see Link puttering around in the kitchen as the enticing aroma of coffee hit his nose. He grinned broadly and flipped the blankets off to clamber out of bed.

He hobbled on sore legs over to his bathrobe on a hook by the closet door. He remembered vividly the activities that had caused the soreness and felt a flush of heat in his groin as he belted the robe around his waist. It had been wonderful to feel that close to Link, and he felt the closeness still; he hated the idea of having to part from him to go to class.

Link was standing at the stove in flannel pants and a soft white and yellow t-shirt. As Rhett approached, the smaller man grinned at him over his shoulder before turning back to what he was doing. Rhett came up behind him and put his arms around the man’s waist, cupping the soft curve of his belly as Link leaned back against him with a soft purr. “Morning,” he said.

“Good morning,” Rhett rumbled. He bent to smooch the man’s neck as he looked down and saw what appeared to be half-cooked scrambled eggs in a frying pan. Link was poking at them uncertainly with a spatula as the runny yellow liquid sizzled at the edges.

“Been a long time since I’ve cooked,” the brunet admitted.

“Looks good so far,” Rhett assured him. “Scrambled eggs are pretty forgiving.”

“Hope you’re right. Want toast?”

“Sure, I’ll get it.” Rhett put two slices of bread into the toaster as Link finished up the eggs and distributed them onto two plates. When the toast popped up, the taller man grabbed it and the hot sauce out of the fridge and brought them over to the table. Two hot mugs of coffee were already there and Rhett sipped his with a happy sigh.

He doused his eggs in the red pepper sauce and ate a few bites before giving Link a grin. “They’re great, man. Good job.” Link beamed in response to the praise, but as the man brought his own forkful of eggs to his mouth, Rhett felt a shock of dismay. There were fresh bandaids across the knuckles of Link’s index and middle fingers with dark spots in the centers where blood had soaked into the pads.

Rhett swallowed and put his fork down. “Oh, man…”

Link saw where he was looking and ducked his head. “Yeah. That… happened.”

Rhett reached across the table and took his hand, careful to avoid the bandaids. “Can you tell me about it?”

Link’s fingers were cold as they curled around Rhett’s own. “I woke up in the middle of the night. Bad dream. Didn’t wanna go back to sleep, so I got up and paced around a bit. Then I… I dunno, I guess I was havin’ a panic attack or something. I was in the bathroom and I took a swing at the wall.” He was still staring down at his plate, avoiding Rhett’s eyes, but Rhett could see the man’s mouth quirk. “Don’t worry, I didn’t break the tile.”

Rhett felt like he was adrift on uncharted waters as he watched his friend chew his lower lip. He’d hoped that Link would be able to put his experiences in prison behind him with a minimum of effort, but now he realized he’d been naïve. He had no idea how to help the man; he’d never dealt with anything like this before. “I don’t give a shit about the tile,” he said. “You’re gonna break your _hand_ if you keep this up.” Link’s shoulders twitched in a cringe as Rhett asked, “Why didn’t you wake me? Maybe I could’ve helped.”

“I thought about it,” Link mumbled, “but you looked so relaxed and happy, I didn’t wanna worry you.”

Normally Rhett was a very light sleeper; he was surprised Link getting up hadn’t woken him. “You can always wake me up if you need me,” he insisted. He tugged gently on Link’s hand until the man looked up at him with a small smile, then asked, “Promise me you will next time?”

The brunet nodded. “Okay, Rhett.”

“Good.” Rhett released him and picked up his fork again. The matter wasn’t settled, not by a long shot, but they didn’t have time to get deeper into it now. After a glance at the clock, he ate the rest of his breakfast in a hurry and drank the coffee as fast as he could without burning himself. He stood up from the table and gave Link a quick kiss on the head before hustling off to the shower.

When he got out, Link was doing the dishes and tidying up the kitchen. “I should’a done that,” Rhett called as he toweled off his short hair. “You cooked.”

“Yeah but you gotta go to class and I pretty much don’t have anything to do.”

Rhett swiftly pulled on jeans, t-shirt, sweatshirt, shoes. “Yeah, what are you gonna do today?”

“I was thinkin’ I’d go to campus and see if I can meet with the admissions office, see what I need to do to get started on classes again.”

Rhett packed up his backpack. “If you hurry you could come with me. I’ll wait.”

“Nah, I don’t wanna slow you down. Plus I want my own car.”

Rhett donned his leather jacket and came over to where Link was wiping down the counter. “I can understand that. Well… thanks for breakfast. I’ll see you tonight?”

Link smiled up at him. “Yeah, see you then.” He put his arms around Rhett’s waist and the taller man leaned down to give him a gentle kiss. He squeezed Link in a lingering hug before heading out the door.

Rhett drove to campus, parked in the student lot, walked to the engineering building, and sat through his classes, all with his head filled with thoughts of Link. He found it impossible to concentrate on the lectures as his mind wandered back to his bed, memories of the man’s hands on his body making his heart race and his skin warm. Most of the details were lost in a haze of physical sensation, but he tried to savor everything he could remember.

His wandering mind eventually arrived at how the evening concluded, with himself exhausted and thoroughly satisfied, and Link still fully clothed. He regretted that he hadn’t gotten to make Link as happy as the man had made him; the sleepiness following his ecstasy had overtaken him so quickly he’d been powerless to fight it.

He told himself there’d be plenty more opportunities; it was silly for him to obsess too much about what he should have done differently the first time they were together. And yet, his brain wouldn’t let it go. The hardness he’d felt through Link’s jeans was only a tantalizing hint at what the man’s bare cock would feel like in his hands. After months of fantasizing, he wanted to know the reality of its size and curve and texture; he wanted to see Link’s face contort in shocked pleasure and hear his gasps and sighs.

Rhett’s daydreams circled around to this morning, where the image of the bandaids on Link’s fingers threw cold water on his fantasies. Something awful occurred to him: what if the man’s sleep had been troubled because Rhett had failed to satisfy him? What if he felt used or resentful and was just hiding it really well? Or suppressing it even from himself, so that it was manifesting in nightmares and uncontrollable panic?

 _That’s ridiculous,_ Rhett told himself. _You’re being paranoid._ Even though he knew it was unlikely, he couldn’t keep away the thoughts that he was somehow responsible for Link’s distress, and it made him feel terribly guilty. _Tonight_ , he promised. Tonight he would focus on Link and make sure the man had everything he needed. He’d show Link he was willing to do anything to make him happy. He’d make it up to him and then some.

When he arrived back at the apartment late that afternoon, Link’s car was in the driveway and the man was sprawled out on the couch watching television. He looked up and smiled as Rhett opened the door. Rhett came over to him and leaned down, bracing a hand on the back of the couch as he kissed the man hello. “How’d your day go?” Rhett asked.

“Pretty well. I met with one of the admissions reps and she suggested I take some summer classes to catch up. Then I’ll only be half a year behind you.”

“That’s awesome, man! You’ll be back in the swing of things in no time.”

Link sat up and pushed himself off the couch. He picked up the half-full bottle of beer from the side table and took a sip. “Yeah, now I just need to find a job. I picked up the campus classifieds.”

“Cool.” Rhett squeezed his shoulders in a side-hug against his hip before moving toward the kitchen. “What do you think of spaghetti and meatballs tonight?”

“Sounds great!”

Link sat at the table in the kitchen and kept Rhett company as the man cooked. They chatted about Link’s class options and Rhett gave him his impression of the ones he’d already taken. It didn’t take long before dinner was ready and they ate it happily. Afterward, each man grabbed a beer and settled onto the couch, with Link snuggled under Rhett’s arm as they flipped through the channels. They switched between some sitcoms and a couple different basketball games, never really settling on anything, just enjoying each other’s company.

After his third beer, Rhett was feeling pleasantly warm and fuzzy. He leaned down and nuzzled the crook of Link’s neck, breathing in the scent of him before placing light kisses onto the soft skin. Link purred and leaned his head back, giving Rhett more access, and the larger man happily took advantage of it. He nibbled the man’s adam’s apple and caressed the pulse point with his tongue, feeling Link’s heartbeat racing underneath.

He kissed his way back up to Link’s mouth, enjoying the beer-tinged taste of him. Link had shaved that morning so there was less stubble than last night, and the skin around his lips was smooth and firm. After a while, Rhett broke off the kiss and climbed to his feet, extending his hand for Link to grasp. The floor seemed to tilt slightly underneath him and he recognized the feeling of being rather buzzed, but he shrugged internally. Link was probably in the same state, and if anything it would make things more relaxed for both of them.

He led the man over to the bed and faced him at the foot of it, grasping the bottom of Link’s shirt and pulling it off over his head. He swiftly drew off his own shirt, then brought their lips together again as his hand moved to the waistband of Link’s jeans. He was eager to move things along quickly and make good on his promise to himself. Link’s breath came fast and shallow as his hands moved to Rhett’s waist, and each unfastened the other’s jeans simultaneously. They shoved the pants off each other’s hips and wriggled out of them the rest of the way, puddling the fabric on the floor and stepping out of it.

When they moved close together again, Rhett groaned at the delicious sensation of Link’s naked body pressed against his, especially his cock against Rhett’s thigh. The tip of his own erection brushed tantalizingly along the warm skin of Link’s belly as Rhett bent down to kiss the man’s collarbones. The brunet made soft noises as his hands curled through the short hair at the back of Rhett’s head. Rhett traced his fingertips down the ripples of Link’s spine until he reached the bottom, then cupped the man’s petite, firm buttocks in his hands.

Link moaned and moved against Rhett’s body needfully, digging his fingertips into the larger man’s shoulder muscles. After teasing them both for some time with the rocking of his hips, Rhett brought them both onto the bed, keeping his arms around Link as they lay down on their sides, facing each other.

Link nudged Rhett’s chin up with his nose, and Rhett obliged. A moment later he felt the other man’s hot lips on his throat, kissing and pulling at the skin. As he clutched Link’s backside and purred with pleasure, Link bent lower, flicking his tongue over one of Rhett’s nipples before taking it gently between his teeth. Rhett gasped and arched his back slightly, startled by the sharp sensation that seemed to connect directly to a flare of arousal in his groin.

Link’s hands wandered over Rhett’s torso, caressing the muscles of his chest and abdomen and occasionally wandering around to his ass and the tops of his thighs. Rhett closed his eyes and luxuriated in the touching, especially as the man’s fingertips followed the trail of hair from his navel downward. Link’s mouth had found Rhett’s again by the time his fingers reached the base of Rhett’s cock, and he encircled it firmly as Rhett moaned against his lips.

Rhett fought against the animalistic surge of his arousal to remind himself he had promised to give Link exclusive attention that night. He reached down and took the man’s hand, gently removing it from his manhood as Link broke off the kiss and looked at him in confusion. “Last night was my night,” Rhett explained. “I wanna return the favor.”

Link’s eyes widened, losing their half-lidded look of desire. “You really don’t have to,” he breathed. “It’s okay, I very much enjoyed last night.” He pulled against Rhett’s grasp, fingertips brushing teasingly over the head of Rhett’s cock.

Rhett shivered, but held his ground. He reached up and cupped the man’s cheek. “I know I don’t have to,” he whispered. “I _want_ to. I want to see you as happy as you made me.”

Link closed his eyes and swallowed. He took a deep breath, as if to steady himself, before opening his eyes and nodding. “Okay.”

Rhett kissed along the man’s collarbones, then bent further to tease at one of Link’s nipples with his teeth, following the other man’s example. He was rewarded with a gasp and the feeling of the man’s hand clutching his back, so he figured it was having the desired effect. He kept his mouth caressing Link’s chest as he ran his hand down the man’s slim torso, cupping the edge of his ribs as they rose and fell with quick breaths. His own heart pounded in nervous anticipation as he worked his way down, moving along the nearly hairless surface of the man’s belly before reaching the dark curls of his pubic hair.

Link made a soft noise in the back of his throat, almost a whimper, as Rhett drew his fingertips along the shaft of his cock. Rhett marveled at the velvety texture of it, its hot firmness so like his own, and yet so different because it wasn’t his own. He curled his fingers around the base and held it, feeling it grow harder under his touch as Link trembled against him, an incredibly arousing combination of sensations.

He began stroking tentatively, trying different things to see what the man might like most. It took extra concentration to coordinate his movements through the haze of alcohol and the disorientation of doing something to someone else he’d only previously done to himself. At first Link seemed to be enjoying it, moaning softly and shifting his hips, but it wasn’t long before Rhett realized the man had gone quiet.

He leaned back to look at Link’s face and saw that the man’s eyes were squeezed shut and his jaw was clenched. His whole body seemed tense. “You okay?” Rhett asked.

Link shook his head as if to clear it, then opened his eyes and smiled. “Yeah, it’s just…  sorry. It’s okay, just gimme a second.”

Rhett released him and Link rolled to the side, facing away and curling his legs up slightly as he took slow, deliberate breaths. Rhett moved up close behind him, spooning him and putting his arm around the man’s waist. He worked his other arm under Link’s head so he could embrace him completely. Rhett’s own arousal was still quite strong, and the feel of Link’s warm backside was definitely encouraging it. He kissed the man’s neck and shoulder as he pressed himself close, awash in his body’s demand that he continue things as soon as possible.

By now the beer was firmly entrenched in Rhett’s system, making his thoughts fuzzy and slow. He remembered his concerns from earlier in the day — that maybe Link was unhappy Rhett hadn’t pleasured him enough the night before. What if Link were just being shy, or didn’t want Rhett to put in too much effort?  Maybe he just needed reassurances that Rhett definitely wanted him.  Maybe he was waiting for Rhett to take charge.

Rhett reached down to Link’s groin again, at the same time curling the arm that was underneath the man’s neck in order to cup his jaw. He felt Link’s body tense as the man drew a quick breath. “Rhett —“

“Shhh.” Rhett began to stroke him as he kissed the side of his neck, biting and sucking the skin. Link’s cock wasn’t as hard anymore, but Rhett was confident he could get it going again.

Link’s shoulder rocked backward as he pushed his chin down against Rhett’s hand, his voice louder. “Hey, man —!”

Rhett held him firmly, wanting to demonstrate his determination. His intoxicated brain didn’t register the man’s struggles as anything other than playful coyness. Link had been responding enthusiastically just a minute ago; surely nothing could have changed so quickly. He breathed into the man’s ear, “I wanna do this for you, just let me.” He slid himself along Link’s ass, luxuriating in the sensation of his cock rubbing against the firm skin.

Link’s elbow came back with force, shoving Rhett’s hand off of him and his body away. “Get off me!”

Before Rhett could respond, Link had leapt up from the bed and spun around with wide eyes. He stumbled backwards a few steps until his back hit the wall, then pressed himself against it as if wishing he could move further still. By the time Rhett’s brain had caught up with reality, Link had slid to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and gulping quick, painful gasps of air.

Rhett sat up and swung his legs over the bed, intending to follow. “What —”

“Stay there!” Link flung out a hand, fingers splayed, and Rhett froze. “Just… stay there.”

The man dropped his head onto his knees, shoulders shaking as his gasps turned to full-on sobs. He wrapped his arms around his shins and his muscles stood out in knots. Rhett stared at him in shock, feeling suddenly stone-cold sober and sick to his stomach.

_What the hell just happened?_

_What did I do?_


	26. Chapter 26

Rhett sat motionless on the edge of the bed, eyes fixed on the man huddled against the wall a few yards away. The sound of Link’s ragged sobs made tears spring to his eyes and his heart race into a panic. He ached to go to his friend and take him in his arms, but Link had ordered him to stay away, and he was terrified of doing anything to make the situation worse. His mind raced as he tried to figure out what had just happened.

Clearly he had misunderstood Link’s desires and pushed things too far. He hadn’t paid attention, he hadn’t been careful enough, and he’d let his own lust blind him to Link’s needs. He cursed his stupidity.  Knives of guilt lanced through his chest, seizing his lungs and making it hard to breathe.

In the flickering light from the muted television he saw Link’s shoulders shaking with more than just his weeping; the man was shivering. Rhett slowly became aware of how cold it was for both of them now that they were naked without arousal keeping them warm.  

“Link,” he called softly. The man’s head jerked up, his eyes shimmering and bloodshot, and the fear in them made the knives in Rhett’s chest cut deeper. Rhett displayed his open hands and curved his shoulders down in an attempt to make himself look as nonthreatening as possible. “You’re cold. Can I bring you a blanket?”

The man’s expression lost a tiny portion of its tension. He sniffed and dragged his forearm across his nose, then nodded. He stared as the taller man stood up, pulled the blanket off the bed, and approached him cautiously. Rhett held out the blanket and Link reached out and took it, wrapping it behind his shoulders and pulling it tightly around himself. He took a deep, shuddering breath as his shivering slowly ceased. His chest still hitched with the occasional quiet sob, but he appeared to be calming.

Rhett stood in awkward silence, afraid to approach or leave. Finally he spoke with his voice pitched low. “Can I sit down next to you?”

A long pause, then a whispered, “Okay.”

Rhett lowered himself to the floor a few feet away, folding his legs up and hugging his chest for warmth. They sat in silence for a few minutes save for the occasional sniffle from Link as Rhett wracked his brain for what to say. Eventually he settled for a simple, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Link stared at the floor, tears streaming silently down his cheeks now as his long eyelashes blinked them free. His voice rasped. “No, I’m sorry. I just flipped the fuck out. It’s not your fault.”

Rhett wanted to accept that and let go of his guilt, but he knew it wasn’t that easy. “It _is_ my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that. I should’ve listened to you better.”

There was another stretch of silence before Link said quietly, “Maybe. Yeah, I guess. But I didn’t need to freak out. I could’ve just told you… I know you don’t…” His voice faltered as he struggled to speak through the tears. “You aren’t… you aren’t like…”

Rhett felt a sickly, creeping coldness through his chest as he guessed what Link was trying to say. He didn’t want the answer to the question he knew he had to ask. “Like who, Link?”

The man’s response was almost silent, a mere mouthing of the name Rhett wouldn’t have caught if he hadn’t been watching his profile. “Tanner.”

Rhett’s stomach churned. He had to force words out through numbed lips. “What did he do? Did he—“

“No,” Link answered quickly, still staring at the floor. “He didn’t…. what you’re thinking. He didn’t.”

Rhett let out a breath. _Thank God._ “Then…?”

Link swallowed, resting his chin on his knees as he chewed his lower lip. The raw terror seemed to have dissipated, but now he was self-conscious and unsure. “It’s… it’s hard to explain.”

“That’s okay. Take your time.”

Link released the blanket to knuckle at his eyes, wiping the tears from his cheeks. When he dropped his hands, he turned and looked at Rhett, his haunted gaze taking in the man’s hunched, naked form. “You must be cold,” he said.

“It’s not the most comfortable floor I’ve sat on,” Rhett admitted, trying a small smile. When the other man returned it, Rhett felt the tightness in his chest loosen a little. “I’ll stay as long as you want, though.”

“We can go back on the bed.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Link slowly got to his feet, steadying himself with a hand on the wall. He picked up his pajama pants from the floor and pulled them on before climbing onto the bed, sitting up against the pillows. Rhett followed suit, also donning his pants and sitting down on the other side, conscious of not getting too close. He turned on the lamp on the bedside table and they pulled the blanket across their laps and smoothed it flat.

Rhett put his hand down on the bed between them, palm up. After a moment, Link reached down and curled his fingertips into it, resting his forearm on Rhett’s as well. The physical contact was a soothing balm to the larger man’s fears. Whatever Link was going through, he didn’t seem to blame Rhett for it, despite how guilty Rhett felt. He looked over and saw Link staring down at their hands, his jaw working in silent thought, and waited for the man to speak.

Finally Link took a deep breath and began. “When we first got together, me and Tan, I didn’t know what I was doing. Physically, I mean. But Tan… he had a lot of experience, and I just sort of… went along with it.” Rhett was watching Link’s face closely and saw the man’s skin flush with embarrassment as he continued, “We’d get drunk or high together and have some fun, and it was fine. I… enjoyed it.” He gave a nervous laugh. “He showed me all sorts of stuff, I learned a lot. But it wasn’t just physical, either. By the time we got into the accident, I thought he cared about me. I thought I loved him.”

Jealousy sparked through Rhett’s chest, both for the intimacy the two had shared and because of the question Link’s words raised. Did he love Rhett like that? Not just as a friend or brother, but more? “I still can’t believe I had no idea that was going on,” Rhett murmured.

“I hid it really well. I kept thinking I’d find a way to tell you… I imagined the two of you being friends one day. But it felt like I was living in two separate worlds, like I was two different people.”

“That must have been hard.” Maybe if Link had been comfortable talking to him about Tanner, Rhett thought, things would have turned out differently. Maybe he could have intervened, if only he’d known. It was a maddening idea.

Link’s fingers turned in Rhett’s hand, fidgeting. “I dunno why I was so scared.”

“I’m sorry if I ever did anything to make you think you couldn’t tell me.”

Link sighed and leaned his cheek on the larger man’s shoulder. Rhett brushed his lips against the soft hair on the top of Link’s head, wishing he could do more to comfort him but not wanting to cross any unknown boundaries.

Link’s voice was quiet and slow as he searched for the right words. “When we got to Craven, I was so frightened. He was all I had, and… he knew it. Everything was fine at first, but after he hooked up with his old friends, something changed. It didn’t take him long to realize he could do whatever he wanted to me and I’d put up with it.” The man’s chin trembled. “It’s all so confusing in my head. At the time I thought it was okay, but looking back, I think I was just fooling myself into believing it was what I wanted.”

“Oh, Link…” Rhett could barely breathe from the shock and guilt tightening his throat.

“I just didn’t think about it too much.” Link sounded as though he was trying to persuade himself. “It stopped me gettin’ beat up, too.” He sniffled and shifted a bit closer to Rhett’s side. “We were still… we were a couple. It was just that things were so out of balance… he had all the power and I didn’t have any. And then you came to visit and saw the marks, and I thought you hated me until I got your letter, which made me so happy. I already told you how he was jealous of you… that morning you were supposed to visit, he decided to remind me that I was _his_ , and I just… I snapped. I told him I was done. And then we had the fight.”

Rhett felt sick imagining the man he loved being treated that way. Impotent rage bubbled through him, a desperate need to _fix it_ even though “it” was months ago and a hundred mile away.

He realized Link was shivering despite the blanket. Rhett sat up a little straighter and raised his arm in offering, and the smaller man moved under it. Rhett held him gently around the shoulders, stroking his thumb down the outside of the man’s bicep.

Link turned his face into the crook of Rhett’s neck, his voice slightly muffled now. “Then I was in solitary, and things got… really bad. I lost my mind in there, Rhett. It was so quiet, and so empty…  you’re just alone with your thoughts for days and days.” Rhett felt a tear drip onto his chest and tightened his embrace.

Link continued, “Even though I knew he was gone, it felt like he was there. All the time.” He raised his hand with the bandaged fingers and flexed them. “I tried to distract myself but nothing I did was enough. And now, since I’ve been out, there are nightmares.” The man’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t know which are worse… the ones where he’s hurting me, or the ones where we’re still happy together.”

“God,” Rhett breathed. “Why didn’t you tell me, man?”

“Because I sound _nuts_. I don’t want you to have to deal with this. I just want to move on. I want to enjoy being with you.” Link’s voice broke into a sob. “I don’t want to be broken. I don’t want to scare you away.”

Rhett held him until he regained control of himself again, then pulled the man’s shoulder gently until he sat up more and Rhett could see his tear-streaked face. His reddened eyes struggled to meet Rhett’s own.

“Link, you’re not gonna scare me away. Think of all the stuff we’ve been through together, man. I’m not goin’ anywhere. You don’t have to deal with this alone.”

The man sniffled and wiped at his nose. “But do you still want to be my boyfriend? If I can’t…”

“Yes!” Rhett insisted. “I’d wanna be your boyfriend even if you weren’t ready to kiss yet. Even if I couldn’t touch you. Even if you were saving yourself for marriage.”

Link cracked a smile at that, and Rhett was encouraged, until he felt another flash of guilt. “Last night, when you… you didn’t want to do that? Did I pressure you?”

The smaller man shook his head emphatically. “No, oh no. I wanted to.” He thought for a moment. “I think it’s more, like, having stuff done to me. It feels… really vulnerable. Like I’m not in control, and it freaks me out. I tried to be okay with it, just now, but I started feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden, and then when you wouldn’t let me go…”

Rhett winced. “That was awful of me. God, I don’t know what I was thinking… you shoulda’ punched me out.”

Link’s cheeks were flushed with embarrassment again. “But it’s stupid. I’m supposed to like it.”

“It’s not stupid. You didn’t have any control for so long, it makes sense you’d be touchy about it now.”

Link nodded, looking down at the blanket. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, man. I’m glad you told me.” Rhett’s voice was emphatic. “We’ll take it as slow as you need to. You’ll be in control. I’m sorry I went too far.”

“Okay.” After a moment Link tilted his chin up and brought his lips to Rhett’s in a soft kiss, and the reassurance it conveyed made Rhett want to cry with relief. Link didn’t hate him; maybe he hadn’t ruined everything. When they separated he put his arms around Link’s shoulders and hugged the man gently to his chest, and Link relaxed into him with a soft noise. 

He spread his hands over the points of Link’s shoulder blades and pressed his face into the man’s short hair. Link felt so fragile, so defenseless. Rhett wanted desperately to protect him from the cruelty of the world, from everything he’d already suffered and whatever he might face in the future. “It’ll be okay,” he murmured.

“Hope so.”

They sat embracing on the bed for a while, feeling each other’s breathing as the last of the conversation’s tension drained away. Eventually Rhett’s back began twinge from the awkward position, and he stirred and lifted his head to glance at the clock. It was still early, relatively speaking.

“What do you say to some hot chocolate?” he asked.

Link grinned up at him. “That sounds wonderful.”

They both got out of bed and belted their bathrobes around themselves as they made their way to the kitchen. Rhett pulled out the tin of hot chocolate mix and started a teapot heating on the stove as he spooned the powder into two mugs. Link came up beside him and stood close, arm around the taller man’s waist as they watched the blue gas flame lick the bottom of the teapot.

When it was close to boiling, Rhett took it off the stove and filled the two mugs, then stirred them and handed one to Link. “Couch?” he asked.

Link nodded. They sat down together and Rhett leaned back on the arm, and Link lay back on his chest. The smaller man carefully sipped the hot liquid and let out a happy sigh. “You’re good at hot chocolate.”

Rhett chuckled. “It’s just a mix, you saw me put it in.”

“I know, but… something about you making it makes it better.”

“Aw.” Rhett laid his free arm across Link’s chest and the smaller man snuggled it as they drank the beverages in comfortable silence. As usual, Rhett finished his much faster, but he was content to hold Link and focus on the feel of the man’s body next to his. Eventually he felt himself drifting off just as Link stirred and put his empty mug on the coffee table.

“I think I’m ready to sleep now,” he said.

“Me too.”

They brushed their teeth and hung up their robes, then crawled back onto the bed. They pulled the heavy blanket up and faced each other on their sides. Rhett looked into Link’s beautiful, tired eyes. “I’m sorry again,” he said.

“I forgive you.”

“We’ll get through this together.”

“Yeah.”

Link leaned forward and Rhett met him in a brief kiss. When they separated, the smaller man shifted to lie on his back and Rhett turned off the lamp, dousing the room in darkness. There was just enough moonlight that he could make out the sharp angles of Link’s profile, and he slowly followed its lines with his eyes. He reached out to find the man’s hand under the covers and Link’s fingers twined through his.

After a few minutes he saw the smaller man’s lips part slightly as his muscles relaxed in sleep. For a long time Rhett fought the heaviness of his eyelids, wanting to watch over Link as long as he could. Eventually sleep pulled harder at him and he reluctantly surrendered to it, bracing for the nightmares he felt sure would come for them both. 


	27. Chapter 27

Rhett was right about the nightmares.

_He’s with Link at the zoo again. They’re little kids, not more than eight or nine years old. They shouldn’t be there without their parents, but they are. It’s just the two of them on a bright sunny day, moving from exhibit to exhibit and chattering about the animals._

_Link is all round cheeks and clear blue eyes and innocence. Even at this age Rhett is so much taller than his best friend and that means it’s his responsibility to protect him, but Link makes it hard. He pulls Rhett along by the hand, not wanting to stop, rushing ahead and bouncing impatiently on his toes. There are clouds on the horizon and he is eager to experience everything before the place closes._

_Rhett stops to look at the birds of prey; he loves the regal demeanors and fierce talons of the hawks, the soft faces and calm intelligence of the owls. Even at this young age he feels a kinship with them. When he turns back from their fascinating gazes, Link is gone._

_Rhett searches for him, hurrying through the sprawling complex with a swiftly rising sense of dread. The geography of the place no longer makes sense; each time he turns a corner he finds himself further from where he thinks he should be. The path that used to be wide enough to drive a truck through is becoming choked with overgrown vines, twisting and grasping at his clothes and turning his ankles with their roots._

_He knows he should be calling Link’s name but his throat is locked tight. There is no one else around now, no reassuring presence of adult authority figures, just Rhett and the narrowing path and gathering clouds. Part of him doesn’t want to find Link anymore, because he knows it will be frightening when he does. But a glance over his shoulder tells him the road behind him is closed and he cannot go back; the only way forward is through._

_He comes to a wall of brambles and thinks for a moment that this is the end of the line. Then he sees a small hole close to the ground and dives for it, heedless of the thorns that tear at his flesh. His skin is cut to ribbons by the time he pulls himself out the other side. He stands up and tastes the blood dripping down from his forehead and feels warm liquid trickling down his arms. His purple t-shirt is ripped in many places._

_None of this matters because in front of him is a black chain link fence. Beyond it the ground dips out of sight before rising to a large, rocky hill. Scattered around the top of the hill are half a dozen large, white dogs. No, wolves. As Rhett approaches, he sees the animals’ attention is fixated on the depression in the ground in front of him. He has to get close to the fence to see what they are looking at but the fear burning in the pit of his stomach tells him what it is before he gets there: Link._

_The small boy is huddled on the bare earth beyond the fence, looking impossibly small in his matching purple t-shirt. He is curled in a ball on the cold ground, crying, oblivious to the predators that are now slowly making their way down the rocks toward him._

_Rhett finally finds his voice, though it is tight and strangled-sounding. He shouts Link’s name and the boy looks up. He follows Rhett’s desperate gestures with his eyes and sees the approaching wolves. He yells Rhett’s name as he leaps to his feet, stumbling with terror as he hurries to the fence._

_They stare at each other through the metal latticework. Little Link’s eyes are huge and gleaming. “Let me out!” he cries._

_Rhett casts about desperately for a gate, a break in the fence, a weakness in the chain… there is nothing. “You have to climb!” he shouts._

_In unison they look up and see the fence now stretches impossibly high, higher than they can see. It stretches all the way to the storm clouds now roiling above them. “I can’t,” Link screams. “It’s too high!”_

_The lead wolf breaks into a trot, sensing its prey might escape. The others follow suit, their mouths gaping wide and black. Rhett grips the fence between them hard enough to slice his fingers, but he is helpless. “You can!” he insists._

_The smaller boy looks over his shoulder, then turns back with raw panic in his bright blue eyes. His fingers twine through the fence in the same spot, making fleeting contact with Rhett’s before moving higher up. He jams the toes of his sneakers through the holes and begins to climb._

_But he isn’t fast enough. The first animal reaches the base of the fence and leaps, jaws open and snapping. It misses, but then the other wolves arrive and they jump chaotically, snarling and clawing at the fence. “Help me!” the little boy yells, over and over through his gasps of terror as he struggles to pull himself higher. “Help me, Rhett!”_

_Rhett is paralyzed. He can only watch as one of the animals catches Link’s shoe. The boy kicks it off and cries Rhett’s name again. Soon another wolf grabs ahold of his ankle, closing teeth around bone as Link shrieks. He maintains his grip on the fence for only a moment before he falls with a scream that cuts Rhett’s chest in two._

_“No!” Rhett wails, collapsing to his knees in agony as the beasts converge on the boy’s small form. There is nothing, nothing he can do but watch. Tears choke his throat, strangling him._

_“Link! Link!”_

The pain of the nightmare finally cut deeply enough to wake Rhett up, but not all the way at first. He realized he was choking on his tears at the same time he became aware that he couldn’t move. His mouth struggled to form Link’s name, to yell it as he had been yelling in the dream, but he could barely twitch his lips.

Beside him in the bed, Link shuddered and moaned, clearly in the grips of his own nightmare. “No,” he whispered. “Please, I can’t…” he sobbed.

 _Wake up_ , Rhett ordered himself. _He needs you. Wake up._ He focused all of his will to push off the weight that held him down. _Move. Now._ After what seemed like an interminable moment, he broke through. He sat up with a gasp and turned immediately to take Link into his arms.

“Shhh, Link, it’s a nightmare.”

The man jerked to consciousness and swiftly brought his arms around Rhett’s waist, rolling halfway onto his lap with a soft cry. He clutched the larger man tightly as his breaths came short and panicked against Rhett’s chest. “Rhett, oh god…”

Rhett stroked the trembling man’s hair as he tried to push aside the fear from his own dream. His heart pounded in desperate reaction to the little boy’s screams echoing through his head. “It’s okay, buddy, I’m here.”

Link’s face was wet against Rhett’s skin and his fists clenched behind the larger man’s back. “Fuck—“ he gasped. “That fucking sucked.”

“Yeah, it did.”

Something in Rhett’s voice must have caught Link’s attention because he pulled back far enough to look at the other man’s face. He struggled to focus in the dim, pre-dawn light. “For you, too?” he asked with a sniffle.

“Yeah, I was havin’ a nightmare too. I think you woke me up talking in your sleep and then I woke you up.” Rhett dragged his fingers across his eyelids, wiping away the wetness.

“That’s convenient, I guess,” Link mumbled.

“Wanna tell me about yours?”

The smaller man thought for a moment. “Not really. You?”

“Nah.” The less he had to think about it, the better.

They held each other in silence for a while. “I don’t wanna go back to sleep,” Link muttered.

Rhett checked the clock; it wasn’t even four in the morning yet. “Me neither, but we should try.”

“So long as I don’t hafta let go of you.”

Rhett nuzzled the top of the man’s head. “No way. We’ll take care of each other.”

They settled back under the covers and Rhett tried to relax. It took him a long time to fall asleep again. Both of them tossed and turned, unable to achieve the restful sleep they needed. It was almost a relief when the alarm finally buzzed.

Rhett turned it off and knuckled at his scratchy eyes. His head was pounding and his throat felt tight; he wasn’t sure if he was coming down with a cold or just extremely underslept. He looked over and saw Link curled on his side facing him. The man squinted through swollen, half-open eyes and Rhett could see the faint white marks of dried tears at his temples.

“You look as bad as I feel,” Link rasped.

“You really know how to compliment a guy.”

Link smiled and gave him a gentle nudge. Rhett thought for a moment. “What if I stay home today? I only have one class and it’s not mandatory. We’re both exhausted, we can stay in and relax. Spend the day together.”

Link smiled more broadly. “That sounds nice. You sure you can miss class?”

“Yeah, it’s no big deal.” Rhett leaned forward and gave the man a soft kiss. “If you wanna shower, I’ll start breakfast.”

“Mmm, yum.”

“Pancakes okay?”

“Totally.”

Breakfast went according to plan, aside from Rhett undercooking a couple of the pancakes (Link laughed and said they were still better than Craven’s). After they had cleaned up the kitchen, Rhett took a quick shower and pulled on a fresh pair of lounge pants and a soft grey sweatshirt. Link was in a similar ensemble, but his shirt was a deep blue hoodie that gave his eyes a breathtaking depth.

Rhett reminded himself to behave as he encircled the man’s small waist in his arms and grinned down at him. After the previous night’s incident, he vowed to wait for Link to make the first move from now on. He planned to take it much more carefully with alcohol, too, if not abstain altogether. It was essential that he do nothing to make Link feel threatened or pressured in any way. Fortunately, he’d been telling the truth when he told his friend he’d be happy just to spend time with him. He still felt incredible comfort just being near the man and touching him in a platonic way.

“What would you like to do?” he asked Link.

“Let’s see what terrible daytime shows are on right now,” the brunet suggested, and Rhett nodded his approval.

They settled on the couch with a blanket over their laps and large mugs of coffee within easy reach. Link picked up the remote and turned on the television before cuddling under Rhett’s arm with a happy sigh. For the rest of the morning, they watched silly reality shows and courtroom dramas, paying them little attention while they talked about everything that came to mind.

Everything, that is, except for Tanner. Even though the man was certainly on Rhett’s mind and no doubt Link’s as well, neither brought up the subject. Occasionally when the conversation died down, Rhett noticed the other man staring blankly into the middle distance with an unreadable expression on his face. Each time, when Rhett said his name, Link shook himself and forced a smile. It seemed likely the man was thinking about Craven, but he clearly didn’t want to talk about it, and Rhett didn’t ask. He merely tightened his arms around his friend and nuzzled his hair, doing his best to show him that he was safe now.  

For his own part, Rhett strove to keep his mind occupied so it wouldn’t try to imagine the specifics of Link’s experiences with Tanner. He still felt an unpleasant mix of anger and jealousy when his thoughts wandered in that direction, and it was uncomfortable enough he avoided it if he could. If he had his way, neither of them would ever mention that asshole’s name again, and eventually they’d forget his existence entirely.

Late in the day after the sun went down, they found themselves hungry for dinner. They exchanged their lounge pants for jeans and donned their jackets before venturing out into the cold. They walked a couple of blocks to the Chinese takeout, holding hands and occasionally nudging each other with their hips.

Rhett was a little self-conscious about it at first, evaluating every person who walked by for signs of judgment or hostility. Holding hands with Link in public was essentially coming out, which felt like both a huge step and the most natural thing in the world.

In fact, now that he was allowed to touch Link with open affection, he felt like he could never get enough of it, no matter what anyone thought. Standing with his arm around the smaller man’s shoulders or a hand on the back of his neck, feeling Link’s fingers twine through his own — his desire for these casual gestures surprised him. In his past relationships, his girlfriends had been unhappy about his lack of affection and his aversion to public displays. He never understood why they’d valued such things, until now.

After they’d returned home, eaten, and cleaned up the dishes, they changed back into soft flannel pants and sat back down on the couch to continue their rambling conversation. Link’s arm was behind Rhett along the back of the couch and his fingers played with the short hair at the base of Rhett’s skull. The sensation of his fingertips was electrifying, sending goosebumps down the larger man’s shoulder and chest.

Link seemed unaware at first, but as Rhett paused in the middle of speaking to close his eyes and draw his lower lip between his teeth, the brunet chuckled softly. “You look happy.”

“I am happy.”

Rhett’s eyes were still closed when he felt the weight on the couch shift, then a warm pressure settle across his thighs. He looked up to see Link straddling him, the man’s hands still curled behind Rhett’s neck as he smiled down. “It was really nice of you to stay home with me today,” he said.

“I’d do it every day if I could.”

Link leaned forward to nuzzle his nose and the movement pressed their groins together. Rhett licked his lips as he brought his hands up to lightly grasp the man’s waist, fighting his instincts and desires in order to let the other man set the pace of the encounter.

Link brought his lips to Rhett’s and the larger man could tell by the heat of them that the desire was mutual. It wasn’t long before the kiss deepened, their tongues brushing together as Link’s hips shifted forward. Link’s arousal became more evident as he rubbed himself along Rhett’s crotch, both men letting out muffled noises of need against the other’s lips. Rhett tried to remain passive despite dropping his hands to the other man’s ass; he felt the muscles flexing as he cupped them loosely, allowing Link to move freely.

Link curved his back and leaned down, nudging Rhett’s chin up with his nose. He kissed Rhett’s neck, nuzzling the slight protuberance of his adam’s apple and nibbling the underside of his jaw. Rhett closed his eyes and luxuriated in the sensation, making soft noises in his throat as he ran his fingertips over the fabric covering the man’s back. He rocked his hips up in tandem with Link’s slow movements and felt them both growing harder.

Link reached down and lifted the bottom of Rhett’s sweatshirt, caressing the soft scattering of hair on the larger man’s stomach. Rhett worked his own fingers up under Link’s hoodie and traced them along the man’s bare lower back, his arousal flaring hotter at the feeling of the man’s smooth, taut skin. His breath hissed with the effort of not moving things further, restraining himself from hooking his fingers under the man’s waistband and pushing his pants off of his wonderfully squirming hips.

The smaller man shifted back and reached down, palming Rhett’s erection through the thin cotton. He kissed Rhett as the blond groaned and clutched Link’s lower back more tightly. Link rubbed him in slow circles, teasing, drawing his fingertips along the length of Rhett’s manhood.

Rhett spoke in between quick breaths.  “God, Link… that feels so good, I wanna touch you too… it’s okay if you don’t want me to… but I really, really want to…”

Link’s hand never stopped moving, but he pulled his upper body back as he appeared to consider Rhett’s offer. A long moment later he leaned back for a deep kiss before replying, “Not tonight. Just let me make you happy.”

Link shifted off of him entirely and slid slowly onto his knees between Rhett’s thighs. Rhett’s disappointment at the man’s refusal was swiftly overcome by the sensation of the man pushing his waistband lower onto his hips and freeing Rhett’s hard cock from his pants. He held it firmly in one hand as their eyes met, and Link ran his tongue slowly over his lips, his mouth curved in a lopsided grin.  

Rhett shuddered at the teasing sensation of Link’s hot breath. He watched, mesmerized, as the man slowly leaned closer, than gasped as Link ran his pointed tongue from the base of his cock to the tip. Link held it with one hand and gently cupped his balls with the other, licking around the shaft, dragging his full lips over the throbbing skin, flicking his tongue around the head.

When he took the tip into his mouth, the delicious silken feeling of it washed over Rhett and he closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the wall with a moan. “God, oh god…” His hands, which had fallen to his sides when Link had knelt down, moved of their own accord to caress the man’s soft hair.

Link moved his head away abruptly, withdrawing his hands and placing them on Rhett’s thighs. “Don’t,” he said quietly. “Please.”

Rhett blinked his eyes open and saw the unease on Link’s face. “Oh! I’m sorry, man.”

The smaller man looked embarrassed. “It’s not a big deal, just… you know.”

Guilt cut through the fog of arousal that had clouded Rhett’s brain. “Of course. Yeah, I know… look, you don’t have to… we can stop, it’s fine, honestly.”

Link smiled up at him as he brought his hands back to Rhett’s groin. “I don’t wanna stop, I’m just getting started.” He started stroking Rhett’s cock again as the larger man groaned. “Just keep your hands to yourself,” he murmured.

“Okay. I will.” Rhett brought his hands behind his head and laced his fingers together, determined to behave from now on. Any rules Link wanted to set was fine by him, especially if it meant these exquisite sensations would continue. He tried to keep his hips still, quivering with the effort and moaning softly with every breath as Link took him again into his mouth.

Under Link’s skillful attention, the momentum of Rhett’s arousal recovered quickly from the brief interruption. The smaller man moved dexterously, using his hands to aid the efforts of his lips. He wrapped one around the shaft just under his mouth, moving both in tandem up and down in a tight, hot grip. With the other, he massaged his knuckles into the area underneath Rhett’s balls, adding an extra dimension to the stimulation that made Rhett groan in surprise.

Rhett’s arms flexed as he pushed his head back into his hands, squeezing his eyes shut until he saw white sparks behind his eyelids. His chest heaved with the gathering heat and pressure carrying him mercilessly toward the crest of his ecstasy. “Oh god, oh god…” he moaned repeatedly, nearly mindless with pleasure. Finally he gasped, “Link— god, I’m — I’m gonna come—“

Link pulled his head back but kept his hands moving, and it took only a few more strokes to tip Rhett over the edge. His hips bucked hard into the other man’s grasp as he moaned roughly, shuddering and panting in the grip of his orgasm. Link continued to stroke him through it, gently but firmly, until Rhett’s muscles relaxed into twitches and he whimpered softly in the aftershocks.

He was eventually able to crack his eyes open and looked down to see his come trickling down Link’s fingers and strewn in thick droplets over his stomach and pubic hair. He was still breathing fast and shallow as he reached shakily for the box of tissues on the side table and passed it to the other man, who cleaned off his hands before climbing back onto the couch. Rhett likewise wiped himself off and pulled his pants back up before offering an embrace to Link, who cuddled into it immediately.

They kissed deeply, and the subtle flavor and swollen warmth of Link’s mouth made Rhett shudder with desire. “God, that was amazing,” Rhett whispered. “You’re amazing.”

Link nuzzled his nose, a soft smile on his reddened lips. “I’m glad you liked it.”

“That’s an understatement.”  The smaller man chuckled as Rhett added, “I wish I could taste you like that.”

“Someday,” Link promised.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to do anything…?”

“Yeah.” Link kissed him again, holding him tightly around the waist. “I’m happy.”

Rhett wanted to believe that Link was as satisfied as he was, but he couldn’t help but worry. As wonderful as he felt, physically, a tiny sliver of unease undermined his contentment. There was a sense of imbalance that was small but growing. He knew he had to respect the man’s boundaries above all else, but he hoped those boundaries would move soon. He was eager to explore Link’s pleasure as Link had explored his, and bring him to the heights of ecstasy that Rhett had recently enjoyed. _Don’t be impatient,_ Rhett told himself. _Let him take as much time as he needs_.

He held Link close, breathing in the man’s scent as he slowly drifted toward sleep. He roused both of them enough to get them from the couch to the bed, where they both collapsed in exhaustion. He pulled the covers up over both of them and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around Link and praying that the nightmares would have mercy on them this time.


	28. Chapter 28

The nightmares came and went as the days went on. Sometimes they were vivid enough to tear him gasping from a sound sleep and send him fumbling for Link in the darkness in order to assure himself that the man was still there, and still breathing. Sometimes they were vague shadows that stole the restfulness from his sleep without ever surfacing enough for him to remember clearly. And then there were nights where he slept blissfully soundly, his limbs tangled with Link’s and his lungs full of the man’s scent, and woke feeling refreshed and reassured. Those nights were not as common as he wished.

He suspected Link had even fewer good nights, but the man was evasive when Rhett asked. Despite Rhett’s insistence that Link wake him up if he needed help, his friend was clearly reluctant to do so. “You need to sleep,” he’d said when Rhett reminded him. “It’s not fair for you to have to deal with this too.”

“I told you we’re in this together, man.”

Link had smiled and changed the subject.

As a result, Rhett only woke up when Link cried out in his sleep, and then he roused the man from his nightmare and comforted him until the terror passed. If Link woke up on his own, he dealt with it on his own. Sometimes Rhett would wake in the morning and see Link curled up on the couch with the television playing softly, having gotten up hours ago. Other times he could only guess from the faint bruises around Link’s eyes and the way he dragged himself to the breakfast table that the man had had a bad night.

One positive sign was the healing of Link’s knuckles. The bandaids came off and the scabs slowly fell away, leaving dark pink lines that gradually faded. Perhaps knowing how much the injuries concerned Rhett helped the man suppress the urge, or maybe it was the comfort of living in a safe environment. Whatever the reason, Rhett was glad to see it.

He was less glad to note that the man wasn’t gaining weight, and might even be continuing to lose it. His cheeks were as gaunt as they’d been when Rhett picked him up from the prison and his clothes still hung too large on his frame. He ate well enough when they had meals together, but Rhett wondered if he ever ate on his own. After his initial appetite for non-prison food had been sated in the days after his release, it just didn’t seem to occur to him to eat despite Rhett’s gentle urging. The man’s ribs remained visible through the pale skin of his chest and his hipbones dug into Rhett’s thighs when they embraced. He got cold easily, though that was less of an issue as the temperatures rose.

Link kept himself clean-shaven now, aside from long sideburns, and more often than not there was a day’s growth of stubble shadowing his face. It scraped Rhett’s lips when they kissed, which he enjoyed. The novelty of kissing a man was still quite fresh. For his part, Rhett kept his chinstrap beard and shaved the rest of his face bare, because he enjoyed how Link liked to kiss the small mole above his upper lip when he was feeling silly.

Link landed a job at NCSU’s science library, joking with Rhett that the subject matter was a bit more intellectual than what he was used to stocking on bookshelves. Rhett was glad the man had something to occupy his time and give him a sense of accomplishment, plus it put them on a similar schedule. They got into a rhythm of work and school, spending time together in the evenings and hanging out with friends on the weekends. In some ways, if Rhett didn’t look too closely, their lives started to seem normal.

As the days turned into months, the hair on Link’s head grew long enough to where it stood out in unruly waves that he brushed back from his forehead. Rhett liked best when it was messy in the morning, tangled and soft-looking around the man’s face. He loved running his fingers gently through it, always careful not to pull.

He was careful, in fact, every time he touched Link. He was careful not to ask too much, not to push too far, not to do anything that could possibly cause the other man fear or anxiety. He far preferred erring on the side of overly cautious rather than not cautious enough, and waited for Link to inform him that the rules changed.

Which is not to say that he wasn’t impatient. Even though Link appeared eager to satisfy Rhett whenever the two of them were intimate, the younger man continued to insist that he neither wanted nor needed satisfaction of his own. He seemed to enjoy the kissing, but when things got more intense, he turned all the focus toward getting Rhett off. If Rhett reached for him in a wordless offer of reciprocation, Link moved away just enough to make his answer clear.

And even though Rhett certainly enjoyed the skilled attentions of Link’s hands and mouth, the imbalance of it was wearing on him. He was eager to explore other things they could do together; things they might mutually enjoy. But that would require Link’s full and enthusiastic participation, and if anything, the man seemed to be growing more distant as time went on. It was as if every time he denied himself, he reinforced his own aversion, cementing it into the foundation of his psyche.

Lately, after the endorphins ebbed and Rhett lay in bed with Link cuddled up to his chest, he found himself staring up into the darkness of the rafters as his mind spiraled into doubts. To his eye, Link didn’t seem to be _trying_ to get more comfortable with Rhett touching him. _Why not?_ Rhett asked himself. _Does he still not trust me?_

In the darker moments, Rhett asked himself even more painful questions. _What if he’s not attracted to me and doesn’t want to say it? What if he’s just doing it out of obligation?_ And in the darkest times of all, despite all of his efforts to keep his mind from opening that door, he couldn’t help but wonder: _Is it because he still has feelings for Tanner?_

The unspoken questions drained the warmth from the space between them in a gradual and insidious way. As a result, Rhett was less inclined to initiate intimacy, even going so far as to suggest other activities when Link seemed about to start something. It surprised him — given his usual appetites —but the frustration of suppressing his desires was becoming too painful. It was torture being so close to Link’s beauty and unable to give the man pleasure, especially when Link was pleasing him.

Rhett worried he would snap in some way if he didn’t pull back from the intensity of it all, and so he did. As April rolled on, their encounters lessened in both passion and frequency. They often stayed up late enough that they were both too exhausted to do anything but sleep once they got into bed. Rhett sometimes remained at the computer lab until the early morning doing his homework, perhaps longer than was necessary, so that Link was already asleep when he came home.

It saved them both the difficult conversations, the awkward questions. Rhett barely knew how to talk to himself about these issues, let alone another man, even if that other man was his best friend.   _This is easier_ , he told himself. _Just hold out for things to get better._ He tried to maintain his optimism for the future, but that was much easier during the day, in the warm spring sunshine, than in the darkness of their shared bed.

He soon came to realize it wasn’t just about sex. It was a sign of something deeper, something more fundamental that lingered from Link’s experiences in prison and kept the man from fully participating in the relationship they were supposed to be building together.  What was supposed to be the brightest and most exciting phase of a romance — the giddy exploration of a new love —was hobbled by Link’s inability to be vulnerable. Neither of them had yet said “I love you,” not even in the brotherly way they used to. Whether they were each waiting for the other or for some outside sign, Rhett didn’t know.  All he knew was that it didn’t feel right to say, not yet. Not with this imbalance between them.

Every now and then he came home in the evening to find Link well into a six-pack of beer or a bottle of whiskey, half-asleep on the couch with the television tuned to something unremarkable. The man always invited Rhett to join him and Rhett would indulge him by having a modest drink or two. It was never long before Link opened up with his reason for drinking _this_ time, telling a story from Craven that was invariably horrifying. From the minor indignities of everyday prison life to the true nightmare of solitary confinement (not to mention everything that had happened with Tanner, which they never talked about), Rhett never blamed the man for drinking to forget.

Eventually Link would dissolve into teary mumbling or begin drifting to sleep, at which point Rhett cleaned him up and carried him to bed. In the morning as he nursed the man through his hangover, he tried his best to encourage Link to get help. There must be therapists on campus, he reasoned, who could provide some sort of professional counseling. “You don’t need to go through this alone,” he kept telling Link. “I’ll even go with you if you want.”

Link always dismissed the suggestion, though. He insisted this was something he had to work through on his own, that he just needed time. He told Rhett not to worry about him, but of course that was impossible. Rhett worried all the time, especially when he woke to an empty bed or saw the sharpness of Link’s collarbones under his t-shirts.  

***

Rhett was grateful for the distraction of finals and preparations for graduation.  He had his last classes the first week of May and sat for his exams the following week. The graduation ceremonies began a few days after that. The school was large enough it divided students by discipline to receive their diplomas, and Rhett’s Civil Engineering section was scheduled to receive theirs starting early on Friday evening.

After all the work he had to do for finals, Rhett didn’t feel like the ceremony itself was a very big deal. A number of his classmates had already decided to skip it and start their celebrating early, and he was sorely tempted to join them. However, his parents insisted on attending his graduation and Link wanted to go too, so he went. The ceremony was mercifully brief and uneventful, and his parents took the two of them out to a nice dinner afterward.

He and Link had decided they wouldn’t come out to their families until after Link had also graduated, as Link’s parents were paying for his degree. They didn’t have reason to expect anyone’s reaction to be that extreme, but better safe than sorry. They could be themselves 99% of the time, anyway, so it didn’t feel like that much of a hardship to be circumspect with their displays of affection at times like this. Still, their legs stayed in constant contact under the table at the restaurant, and Rhett couldn’t resist giving the man’s thigh the occasional discreet squeeze.

The teasing contact made Rhett eager to get home and have the man to himself. Link looked so wonderful in the cobalt blue dress shirt he’d worn special for the occasion; Rhett had a hard time not imagining taking it off of him. The smaller man was in such a good mood after the nice dinner and a few glasses of celebratory champagne that Rhett allowed himself a little bit of hope that maybe things could finally move further between them.  At the very least, he thought it might be okay to broach the subject of the possibility.

After his parents said their goodbyes in the driveway and the two young men climbed the stairs to the apartment and shut the door, Rhett took Link into his arms and grinned down at him. “Do I look any different now that I’m all official?” he asked.

Link ran his hand down Rhett’s burgundy silk tie, tugging gently on the end with a coy smile. “You look much more employable, that’s for sure.”

“Ooh, baby.” They both laughed.

Rhett walked his fingertips up the smooth fabric covering the man’s back. He cupped Link’s chin and leaned down to press their lips together. The other man responded warmly, melting against Rhett’s chest and embracing him around the waist with a soft noise. His lips parted and the sweet taste of his tongue made Rhett’s desire flare.

After losing himself in the kiss for some time, he broke away and began nibbling softly along the edge of Link’s jaw. The smaller man sighed in appreciation and tilted his head, eyes closed as his hands clutched Rhett’s lower back. Rhett reached up and unbuttoned the man’s collar, pulling it open to nuzzle the warm crook of his neck. He breathed in the faint scent of his skin and let out a soft growl of hunger as he ran his teeth lightly over the surface.

He continued unbuttoning the shirt all the way down and spread it open to expose the man’s thin black undershirt. He cupped Link’s narrow waist as their mouths met again, and felt the man’s arousal when he pressed their groins together. Link reached up and tugged at Rhett’s tie, sliding the knot loose and pulling it out from his collar. He tossed it onto the back of the kitchen chair without looking and began unbuttoning Rhett’s shirt too.

He’d only made it a couple of buttons when Rhett took his hands and held them, biting his lip with uncertainty when he saw Link’s confused expression. He bent to kiss the man’s scarred knuckles. “Link…” he started slowly. “I’d really like to do something for you tonight.”

Link’s expression seemed to freeze for a moment before he smiled. “Oh… nah, that’s okay, man.” He pulled his hands out of Rhett’s grip and went to his next button. “It’s nice of you to offer, baby, but why don’t you just let me…” he leaned forward and brought his mouth to the base of Rhett’s neck, sharp teeth grazing the skin.

Normally the sensation would have gone straight to Rhett’s cock and the evening would have continued accordingly, but this time his frustration burned hotter than his desire and he pulled away from the other man. “Link…” He cast around for the right words to express himself in a way that wouldn’t make Link feel bad, then gave up with a sigh. “Forget it.” He turned away and took a step toward the fridge. “I’m gonna get a glass of water, you want anything?”

The other man looked at him in alarm. “Wait… what is it? What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’.” Rhett poured a short glass of water and drank.

“C’mon, man, you can’t just put on the brakes like that without an explanation.”

Rhett set the glass on the counter and turned back with another sigh. Link was right. And besides, they couldn’t avoid the topic forever. “I don’t wanna pressure you, man. But this whole… one-sided thing. It’s great, the stuff we’ve been doing, but… it’s missing something.” He winced at his own words. “It feels like you don’t trust me.”

“I do trust you.” Link chewed his lower lip. “I’m doin’ the best I can.”

“I know, I know you are.” Now that they were talking about it, Rhett realized it was his opportunity to tell Link how the situation was making him feel, and maybe that would motivate him to change. “But it’s not getting better. Honestly, sometimes it doesn’t seem like you _want_ it to get better.”

Link’s eyes widened. “What’s that s’posed to mean?”

“Like you’re comfortable with things the way they are, like it’s safe.”

The brunet pulled his dress shirt closed around himself, hugging his arms around his waist. “Well… yeah. It does feel safe to keep things this way. But I know you want more… I want more, too, obviously. I’m _trying_.”

“Are you sure? I know I can’t possibly relate to what you’re dealing with. But from where I’m standing, it doesn’t look like there’s been any progress. It looks like it might even be gettin’ worse.”

The muscles in Link’s jaw rippled as he contemplated the floor in silence, then he looked up. “Look, can’t we just… I don’t wanna talk about this right now.”

“You never wanna talk about it.” Rhett searched the man’s expression, but it was closed, flat. There was a sense of distance between them that twisted Rhett’s insides; he tried to push through it, to bring Link back to him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I don’t want this to be a fight.”

Link shrugged dismissively. “I’m not trying to have a fight.” He stepped close again, bringing his cool fingertips to trail the edge of Rhett’s undershirt collar. “Can we just drop it and go back to what we were doing?”

There was too much going on in Rhett’s head for him to enjoy the man’s touch, as much as he wished otherwise. He leaned away from it as he said, “Nah, man, I’m can’t — I mean, okay, if you don’t wanna talk about it… but I can’t just pretend everything’s fine.”

Link’s hand fell back to his side as he looked up at Rhett in renewed alarm. “What are you saying? How not-fine are things right now?”

“I don’t know, Link…” Rhett rubbed his face. “I’m just frustrated. And worried… about you and about us. It’s not just the sex, it’s the whole picture. Lately it just… it feels like you’re not all here with me. Like your mind is somewhere else.” … _or with someone else?_

Link’s eyes darted away to the calendar that hung on the fridge. He’d been marking the days since he left Craven, crossing them out with a thick black marker. Two and a half months since that day — and since their first kiss. He seemed transfixed by the sight for a moment before his gaze came back to the taller man. “There’s nowhere else my mind wants to be,” he insisted. “I just have to deal with some things, still. That’s all.”

Link had been saying the same thing for weeks. Rhett didn’t know why he’d expected this night to be any different; he should’ve known better. He shook his head and started buttoning his shirt back up. “Alright, man. If you say so.” He felt restless and annoyed and knew if they kept talking about it he’d probably say something he’d regret. His words came out clipped. “I need some air. I’m gonna go out. Maybe check out that party at Tim’s frat.”

Link looked about to protest, but then his shoulders curled in, making him seem even smaller. “Okay,” he said quietly.

Rhett felt a pang of guilt. “Wanna come with me?”

“Nah.” Link’s hands wrung together in front of his stomach, but the rest of him was motionless. “I’m tired, I think I’m just gonna go to bed early.”

Rhett’s guilt increased when he realized he felt relieved by Link’s answer. _We just need a little time apart,_ he told himself. _And I need some time away from this constant self-denial and doubt._

“Okay. I’ll try not to wake you up when I come in.”

“Cool.”

“See you later, man.”

“See you.”

He thought about hugging the man goodbye, but Link’s body language suggested that was not a welcome idea. Instead, he checked his pockets for his keys and wallet and headed for the door. When he glanced over his shoulder as it closed behind him, he saw Link standing in front of the fridge, staring at the calendar with its half-blackened days, the expression on his face unreadable.


	29. Chapter 29

Rhett drove aimlessly, circling the streets between the apartment and campus while his mind wrestled what had just happened. Now that he had expressly turned down an opportunity to get intimate with Link as a result of the other man’s emotional baggage, it felt as if they’d taken a step on the path from bad to worse. By acknowledging how significant it was, by admitting that it was impacting more than just their sex life, he’d opened a door he would have preferred to keep closed.

Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe he should have gone along with it as usual, enjoyed himself as best he could, and continued with the status quo in the hope that Link would improve in time. If Rhett were honest with himself, though, he had to admit that Link’s inability to trust was starting to feel toxic to their relationship. _What is he waiting for?_ He asked himself. _Why isn’t it getting better? What am I doing wrong?_

It had been so much simpler when their relationship was platonic, when Rhett was in blissful ignorance of Link’s sexuality — not to mention his own. Then, their brotherly love had flowed freely. He hadn’t had to evaluate every move he made before he made it, searching for whether it might come across as asking too much. He hadn’t had to analyze everything Link said or search the silences for hidden meanings. They’d been fully open with each other, their expectations clear.

 _You can’t blame love for changing that,_ he told himself. _Blame Craven. Blame Tanner._

He was sure that no matter how rough things were, he never regretted realizing his romantic feelings for Link or telling the man how he felt. Link’s revelation that he felt the same way had made Rhett happier than he ever dreamed possible. The two of them being together, body and soul — that was the way things should be. They just needed to get past this bad patch and find that joy again.

He kept telling himself this as he pulled up to the Delta Kappa Epsilon house at the edge of campus. It was a sprawling mansion in the antebellum style, with white siding, black shutters, and a two-story wraparound porch. The wide driveway was full of cars and more spilled onto the lawn and along the sides of the road nearby, where Rhett found a spot for his own. As soon as he parked and opened the door, he could hear the pounding bass from the house’s stereo system.

It was a warm night and he knew it was likely to be warmer inside, so he took off his dress shirt and tossed it into the passenger seat. Even though vanity made him uncomfortable most of the time, he had to admit he liked how he looked in his tight white tank top and dark slacks. He’d been taking his frustration out on the weights at the gym and the results were evident in the way the fabric strained over the muscles of his chest.

He recognized a few fellow engineering students in the crowd of smokers on the porch and said hello to them as he passed by. Inside the front door was a large, dimly lit foyer packed with people dancing. Others stood in small groups at the edges of the room, holding drinks and leaning close together to have conversations over the noise of the music. To one side was a wide staircase extending up to the shadows of a second-floor balcony. The whole place was heavily festooned with decorations and the air was dense with white smoke that had a slight ozone tang to it.

He saw his former roommate Tim over by the bar against the wall and made his way over to say hello, yelling over the music. “A fog machine? Really?”

The shorter man grinned and shrugged. “Gotta use up our party budget for the year somehow, right?”

Rhett laughed and made small talk as he surveyed the alcohol options. He figured he’d hit it pretty hard now to take the edge off of his mood, then give himself enough time to sober up before he drove home. His eyes lit on the bottle of Jim Beam and he pointed at it with a raised brow to the frat brother stuck doing bar duty. The young man poured him a generous shot and Rhett raised it in a toast to Tim before knocking it back and immediately getting another. It went the same way as the first.

He set the empty shot glass on the bar and gestured to the keg on the counter. A few seconds later he was handed a red plastic cup of frothy beer and he nodded his thanks before making his way back through the dance floor. By the time he was halfway across, the whiskey had warmed his chest and given him a pleasant tingling in his scalp. The argument with Link was already feeling far away and a vague sense of optimism replaced the tension that had settled in his shoulders.

He felt a tap on his arm and turned to see a petite, dark-haired woman in a tight crop top and shorts smiling up at him. He squinted through the darkness and fog to recognize Lauren’s old roommate, Maryanne. “Hey!” he yelled.

“Rhett!” she shouted. “Long time no see!’

“Yeah! How’ve you been?”

The crowd pressed in around them and someone stumbled into Rhett’s backside, jostling him.  Maryanne gestured with her own red cup, suggesting with a raised brow that they move to the side. Rhett nodded his agreement and led the way, passing through a wide arched doorway and around the corner to a collection of overstuffed couches, where the music was less deafening and the fog was thinner. He sat down on one of them and she sat beside him, facing him as she took a drink.

“Right,” Rhett said. “Where were we?”

“You were gonna tell me what you’ve been up to in the past… oh, how long as it been? A year?”

“Wow, that’s a lot to cover.” Rhett laughed and took a long drink. “Why don’t you fill me in first?”

She was happy to oblige, launching into the story of her own senior year with enthusiasm. Rhett was content to watch her speak, occasionally interjecting with a question or witty observation. The young woman was cheerful and laughed easily, and he enjoyed her company. The first time she mentioned Lauren — they were still roommates — she cringed a little in anticipation of awkwardness, but Rhett assured her that the breakup had been mutual and he was truly fine with it.

“That’s what she told me, yeah,” Maryanne laughed. “But you never know, you know?”

“Oh yeah, I know.”

“So are you, um, seeing anyone these days?”

Rhett was surprised to find himself hesitating briefly before he answered. “Yeah, I am actually.”

“Aw, too bad.” She winked at him. “Anyone I know?”

“Yep.” He tipped up his cup, finishing off the beer before he met her curious gaze. “Link.”

He watched with amusement as confusion clouded her features. “Link? … You mean… your old roommate?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Whoa.” She finished off her own beer before regarding him with wide eyes. “I had no idea!”

“Me neither.” Rhett laughed. “I’m not gay, though. I’m bi. Still appreciate the ladies.”

Maryanne seemed a bit overwhelmed by the conversation. “Wow, okay.” She giggled. “That’ll make Lauren feel better.”

Rhett laughed heartily. “I bet!”

The young woman looked him up and down with a slight flush to her cheeks that he attributed to embarrassment or alcohol. “You up for some dancing?” she asked.

“Totally!” Rhett was feeling good; the alcohol had reduced the normal self-consciousness he’d have about that sort of thing and given him a boost of silly energy. He got to his feet with a hand braced on the wall until his brain caught up with new altitude, then led the way back to the dance floor. On the way there, he stopped by the bar for another shot of whiskey.

The music had a strong beat and not much else, some sort of neverending remix of a song that was only vaguely familiar to begin with. The bass pounded through his chest and set his body moving with seemingly little conscious effort on his part. The dense crowd pushed him and Maryanne close together and she smiled up at him as her hips moved to the beat. From his vantage point, he couldn’t help but look down into her cleavage, which sparkled with a liberal dusting of glitter. _Yup. Definitely bi_.

The music switched to something slightly slower and deeper, and he reached out to clasp her bare waist, his thumbs brushing the soft curves of her stomach as their bodies moved in unison. The smooth, feminine softness of her skin was startling. She raised her arms above her head and he felt the muscles shift subtly under his fingertips. Even though he was only wearing a tank top, he felt very warm. Sweat began to collect in the small of his back.

He didn’t know how long they danced, as one song blended into the next and the floor got more and more crowded. Eventually there was a break and one of the frat brothers came onto the sound system to announce a charity drive they were holding for a local homeless shelter. As Rhett stood listening, a young woman he didn’t recognize emerged from the fog at Maryanne’s side. “There you are!” she said to the brunette. “Ready?”

Maryanne looked up at Rhett with an apologetic smile. “That’s my ride, I gotta go… unless you can bring me home?”

Rhett’s mouth was suddenly dry. “Ah… I’m not sure that would be a good idea. I’ve got an early morning,” he lied.

Her lips curved into an exaggerated pout. “Aw, too bad. It was great seeing you, though!”

Rhett was relieved. “Me too! Glad we ran into each other.”

She gave him a quick hug, mindful of the sweat. “Don’t be a stranger.”

“I’ll try.”

They shared one last grin before she disappeared into the crowd.  Rhett shook his head as he made his way back to the bar for another beer. He’d never allowed himself to look at Maryanne that way when he was with Lauren, but he had to admit she was quite attractive. Not like it mattered now, anyway. He was with Link, and he was pretty sure the man wouldn’t approve of Rhett bringing a girl home with him.

He downed the beer quickly and got back onto the dance floor as the music started up again. The room seemed even darker and more fogged than before, the music even louder. Now that he didn’t have a dance partner, he gave himself over to the beat entirely, closing his eyes and moving his whole body in sinuous rhythm. He cleared his mind and focused on the simple pleasure of movement.

After a while in this somewhat meditative state, he felt hands lightly grasp his hips and the sensation of someone dancing behind him, matching his movements. The person leaned in and yelled in a smooth tenor, “You look like you’re enjoying yourself!”

Rhett blinked his eyes open and craned his head back, trying to focus through the fog. He saw dark, wavy hair and deep blue eyes over a trim goatee framing lips that smirked up at him. It was Corey.

Rhett turned around slowly, still moving in rhythm, and the other man kept his hands on Rhett’s waist. Corey was wearing tight jeans and a short-sleeved, green plaid shirt with the top three buttons unbuttoned. His arms were slimly muscular and his exposed chest gleamed with sweat. Rhett was conscious of his hips moving under the man’s grasp, but the crowd was thick enough he didn’t have the space to step away. Besides, he wasn’t sure he wanted to. “Corey! Hey!”

The shorter man looked him up and down with open appreciation. “You look good!” he yelled.

“Thanks! You do too.” Rhett gestured to his own chin. “Like the goatee.”

Corey’s teeth flashed white in a grin. “Thanks.” He took his hands away but continued dancing close, and Rhett’s eyes were drawn to the movements of his hips. He gestured for Rhett to lean down, and when the taller man obliged, Corey spoke into his ear as his warm, beer-laden breath wafted past Rhett’s nose. “You finally get your man?”

Rhett turned to yell into the other man’s ear the same way. “I did!”

“Nice! He here?”

“Nah, on my own tonight.”

Corey pulled away just enough so they could see each other, but stayed close so they wouldn’t have to yell too loudly. They were both still moving to the music, but in a more controlled way so they could talk at the same time. “Too bad, I wanted to meet this dream guy. Is it as wonderful as you hoped? Fulfilling all your fantasies?” The way the man waggled his eyebrows made it clear what he was getting at.

Normally Rhett would have kept things to himself, but his tipsiness made him more open. “Well… we’re moving slowly.”

“Aw, really?”

“There are some… issues we’re working through. He’s not ready for some things.”

“Damn… don’t tell me you’re as sexually frustrated as I am, when I’m the single one!”

Rhett laughed. “Nah, not that bad!”

The other man waved his hands in a “go on” gesture, and the bigger man blushed. “We’ve done stuff, just not… you know.”

“Ohhh. Have you ever?”

Rhett blushed harder as he shook his head.

“Aw, honey.” Corey’s smile took on a lascivious edge. “I’d love to show you a thing or two.”

Rhett wasn’t sure what to do with the flush of arousal he felt in response, so he ducked his head and focused on his dancing. His throat felt raw from yelling over the music and he was glad for the break from the conversation anyway, even if the other man’s appreciative gaze felt as hot as a spotlight. It made his heart beat confusingly fast, adding to the disorientation of the fog and making the room feel like it was slowly spinning.

They danced without words for some time, occasionally locking eyes until Rhett’s nerve failed and he had to close his or look away. Corey was certainly nice to look at, with his muscular arms and the sharp angles of his square jaw. He also seemed to be quite skilled with his dance movements. As Rhett watched, the smaller main raised his arms up and rolled his hips, rocking them in what looked like an overtly sexual manner as he met Rhett’s eyes with a challenging grin. Rhett fought the instinct to look away, instead dropping his chin and raising his eyebrow in a challenge of his own.

In response, Corey turned to put his back to Rhett, staying close. He reached up behind him and cupped the back of Rhett’s neck, leaning against the taller man’s chest as his hips moved to the beat. Rhett clasped the man’s waist and bent down to nuzzle his ear mischievously, feeling a surge of ego gratification at the shiver it elicited. The man smelled of musky sweat and the masculine spice of aftershave. _This is just for fun_ , Rhett told himself. _We’re just dancing, that’s all._ It was nice to flirt, nice to be wanted. It was nice to imagine something uncomplicated.

“Your boy doesn’t know what he’s missin’,” Corey slurred loudly. He slid his backside wantonly along Rhett’s groin, sparking a tingling heat that made the bigger man groan under his breath. He pulled Rhett’s head down so he could breathe in his ear. “Fuck, I bet you could wreck me… and I’d love every minute of it.”

The man reached back his free hand and grasped Rhett’s hip, pulling the taller man against him, grinding his ass against the burgeoning hardness in Rhett’s crotch. Rhett kept one arm around the man’s waist and brought the other up, encircling Corey’s throat in his fingers as they writhed together in rhythm. As he felt the vibrations of the man’s moan under his hand, a small part of Rhett’s brain raised an alarm — this was going beyond flirting. But his misgivings were hard to hear over the darkness and the pounding beat, the surging of his lust and the haze of alcohol that made his body’s demands louder than those of his heart.  

The smaller man twisted half around in Rhett’s arms, his head lolled back. His parted lips brushed along the bottom of Rhett’s jaw, striving upwards with a panting hunger as his fingertips pressed into the back of the taller man’s neck.

Rhett closed his eyes as time stretched like taffy, his sense of self diverging into two distinct people. The man who kissed Corey would go on to disappear with him into an upstairs bedroom, followed shortly after by feverish removal of clothing and a fumbling, ravenous exploration of pleasure. He’d finally get to do the things he dreamed of doing, with someone who was practically begging for his touch. The man who turned away from the kiss would leave frustrated, unsatisfied, cold and tormented by his desires.

But the second man could go home and take Link in his arms with a clear conscience, so the choice was clear. The choice was always clear.

Rhett pulled away, dropping his arms. Corey faced him with a raised brow as Rhett mouthed the word, “Sorry.”

The smaller man shrugged with a lopsided grin. “I had to try!” he yelled.

“I’m flattered, really!” Rhett yelled back. He was relieved the man didn’t seem annoyed.

They danced for a little while longer, Rhett now keeping a chaste distance between their bodies. At the next break in the music, Corey wiped the sweat from his brow with his forearm. “I think I’m gonna go get some air. If I don’t see you, take care, okay?”

“Okay, man. You too.” The brunet flashed him another winning grin before disappearing into the crowd toward the front door. Rhett headed in the opposite direction, to the bar, and when he got there he asked for water. He gulped it down immediately, heedless of the ice-cold shock to his throat, and got a refill. This one he nursed more slowly as he checked his watch. He did some quick calculations and figured he should be sober enough to drive in an hour or so.

He wove through the crowd to the staircase and climbed to the second floor, then made his way out onto the porch. It wasn’t nearly as crowded as the downstairs had been, and the cool air was pleasant on his face. He said hello to the few people nearby as he leaned against the railing and looked out over the lawn and streetlights below.

He passed the time waiting to sober up in quiet contemplation, thinking about everything that had happened that year. He thought about all the choices he’d made, all the things he’d seen that he never thought he’d see. He thought about Link and how much he loved him, and shivered at how close he’d come to putting that in jeopardy tonight.

After a few more glasses of water and a significant amount of time, he felt clear-headed again. He made his way back out to his car, pausing to say hello and goodbye to the people he recognized along the way. He wondered if he’d ever see any of them again now that they’d all graduated. Most of the people he knew were planning to get jobs or begin their graduate degrees in the fall, so he figured they’d be around.

He felt pretty good, if tired, on his drive home. His legs were sore and he could smell the spilled beer and fog machine juice on himself. It was nearly two in the morning and Link should already be sleeping soundly; he looked forward to crawling quietly into bed, taking the man in his arms and sleeping late the next day. Maybe they could talk about what happened and Rhett could make amends for his impatience with a fancy waffle breakfast.

He was doing a mental inventory of their fridge as he climbed the stairs to the third floor and turned his key in the lock, then frowned as he heard the television blaring beyond. _He’s still awake?_

He opened the door and the false cheer of a late-night infomercial hit his ears. The lights were off, but the flickering TV was enough to illuminate the vacant couch. Rhett turned on the light by the door, then walked over and picked up the remote from the coffee table, noting the empty bottle of Jack Daniels that had been next to it. _Didn’t we just buy that?_

He hit the power button and the room was suddenly silent. He looked over to the bed, expecting to see Link curled up under a mound of blankets, he wasn't there. Rhett felt an uneasy tightening in his stomach as he surveyed the room. There was no sign of the other man.

“Link?” he called.

He held his breath in the silence that followed, then his heart skipped a beat when he heard a quiet whimper from the bathroom. Rhett moved quickly to the door, which was ajar with darkness beyond. He opened it slowly. “Buddy?”

There was another whimper as Rhett turned on the light, revealing Link hunched on his knees next to the toilet. He was wearing only his boxers and his hands were fists against his chest as he flinched away from the harsh white light. Rhett froze momentarily in shock as the smaller man lifted his head. Link’s skin was pale and there was a sheen of sweat across his forehead.

The man opened his mouth as if to speak, then his eyes widened in alarm. He folded over the toilet with a horrible hacking noise, coughing and gasping despite only expelling a small amount of liquid. He clutched the edge of the white porcelain bowl as his shoulders shook, and when the spasms subsided, he collapsed back to the floor with a soft moan, weakly shielding his eyes from the light with his forearm.

“Hey… Rhett,” he whispered. 


	30. Chapter 30

“Aw, Link.” Rhett stood awkwardly in the bathroom doorway, torn between wanting to give Link his privacy and comfort him if he could. Since the light seemed to be bothering the other man, he flicked the switch back off. Now that the door was open, there was enough illumination coming in from the main room that he could still see, but it shouldn’t be painfully bright.

Link let his arm fall back down, where he clenched his hand into a fist in front of his chest again. He kept very still, breathing shallowly, as he squinted up at Rhett. “G’won… tell me ‘m an idiot,” he slurred.

Rhett surveyed the tile floor for any unfortunate liquids, then knelt down carefully. He put a hand on Link’s shoulder. “I’m not gonna call you an idiot,” he soothed. “You’re bein’ punished enough without me addin’ to it.”

The smaller man nodded his head carefully.

“How long’ve you been at this?” Rhett asked.

“Throwin’ up? … dunno… half n’hour maybe.” Link spoke very slowly, pursing his lips as if he had to concentrate hard to form each syllable. “Nothin’ left… in m’stomach.”

“That’s probably a blessing at this point.” He squeezed the man’s arm gently. “Did you drink that whole bottle tonight?”

“Mostv’it.”

Rhett winced. That was much more than the man usually had, even when he had a bad night. Given how thin Link was, it was amazing he was still conscious. _And here I was out partying, when I should’ve been taking care of him._ “Was it because of our argument?”

A look of confusion passed slowly over the other man’s face, as if he’d already forgotten it entirely. “Nah.”

“Then why, man? Why do this to yourself?”

Link was silent for a while, long enough that Rhett wondered if he’d fallen asleep. Then he mumbled softly, “Tanner…”

Rhett hated the jealousy he still felt whenever he heard the name. It was in the past; he should let it go. Even if Link couldn’t yet. “Bad dreams?” he asked.

Link shook his head.

“Flashbacks?”

Link was silent, save for a little shiver, and Rhett’s rage flared hot again. “Dammit, man, what I wouldn’t give to get my hands on that guy.” His own hands clenched into fists as he seethed. “I don’t care how tough he thinks he is, dude wouldn’t even know what hit him.”

Link’s eyes widened at Rhett’s tone and he seemed to shrink away from the larger man’s fury. He started to speak, but only got so far as “No, you—“ before he jerked away from Rhett’s hand and bent over the toilet again.

This time, now that he was closer to the man’s dry heaving, Rhett felt his own stomach turn in sympathy. He took a few deep breaths to settle it as he stroked the man’s spine between his shoulder blades. The sensation of Link trembling with the force of his retching brought tears to Rhett’s eyes. “Shhh,” he murmured. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it.”

Link kept his arms draped over the bowl and rested his cheek on one of them, eyes closed and panting. “Yeah… less’ not talk ‘bout it,” he rasped.

The man’s skin felt clammy. “Aren’t you cold?” Rhett asked.

Link’s eyes stayed shut and his muscles were limp under Rhett’s hand. “… Nah.”

“C’mon, you must be. How about I get your bathrobe and we move to the bed? If you think you can make it.”

The smaller man didn’t respond. Rhett decided it wasn’t really up to Link; he wasn’t going to let the man spend the night on the cold tile floor in his underwear regardless. “I’ll be right back,” he told him. He clambered to his feet, wincing at the soreness in his legs from the awkward position he’d been in, and hobbled out to get Link’s blue fleece bathrobe from the hook on the closet door.

“Let’s go, buddy.” He draped the robe over the man’s shoulders and Link stirred, straightening up just enough so Rhett could get his arms into the garment. Then Rhett reached under the other man’s armpits and very slowly lifted him to his feet. Link was nearly dead weight; his head hung down and his legs made only very feeble attempts to get under him as he let out a soft whimper.

“I see you’re not gonna be any help here,” Rhett teased, trying not to get too worried. He reminded himself that he’d dealt with guys in this sort of shape before at various frat parties over the years; it wasn’t pretty, but it wasn’t life-threatening. He struggled to hold the man upright with one arm as he belted his robe around him with the other. “There you go, that’s better,” he murmured.

He ducked under one of Link’s arms and draped it over his shoulder to walk him slowly through the doorway. He looked at the distance to the bed, then back to Link’s slackjawed face, and sighed. “Alright, man, I’m pickin’ you up.”

He bent down and hooked his arm under Link’s knees, taking the man’s weight fully onto himself as he straightened up. Link’s head lolled back against Rhett’s chest and the scent of whiskey and bile hit the taller man hard. Link felt even lighter than the last time they’d been in this position, and Rhett’s heart ached. _This has gotta stop,_ he told himself. _Something’s gotta give._ _But what the hell can I do?_

He carried Link to the bed and laid him down carefully on his side, facing the edge with his top leg bent. The man barely opened his eyes as he was deposited onto the mattress, but smiled softly when Rhett arranged his robe and pulled the covers up over him. Rhett went back to the bathroom, grabbed the empty wastebasket, and brought it back to the bedside. With any luck, Link would realize it was there if his stomach decided to further emphasize its displeasure.

Rhett turned off the lights and stripped off his clothes, then pulled on a pair of soft flannel pants and climbed into bed. He moved up close behind Link, bringing his chest to the man’s back and draping his arm over the man’s narrow waist. He focused on the sensation of Link’s chest rising and falling to make sure there wasn’t too much space between his breaths.

He pressed his face into the warm musk of the man’s hair. He wanted to get as close as possible, as if he could fully encase the man in a protective shell of his own body. “I’ve got you,” he murmured. “You’re not alone. I’m right here. I’ll always be right here.”

Link’s hands clasped Rhett’s arm to his chest as he succumbed to a heavy, motionless sleep. Rhett stayed awake for a long time, counting seconds between breaths and keeping watch for demons in the darkness.

***

Rhett drifted in and out of consciousness, waking up just enough to tighten his arm around Link’s body and confirm the man was still breathing before drifting back under. It wasn’t a restful sleep, but it lasted a long time.

He woke for real to the bright mid-morning sun streaming through the curtains when Link stirred and made a quiet, pained noise. “Hey, buddy,” Rhett spoke softly behind him. “Feelin’ better?”

“Uuugh… “ Link curled into a tighter fetal position and covered his face with his arm.

“Aw, baby,” Rhett nuzzled the back of the man’s neck. “Want me to get you some water?”

“Mhmm.”

Rhett gave him a lingering hug before rolling away and climbing out of bed. He pulled on his bathrobe and headed to the kitchen, where he obtained a glass of water and a couple of tylenol. When he got back to the bed, Link was carefully levering himself up onto his elbows. He took the glass and the pills with a slight nod of thanks.

Rhett looked down. “Hey, at least you didn’t need the bucket!”

Link gave a dry chuckle. “Thank God for small miracles.” He popped the pills into his mouth and took a long drink.

The bigger man sat down on the edge of the bed and put his arm around his friend. Link finished the water and put the glass on the bedside table, then leaned into Rhett’s chest with a long sigh.

“I’m sorry I left you alone last night,” Rhett said. “I wish I had known you were in bad shape, I would’ve come home right away.”

“It’s okay. Did you have fun at the party?”

Images of the dual temptations of Maryanne and Corey sprang to Rhett’s mind and he blinked rapidly, glad that Link couldn’t see his expression. _It’s not like I cheated… not really,_ he told himself. But he wasn’t proud of his behavior in retrospect. “It was all right. There was a fog machine.”

“What? That’s crazy.”

“Yeah, if I smell funny, that’s why.” _Not Corey’s aftershave, or his sweat._

“I can’t smell a thing.”

“That’s probably for the best.” He pressed his face into the top of Link’s head, holding him close. “You wanna talk about why you drank so much?”

Link was quiet and Rhett could tell the man was thinking. Eventually he lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “Nah. Just… the usual stuff. No point in going over it again.”

“It was worse this time, though.”

“… yeah.”

“It’s fine if you don’t wanna go over it again, but I wish you’d get help, man.”

“I’ll get better soon.”

Rhett pushed away the familiar frustration that threatened to surface. It felt like they were just repeating themselves at this point, going around and around on a neverending amusement park ride. Link was clearly fragile right now, even moreso than usual; there was nothing to be gained from Rhett expressing his pessimism about the situation. Instead, he clasped the man’s shoulder as he got to his feet. “You up for some breakfast?” he asked.

Link’s eyes were still narrow with pain and his head hung down. “Ugh. Maybe I could handle a slice of toast. But I think I’ll have a shower first, I feel gross.”

“Good idea.” Rhett gently raked the man’s hair back and gave his forehead a soft kiss. “I’ll make coffee.”

Link was a long time in the bathroom. Rhett had already finished his first cup of coffee and poured himself a second by the time the other man emerged in a cloud of steam with a towel around his waist, looking only slightly less miserable than when he went in. Rhett put a couple slices of bread into the toaster as Link went to the closet and took out a pair of jeans and a dark blue t-shirt. He got dressed before he came over to the kitchen area.

He poured himself coffee and added a little cream. Rhett watched as the man stared down at the mug, slowly stirring the dark liquid. For a while the only sound was the clink of his spoon against the sides, then he took it out and placed it on the counter. “I need to go to campus today,” he said, still facing away from Rhett.

“Oh? What for?”

“I’ve got a shift at the library.”

“That’s weird...” Link didn’t usually work weekends. Rhett was surprised the library was even open now that it was the break between spring and summer sessions.

“Yeah, well… Andy needed the day off and I said I could cover for him.” Link picked up the mug and brought it to his lips for a careful sip. “Just a half day. Shouldn’t be more than a few hours, really. Just need to help them wrap up some things.”

“You sure you feel up to it?”

Link turned and leaned against the counter, regarding Rhett with weary eyes. “I hope so.”

The toast popped up and Rhett gestured for the other man to take it. Link put it onto a plate and scraped some butter onto it, then brought it over to the table with his coffee and sat down. His eyes darted from Rhett’s face to the clock on the microwave as he took a small bite and chewed it very thoroughly, then swallowed and took another.

“How’s your head?” Rhett asked.

“Throbbing. But it’ll be fine.”

Rhett nodded. Link continued to eat the toast mechanically as he stared off into space. Eventually Rhett got up to make himself some toast, but Link caught his arm before he could get far. The smaller man brought the back of Rhett’s hand to his cheek and Rhett felt the thick stubble against his skin. “Thanks for taking care of me, man,” Link said quietly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Rhett stroked Link’s soft hair with his free hand. “I do my best. I worry about you, though.”

“I know. I—“ Link’s voice caught. “I worry about me too.”

“If there’s anything I can do…”

“There are just some things I need to take care of on my own. It’ll get better soon, I promise.”

There was a strange, shaky conviction to Link’s voice that made his claim sound different from the times he’d made it before. Rhett began to think that maybe the man had a plan, or at least something specific in mind. The thought made Rhett feel uneasy. “Link…” he started to say, but stopped when the other man got to his feet.

“I gotta get ready to go. Shift starts at twelve.”

“Okay.” Rhett scratched at his beard. “I’ll try to tidy up around here today and come up with something good to cook for dinner. You’ll be home to eat it, right?”

Link turned away to clear his dishes from the table. “Of course.”

Rhett popped bread into the toaster and retrieved some eggs from the fridge as Link gathered his things. The smaller man came over to say goodbye, putting his arms around Rhett’s waist and hugging him tightly.

“Make sure you keep drinking plenty of water,” Rhett advised.

“I will.” Link pressed his cheek into the taller man’s bare skin where his robe parted. “Rhett…?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“You’re really wonderful. I mean it.”

“Aw, thanks man.”

Link pulled his face away enough so he could look up and meet the taller man’s gaze. His blue eyes glimmered brightly despite the faint redness in their whites. His expression was conflicted: wistfulness, uncertainty, regret. “Really,” he said again. “Even if… something happened and we… we couldn’t be together like we are now, I hope we could still be close. I hope we’d still care for each other.”

“Hey… “ Rhett cupped the other man’s cheek. “I’ll always care for you. But nothing’s gonna happen.”

Link’s lower lip trembled almost imperceptibly as his eyes moved from the clock to the calendar on the fridge before coming back to meet Rhett’s again. “I hope you’re right.”

Rhett leaned down and kissed him, trying to convey his reassurance through the firmness of the contact. “I’ll be right here when you get back, and we’ll have a nice evening together.”

Link looked into Rhett’s eyes for a long moment with his lips curved in a tremulous smile. “Okay,” he said in cracked whisper. “I’ll see you soon.”

He stepped away and turned, walking quickly to the door. He looked back as he closed it behind him and smiled when Rhett gave him a little wave, but something in his expression was troubling. Rhett thought about it as he fried a couple of eggs and ate them with his toast. Link had been acting awfully strange that morning, almost… dire. Like there was something big on his mind, something he was keeping to himself.  

 _Maybe I’m just being paranoid,_ Rhett thought. The man was hungover, after all. And Rhett was still feeling weird about what happened at the party and might be projecting that onto their interactions. Maybe that was all it was. Hopefully they’d talk about it tonight.

He took a quick shower and then decided to distract himself by cleaning the apartment. He carried the laundry hamper down to the basement to start a load of wash, then did the dishes and tidied the kitchen. He moved into the bathroom where he gave the tub a good scrubdown and wiped off the counter and mirror.

He looked down at the tile floor, remembering Link’s small frame curled up miserably upon it. He wanted to wash away those memories in the hopes the man would never end up in that state again. He put on some rubber gloves and got down on his hands and knees with a sponge to scour the white squares, scraping along the corners of the walls as the faint, purifying scent of bleach filled the air. He got to the base of the toilet itself and wiped around it, rinsing the sponge frequently, erasing the signs of his best friend’s bad night.

He was almost done when he found the crumpled piece of paper on the floor between the toilet and the wall. He pulled it out and stood up to bring it to the kitchen trash, since he hadn’t brought the wastebasket back from the bedside yet. He didn’t think anything of it at first; he figured one of them must have just missed the basket when throwing it out sometime ago. But as his eyes absentmindedly wandered over it, he paused. Something made him pull off his gloves and toss them into the sink in order to examine the paper more closely.

It was a single sheet that had originally been folded into thirds as if to fit in an envelope, but now had the soft, slightly fuzzy texture of paper that had been creased and flattened back out again many times. He carefully pulled it apart and spread it onto the counter. He didn’t recognize the spiky blue ink handwriting that covered one side, but as soon as he started to read it, his blood ran cold.

_Hey sweetheart,_  
     I forgive you for not writing back. I really do. Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you. You’re on the outside, livin life. You got shit to do and no time for me. Who knows if you even got my other letters? Maybe you moved.  I’ll send this one to the main campus address instead and hope it gets forwarded to wherever you are.  
     We left things on a bad note. I’m sorry for that. I never got to apologize in person since they transferred me right away, but you know I didn’t mean it. You know I’d never hurt you, baby. I just got mad and lost my temper. It was a simple misunderstanding, I promise I won’t do it again. I was scared… scared of losing the best thing that ever happened to me. We had a good thing going until prison messed us up. We can make it good again, I swear. I miss my little lamb so much.  
     I’ve got good news for you, lover — I’m gettin out in May. My parole went through. And the first thing I’m going to do is see you and make things right. I’ll be on campus the last Saturday of the month, at our old spot near your dorm. Noon. I hope you come. But if not, don’t worry. I’ll find you.  
I can’t wait to see you.  
—T 

Rhett’s vision narrowed until his entire world was reduced to that single, smeared blue letter. He stood frozen for what seemed like an eternity with his heart pounding painfully in his chest, each beat shaking him to the core. Then the shock shattered into panic and he was suddenly in motion, running out to the kitchen, grabbing his wallet and keys and shoving them into his pockets. In the span of one heartbeat and the next, he was out the door.  


	31. Chapter 31

It took all of Rhett’s willpower to drive safely. Even though told himself it would just make things worse if he were pulled over or got into a wreck on the few miles to campus, he gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles as he swerved through the turns and his foot came down heavily on the gas each time a light turned green. If something bad was happening and he didn’t get there fast enough to stop it, he knew he’d never forgive himself.

His chest was tight with the effort of reining in his racing thoughts. Tanner’s letter blazed brightly in his head, his skin crawling with the attitude of familiarity and terms of endearment the man had used for Link. Rhett realized just how little knew about what the two men had shared, first outside prison and then inside it. He’d done his best not to think about it, actually, mirroring Link’s apparent desire to put it in the past and never asking for specifics. But in doing so he’d managed to convince a part of himself it hadn’t really happened, in a way, and now he was being confronted with its reality head-on.

He was still in too much shock to feel anything other than overarching panic and confusion. His stomach churned and the skin of his face felt hot and prickly as he held his lower lip hard between his teeth. He wasn’t mad at Link; he didn’t know enough about what was going on to be mad… yet. But his head was full of questions: _Why didn’t he tell me about the letter? Why did he lie? What’s happening right now?_

He pulled into the university entrance closest to their old dorm and drove to the nearest student lot. His heart tripped when he saw Link’s car in one of the corner spaces and he parked next to it, glancing to make sure the other vehicle was empty. He got out of the car and slammed the door before striding swiftly across the asphalt toward the cluster of tall brick buildings that comprised this section of upperclassmen housing. The sun shone bright directly overhead and its rays glared off the unshed tears in Rhett’s eyes. He scrubbed them with the back of his hand as he struggled to take longer breaths, to gird himself for whatever he might encounter ahead.

The sight of the building he’d lived in with Link brought an unexpected pang of nostalgia. When they’d moved in, Rhett couldn’t possibly have imagined what the year had in store. His friend had fallen further in with Tanner and then the accident had happened, followed by lawyers and plea bargains and panic. Then, in a moment of desperation, Link had sought comfort in Rhett’s arms, and from that point everything had changed. This dorm was where a new chapter had begun for the two of them; he hoped it wasn’t also where the story would end.

He scanned the buildings in front of him, trying to think of where the two men might be. Their “old spot,” Tanner had written. Given that they’d smoked together, it was no doubt outside, but where exactly? Rhett moved swiftly to the narrow access road between two of the dorms, where smokers tended to hang out sometimes when the weather was bad, but there was no one there. He jogged down the road and came out the other side where it circled back around the buildings to meet back up with the main road.

Ahead of him was a bit of grass that dipped down to meet the edge of a forest — the line where the campus met the North Carolina backwoods, demarcated by a chain link fence. He started to turn back, thinking he’d check the alleyways between the other dorms, when one of the fence posts caught his eye. It looked strange on one side; there appeared to be space between the links of wire and the post itself. He stepped closer, shielding his eyes, and confirmed it: someone had cut the wire, probably some time ago, so that the chain link could be pulled away from the post and put back into place with little sign that the damage had been done. If the sun hadn’t glinted off the exposed ends of wire, Rhett would have never noticed it.

He looked from side to side, hoping to see some evidence that the two men were anywhere else, but the whole dorm complex appeared deserted. He sighed as he stepped up to the fence and pushed on the heavy wire, and it moved away from the post before springing back into place. He pushed harder and ducked, wriggling through the gap. As he let go of the fence behind him, it twisted unexpectedly and the exposed end of one of the links caught him across the forearm, gouging the skin. He hissed in pain as the blood welled up, but the adrenaline quickly brushed the wound from his mind and he plunged into the forest.

Now that he knew where to look, he made out an ill-defined path heading off at a gentle curve from the break in the fence, and he headed down it. The tall trees were in full spring bloom and the lush green leaves rustled in the breeze, while his footsteps made no noise on the carpet of last year’s fallen leaves. Small verdant shoots of new growth crowded in around him, merging with the canopy overhead and making him feel strangely claustrophobic. _I hope I’m going in the right direction_ , he thought. _I’m gonna need Link’s help to find my way out of here._

He hurried as fast as he dared, diving headlong into the brush in his haste, sometimes having to double back and find the path he’d mistakenly departed from. He saw signs here and there, a footstep in the mud or a branch bent away from the trail, that told him he might still be on the right track. He knew he’d only been walking for ten minutes or so, but it felt like much longer because he was making such slow and frustrating progress.

With every second that passed, his mind tormented him with images of what might be happening between Link and Tanner. With every heartbeat, his stomach twisted further into painful knots of fear and jealousy. It was all made worse by his complete uncertainty as to what he was going to do when he found them. If Link wanted to be with Tanner, was it right for Rhett to stand in the way? From all accounts the man hadn’t treated Link well, but if Link forgave him, wasn’t that his choice? And yet, Rhett wasn’t about to lie down and give up without a fight. He knew without a doubt he was better for Link than Tanner was, and he was pretty sure Link knew that too.

So maybe all of this was just so Link could end things with the man once and for all. But why do it out here? And would Tanner accept it? The line from the letter — _Don’t worry, I’ll find you_ — sounded more menacing the more it rolled around Rhett’s head. He put on a new burst of speed.

There was a small rise ahead of him and the breeze suddenly carried the faint sound of conversation to his ears. Rhett moved forward a little, crouching in an effort to keep his head below the rise and straining to focus on the sound. He heard Link saying, “You’re not listening to me, Tan, we’ve been over it already.”

Tanner’s voice was deeper than Link’s and had a rough smoker’s edge. “You’re not listening to _me_ , baby. Can’t I tell you my side of the story?”

“You already did. It was just a big misunderstanding.” Rhett could hear his friend rolling his eyes. “I totally misunderstood that punch you threw at my face.”

Tanner heaved a frustrated sigh. “That’s not what I mean. I mean we weren’t seein’ eye to eye about your friend, and I was jealous ‘cause I thought there was more goin’ on there. It was all ‘cause I was scared of losing you. You can’t blame me for that, can you?”

The man’s voice took on a softer edge with his last sentence and Rhett found himself moving forward. He was conflicted between wanting to see what was happening and feeling like he was eavesdropping. His curiosity was inescapable, though; he had to know for sure. He moved to the top of the hill and concealed himself behind a tree as he looked down at the clearing below.

Tanner looked somewhat different than Rhett remembered him; his reddish stubble had grown into a full, trimmed beard and he wore a white baseball cap backwards on his head. Even though he was shorter than Link, he was muscular and stood with a wide stance, dominating the scene next to Link’s slight frame and weaker posture. The two men stood looking into each other’s eyes as Tanner held Link’s hand in his.

“I took care of you in there,” Tanner pointed out. “I kept you safe when no one else could.”

“I know you did, and I’m grateful for it. That’s the only reason I’m here, because I felt I owed you that much.” Rhett could feel the tension in Link’s voice.

Tanner stepped closer, gripping Link’s hand tightly. “Don’t you think you owe me more than that?”

Link seemed spellbound for a moment, staring down into the man’s face. Then he shook his head and pulled his hand out of Tanner’s grasp, putting more space between them. “That’s all in the past. I…” he looked down at the rotting brown leaves. “I gave you plenty in exchange for your protection.”

Tanner chuckled. “We both know you enjoyed yourself too, sweetheart.”

Link was silent, his shoulders sagging further. He clutched his hands in front of his chest, rubbing his knuckles into his palm. Tanner laughed again. “Fair enough… let’s call it a clean slate, then.” He shrugged. “We can pick up where we left off, before the accident and everything.”

“No.” Link’s head came up, his voice stronger. “No, we can’t. I’m sorry.”

The other man seemed taken aback by his forcefulness. “Why not?”

Link hesitated, then took a deep breath and steeled himself. “I’m with someone else now.”

Tanner shook his head and _tsked_ like a disappointed schoolteacher. “I should’a guessed. Who is it?”

“Does it matter? Look, I came out here because I felt like it was the right thing to do, to tell you to your face that we’re not going to get back together. It’s over.”

The painful grip on Rhett’s heart relaxed a little and he leaned on the tree in front of him with relief. He hadn’t been entirely sure which way this was going to go and he’d tried not to let himself hope too much. _Maybe I should leave quietly and let them wrap this up_ , he thought, feeling more like an intruder after the reassurance of Link’s words. He didn’t want to complicate things by having the men discover him eavesdropping.

He had shifted his foot to turn away when he saw Link take a step back and Tanner follow, pursuing him with his shoulders raised and head ducked down. He looked up at Link with a predatory gaze that made Rhett’s hair stand on end. The shorter man was moving slowly and smoothly in a way that was eerily familiar… like the white wolves. And Link froze in his tracks, transfixed.

The shorter man reached up to caress Link’s cheek. “He can’t give you what I can, baby. I know everything you like.” He leaned forward and Rhett had to strain to hear what he breathed into Link’s ear. “I know how to make you scream.”

Link closed his eyes and shuddered, and Rhett’s stomach clenched at the sight. Link turned his face into Tanner’s fingertips for a moment, lips parted, before he jerked his head away. “Stop it.” He took another step back, blinking his eyes open and spreading his hands defensively in front of himself. “You messed me up in a lot of ways, man. I’m not gonna let you do it anymore. It’s over. I… I don’t want you to contact me again.” The man’s voice cracked but he pushed through it, forcing the words out. “I think we’ve said everything there is to say.  I’m leaving.”

Tanner’s voice dropped to a hiss. “Oh, no, honey.” In one step, he covered the distance between them. His hands came up and seized the taller man’s neck, pulling him roughly down as Link cried out. Tanner’s fingers dug in as he growled in the other man’s face, “It’s not over until I say it’s over.” His thumbs were white with the force of the pressure as Link stared at him, mouth agape. Link’s hands clawed ineffectively at the knotted muscles of Tanner’s forearms and his knees bent, weakening, as he struggled to gasp out a protest. 

Rhett was in motion without a conscious thought, charging down the hill and reaching the two men before either noticed he was there. He let his momentum carry him forward as he slammed into Tanner from the side, then grabbed the man around the waist and flung him away from Link with enough force to send him sprawling to the ground. Rhett stumbled to a stop and spun to see Link doubled over and coughing, staring up at him with astonishment.

“What the fuck?” Tanner spat. He lay motionless with surprise for only a second before springing to his feet. His arm cocked back, but before it could come forward, Rhett’s fist connected with the man’s jaw and sent him reeling back to the ground. Rhett was carried by pure instinct and adrenaline as rage flowed through him, muscles thrumming with violence. He stood over the prone man with wide eyes, his chest heaving. He wanted Tanner to get up again so he could punch him back down. His mind filled with visions of the man’s ribs splintering satisfyingly under the toes of his shoes, of pounding the man’s face until it was an unrecognizable mess.

“Rhett?” Link’s weak voice immediately cut through the fog of fury. Rhett froze, staring down at the man who now glared up him with blood trickling from a split lip.

“Are you okay?” Rhett snarled, not taking his eyes off Tanner.

“Yeah, I think so.”

Rhett glanced back and saw the fear on Link’s face — fear of him? — and it was enough to douse the firestorm within him. He took a shaky breath and tried to calm his features. “Good. That’s good.”

Link’s confusion overtook his fear. “What… where did you even come from?”

“I found the letter. I’m sorry, I know you wanted to deal with _this_ yourself…” He turned back to Tanner as he gestured down at him, his voice dripping with contempt.

He felt Link come up behind him and to the side, keeping Rhett between himself and the other man. “Thank God you didn’t let me,” he rasped.

“I knew it,” Tanner muttered, dabbing at his lip with the back of his hand. “I knew there was something going on with him, no matter how much you lied about it.”

Link put a hand on the small of Rhett’s back, as if to steady himself. “Not that it matters anymore what you think, but I never lied.”

Tanner chuckled derisively. “Whatever, man. You’ll get tired of him. You’ll come crawling back.”

Rhett felt the fires of rage licking at his heels again, but he stayed silent. This should be Link’s fight, now that Tanner was no longer a physical threat. Link needed to take back the control he had lost.

Link stepped around Rhett, glaring down at Tanner with his back straight and shoulders square. “Never. I’m _never_ coming back to you. You treated me like shit. Rhett showed me what it really looks like when someone cares for me. You never got it right.” He paused to cough, his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed painfully. “What’s more, I know the terms of your parole. You’re not supposed to have any contact with me. So if you try to track me down, or send me another letter… if I ever so much as see you on this campus again, in fact… I’m calling your parole officer and sending your ass back to prison.”

The man’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“I’ll do it, I swear to God. Starting with now.” Link pointed at him. “You’re gonna leave now. If your car’s still in the parking lot by the time we get there, I’m making a phone call.”

Tanner got to his feet, keeping his distance from the two men. “You’re an asshole,” he muttered, but his body language was defeated. _Like an outcast wolf slinking away from the pack_ , Rhett thought.

“I’m just following the law, man. Maybe you should try it sometime.”

“Fuck you.” Tanner gave them a wide berth as he headed up the hill Rhett had charged down. He didn’t look back as he reached the top and disappeared down the other side.

They watched him go, and for a minute they stood together in silent disbelief, staring after him as a warm breeze rustled the branches overhead. Then Link’s tenuous resolve crumbled and he took a deep, shuddering breath as he sank slowly to his knees. He clutched his face in his hands, shoulders shaking as a sob escaped his throat.

Rhett knelt and put his arms around the man’s shoulders. “Hey, shhh. It’s okay now. He’s gone, you’re safe.”  

Link leaned into his embrace as he wept, and Rhett felt tears in his own eyes, too. Fear and relief overwhelmed him and he clutched the smaller man tightly, face pressed into his hair, breathing in his scent and murmuring reassurances. The adrenaline that had sustained him through the confrontation now ebbed and he felt weak, wracked by emotion and the effort of understanding everything that had happened. Link’s arms came around his waist and clutched at his lower back, and the sensation helped ground him. Link was here with him again and everything was going to be okay.

The smaller man sniffled and raised his head, wiping his nose on his forearm as he looked up at Rhett with shimmering eyes. “You’re not… mad at me?”

“Nah, man, why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I didn’t tell you about the letter, or where I was going. I thought I could deal with it on my own and I didn’t want to drag you through all of this again. I was just so embarrassed by all of it… I just wanted it to be over.”

“Oh, no… It’s okay, buddy. I understand.” He stroked Link’s hair away from his face and kissed the man’s forehead. “I wish you had told me so I could’ve made sure you were safe, but I understand why you didn’t.”

“But it was so stupid of me to come out here with him like this. I don’t know what I was thinking… I guess I thought it would keep him away from you.” Link’s fingertips kneaded Rhett’s spine. “After I told you everything that had happened at Craven, you were so angry about it, I was scared that if you saw Tanner, you guys would fight… and I didn’t want you to get hurt because of my fuckups.”

“Link, you’re not stupid. You were overwhelmed and just trying to do the right thing. You wanted to do it by yourself.” He looked intently into Link’s eyes, making sure the man could see his sincerity. “And you did, you know. You stood up to him. That was all you — your decision, your strength. I was just a little extra muscle to even the playing field.”

The corner of Link’s mouth twitched up. “You really think so?”

“Definitely.”

The man tilted his chin up and Rhett leaned down to kiss him tenderly, tasting the salt of his tears. When they separated, Link’s eyes had a new spark of life. “Let’s go home,” he murmured. “I wanna put that extra muscle to good use.”

Rhett grinned as his remaining worries melted away under the shining warmth of Link’s mischievous smile. “I like that thought.” He gave the man another long kiss, then got to his feet and helped the other man up.

Link led the way back to campus. Now that Rhett’s brain wasn’t spinning in panic, the path seemed a lot more clear. He saw the spots where he’d doubled back, the skids he’d made in the mud in his headlong rush to find Link. He watched the other man moving confidently in front of him and smiled in gratitude to the universe.

He could tell Link shared his trepidation when they reached the chain link fence and pushed their way through. Would Tanner be waiting on the other side, ready for a fight? Rhett had been vigilant on the path, but there had been no sign of the man.

They got to the parking lot without seeing a single other person and Link let out a sigh. “His car’s gone,” he reported. “It was right there.” He gestured to the empty spot next to his own car, on the other side from Rhett’s.

“Good riddance,” Rhett replied, and Link nodded.

They stood behind Rhett’s car with joined hands, regarding each other with soft smiles. The simple feeling of Link’s fingers in his own was so wonderful, and Link’s eyes were so beautiful in the springtime sun, Rhett felt like he could stand there forever and never tire of it.

Link’s eyes left his and traveled down across Rhett’s chest and further, where they stopped at his forearm and crinkled with dismay. “What happened there?” he asked.

Rhett looked down at the scrape he’d gotten from the fence, which was now a dark red line of congealed blood. It seemed like ages ago when he’d gotten it, and he’d barely felt it at the time, though it stung now that he was looking at it. He thought it was likely to scar and the idea pleased him. He wanted a reminder of the time he helped Link face down his wolves.

“It’s nothing,” he said. “It’ll be fine.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Not at all.” The pain joined the throbbing in the knuckles that had impacted Tanner’s jaw; pain that was meaningless next to the elation he felt. 

They embraced tightly and Rhett rested his chin on the man’s head as smiled up into the bright sunlight, eyes closed and reveling in the feeling of Link pressed close to him. It caused a bubbling of giddy sensations inside of him: joy, hope, love… lust. He tipped Link’s head up with a gentle fingertip under his chin, then bent down and kissed him deeply, suddenly desperate to taste him. Link made a soft noise in response, and when they parted, the shorter man’s eyes gleamed with desire. “Time to go home?” he asked.

“Yes, please.” Rhett grinned broadly. “See you there.”

They got into their cars and started the engines, then pulled out of the parking lot and exited the campus. They drove carefully, neither letting the other out of his sight, Rhett content to let Link lead the way.


	32. Chapter 32

Link was already parked and halfway to the house when Rhett got out of his car, but he waited so they could enter together. Link grasped his hand and pulled him up the two flights of stairs, both men grinning widely. Once they went through the door to their apartment and Rhett closed it behind him, Link stepped close and pressed himself against the taller man, pushing him gently back until Rhett’s shoulders hit the wall. Link’s hands, trembling with eagerness, came up and twined into dark blond hair as he pulled Rhett down for a kiss.

Rhett responded warmly, but gently. Even though the other man’s obvious desire was exhilarating, he didn’t want them to rush. He wanted to savor every moment, every touch, every taste. He reached under Link’s t-shirt and ran his hands up the man’s slim back, feeling the knurls of his spine and the blades of his shoulders, the way his ribs hitched with already quickened breath. He wrapped his arms around Link’s waist and held him firmly as they kissed.

On a whim, he cupped his hands under the taut muscles of Link’s ass and lifted slightly. The smaller man took the invitation and hopped up, pulling himself up by his arms around Rhett’s shoulders and wrapping his legs around the taller man’s waist. Rhett supported his weight easily as Link locked his ankles together behind Rhett’s thighs, and they both laughed breathlessly through their joined lips.  

Rhett took a few staggering steps into the room, clasping Link tightly to him and taking great care with his balance. He decided it wasn’t worth the risk of embarrassment trying to make it all the way to the bed, so he carried the other man to the couch instead. Link unlocked his ankles to let Rhett sit down on it, and then Link was straddling him and raking fingers through his hair.

The smaller man’s hips rocked, pressing their groins together and making Rhett moan. Still, he tried to keep things slow, running his hands over Link’s thighs and up his backside, bringing him close and kissing him deeply. “Link,” he said when they finally broke apart, “I don’t wanna go too fast. We have all day, let’s enjoy it.”

Link’s expression was shadowed by his hair as he looked down at him, eyes gleaming. “But I want…” he trailed off.

Rhett leaned forward to kiss him before replying. “I want you too, so badly. You’ll get everything you want, I promise. We have all the time in the world.”

Link nodded silently. His hips stopped moving and he wrapped his arms around Rhett’s shoulders, pulling himself against the other man and kissing him again, more sensual than sexual now. Rhett ran his fingers through the man’s soft hair as their lips moved languidly together. He concentrated on the feeling of Link’s mouth, the taste of his breath, the river of peace and love that ran through him just by holding this man in his arms.

Rhett lost himself in the kiss and Link’s soft noises, the scrape of the man’s stubble against his lips and the way Link shifted against him. He fell so deeply into the sensations that he wasn’t aware of time passing until he was pulled out of the sea of bliss by the faint flavor of salt. He opened his eyes and pulled his head back, and saw the shimmer of wetness on Link’s cheeks.

“Link…?”

Link sat back a little onto Rhett’s knees and wiped away the tears with the back of his hand. “Sorry,” he muttered.

Rhett let his hands fall down to loosely grasp the man’s waist. “Aw, no, it’s okay.” His first thought was that he’d pushed the man too far again, somehow, but Link’s distress seemed borne more from sadness than fear this time. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, it’s just…” Link looked down at him with a tremulous smile. “You’re wonderful. You’re so, so wonderful to me.”

“Then why…?”

“You said we have all the time in the world… I started thinking about all the time we lost.” Link sniffed and blinked, and a fresh tear rolled down his cheek. “All the things I should’ve said to you over the years, all the missed opportunities, what I should’ve done differently…” He spread his hands, palms up in helplessness. “I fucked everything up because I was scared and stupid.”

Rhett cupped the man’s jaw and wiped away the tear with his thumb. “No, man. I don’t blame you for bein’ scared, but you weren’t stupid. Things happened the way they did for a reason. Maybe I wasn’t ready back then.” He leaned up and kissed Link softly. “I’m so grateful we’re here right now. But if it’s bothering you… why don’t you tell me the things you couldn’t tell me back then?”

Link smiled bashfully, ducking his head a little as he looked up at Rhett’s face. “Really? Are you sure your ego can take it?”

Rhett grinned. “Do you think this ego could get any bigger?”

“All right. Well…” Link swung his leg off of Rhett and turned so he was kneeling sideways on the couch, facing the other man. He seemed to be blushing a little bit and his eyes widened with exaggerated innocence. “First things first. You look really good in that middle school basketball uniform.”

Rhett burst out laughing, bending over double then leaning against the couch with his head flung back. Link joined in with his own giggles and Rhett turned to meet his eyes, pure glee mirrored back. When they’d calmed, Link explained, “You know that’s why I volunteered to keep score for the girls’ team, right? So I could travel with you to all the games.”

“I thought you liked watching the cheerleaders!”

“Nah, man. I only had eyes for you.”

Rhett felt himself blushing. He had no idea how he would’ve reacted if Link had admitted that to him back in seventh grade, but now he felt himself preening. He _had_ looked good in that uniform, he thought. “I always played better when you were watching, you know,” he said. “Whenever you were out sick or something, it didn’t feel right.”

Link made a happy noise and put his arm around Rhett’s waist, sitting down further into the couch and snuggling into him. He thought for a second before making his next confession. “When we went stag together to the junior prom… I kinda let myself pretend you were my date. Just a little.”

Rhett chuckled. “Is that why you kept bringing me sodas?”

“Yeah. And why I didn’t dance with anyone else. Gosh, you looked amazing in that tux.”

Rhett thought back to the awkward way Link had proposed the idea of them going to the prom together without girls. It all made sense now. He pressed his lips into the man’s hair as he murmured, “It was such a terrible prom, but I was happy we were there together.”

They continued to cuddle on the couch as Link poured out the secrets of his heart over the next few hours. Even though the man had already confessed he’d had a crush on Rhett growing up, they’d never really talked about it since the day he got out of prison. It had seemed too personal, too painful for Link to explore on top of the more recent horrors of Craven and Tanner. The things he described now were long-buried wounds, bruises left behind by holding a secret so tightly for so many years.

For example, how he’d only attended parties at the McLaughlin’s country club because he wanted to see Rhett swim, or how he only felt safe at summer camp because Rhett was there too. How nothing in the world had made him happier than when Rhett cheered him on at soccer games or included him in planning class pranks. His supreme joy following the blood oath and the barely suppressed desires that had arisen during the photography “experiment” with the yellow flower. The hundreds of times they’d shared couches or beds or sleeping bags, when Link had been unable to resist sleeping cuddled up to Rhett’s back, praying his body wouldn’t betray him during the night.

It hurt Rhett to imagine Link as a young teenager, tormented by these feelings he thought would never be reciprocated, always staying close enough to his best friend that he couldn’t reach out to anyone else, but never able to get as close as he desperately wanted to be. Now that the dam had burst, Link seemed to be dredging up every painful memory and bringing it to the surface so that it could be dispelled by the light of their love. Rhett let him talk, honored that the man trusted him enough to tell him these things, and careful not to say anything that might sound like mockery.

Link described the guilty jealousy he’d felt whenever Rhett got involved with a girl, and even guiltier relief when the relationships had ended. He reminisced about the time they were at a party, each of them kissing girls, when their eyes had met across the room and Link had felt it like a lightning bolt through his heart.  His voice faltered as he explained his determination to follow Rhett to whatever college the man attended, for no reason other than his need to be near him, only to realize once he got there that he needed to find another man to occupy his desires before he truly lost his mind.

Finally, Link ran out of things to say. He rested his cheek against Rhett’s chest with a sigh as the larger man stroked his hair and spoke softly. “All of that… I’m sorry you had to go through it, and I wish I could’ve made it better… but it wasn’t a waste,” Rhett told him. “We were growing into who we are. It was all so we could be together now, like we’re supposed to be.”

Link sat up and looked at him from inches away. “You really think so?”

Rhett nodded. “I really do. We’re still young, man. We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us and I, for one, plan to make the most of it.” He kissed Link’s nose. “With you.”

Link grinned. “So what’s step one?”

Rhett thought for a moment. “How about a bubble bath? That way we can start with a literally clean slate.”

Link giggled. “You get in the bathtub with me now, I ain’t promising either of us is comin’ out clean.”

“That’s what I’m countin’ on, babe.”

Rhett got to his feet and offered his hand to Link. They walked together to the bathroom and started filling the tub as they both peeled off their clothes and dropped them to the floor. Rhett fished around under the sink and pulled out the citrus soap, then squirted a generous amount under the running water. The room quickly filled with the sweet scent as the two men embraced.

Link’s nude body was deliciously electrifying against his own. Even though they’d been intimate before, in a way it felt as though they were starting over. Now that Link had faced down Tanner and told Rhett all of his regrets, the man seemed more comfortable, more open than ever before. He seemed like he might be able to fully participate in their intimacy, now, and Rhett was eager to get things started. He was also nervous, hence the bubble bath. He hoped it would help them both relax.

Rhett stuck his toe into the water under the thick layer of suds and found the temperature to be just about perfect. He climbed the rest of the way in and settled down with a contented sigh as the water rippled around him. Link joined him in short order, sitting between Rhett’s legs facing away from him and leaning back onto his chest. “Mmm, this feels wonderful,” he purred.

The man’s silky skin slipped over Rhett’s own, his backside rubbing against Rhett’s groin as he shifted. “Yes it does,” Rhett agreed. He ran his hands over Link’s body under the water, kneading the thin ropes of muscle and skimming over the softness of his belly. Link wriggled happily under the attention as he grasped Rhett’s ankles and sank further under the water until he was up to his neck. The suds collected in the deep divots of his collarbones.

Rhett leaned over and picked up the bottle of soap, squirting a little into his cupped hand. “I’ll wash your hair,” he offered.

“Mm, okay.”

He massaged the soap into Link’s scalp as the man lay on Rhett’s chest, eyes closed and humming with pleasure. Rhett studied his friend’s long eyelashes, the perfect line of his nose, his full lips made pinker than usual by the heat of the water. “You’re beautiful,” he sighed.

The man blinked up at him and Rhett was careful to keep the soap out of his eyes. “Really?” Link asked.

“Really.” Rhett leaned down as Link thrust his chin up, and their wet lips met in a disorienting upside-down kiss.

“Okay, rinse,” Rhett ordered. Link scooted down and put the top of his head under the surface, and Rhett scooped water over his forehead until the soap rinsed out.

The smaller man wiped off his face and twisted around until they were chest to chest, long legs slipping over Rhett’s. He grinned. “Now I’ll do yours.”

Rhett sat up a little and watched in amusement as Link dispensed soap into his hand, then rose up on his knees between Rhett’s thighs. Link sank his fingers into Rhett’s blond hair and kneaded his scalp, the light scratches of his fingernails sending tingles down the larger man’s spine. Rhett purred and closed his eyes as Link’s fingers worked their way lower, massaging the muscles at the top of his neck.

After a little while Link said softly, “I think you should rinse.”

“Okay.” Rhett slid down a bit and leaned back, dipping the top of his head under the water and running his fingers through his hair to get the soap out. When he straightened back up with his eyes still closed, he felt Link shift closer and a moment later felt the man’s warm lips against his own. Link’s body turned slightly and the side of his hip pressed into Rhett’s groin as the man’s agile tongue slipped inside his mouth.

Rhett let out a soft groan and ran his hands down Link’s body. He avoided coming into contact with Link’s manhood, the habit so ingrained that he barely felt the sting of self-denial anymore. This time, though, rather than shrink away, Link pressed his body closer to Rhett’s as the water sloshed around them. “Touch me,” he breathed. “Please touch me.”

Surprise and lust flooded through Rhett in equal measure. “Are you sure?” he murmured against Link’s lips.

The brunet’s teeth tugged gently at Rhett’s lower lip as his voice took on a ragged edge. “Yes, oh yes.”

Not waiting for Rhett’s response, Link reached down between them and took ahold of the larger man’s cock, running his palm along its underside and around the head, sending delicate shockwaves of pleasure through Rhett’s body. Rhett needed no further encouragement to do the same, following the line between Link’s hip and belly with eager fingertips until he found the man’s erection. He curled his hand around it as Link moaned, pressing his face into the crook of Rhett’s neck.

Rhett put his other arm around Link’s shoulders and held the man close as their hands moved in tandem, exploring each other’s bodies with unhurried thoroughness. They sought out each other’s mouths for deep kisses in between gasps. Rhett luxuriated in the feeling of Link’s cock in his hand, the way the man shuddered against him, the soft scent of citrus and Link’s panting, intoxicating mouth.

The raw, gorgeous heat of his lover’s arousal combined with the man’s deft attentions to Rhett’s cock pushed him toward the crest of his ecstasy. He felt his orgasm building despite the tantalizing slowness of their movements and his efforts to hold himself back. He wanted to focus on Link and the joy of finally being able to bring the man pleasure too, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. He let his head fall back on the rim of the tub as he panted, eyes squeezed shut. He grasped for Link’s hand, stilling it. “Link… I don’t wanna finish yet… but I will if you don’t stop…”

“You can, it’s okay,” Link told him, tongue caressing the notch of Rhett’s throat.

“No, I…” Rhett tipped his head back up to see the brunet’s mischievous grin. He felt suddenly shy. “I want to see you… first…”

Link drew his lower lip between his teeth as he slowly blinked up at the larger man. “Okay,” he whispered.

Rhett felt a further rush of excitement and hunger. “Only if you’re sure…”

“I am.” Link’s arms came around Rhett’s shoulders and he pulled himself up so their cocks slid together under the water. “I want you so badly.”

Their lips met again as Rhett’s hands ran down Link’s back, then he reached one between them to continue what he’d been doing. Link moved away slightly, looking shy himself now. “Not like this, I don’t think.”

“Oh?” Rhett pitched his voice low, almost a growl. “How do you want it, then?”

“When I… the first time with you…” Link breathed, “I want you inside of me.”

Rhett groaned softly as the man’s words went straight to his cock. He hadn’t dared imagine they’d ever get that far, and to think of it happening now was nearly overwhelming. He stared into the man’s wide blue eyes. “Gosh, Link…” A pang of nervousness crept around the edges of his desire and his tongue snaked out to lick his lips. “I’ve never… I don’t wanna hurt you. I want it to be good for you.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll guide you through it. It’ll be good.” Link leaned forward for another kiss with an air of sexy confidence that Rhett found reassuring and arousing at the same time.

Link shifted off of him and used the edge of the tub to carefully lever himself to his feet. Rhett removed the drain plug and stood up as well, and Link drew the curtain around them and turned on the shower. They kissed as the soap rinsed off of their bodies, clinging to each other, both men breathing quickly in nervous anticipation. It wasn’t long before they were clean and dry — save for damp, tousled hair — and stretched out next to each other on the bed’s white sheets.

The blinds were closed but the afternoon sun trickled through the edges, giving the room a soft, warm glow. They faced each other and kissed deeply, running hands over ribs and waists and hips. Link nuzzled his way along Rhett’s jawline, nibbling at the edge of his short beard, until he was at the man’s ear. “Start with your mouth on me,” he whispered.

Rhett nodded in eager agreement, and Link rolled onto his back and lay looking up at him with eyes hooded by desire. Rhett sat up and admired the sharp planes and valleys of the smaller man’s body, the dark hair scattered over his pale, smooth skin. He leaned over and kissed Link’s mouth before working his way slowly down: his jaw, his sharp adam’s apple, his collarbones, his sternum. Rhett took his time, caressing the warm, sweet-smelling skin with his tongue as Link squirmed beneath him.

Rhett leaned down further, reaching for the last curves of the man’s ribs and nosing around his navel. He shifted so he was lying down alongside Link’s body, his head toward the foot of the bed. His stomach was against the side of Link’s chest and he put one arm between the man’s legs, propping himself on his elbow. He reached the same hand to the base of Link’s delightfully erect cock and brought his mouth to its head. He glanced up to Link’s face to make sure the man was still okay, and saw Link watching him with parted lips, his chest heaving. He gave Rhett a quick nod.

Rhett ran his tongue over the hot, velvety skin and heard Link moan softly. The subtle taste was intoxicating and Rhett wasted no time in bringing his mouth down over the shaft. He felt Link’s hand on his thigh, grasping mindlessly as the man shivered and twitched his hips. The sensation of Link’s manhood filling his mouth was incredible and Rhett found himself making soft noises of desire with every breath.

He ran his free hand over the quivering muscles of Link’s chest and stomach, pressing himself close to the man’s body. He leaned down further, pushing against the resistance in his throat, feeling Link’s thick cock open him up even as it brushed the edge of his gag reflex. Tears sprang to his eyes as he suppressed the urge to cough, trying different angles to take in as much as he could. He kept his fingers around the base and his palm against Link’s balls, applying gentle pressure in time with his movements. Link was making sounds that made his arousal flare white hot.

He had his eyes closed and was focused on Link’s pleasure, so he only dimly noticed the man shifting on the bed, his body curving toward Rhett’s. Then there was the sudden, shocking ecstasy of Link’s mouth on his own cock, and Rhett let out a muffled groan. His own movements faltered from the distraction of the delicious sensation at first, but after a moment to gather himself, he was able to resume his rhythm. He took cues from what Link was doing to him to try things on the other man, both moving slowly still, drifting on waves of mutual pleasure as the room filled with their quiet moans.

After some time, Link paused for a moment and reached for the bedside table. When he brought his mouth back to Rhett’s manhood, he also reached between Rhett’s legs and gently spread them apart. Rhett felt lubed fingers exploring him gently, and groaned harshly as one pressed into him. He had to stop sucking Link’s cock as the powerful sensations overwhelmed him and he fell onto his back, helpless. He gasped as another of Link’s slender fingers joined the first while the man’s mouth caressed him expertly. “God… oh god…” he murmured, hips writhing, feeling the man’s touch throughout his body.

He soon felt his orgasm approaching again. Link seemed to sense it because he slowed his motions, then released Rhett’s cock entirely and gently removed his fingers. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of Rhett’s thigh. “I guess you liked that.”

Rhett kept his eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath. “Fuck yes, I did.”

Link gave a self-satisfied chuckle. “Good to know. Next time we can do more with that, but… now I want you to try.”

Rhett opened his eyes to see the other man holding out the bottle of lube. He took it and squirted some onto his fingertips as Link lay back, closing his eyes. Rhett tried to copy what Link had done to him, reaching between the man’s legs to caress him with the lube as he bent down to take his cock back into his mouth. It took a little while to figure out how to coordinate his movements, but he maneuvered until he was able to carefully insert a single finger. Link’s chest hitched as he let out a short, high-pitched whine, and Rhett raised his head to see the man’s face contorted in concentration. “Is it okay?” Rhett asked.

“Yes, yes,” Link whispered. He moved his hips, pushing against Rhett’s hand, and Rhett took the cue to add another finger. Link moaned and arched his back as his body clenched, and Rhett marveled at the idea that anything as large as his cock could fit in such a tight space as his fingers currently occupied. He began to feel nervous again about hurting the other man, but he felt the muscles relax somewhat as Link thrust up into Rhett’s mouth. “More,” he demanded, and Rhett obliged, pressing a third finger inside. He slowly began to move his hand in time with his mouth and felt Link’s cock getting harder, his high moans coming faster.

“Okay, okay,” Link gasped, “I’m ready.” He moved away from Rhett’s hand and Rhett carefully released him and withdrew. After a moment to catch his breath, Link sat up and grasped Rhett’s shoulders. He guided the larger man onto his back at the head of the bed, sitting up against the pillows piled there. Link swung a knee over Rhett’s hips and straddled him, his calves nestled along the outsides of Rhett’s thighs. He leaned down for a deep kiss as Rhett ran his hands over the man’s back, and the sensation of his cock sliding between Link’s slippery buttcheeks made him groan.

Link looked down at him with pupils dilated into dark pools surrounded by sapphire rings. His dark hair fell messy across his forehead and his smile — showing no fear, only trust and desire — was the most beautiful thing Rhett had ever seen. Rhett stared up him, nearly overcome by the intense combination of physical stimulation and the tumult of emotions flooding through him. He felt a desperate need to be as close to Link as possible, to hold him in his arms and never let him go.  

“Ready?” Link asked him.

Rhett wasn’t sure he would ever be ready for something as powerful as this, but he nodded nonetheless. He watched Link dispense more lube into his hand and set the bottle aside, then closed his eyes as Link reached behind himself and slicked it down over Rhett’s manhood. Link leaned forward, hands braced to either side of Rhett’s shoulders, meeting the other man’s lips in a rough, trembling kiss. Rhett grasped his hips, helping to steady him as Link sank down very slowly onto his cock. The tight, hot sensation took Rhett’s breath away and he heard Link whimper softly in his throat.

Once the man was all the way down, he stayed there, shivering slightly with his face pressed into the curve of Rhett’s neck. Rhett embraced him, his forearms laid vertical along Link’s entire back and his hands clasping the man’s shoulderblades, enveloping and protecting him as best he could. “Is it okay?” he whispered.

Link’s eyes were squeezed shut, the muscles of his arms knotted ropes, but he nodded. “Yes.”

They kissed with tongues intertwining, and Link’s body slowly relaxed. He sat up again and Rhett leaned forward too, until they were both sitting nearly upright with Rhett’s legs spread for balance. Link began to move his hips, rocking forward and back without ever lifting his weight off of the other man. The subtle stimulation was incredible without being overwhelming, and Rhett found himself nearing the edge but staying there, in no immediate danger of going over.

They stayed like this for a long time, suspended together in bliss, with Link moving slowly and sensually and their voices intertwining with soft, delicate noises. Finally Link breathed a request: “Touch me?”

“I’d love to,” Rhett murmured. He felt blindly around the mattress until he located the bottle of lube, then fumbled the cap off one-handed and dispensed some into his hand. He reached between them and grasped Link’s cock as the man moaned, arching back against the arm that still embraced him. The rocking of Link’s hips turned into thrusts, pressing harder down on Rhett’s manhood and setting the rhythm of the larger man’s strokes.

Link closed his eyes and leaned back further, dropping his hands to his sides and resting his weight on Rhett’s fingers splayed between his shoulder blades. His mouth fell open, each breath a gasped moan. He was a vision of pure bliss, of wanton desire, of ultimate vulnerability and trust.

Rhett was barely aware of his own pleasure growing, transfixed as he was by the wondrous sight of Link’s. Nothing else existed in the world but this man moving above him. He leaned up and kissed the fluttering pulse at Link’s throat, tasting the saltiness of the man’s sweat. He kissed his way to Link’s ear, still stroking him, now adding movements of his own hips to their mutual rhythm.

“I love you,” he whispered. “You’re so beautiful. I love you so much.”

Link let out a rough moan in response. His movements grew in urgency, his thigh muscles tensing in waves, the rocking of his hips becoming more erratic. Rhett increased the pace of his strokes, still supporting the man’s back with his other arm. “I won’t let you fall,” he told him. “I’ll never let you fall.”

Link arched back further, chest heaving as he alternated between holding his breath and gulping lungfuls of air. His eyes squeezed shut and his face contorted in fierce concentration. “Oh God, yes… please, yes, Rhett, yes, yes—“

He thrust hard one last time as his cries dissolved into a long, quavering moan. His come gushed over Rhett’s hand, spurting onto the larger man’s stomach at first, then trickling down over his fingers into gleaming droplets on his pubic hair. Rhett kept a firm grip on Link’s cock, transfixed by the sight of the pearlescent liquid pulsing out of it in time with the man’s shuddering breaths. Eventually it ceased and Rhett released him, realizing at the same time that he himself was shivering with sympathetic pleasure. Link’s muscles went slack and he curved forward, collapsing against Rhett’s chest with his face buried in the man’s neck.

Rhett stroked Link’s damp hair and nuzzled the side of his cheek. “So beautiful,” he whispered again.

Link made a long, low noise in his throat. He remained out of breath, still twitching with occasional aftershocks. Now that Rhett was more aware of himself again, he felt each of those twitches as a jolt of pleasure. His own arousal stridently demanded his attention, and he moaned softly and moved his hips. He didn’t want to disturb Link or take away from the other man’s afterglow, but he also _really_ wanted to come.

Link clued in to Rhett’s need and raised his head, propping himself up in his fists and looking down at the larger man with a dazed expression. “Your turn,” he said with an open-mouthed grin.

“Is it okay? It won’t hurt if you’ve already…?”

“So long as it doesn’t go on too long.”

Rhett groaned as Link sat up further. “It won’t,” Rhett assured him. “I’m already — ahh —“ He gasped as Link began to rock his hips in earnest, clutching Rhett’s shoulders and pulling himself forward and back. A tiny portion of Rhett’s brain not otherwise occupied remembered that Link’s favorite dance moves tended to feature exaggerated hip movements. He was grateful for the man’s skill in that regard now as the stimulation drove all conscious thought from his head.

Link laughed, clearly relishing Rhett’s speechless enjoyment of his efforts. He leaned down and pressed their lips together in a fierce kiss, breathing fast.

The slippery feeling of Link’s come at the base of his cock spurred Rhett ever closer to the edge. Swiftly his orgasm closed in on him from all sides, his vision narrowing until he could only see Link’s face above him. He grasped the man’s hips tightly and added his force to the movements, pulling Link down hard and thrusting up into him instinctively, racing headlong to the crest of his pleasure.

When he finally came, it washed over him with shocking force, taking his breath away until he saw only stars in a field of darkness. He clutched at Link’s waist as he let out a shuddering groan, dimly aware of the other man’s noises of pleasure as Rhett emptied himself deep within him. He writhed, helpless to do anything but gasp for air and tremble with the force of his ecstasy.

When the waves of pleasure ebbed, he opened his eyes to see Link looking down at him with a soft smile. “I love you too,” Link said.

The man carefully climbed off of him and lay down by his side, and Rhett shifted down the bed so he could lie flat with his head on the pillow. He raised his arm and Link moved under it, cuddling up to Rhett’s chest with a long sigh.

They were silent for a long time as they both drifted slowly back to reality. Eventually Rhett stirred and drew his fingers through his lover’s hair. “How do you feel?” he asked.

“Wonderful.” Link’s fingers traced slow patterns on Rhett’s damp chest. “We fit together even better than I imagined.”

Rhett tightened his arm around Link’s shoulders and kissed the top of his head. “I’m glad.” He felt a sudden lump in his throat as a powerful joy took ahold of him, complex and beautiful and full of promise for the future. It wasn’t just the intimacy they’d shared, but what it represented: Link trusted him enough to do this with him, to let himself be vulnerable because he knew Rhett would take care of him, just like he would take care of Rhett. They could truly depend on each other now. “I’m so glad, Link.”

Link must have heard the change in Rhett’s voice because he levered himself up onto an elbow to meet the man’s gaze. Link’s skin was flushed with exertion and his hair fell across his forehead, accentuating the brightness of his eyes. He laid his arm across Rhett’s chest and trailed a fingertip along the edge of the man’s jaw in a caress of love and wonder. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what?”

“For taking care of me. Waiting for me. Believing in me enough to let me stand on my own but being here in case I fall.”

“I never want to do anything else.”

Link leaned forward and kissed him tenderly, and it didn’t seem necessary to say anything more. They understood each other; they always had. He settled back into Rhett’s embrace with his cheek over the man’s heart, their chests rising and falling in unison as they breathed the same air. The sun began to set outside the window and the room darkened, but at the moment Rhett had no desire to do anything other than hold Link in his arms. As he drifted off to sleep, he heard the man’s soft voice whisper across his skin.

“I’m free, Rhett. For the first time in my life, I’m free.”

 

***

***

***

 

Next: Epilogue


	33. Epilogue

_***_

_10 Years Later_

Rhett woke up nervous. He’d planned the day down to the last detail, even going so far as to leave work early the day before and make the two-hour roundtrip to the river to confirm the spring thaw hadn’t washed out the dirt road. He’d bought a bottle of champagne and some fresh-squeezed orange juice and stashed them in the back of the fridge behind the milk. He’d picked up the ring from the jeweler’s: a modest silver band that would flatter Link’s slim fingers, set with a single round sapphire the color of the man’s eyes at sunset.

He might be more nervous, he thought, than the day he’d driven to Craven to pick up Link, when he’d been determined to finally tell his best friend how he felt.

Nah, he didn’t think he could ever be that nervous again.

He was pretty confident in how this day would go, actually. He knew without a doubt that Link wanted to spend the rest of their lives together; it was just the logistics of it that were complicated. Rhett had a plan he thought Link would like, but even after all this time, the man could still surprise him. Link’s mind worked in mysterious ways.

By now they should know everything about each other, having either shared the story or been present when it happened, and yet there was always something new to discover. Link had infinite layers and that was one of the infinite things Rhett loved about him. It was one of many the reasons he was so glad they’d begun making videos together and putting them on the internet.

At first it had just been silly skits to amuse their friends and families, but then Rhett got his old guitar out of storage and they started writing songs too. They both dredged up long-buried skills from their high school garage band and turned them toward comedy. Slowly but surely, they developed an audience of people who found them entertaining for some reason, and in response, they began to make more videos in their spare time.

They were pulling in some money from sponsorships and advertisements, but never much more than what covered the costs of making the videos in the first place. Fortunately, they both had decent jobs at different engineering firms on the outskirts of Raleigh, and each had arrived comfortably at middle management positions by this point.

But the videos were what Rhett really enjoyed, and he longed for them to make it their career. Especially the new thing they were doing where they just sat at a desk in front of the camera and talked about their lives for a few minutes every day. Frequently they reminisced about childhood or teenage experiences, and this was where Rhett continued to learn new things about the love of his life. He wanted more; he could never get enough. And he could tell Link cherished those moments too.

He just needed to convince Link — careful, deliberate, non-risk-taking Link — that it was time to take the plunge and start doing this full time. How hard could that be?

That bright Saturday morning in spring, he woke early. He rolled over to face the man spooning his backside and kissed Link’s cheek gently, careful not to wake him, then slid smoothly out of bed. He took a quick shower and shaved around the lower edge of his beard. When he got out of the bathroom, he quietly retrieved a pair of jeans and a soft green plaid shirt from their closet and pulled them on. He paused to contemplate Link’s sleeping face and smiled, resisting the urge to give his beloved another kiss before he left the room.

He started a pot of coffee and some bacon frying on the stove, then began making up a batch of buttermilk waffle batter from scratch. He’d already poured the first one into the hot iron and was waiting for it to cook when Link stumbled into the kitchen in his green and yellow striped pajamas, rubbing the sleep from his eyes underneath a mop of tousled hair and looking utterly adorable. If it weren’t for the few silver hairs scattered through his close-cropped black goatee, he’d look much younger than his thirty years.

“Hey baby,” Rhett called cheerfully. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“The bacon did, I think.” The man came up behind Rhett and embraced him around the waist, nuzzling his back. “So long as I can have some, I forgive you. Why’re you up so early on a weekend?”

“I’m takin’ you on a picnic brunch. Surprise early anniversary present.”

They’d decided to mark the official start of their relationship as the day when Link was finally able to kick Tanner out of his life for good, but that date wouldn’t come for a few weeks yet. Fortunately, the tantalizing scent of breakfast was enough to convince Link it was a good idea regardless. He ducked under Rhett’s arm and snuggled into his chest as the larger man poked at the bacon in the pan.

“That’s awfully romantic of you,” Link said with a grin.

Rhett leaned down to nuzzle his nose, then kissed him lightly. “You just wait. Why don’t you get ready while I finish up here?”

“Whatever you say, my mountain man.” Link reached up and tugged affectionately on Rhett’s bushy beard before he turned to go. Rhett stroked his chin absentmindedly as he stood at the stove, considering that perhaps he wouldn’t trim his beard for a while after all. Link seemed to like it this way.

Rhett took the last waffle out of the iron and packed it in wax paper with the others. He put the bacon in a tupperware container with some paper towels to soak up the grease and added it to the picnic basket along with utensils, a couple of wine glasses, the beverages, and some peanut butter (for Link’s waffles) and syrup (for his). He poured the coffee into a large silver thermos and added a splash of cream. He opened his briefcase and took out the article he’d clipped from the front page of the previous day’s New York Times, folded it neatly, and put it in the side pocket of the basket along with the ring in its black velvet box. By the time Link emerged from the bedroom freshly washed and dressed and wearing his tortoiseshell glasses, Rhett was ready to go.

They shared the thermos of coffee as he drove them from their modest but comfortable house in Morrisville, just west of Raleigh, to their old hometown of Buies Creek an hour south. Once they’d gotten off the main road, Link correctly guessed they were going to the Cape Fear River, and bounced excitedly when Rhett confirmed it. They held hands on the seat between them and talked about the landmarks they passed, reminiscing about childhood adventures.

Rhett pulled off onto the dirt access road and found a good place to park near the entrance to the woods. He got out and retrieved the picnic basket from the backseat, then led Link along the path until they reached the rocky shore. They walked until they reached their destination: the large pair of rocks they’d spent so much time on as children, and where they’d shared their first kiss.

“Wow, it’s like nothing’s changed,” Link said.

“Yeah, it’s kinda reassuring. This’ll probably always be here, no matter what happens.” Rhett opened the basket and pulled out a small blanket, which he spread on the larger of the two rocks. They sat down on it next to each other, facing the water, and for a little while they simply held hands and watched the current flow by.

“I’m glad,” Link remarked as if no timed had passed. “That way I can always come back here and remember how amazing it was when you told me how you felt, and everything that’s happened since.”

Rhett chuckled. “I hope I’m a better kisser by now.”

Link laughed. “Without a doubt.”

The smaller man’s face took on a more contemplative expression as he reached over and traced the faint scar on Rhett’s forearm, nearly invisible unless one knew exactly where to look. Rhett gently took the man’s hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the similarly faded lines on Link’s knuckles. Their eyes met and Link blushed, still affected by Rhett’s unabashed adoration after all these years.

Rhett released him and turned to the basket. “Let’s see how those waffles came out.”

Link helped him arrange the food in front of them as he praised Rhett’s cooking abilities, making the larger man blush now. Rhett popped the cork on the champagne and poured it into the glasses along with the orange juice, then handed one to Link and raised his in a toast. “Happy anniversary, Link.”

“Happy anniversary, Rhett.” The man raised the glass to his lips and took a sip, then squirmed happily. “Yum. But you still haven’t explained why we’re doing this early.”

Rhett shrugged. “I didn’t wanna wait. Besides, there’s something kinda big I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

The smaller man raised an eyebrow as he spread a dollop of peanut butter on a waffle. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” Rhett cleared his throat, then plunged ahead. “I think it’s time we start taking this video thing seriously. Like, really seriously. Quit-our-jobs seriously.”

Link took a bite and chewed thoroughly as he considered. “It’s a lot more fun than workflow analysis diagrams, I’ll give you that.”

“We’ve got a big enough fanbase now, and we’re pulling in some money. I really think we can make it.”

Link nodded slowly and pushed up his glasses. “Mmhmm. What exactly are you proposing?”

Rhett suppressed a smirk at the man’s choice of words. “I think we should move to California.”

Link stared. “Are you serious?”

“Completely.”

Over the course of the next hour as they ate waffles and bacon and sipped mimosas, Rhett made his case. The opportunities were so much better there, he explained. They’d already been contacted by a few people who wanted to collaborate with them, but only if they could come to Los Angeles. They needed an agency to represent them if they wanted to make it in the entertainment industry, and the good ones were all on the west coast. Besides, they had a decent amount of savings between them right now, and few responsibilities in North Carolina. If they didn’t make the move now, they might regret it the rest of their lives.

He could tell Link was warming up to the idea, but it still surprised him when the man interrupted one of Rhett’s long, rambling declarations with a gentle hand on his thigh. “Okay,” he said.

“Okay?”

Link grinned. “Okay, let’s do it. You’ve convinced me. You’ve clearly thought it through and I agree, it’s now or never.  Let’s go for it.”

Rhett put his arms around Link’s shoulders and squeezed him excitedly. “You’ll move to California with me? We’re really doing this?”

Link laughed and hugged Rhett’s waist, squeezing him back. “I will. We are!”

“Oh, good.” Rhett’s heart, which had already been racing along at a good clip, suddenly leapt into a clamor in his chest; it was time. He pressed his lips into Link’s hair and took a deep, steadying breath. “I’m glad to hear that, because… well, I know you don’t keep up on the news. But something really important happened yesterday.” He leaned over to the picnic basket, opened the pocket on the side of it, and pulled out the newspaper clipping. His mouth went dry as he handed it to Link without another word. He reached into the pocket again and pulled out the ring box as he watched the man’s eyes track over the headline.

“California Supreme Court Overturns Gay Marriage Ban,” Link read aloud. He blinked a few times as the polite curiosity in his expression was swiftly overtaken by a dawning realization. He looked up to see Rhett moving lower on the rock, between Link and the water, and getting down on one knee. Link’s mouth dropped open in astonishment.

“Link… it’s been ten years now we’ve been together, but really, we’ve loved each other since we were little kids.” Rhett cleared his throat around the lump that had appeared within it. “We’ve been through everything together, and I know we’re practically married already, but I want to make it official. I want to raise a family with you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life… I want us to be together forever.”

Link’s eyes were fixated on his, wide and gleaming and full of emotion. He could barely speak through his grin. “Oh gosh, Rhett…” He clutched his hands together over his heart, crumpling the newspaper between them, as he watched Rhett open the box and hold it out to him.

“I love you. Will you marry me?”

He held his breath as Link reached out a trembling hand to the ring, staring as if mesmerized. Then the man seemed to realize Rhett was waiting for an answer and looked back up at him. His tongue tangled in his mouth and he stuttered for a few seconds before bursting out, “Yes! Yes, of course I will, yes!”

He dove forward and Rhett caught him in his arms, both men laughing. He held Link steady atop his knee and they kissed in the bright spring sunshine. Rhett realized he was crying tears of happiness and pulled away to see Link’s eyes were shining as well. They beamed at each other, nose to nose, breathless and overflowing with love.

He watched as Link extracted the ring and slipped it onto his finger, then held it out for both of them to see. “It’s beautiful,” Link murmured.

“Not as beautiful as you.”

Link tipped his head back and laughed, leaning against Rhett’s steadying arm, giving himself over entirely to joy. “I’m so happy, Rhett! I can’t believe we’re really doing this. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Rhett kissed him again, and in the kiss he tasted the past and the future and more love than he thought the world could hold. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Me neither.” Link stood and offered his hand, helping Rhett to his feet and beaming up at him. “Let’s get started.”


End file.
